Thursday, October 21, 2010

More Biscuits

Last night at dinner Landon asked if we could have another baby biscuit. Actually, I'm not sure it was an "if" question, he seemed more to be inquiring as to when another babyclaire might join our family. Like of course there would be more, but would it be tomorrow, this weekend (the next non-daycay-day), or at Christmas? This is as far as his mind extends, and I'm not really sure it goes as far as Christmas. He also knows his birthday is in July and while he looks forward to it being July again, I'm pretty sure he thinks it will appear at random some time in the future.

I laughed when he asked and found myself saying, "Sure!" of course there will be another baby Claire. JP gave me a funny look but he didn't disagree and then we sat down to dinner.

Later that night I sat in our recliner, rocking Claire as she drank her nighttime bottle. She fell asleep about 7:30, as she normally does, but I keep holding her and snuggling her for another hour. I wondered, did I really just decide to have a third child? It was an easy answer, and saying "no" just seemed so final and sad. We've already put away the bouncer- could we really think we won't get it out again for another baby of ours? But a family of four, two kids, one of each sex - it's so neat and easy and DONE. The world is made for groups of four: hotel rooms, restaurant tables, cars. I'd never have to be pregnant again, we wouldn't stare at an angry newborn again and wonder what on earth we were supposed to be doing to make him/her happy. We'd have two kids we could devote our time, attention, and money to. It makes so much sense and it's absolutely what I want to want.

And yet, I sat and I rocked my baby girl and felt somewhere deep inside that I'm just not done. I want to feel that way, but I don't. At least not right now.


  1. LL--I've been thinking of this same topic lately--and feel very similar to the way you do. I can't stop thinking about it--like I feel (uncredited) pressure to decide right now. Mark, on the other hand, just complains about how a third kid would mean a new car... anyway--thanks for posting (as always)--love your blog!

  2. I have regretted not having a third for a long time so if you think you want one, you should probably go ahead and have one. I didn't realize I wanted a third until mine were 10 and 12-ish and it was really too late. Now they're almost 19 and almost 21 and I wish I had a 15 or 16-year-old. High school was so fun that I wish we were doing it one more time. Of course, I don't have to pay for the one we don't have to go to college...

  3. We made a very spur of the moment decision to have a third, but I was very apprehensive for a long time. And then I just, wasn't. I just knew when it was the right time. He had a name and everything.

    You don't have to decide right now either, you know?

  4. Please see The Darjeeling Limited for sibling interactions when there are three. I was the oldest of three and it's a really unique dynamic - much different than two - and of course I wouldn't trade my sisters for the world.

  5. Tough one - but, hey, you don't have to decide right now! Meaning you can keep that idea tucked away in the back of your mind at the moment and take it when you're cuddling ClaireBear and examine it more closely. Turn it over, look at it from all sides. And, of course, you might just want to discuss the whole idea with JP. ;-)

    It's funny, though, I notice this with almost everything in life. We will want something so very badly. And then, shortly after we get it, we want something more or different. My youngest just got her first cell phone (passed her down mine when I got a new one). She begged and begged for it (so she could text like everyone else). Within a week, she was wishing she had a better phone - I can see her point,up to a point, it's just a basic phone, not a smart phone, no pull out keyboard. But still. I told her to stop and enjoy what she has for the moment. Not quite the same thing I know but ...

  6. Obviously it's early to decide. When S was born I KNEW we'd have a 3rd (and it had nothing to do with the fact that I had 2 girls and wanted a boy, I have always thought that 3 kids sounded right) but as they got older, I questioned whether I wanted to complicate life by adding a third. O and S were out of diapers and life was so...well set. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I wanted a baby, however illogical and crazy it seemed to others. Adding E to our family has been a breeze. She is such a wonderful, easy baby. She fits right in. I still have moments where I wonder if I am really done - it's hard to say goodbye to the babymaking times. But I've never really wanted 4 kids. You've said that you wanted 3, or thought you might. I was this way too. If you think you want 3, don't rule it out just because it seems easy to do so as you very well might regret it.

    I guess, E has brought such immeasurable joy. Each baby has gotten easier for us. By the time you get to your third, you know what you're doing and caring for a baby is just second nature.