Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Childcare, more complicated than you'd think

As you all know I recently spent 2.5 days in Austin buying a house, choosing a daycare, and wishing someone would cut a hole in my head and drain out whatever was threatening to explode in there. The house buying was accomplished in a quick and nearly painless manner. The cortisone shots greatly eased the pressure in my head. The childcare selection process was... complicated.

I have read articles about six-year waiting lists for Manhattan preschools, heard tales of children being interviewed and tested for toddler classes, the Wall Street Journal itself had a front page article revealing the dirty world of bribery and corruption lying behind the pristine facades of New York City preparatory preschools. I have rolled my eyes at all of them. "They're kids!" I say, "Practically babies, they need to play, eat sand, sing songs, and learn a few numbers and letters for Kindergarten. My siblings and I went to local church programs, ate play-dough and dirt on the weekends, and we turned out just fine. I'd never get wrapped up in an elite name or price point!"

And then I kind of did.

Infant and toddler care is a crazy world. Landon has been on the wait lists for two Austin day cares since August of 2007 - yes, back when he was 1 month old and wouldn't be starting anywhere in Austin for another 13 months. We put him on the UT childcare wait list the day after JP was accepted and were told the wait would be at least 18 months (and JP's program is only 24 months long). Our new neighborhood has its own child care center but we couldn't get on that list until we bought a house there; and once we did, we found out that he's 5th on the list for a full 12-kid class. Six toddlers would have to leave during the year for him to get a spot. And lastly, since we knew UT and the neighborhood centers were out for the immediate future, I found another center to tour which had a new toddler class in the Fall with one spot available. So, if you're keeping track, we have our names on 5 lists. We have spots available at 2. We don't know about 1. And we know we won't get into 2 for a while.

On our tours of the centers I was trying to soak everything in while thinking of marginally intelligent questions to ask. I have read articles on day care interviews but didn't find their lists helpful. What matters to me is that Landon is loved, is made to feel secure, and has fun - if he learns differential equations by age 2, that's just a bonus. At the centers the directors are talking about child psychology and teaching philosophies, and I didn't ask (either because I forgot or felt silly) what I really wanted to know: "will he get to play with play-dough? will he get to find out that the little orange centers of acorns don't taste nearly as good as they look? will he get to have a pet rollie pollie bug? will he get to play forts and pirate ship and restaurant and house? all at once? and most importantly, will you think he's one of the cutest kids in the world and love him and make sure the other kids are nice to him?" I know that student-teacher ratios, what food groups the snacks are in, and accreditation certificates are all very important, but on those issues all our potential day cares were about the same. And sure, I asked about outdoor time, games, snacks, and cost, but by the end of our whirlwind tours I could barely remember which place was which and I just didn't have a "feeling" about any of them.

JP and I went to lunch and tried to sort the places out. We both loved the FPD (fancy private daycare), but hesitated at the hefty price tag (it was $250 more per month, with extra fees, and was the only one that didn't provide lunch). JP asked if it was okay to talk about how expensive the center was, I mean it is our CHILD'S FUTURE we were discussing here, but I was pretty sure it was okay. Our child's future needs to involve a house and food and a savings account for his future mysterious medical ailments, so money seemed to be a valid factor. We both felt that the cheaper place (TCP) with new class seemed great too- very bright, lots of windows, big play ground, and video cameras so we can watch the little guy do whatever it is he does all day. But it was the cheapest and I didn't know any attorneys who used it - they all send their kids to the FPD. I started to worry I couldn't even tell them we chose the cheaper one, especially since most of them knew we had a spot at FPD. And we did think FPD was great, but we thought TCP was great too. And further complicating the decision were the different start dates at each, which meant different start dates for my job and pay checks, the fact that once we picked one we lost our spots at the others so we couldn't just change our minds if we didn't like it, worries about the 1 nap v. 2 nap schedule, and just not knowing what Landon would be like in 5 months and what classroom style would best fit him. And then my food came and head felt like it was going to explode (this was pre-cortisone shot, so it really did).

We went back and forth for days, requesting registration extensions from both centers (we rejected the center that wasn't sure about our wait list status as too dark and windowless). I kept changing my mind only to immediately make it up again. JP kept saying "okay" to anything I told him, which made me mad because I decided he wasn't taking it seriously. To which he replied, "both places are fine, you're taking it too seriously." To which I replied, "This is about our CHILD'S FUTURE, it is serious!". And then I realized I was being ridiculous and if I hadn't known that all the attorneys used the FPD I would have already confidently chosen TCP and been done with it. The kids seemed happy, the play ground was awesome, and the rooms were spacious and bright. The only thing holding me back was a feeling that we should be giving him THE BEST and the best suddenly meant the most expensive. And I have always known that is not true (and secretly mocked those who do not).

So Landon now has a daycare. It's near our house, it's reasonable ($950 a month, for those of you wondering what reasonable came to mean in all this), and while it's an important decision, it's not a permanent one. The people at FPD were nice enough to keep us on the waiting list so that if we change our minds, we're up for the next available spot. They also have a wonderful preschool that we may switch him over to at that time. We're also still waiting on UT and our neighborhood center (which was gorgeous). I feel really good about it. And I feel a little ridiculous for taking four hours to choose and bid on a house - our first house, the house we hope to spent 10+ years living in, the house that is taking all the money we spent three years carefully and painfully saving, but taking eight days to be okay with selecting a lovely, but less expensive daycare over the fancy, pricey one. This is the first time I nearly fell into the trap of choosing something just because it was the most expensive option, and I'm glad I didn't. Besides, I don't think the extra $250 makes the crayons taste any more delicious.

22 comments:

  1. Childcare. SO incredibly much more complicated than you'd think. I called and visited so many centers and finally chose one of my cheaper options. Of course it was still at the higher end of what I could afford, but still. I really felt like the staff cared about the kids and that was more important to me than how many teachers held their PhD in child psychology. Kudos to you for taking the time to choose something you feel is right for Landon. So many people just pick the place closest to home/office, etc. And you can always switch if the situation demands.

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  2. Glad you found a place. Strangely enough this sounds like some family discussions we had last year when considering various law school options for me.

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  3. Delurking to say I think you are right. More $$ does not automatically equal better care. We haven't done full-time daycare, but I've chosen the less-expensive preschool in an older facility over a fancy new one because my daughter loves it so much, and I feel sure my son will too. Good for you for not choosing the fancy place just because your coworkers have. I'm sure it's nice too, but $250/mo. saved is a nice chunk of change!

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  4. I'm glad you found a daycare you like. Think of all the things you can do for Landon with the extra $250.00. College fund, educational toys, trips to fun places. I have Bear at a crappy chain daycare but it was the only one we could get him in on short notice when I started my job. I am still on the wait list for the good daycare I signed up for the day I started my job.

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  5. I'm about to start this process for the fall, since we didn't get a spot at the one on campus that's next door to law school (I am SO bummed about that).

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  6. I'm glad you found a place! We went with the facility that's located at Matthew's work in a federal building, but had to put Peach on the waiting list before she was conceived. Seriously. I think it worked out to 20 months ahead of time? Thank god we really love the place; we never even shopped around, and we're paying only a tad bit more than you are.

    I bet other attorneys wish they had the extra $250. :)

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  7. Holy crap! I knew childcare was expensive, but I had no idea HOW expensive. That's practically my income FOR THE MONTH. This reinforces my belief that I can not have children.

    And, as a side note, even if I don't have kids, I know that hairline fracture is correct that more money doesn't necessarily mean better. I'm sure it'll work out just great!

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  8. I had no idea there were so many decisions to make about childcare and i didnt even know there were fancy ones and cheap ones- yikes!

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  9. It is such a hard decision! But it sounds like you did the right thing and went with your gut. I really like your attitude about finding him a place where he can just be a kid instead of in college prep.

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  10. yet another reason to leave manhattan and head to austin - $950 is half of what I have to pay for what I am sure is not as nice of a place where Landon will be...

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  11. anonymous - we'd love to have you! I was just talking to a friend in Boston and they paid $2000/month. That's roughly our mortgage payment on a very nice house... crazy.

    It's all perspective. When I told my grandparents about the cost of daycare they nearly had a heart attack.

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  12. how does the video cameras thing work? do they have a webcam system where you can go on-line during the day and see what he's up to? my friends send their kids to a daycare that has that, and i WISH i could find something like that for my daughter, but, so far, i haven't found a daycare with that feature in my area.

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  13. I'd be THRILLED if there were childcare around here for that amount per month! Ugh! I totally gave up on day care because of the waiting lists . . . and did a nanny share instead. This other couple with a baby near my son's age and I share this awesome nanny. I highly recommend that if your day care thing doesn't work out . . . it's the best because you get all the benefits of a nanny (plus a kid for your kid to play with) with only half the cost!

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  14. Wow... your "cheap" childcare option is about 3 times more expensive than here. Darn. Thats a lot of money. But I am thrilled that you decided on one that sounds really nice and is cheaper. Great combination!
    And yes, Congratulations on the house! It looks amazing!

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  15. Wow. They want to charge you an extra $250 a month and you have to PACK YOUR INFANT A LUNCH? WTF? I've never heard of such a thing.

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  16. Congrats on choosing a daycare! And I can't get over how CHEAP it is relative to Washington DC. We had our daughter in daycare for a while - an in home daycare, not a center - and it was $275 a week (over $1000 a month) and we thought that was a reasonable price. Hmmm, TX is sounding better and better... I would love to have a mortgage around $2000 for a nice house, not a fixer upper, and reasonable childcare costs. :)

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  17. You experience really gives some insight into lawyer behavior. I wonder if all the other lawyers at your firm are at the FPD just because all the other lawyers kids are there. You know, it's not enough to have the fancy house and car, but you have to brag about the fancy daycare too. Good for you for not falling for that mentality.

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  18. Sounds like you made the right choice. As others have said, more money does NOT mean better care. I have my son in a less-expensive daycare that is convenient to home & work, provides healthy lunches and snacks, takes the kids outside to nice play areas as much as possible, and has teachers & staff that I LOVE. Plus, most importantly, my son loves it there.

    A lot of folks I work with send their kids to a fancy pricey daycare that costs well above what I pay, and--like your pricier option--doesn't provide lunch. I don't get it. It's not like they're learning calculus at this age--it's DAYCARE, PEOPLE. The kids are there to be supervised and to have fun, and my son does, for cheaper. We're both happy!

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  19. I am an attorney in Austin and a full-time working mom of 2. I think $950/month is in the upper range for center-based care. I pay less than that downtown. It's definitely not anything for your co-workers to look down upon. Heck, the ones paying $250 more than that for center-based care are probably being looked down upon by those that pay a private nanny. I'm sure you made the right decision for your family and that is all that matters.

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  20. I'm glad you found a place that you liked. I've had my son in a super fancy daycare, only to have him nearly expelled for bad behavior (he was acting like a 2 year old, oh my!). It was hard to find another place, since my neighborhood is growing so much, but I also found a super cheap daycare (only $130 a week!! in south Katy) that my son and I both love. If you haven't already (I'm sure you have) check out the TX daycare licensing website:

    www.dfps.state.tx.us/Child_Care/
    Search_Texas_Child_Care/

    This is how I found my great daycare, it had only been open for a few months, and was not in the phone book. The best part is that you can see the results of their inspections and any violations that have ocurred.

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  21. The weird thing about childcare in my limited experience ($1450 of experience per month, sadly) is that, within reason, cost and quality aren't really closely correlated, especially if you start looking at home daycares. The cost is often more related to location, their rental costs, and accreditation, than to the quality of the teachers working there and how happy the teachers are (if they are supported or just treated as easily replacable wage-slaves). I've found the last two to be really important in terms of the quality of my son's care. That being said, I guess I think its somewhat correlated or I wouldn't be writing those $1450 checks...
    I think it's smart to keep your options open - once landon starts going there you guys will really know if you like it.
    Nonparents have NO IDEA how much childcare costs. Wait till you do your taxes - the "child care tax deduction" is a joke. I'm pretty sure i would have paid less taxes had I spent that money on fur coats and deducted the sales tax... it's pretty outrageous.
    Good luck with the surgery!

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  22. the fancy place was going to charge $300/week and not include lunch?????
    when we did this search years ago, we found a couple places right by our office and a couple close to home, and one right in-between. I wasn't too thrilled with the ones near home (seemed like over-priced babysitting and high teacher turn-over). I really liked one near our office and the one in-between home and office...the big difference? about $60/week for the one closer to the office. That was SOOO not worth it. Plus, when we went back to the in-between place, the director was greeting children by name as they walked in with their parents passed the front desk...I didn't see that kind of familiarity at the close-to-office daycare, so that cemented our decision.
    And only $950/month for an infant? wow...I need to move to Texas!...we're paying some $260/week (about 1040/month) for Cooper and about $180/week for Gavin (about $720/month)...and that includes all meals, snacks, and breakfast (breakfast is $1/day extra). Glad you were able to make your decision...it's certainly a tough one.

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