Childcare, more complicated than you'd think

As you all know I recently spent 2.5 days in Austin buying a house, choosing a daycare, and wishing someone would cut a hole in my head and drain out whatever was threatening to explode in there. The house buying was accomplished in a quick and nearly painless manner. The cortisone shots greatly eased the pressure in my head. The childcare selection process was... complicated.

I have read articles about six-year waiting lists for Manhattan preschools, heard tales of children being interviewed and tested for toddler classes, the Wall Street Journal itself had a front page article revealing the dirty world of bribery and corruption lying behind the pristine facades of New York City preparatory preschools. I have rolled my eyes at all of them. "They're kids!" I say, "Practically babies, they need to play, eat sand, sing songs, and learn a few numbers and letters for Kindergarten. My siblings and I went to local church programs, ate play-dough and dirt on the weekends, and we turned out just fine. I'd never get wrapped up in an elite name or price point!"

And then I kind of did.

Infant and toddler care is a crazy world. Landon has been on the wait lists for two Austin day cares since August of 2007 - yes, back when he was 1 month old and wouldn't be starting anywhere in Austin for another 13 months. We put him on the UT childcare wait list the day after JP was accepted and were told the wait would be at least 18 months (and JP's program is only 24 months long). Our new neighborhood has its own child care center but we couldn't get on that list until we bought a house there; and once we did, we found out that he's 5th on the list for a full 12-kid class. Six toddlers would have to leave during the year for him to get a spot. And lastly, since we knew UT and the neighborhood centers were out for the immediate future, I found another center to tour which had a new toddler class in the Fall with one spot available. So, if you're keeping track, we have our names on 5 lists. We have spots available at 2. We don't know about 1. And we know we won't get into 2 for a while.

On our tours of the centers I was trying to soak everything in while thinking of marginally intelligent questions to ask. I have read articles on day care interviews but didn't find their lists helpful. What matters to me is that Landon is loved, is made to feel secure, and has fun - if he learns differential equations by age 2, that's just a bonus. At the centers the directors are talking about child psychology and teaching philosophies, and I didn't ask (either because I forgot or felt silly) what I really wanted to know: "will he get to play with play-dough? will he get to find out that the little orange centers of acorns don't taste nearly as good as they look? will he get to have a pet rollie pollie bug? will he get to play forts and pirate ship and restaurant and house? all at once? and most importantly, will you think he's one of the cutest kids in the world and love him and make sure the other kids are nice to him?" I know that student-teacher ratios, what food groups the snacks are in, and accreditation certificates are all very important, but on those issues all our potential day cares were about the same. And sure, I asked about outdoor time, games, snacks, and cost, but by the end of our whirlwind tours I could barely remember which place was which and I just didn't have a "feeling" about any of them.

JP and I went to lunch and tried to sort the places out. We both loved the FPD (fancy private daycare), but hesitated at the hefty price tag (it was $250 more per month, with extra fees, and was the only one that didn't provide lunch). JP asked if it was okay to talk about how expensive the center was, I mean it is our CHILD'S FUTURE we were discussing here, but I was pretty sure it was okay. Our child's future needs to involve a house and food and a savings account for his future mysterious medical ailments, so money seemed to be a valid factor. We both felt that the cheaper place (TCP) with new class seemed great too- very bright, lots of windows, big play ground, and video cameras so we can watch the little guy do whatever it is he does all day. But it was the cheapest and I didn't know any attorneys who used it - they all send their kids to the FPD. I started to worry I couldn't even tell them we chose the cheaper one, especially since most of them knew we had a spot at FPD. And we did think FPD was great, but we thought TCP was great too. And further complicating the decision were the different start dates at each, which meant different start dates for my job and pay checks, the fact that once we picked one we lost our spots at the others so we couldn't just change our minds if we didn't like it, worries about the 1 nap v. 2 nap schedule, and just not knowing what Landon would be like in 5 months and what classroom style would best fit him. And then my food came and head felt like it was going to explode (this was pre-cortisone shot, so it really did).

We went back and forth for days, requesting registration extensions from both centers (we rejected the center that wasn't sure about our wait list status as too dark and windowless). I kept changing my mind only to immediately make it up again. JP kept saying "okay" to anything I told him, which made me mad because I decided he wasn't taking it seriously. To which he replied, "both places are fine, you're taking it too seriously." To which I replied, "This is about our CHILD'S FUTURE, it is serious!". And then I realized I was being ridiculous and if I hadn't known that all the attorneys used the FPD I would have already confidently chosen TCP and been done with it. The kids seemed happy, the play ground was awesome, and the rooms were spacious and bright. The only thing holding me back was a feeling that we should be giving him THE BEST and the best suddenly meant the most expensive. And I have always known that is not true (and secretly mocked those who do not).

So Landon now has a daycare. It's near our house, it's reasonable ($950 a month, for those of you wondering what reasonable came to mean in all this), and while it's an important decision, it's not a permanent one. The people at FPD were nice enough to keep us on the waiting list so that if we change our minds, we're up for the next available spot. They also have a wonderful preschool that we may switch him over to at that time. We're also still waiting on UT and our neighborhood center (which was gorgeous). I feel really good about it. And I feel a little ridiculous for taking four hours to choose and bid on a house - our first house, the house we hope to spent 10+ years living in, the house that is taking all the money we spent three years carefully and painfully saving, but taking eight days to be okay with selecting a lovely, but less expensive daycare over the fancy, pricey one. This is the first time I nearly fell into the trap of choosing something just because it was the most expensive option, and I'm glad I didn't. Besides, I don't think the extra $250 makes the crayons taste any more delicious.