Tuesday, May 8, 2007

The (No) Sex Post

I've been debating writing this post for a while. On the one hand it's something I really wanted to get other people's comments about, but on the other, there are people who read this blog and know me in the real world and I didn't want to subject them to unwanted knowledge about my sex life. I've decided that during pregnancy everything about you becomes somewhat public- you can go to any health website, click on a pregnancy week, and learn All about what's going on with my body. I also realized that people can exercise their free will and simply click the little red X and close this webpage, thereby avoiding any undue emotional trauma, so here goes...

Everywhere I look- pregnancy books, websites, movies, and tv shows- doctors, authors, and actors have told me I won't be able to get enough sex during my second trimester. They cite increased blood flow, sexy hormones, less exhaustion, and no more morning sickness, and promise things like "many woman experience their first orgasm or multiple orgasms!". Just a few weeks ago, a character on "Brothers & Sisters" (one of my new favorite tv shows) was in her second trimester and practically attacked her husband any time he was within a few yards of her. JP and I saw all this and thought "ooh, that will be fun!" I expected my sex drive to go through the roof, and JP, already a big fan of pregnancy thanks to the doubling in boob size, was already adjusting the number of kids he thought we should have.

But then my sex drive plummeted- like through the basement, underground, and resting somewhere in the earth's core. I still think about it as much as I used to, I'm still as attracted to JP as I used to be, and I still want it as much on a mental and emotional level- I just have absolutely no physical response. It sucks, quite a lot. While searching the internet for any website with some acknowledgement there are women who don't become sex crazed while pregnant, I found a survey of a few hundred magazine readers (I think it was "Self" or one like that) and well over a third reported that their sex drive decreased while pregnant. That at least made me feel like I wasn't an asexual freak, but I can't find anything else like that! Everything just has generalities about how "many women" find their sex drive increases. I asked my doctor and she said many of her patients have complained of the same thing- it's just hormonal and things should get back to normal after the baby is born.

I have a wonderfully understanding husband, but this is frustrating for both of us. It's gotten to the point that I'm looking forward to working in Texas because at least then I won't have to feel bad about our lack of a sex life- we can blame the 1000 miles between us! And it's not like we Never do it, I think 10 days is our longest pause, but I really miss physically wanting to.

I don't have any friends with children and this just isn't one of those things that comes up in phone conversations with my mom, so I'd really like to hear other people's experiences, or the experiences of your friends, sisters, etc. (please feel free to comment anonymously). Did anyone else feel this way? When did your sex drive come back- later in pregnancy? after the birth? I can't imagine the infant sleep/feeding schedule is all that conducive to a hot sex life, but I just want to want it again! And as long as we're talking about it, how long after the birth did you resume sex? While that seems like a really long way away, I'm hoping that at least then I'll feel like "me" again and things can get back to normal. Or as normal as it can be with an infant...


  1. Bengali Chick5/8/07, 2:26 PM

    I have no words of wisdom on this one. I'm excited to read the comments.

  2. Hmm - well no words of wisdom either. I will say that sex seems more pleasurable in certain ways - maybe all that blood flow; not dramatically - just a little more intense. But my sex drive isn't up at all - I'd say it's just the same. And I do feel somewhat tentative about it sometimes, though I know that absolutely every source says it's completely safe.

    What worries me is how many of my friends who have kids a year or less talk openly about the fact that they don't really have sex anymore, that after breastfeeding all day they don't feel like being touched at night or that sex is still painful.

  3. >>>But then my sex drive plummeted- like through the basement, underground, and resting somewhere in the earth's core.

    I have the same problem -- in fact, its how I tell I'm pregnant before I miss a period and pee on a stick... sex drive goes to zero.

  4. With each child, my sex drive increased in the first and third trimesters but dipped slightly in the second trimester. I don't know why it happened that way - especially considering the -um- awkwardness of third trimester sex but it did.

    Postpartum sex varied. With my first child, I had an episiotomy so I didn't want Anything in that area for quite awhile and once we started having sex again it was slow going and painful for a bit.

    Second and third children were easy as pie (e.g. no stitches!) and we resumed having sex as soon as the flow of lochia stopped (roughly two months).

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