Tuesday, May 4, 2010

When There's Nothing Left To Do But Wait

And now I'll make a less whiny attempt at describing my 35th week of pregnancy. Oh, I still feel, and am, huge:

Exhibit A (for it's Awkward posing Alone)

(especially when your husband refuses to take more than one shot of a picture and gives you no warning before he presses the button)

Exhibit B (for Bam! it's a Big Belly!)

but I have some good stuff to talk about. Not really about the pregnancy itself because I still don't like it and I hate this part most of all (this part with the unrelenting hugeness), but I am greatly enjoying hanging out 1-on-1 with my Lanman and I am at least trying to enjoy this calm before the newborn storm.

The Landon enjoyment is easy. He is deee-lightful, a little bouncing ball of sweetness and light (at least 97% of the time). He talks non-stop and I still can't get over how awesome it is that we get to have conversations together- conversations about all kinds of exciting things like roly poly bugs, the existence of rainbows, and what shoes mommy is going to wear to work this morning (he likes to pick them out for me, and while I always wear them while getting ready, I can't say they're usually the pair that end up making the cut for leaving the house). He gives the best hugs and is so funny and full of love... I don't really know what else I can say about him except that I thought I couldn't possibly love and enjoy him more at 2 1/2 and somehow find that I do both 10x more at 2 3/4. How will I handle 3?

We took the suggestion of a commenter (you guys have such good stuff) and bought him the "I'm A Big Brother" book by Joanna Cole. He loves it! We read it approximately 6 times a day and when we turn the first page (which says "Someone new is at our house, do you know who it is?"), he excitedly squeals, "It's OUR BABY!!" And now the baby is always referred to as "our baby" and he loves to visit "our baby's" room and look at "our baby's" clothes and is always quick to remind us that "our baby" will like to be "warm and cozy" (as per the book) and he can help! But, as the book tells him, he, the Big Brother, is also very special and mommy and daddy love him very much. It's good stuff, even when repeated ten times a day. I can't wait to watch play and grow with his little sister, even as a part of me mourns the end of our days as as family of three. The last 2 years with him have been very, very special for JP and me- healing, really, and I treasure the moments and memories they've given me.

I've been far less successful at enjoying my own pre-baby down time. As I was telling JP last night, the last month of pregnancy is so unfair because you know you should be enjoying your long nights and easy mornings, but you're so uncomfortable and so tired of waiting that you just want the baby to get her NOW so you can start the whole crazy journey that you can't stop thinking about anyway. Plus, I am just not good at sitting, and I'm going a bit nuts. There is nothing left for me to do to prepare for our baby girl's arrival - her room is finished, down to every practical detail I could think of, and we have a fully-stocked baby suite in our master bedroom with a changing table, co-sleeper with coordinating sheets, itty bitty diapers, newborn wipes, burp cloths, etc. I even found a brushed silver lamp in our attic that matches our room and will allow us to be up changing the baby's diaper at night without turning on the bright overhead light (don't tell my doctor I was up in the attic, I just wanted to check the organizational status of our Christmas decorations). My hospital bag is packed, with a list of the items I need to grab on the day of. I even have a folder for my mom (or whoever is with Landon when I go into labor) with a map of our neighborhood, a highlighted route to his daycare, and maps to and from the hospital so they can visit. The baby book is as filled in as it can be without attempting to predict the future (I'm so tempted to fill in the birth details, just for the heck of it) and I've printed the address labels for her announcements. There is nothing for me to do. And work is slow, so I get nearly all of my personal to-do list tasks (which I would normally be doing at night), as well as my aimless internet surf time (again, normally done at night), done there. I need all the TV series I've been hearing are so good to go back to episode 1 so I can start watching- I suddenly regret our years of failing to turn the TV on at night. Maybe it will be better when JP is done with school (this Friday!!) and he can emerge from the closed-door study to keep me company.

But as I wait for the big day, I will continue to enjoy being "cozy" with Landon on the couch (probably reading "I'm a Big Brother" for the ten millionth time) and going on very slow walks around the block with him (yesterday we made five separate stops to let a roly poly cross our path to safety; which was great because mommy can't keep up with the Spider Man big wheel anymore). And I will enjoy tucking him in and hearing him talk about how "our baby" is going to sleep in his room when she gets bigger. And I will enjoy taking long baths at night and eating all the cookie cake I want before I go back to clothes with waistbands. I will enjoy all of these things and still secretly count down the seconds until I get to hold my baby girl and my life turns crazy once again.

(31 more days.)


  1. My very pain-averse friend just had a baby. After 30 weeks of being terrified to go through labor and caring for a newborn, she inspired my theory on why God makes the last month of pregnancy so uncomfortable that you can't enjoy the late mornings and full night of sleep anymore.

    You have to be so uncomfortable by Week 40 that you actually look forward to labor and 6 months without sleep as long as that monster (because really, at 40 weeks, does anyone think of it as a sweet baby?) gets OUT of your body and OFF of your bladder. Otherwise, you would have a bunch of 40 weeks pregnant women running around saying, "But I don't wanna be in labor and I don't wanna be up all night with a baby."

  2. I agree with PP - God invented the third trimester to make the prospect of remaining pregnant less scary than childbirth. ;) Though, I actually don't mind pregnancy as much as you do. While I'd never sign up to be a surrogate, I do enjoy those months of feeling baby kicks and growing another human.

    Well, your post on preparation makes me feel like I need to get my act together. I haven't done ANYTHING to get ready for this baby. I have bought a few things (as in a diaper bag, a new to me co-sleeper - old one got recalled, a lamp, curtains, crib bedding, and some clothes) but everything is heaped in the closet in no semblance of order! I still need new bottles (my old ones are toxic), new pump parts, miniature diapers, baby wipes, onesies, bibs, and other newborn stuff. My goal is to be as prepared as you are by the time I hit 35 weeks.

  3. Thanks Legally Fab :)

    And LT, my readiness is an almost direct result of the fact that I had nothing to do at work for the entire month of February (and much of March). I erranded and made lists and mapped out exactly what I wanted to do with the nursery while at work, and then executed it all as soon as I got home. Had I been in trial like I was supposed to have been, I don't think I'd be nearly so bored and out of action items now. Plus I felt some extra pressure remembering how surprised and completely unprepared we were when Landon debuted- this time it's going to be the exact opposite!

  4. Great pic, you look super cute! That is a gorgeous maternity blouse - it's so nice that they've started to make cute maternity clothes (thx to the hollywood set, i guess!). Anyway, props on being so super prepared (my baby is almost 1 year old and I still don't have a baby book - really need to get on that!). Good luck, can't wait to see newborn pics on your blog!

  5. so excited for you and your whole family LL! many cool changes ahead :) and big congratulations to both you and JP on his graduation.

  6. I promise that you will only mourn the end of your days as a family of three before the baby comes. Once she's here, your love will grow exponentially and you will never again be able to imagine life without her and your family of four. You won't spend a single second mourning these days and in fact, you will think of them as even less amazing than the days after she is here! And that will happen with every new addition to your family. :) I am so excited for you...you are so close now!

  7. Nrolves@yahoo.com5/5/10, 8:29 PM

    So glad you love the book! I always liked how it says babies cry to tell us they need something because they can't talk...or somesuch. It's a good way to make a crying baby seem less scary to a toddler.

    Also, when the baby starts smiling- and Landon will surely get loads of smiles from his adoring baby sister- you can tell him she's smiling at him because she loves him.

    I now feel it's my duty to warn you that the first time you see Landon after the baby is born he will seem HUGE- like he's gained and grown by leaps and bounds overnight! Same goes for your pets, lol.