Monday, April 21, 2008

How did I end up in this mess?

As I sat here at my library table, reading last week's assignments for environmental law, falling further behind in M&A and Legal Profession, and having still not started my two papers, I started thinking about how I ended up in law school at all.

Four years ago I would have told you, with absolute certainty, that I was going to medical school. I had wanted to be a doctor forever - my doctor's set was my favorite toy and Curious George Goes to the Doctor was my favorite book in elementary school. I belonged to all the premed honors societies. I had completed all my prerequisites: biology, chemistry, labs (oh the horrendous labs), organic chemistry and biochemistry (the two classes which marred my beautiful 4.0 GPA, damn them). I was enrolled in an extremely expensive MCAT prep class. I was going to be a doctor. Until one day, in the middle of my prep class, I decided that maybe I wasn't, and in ten minutes I changed my entire life plan. I thought about why I was a liberal arts honors major instead of a biology one. I realized that while I loved biology (especially genetics, I miss Punnet squares quite a bit), the other science classes didn't come as easily to me as my liberal arts classes. I enjoyed writing and had always gotten my feedback and grades on papers. For a brief moment I let go of The Med School Plan and let myself imagine what else I might like to do. I was in a Philosophy of Law seminar that I loved and I was writing my thesis on euthanasia legislation and policy in the Netherlands. Maybe I'd like to go to law school... At the end of the 10 minute break, I withdrew from the class and left. I called JP and my parents on the drive home to inform them of the new plan. They were surprised, but knew me well enough not to try to change my mind.

I decided I'd like to be a law professor (yeah, I really didn't know anything), and my thesis advisor told me that to be a professor I needed to go to the best school possible, preferably one in the top 10. So I mailed back my MCAT ticket for a partial refund, paid the late fee to take the LSAT that was coming up in a few weeks, and bought a book of practice tests. The LSAT went well and my grades were good, so I decided to apply to the Top 10, minus Harvard, plus Georgetown. Looking back I have no idea why I didn't apply to Harvard, I think because it seemed too big. Although since I was coming from UT, which is usually at the top of the list of America's largest colleges, I'm not sure why I thought that mattered so much. Anyway, I was immediately rejected from Yale (like immediately, I don't think they even opened my application), waitlisted at Stanford, and accepted everywhere else. I had no idea where I wanted to go- I hadn't even been to most of the cities where the schools were located and I didn't have a single pre-law friend to tell me what mattered. Ultimately, I picked the University of Chicago because JP found out he could be transferred there over the summer. His company would pay for our move and apartment-hunting trip, which sounded nice, so I accepted my spot there and withdrew from Stanford's wait list (I can't tell you how many times I've thought about that during the Chicago winters). I had never even been to Chicago, but now I was committing to it for three years.

The rest is history (which from Nov 2006 on is documented here). JP was transferred, we moved, got married, and I started school. Sometimes I think about the fact that I'd be starting my last year of medical school this fall, and I wonder if I made the right decision. I still think I would have been a good doctor and I think I would have enjoyed it. But I think I'll be a good lawyer and I'll enjoy it, too. I've loved Chicago and I'm grateful for the opportunity to get out of Texas for few years and experience some place new. I don't think I would have had Landon in med school and given how tired I am of school and exams right now, I can't imagine facing an internship, residency, and fellowship after this. I'm not someone who thinks much about the past- I'm happy with where I am and rethinking paths taken can only stir up regret I don't currently feel. Things could be different, and different could mean better, but overall I think this is the right place for me. I like the law and I'm grateful for the way law school has changed the way I think, read, and see the world. I'm excited about starting my legal career and wouldn't change anything about our lives right now.

I am not excited about all the work I have to do before graduation or taking the bar exam this summer, but I think that 21-year-old me made the right decision when she walked out of that MCAT class. Law school, with all its stress and work and sleeplessness (it sounds kind of like parenting), has been good for me. I'm very glad to be done with school soon and out in the real world. And I can always go to med school when JP is done with business school and I've paid off the law school loans... Just kidding. I think.

14 comments:

  1. Its funny how life leads us in different directions. I thought about law school seriously and then decided I wasn't up for 3 more years of school. I then decided I really wanted to go into the peace corps but as I was sitting outside the peace corps recruiters office waiting for him to return from lunch I got a call from a non-profit I volunteered at offering me a job. 2 weeks after starting that job my boss introduced me to my husband. Its funny how life works out.

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  2. That's a great story! There are so many little decisions that could have such huge effects (like you attending your peace corp interview could have led to you not meeting your husband). That's why I don't regret or think much about past decisions - they might change the happy place I'm at now.

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  3. I know of at least one person who became a lawyer first and went back and became a doctor . . . I've always wanted to ask what is meant by going out into the real world . . . what was it before if it was not real? Swim Mom

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  4. I always wonder how I ended up at law school. I pondered a medical career but it just seemed too intense (yeah, I thought law school would be a walk in comparison). I bet you ended up in the right place, but isn't it amazing the road we take to get us where we are? Part of the fun of living is to not take a straight line to get from A to B.

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  5. To swim mom: it is an odd phrase ("the real world"), but I do think that being in school isn't living "life in the real world" in the way that working is. We can miss class when we want, do our work when we want, sleep in, go out, defer loans, etc. There's something to having a boss and a specified number of vacation days that feel more "real" and grown up - even if I already have a husband a baby and very much a real life!

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  6. Oh, I knew I adored you! I, too, was med school bound, but in my last semester of undergrad, as I was sitting in a medical ethics class, I had an epiphany that I really didn't like the idea of making life or death decisions, and that I really didn't like the people around me in class, either. It took me another five years to figure out what I actually did want to do, though!

    I had moments in law school when I wondered if I'd made the right call, but when I realized I probably would have been finishing up around the same time, anyway, it made it a little easier. Although I bet the loans would get paid off faster if I were an MD...

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  7. its crazy how one small thing/thought can change the course of your life. i was a kinesiology major at UT on the pre-physical therapy track. then i took a intro to epidemiology course as an elective in the department and ended up changing my whole life plan (thats how i ended up in public health and why i am writing my thesis right now!) haha i like to think of it as fate?

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  8. but i think that choosing a different path is never easy and its a decision you make when you only have your heart to guide us and maybe that leads down a better path in life or a better path finds us =)))

    ok getting philosophical here!lol this will no doubt be an upcoming blog topic for me bc ive thought alot about this kind of stuff too

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  9. I wonder why a lot of people (including me) end up law school when they change their mind about medical/dental school.

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  10. You have no idea how many people who wanted to go to law school all of their lives and didn't get into great schools hate you right now. You decide in 10 minutes and get into all of the top schools! I think that is just fabulous and a testament to your determination and faith. You decided what you didn't want to do, and took a leap of faith and did what it is you wanted to do. Then you had the courage not to look back and second guess that decision when times got hard. Good for you LL! Good for you! (Oh and we had a couple of MD's in my section when I was at UT. But I haven't heard of the other way around. I'm sure you'd have no probs breaking the mold though . . . and can you imagine the expert witness fees you could collect!!!!)

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  11. organic chem and biochem killed my GPA, too (oh, and that pesky anatomy & physiology...ugh!). I wasn't even going to be an MD...I was going for PharmD. Maybe someday I'll go back for that...or even go back and get my PhD to be a professor in a university religious studies department. Either way it would be nice to finally work at something I like instead of attempting to create a career out of a job that is "alright".

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  12. I had no idea so many people were like me - former pre-meds in law school! I felt the same way as you about liking science but it not coming as easily or being as fun to me as liberal arts. I freaked out the day I was supposed to take the MCAT and instead of going to the testing center, I hung out at a friend's house all day while I tried to work up the courage to tell my parents. Unlike you, I didn't choose law school right away - I did the only thing you can do w/a BS and worked in research for a few years before finally biting the bullet and making a step toward law school.

    Also like you, I know that I made the right choice, but isn't it funny that things never turn out the way that you think? If I had known then what I know now about law school and being a lawyer... who knows.

    And also like an earlier poster (it would seem I am not so unique, right??), I would never have met my husband if I had gone on to med school. It's interesting to look back at all those decisions, isn't it?

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  13. See, I went to law school because I couldn't even pass the science classes. No, seriously. I thought I was going to be pre-med until I took freshman chemistry. And then I took freshman chemistry again. And I finally completed the course on the third try, with a B (barely a B). I'm science and math handicapped. I would have loved a career in medicine, if not for that pesky chemistry (and physics). Oh well! At least you're motivated, I didn't even try for a top school. I found out what LSAT score I needed for the best law school in-state and stopped there at the bare minimum. BIG mistake. I didn't realize that as far as law schools go, you get what you pay for!

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  14. I swore up and down I would never go to law school, because that's the thing people do when they don't know what they want to do, and then they end up working 19 hours a day at some awful firm and wondering how they threw away their lives. But two years after college I found myself unemployed, depressed, and being supported by my fiance (now husband) while I wallowed in undirected misery. One day, in the depths of despair, I lay down on the bed in the middle of the afternoon. And suddenly, like a voice from heaven, it hit me -- I had to go to law school.

    I signed up for the LSAT (one week before the deadline), did great, got into a good law school, and am now well on my way to becoming a law professor.

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