Friday, July 25, 2008

Can't Think. Brain Full.

Conversation in bed with JP last night at 11:00.

Me: I'm worried my brain is full.

JP: [in his half-asleep voice because he falls asleep FIVE SECONDS after assuming the prone position] What? I love you too.

Me: No! I'm serious, my brain is full.

JP: [still clinging to his half-asleepedness] You'll be fine... shhhhhh, night time.

Me: You're not listening! I can't learn things - anything! I read and re-read and turn the page and try to remember what I just read and I can't. Can't! No recall. I studied Oil & Gas for 6 hours today - 6! That's a lot for me! I was even focused, no food breaks or chatting with other attorneys, just studying! You know how hard that is for me to do! But all I know is that the East Texas Oil Field was discovered before 1960-something so some statute doesn't apply. I think it's the MIPA one, which I call "mippa" but it might be "mypa". I don't even know what it stands for. Something about M___ I____ Pooling Agreements. Or is it Pooling Act? What does the M stand for?

JP: Minerals?

Me: Oh my god, that wasn't even on my mental list of possibilities. I spent all day reading about Mineral leases and Mineral estates and Mineral interests and Mineral acts and What is a Mineral and I couldn't figure out that the "M" in MIPA probably stands for Mineral? ... I'm screwed.

JP, used to the fact that despite being exhausted I immediately get hyper when I lay down in bed, grabs me and drags me over into a cuddle, kisses the back of my head and says: Shhhh, I love you too.

[End scene as JP immediately enters unconsciousness and I lie awake for the next 2 hours freaking out that by the time I drive to Houston on Monday I will have gotten so little sleep I'm going to drive off the highway.]

The biggest stress in my life right now is how tired I am. Even though I insist that I am not freaked out about the Bar and don't think I'll fail (I really don't), I know it's part of the reason I lie awake at night. It's frustrating to feel relaxed during the day, plugging through my outlines, and then lie in bed realizing I'm wound up tighter than I've been in a long time. And when you don't fall asleep until 1 or 2 AM, it's very painful when your baby wakes up at 6.

My only regret so far with the studying is that I'm not going to be able to review any of the subjects. So my 1 day ("day" being loosely defined as 4-6 hours) of review per topic is just going to have to be enough. I'd like to squeeze in a quick review of the MBE topics I studied first, but I'm not sure when that'll happen given that I never learned any Civil/Criminal Procedure and Evidence so I'll be spending Monday on that. I probably should have started earlier than July 7th, but I know myself, and if I had, I'd be even more sick of it than I am now, and would probably take off the next few days entirely. I just can't get worked up about anything for very long, and given how little I studied for the other big tests in my life (maybe 30 minutes for the SAT and 2 weeks for the LSAT), my brain feels more than a little put out and is threatening a strike (last night's inability to remember the Mineral Interest Pooling Act being a warning shot).

So to give that overworked little cerebrum of my a break, and hold off the strike until after the Bar, I'm taking the afternoon and evening off to go adopt a dog or two. These are the three we're meeting at 6pm in New Braunfels with their foster parents and I can't wait! JP and Landon went to Petsmart yesterday and broke all our budget rules to bring home $100 worth of dog toys and treats. I know adopting a dog RIGHT NOW seems crazy, and it probably is, but I really think having 130 lbs. of furry love in our house will help me study. Or help my brain relax so I can get some sleep. Either way, it'll be good.


  1. Oh, I get the brain full stuff. I get it a lot. From here on out, it's daytime studying only for me because, by 7 pm, my head is so full that all I want to do is curl up and sleep. (And though I'm getting MORE sleep than you, I think, like you, the brain racing is getting to me--even the sleep I get is not exactly RESTFUL.)

    I think a dog is JUST what you need right now. All three of those pups are ADORABLE, and if you can get through next week without worrying about things like housetraining (if you have to), then you'll have a whole month to play and train and cuddle! Dogs can be so calming when they come and curl up next to you and love you unconditionally. :)

    And you won't fail. I won't fail either. The stress is taking its toll, but everyone is under this stress right now, so you have to figure that comes out in the curve.

  2. I also have had a very similar conversation with Hubby. "I don't know where this new information is going ... I think my brain has no more space on its shelves and the info will just be dumped into the trash bin ..."

    I like Jude. But I do have a soft spot for black and white dogs, and the little white patch on his chest is so freaking adorable. You are totally going to come home with Hope and Jude. I sense it now.

    I bet once you get a dog you sleep a lot better. That's my professional advice. :-) Have fun!!! I can't wait to find out which one(s) you get!!! You better take pics and post/email when it happens. :-)

  3. That brain turning on at night thing is THE WORST! I'll be thinking about you next week. Good luck!

  4. I'm embarassed to say that this will be my third bar (can we PLEASE stop moving now) and I just wanted to say that you'll be amazed on the day of the exam the recall you will have of stuff you reviewed quite a while ago. And this comes from someone with a horrid memory. Also, I'm planning on learning all procedure on Monday too, so as far as I'm concerned, totally doable.

    Finally, I'm in love with Hope. That face! We already have too many or I would cave.

  5. My husband also falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. And I ALSO seem to have an annoying burst of mental energy when I have the most bodily contact with our mattress. FRUS.TRA.TING. Although the extent of my studying over here is reading about the Wars of the Roses for fun, not studying for the bar exam. So. I'll shaddup now.

  6. Being a little more than halfway through my MBA, I completely get the full brain thing.

    I vote Nestle.

  7. I vote for Hope. Sweet, sweet face. Looks sweet and calm. Chocolate labs are crazy! Never met one that didn't have ADHD.

  8. ditto whoever said chocolates are nutballs. i used to volunteer at a humane society and yeah. so true!

    anyway. yes. my brain is on the verge of exploding or something - i start out well, and then yeah by like 5, i'm slowing down.. by 7 or so it's done!

    3 days. dear god, 3 days.

  9. You will do great on the Bar! Oh, and I saw a new face around my office with great red heels, would that be you?

    Enjoy the time off and I am sure you will do fine!

  10. Oh, I hope you found a cutie! At this point how much more can we do? And I think we know it. I spent most of today freaking out over the fact that I'm not freaked out. This is productive, yes?

  11. adopting a dog is a great way to get a study break! Maybe it's just the nerves. I can't sleep at all and it's not because I'm uncomfortably pregnant- it's because my mind wont turn off about the baby.

  12. I agree with alisonB (except for the 3 bars part - wow!), you will remember the old stuff. Focus on the new stuff - the old stuff (including stuff from first semester law school) will magically appear in your brain. Don't worry about reviewing.

    And yes, you will pass.

  13. I love hope - fox red and rare, loves water.

    My sister has a golden lab who is just lovely with the kids. But they're all gorgeous.

  14. no worries about the Texas bar! You can do it! And remember you get an entire afternoon after the procedure and evidence section to review MBE and Essays. It's really all you need you will be amazed what you recall.

  15. Hope you don't mind if I laugh in the time of your angst, but hee!!!!

    The bedroom scene half of that post really had me smiling - you really are a great writer. Could be straight from Mad About You, or Seinfeld or something like that.

    It reminded me of my favourite ever post of yours (reread multiple times) - the "Landon discovers his toes post"

    "Ooh toes!" They are so funny! Love, love, love that post.

    Seriously, thanks for the humour. Funnily enough, there is a TV show on here at the moment which looks at the training of Commandos in the Royal Marines (in the UK). They have 4 guiding principles - stuff about persistence and determination and so forth, but the best one is "A marine is cheerful in the face of adversity".

    I think it's been proved that smiling helps relax you and helps your brain process better, so maybe smiling in the face of MIPA or MYPA will help you recall more?

    anyhoo - good luck, and thanks for your posting - it made my day to read it.

  16. Thanks RJ - that was really nice!

    And I love that Landon post too, I have it printed out in his baby book (which is almost entirely a collection of printed out blog posts- someday I'll fill it in, I swear).