Thursday, June 4, 2009

I Need a Pause Button

I attended my first evening recruiting event last night and although I had fun and it was good to laugh and talk with co-workers and summer associates, I missed Landon like crazy. Once again it just amazes me how sharp the drop-off is between me being okay with my schedule and separation from Landon to desperately wanting to stay home this morning just to play with him and soak up his funny, frustrating, snuggly self. I miss dinner with him usually no more than once a month (and so far, never because of mandatory work, usually it's a firm social event of some kind) and it's so hard each time- if not that night, definitely that next morning. It doesn't help that I got a ton of Landon time over the last week with Memorial Day, taking Wednesday off, and leaving early Friday, so I felt like I was going through withdrawal. My goodness I love that little man.

I uploaded these pictures into blogger a few weeks ago. I was marveling at how much he's changed in the nearly 23 months that he's dominated my life, stolen my sleep, and wrapped me oh-so-tightly around his chubby little finger.





And now they just make me want to sneak out of my office and break him out of daycare, which would probably make him mad because he doesn't like to be picked up before snack time and he has a music class at 3 pm that he loves. I suppose it's best that I'm crazy busy (I'm eating a very late lunch over my keyboard as I type because my brain requires some kind of break from the madness all over my desk) and this afternoon is going to fly by. It'll be 5:30 before I know it and Landon and I have big plans to visit our favorite park and then water all the trees in our backyard. Usually he only succeeds in watering his shoes, but the chore makes him feel very important.

I like my job everday and love it some days, but I require my time with Landon. Interestingly, Landon, with his fondness for the roof over his head, shirts with buses on them, and fresh fruit and other food products, requires that his mama has a job. Most days this all works out just fine and I'm lucky to work at a firm that doesn't care that I leave by 6 every day, but there's always a bit of tension between my roles as mom and attorney and it's hard to have them out of balance for even one night.

10 comments:

  1. If you find that pause button, please share!! I love seeing those pictures of him, amazing how different they are 23 months later!

    ReplyDelete
  2. It was tough for me even when I was working part time. But it sounds like everyone in your family is thriving, and that's what matters! Love the baby pics. He's grown up so much.

    ReplyDelete
  3. That second picture of Landon cracks me up! He looks like such a funny little guy :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bengali Chick6/4/09, 7:53 PM

    It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job balancing work and family. I'm not sure how I'm going to do that when I re-enter the work force!

    ReplyDelete
  5. YES! LL, you always seem to express exactly how I feel about this whole work/life balance thing. My firm sent out an invitation for people to go to a cooking class with the summers (my favorite event) and I couldn't even bring myself to RSVP because I was thinking about how I'd miss Eden like crazy. It's so weird how one night can throw you off like that.

    ReplyDelete
  6. oh my gosh, this post expresses how I have been feeling ALL WEEK long. Just recently I realized how big Jacob is and I can't believe it- I feel like I've missed a part of him growing up since studying for finals and going to work...ahhhhh!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow - almost 2 years. Crazy. Could have written this post myself - am headed out for an evening event tomorrow and I'll miss LM insanely! That little bit of time just tips the balance.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love the baby pictures. The first one is so sweet and the second one ... the size of his belly! What a hoot.

    As far as the balance issue, I don't know what to tell you except that it only gets worse as they grow older. Before you know it you will blink and you will be looking at a 10 year old (and then a 15 year old) and you will look back at this time even more longingly.

    All I can say is to live every moment in the moment. It sounds cliche I know, but it's something that so few of us (me being the biggest culprit) seem to do. Although I have a sense that you're pretty good at it. Just don't lose that. You will regret it, trust me.

    ReplyDelete
  9. you're speakin' my language! Love the itty bitty pictures!!! So cute!

    Hope you guys have a GREAT Weekend. :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. There always will be tension between work and kids. Especially this kind of work and especially for women. Landon sure is hawt though.

    ReplyDelete