Sharing the News- Firm Edition

Yesterday I finally called The Firm I'm working at this summer in Texas. For those of you who don't know the Texas market- you're required to split your summer between two firms, usually doing 6 weeks at each. I was planning to do my first 6 weeks at The Firm and then come back to Chicago to do 6 weeks at the firm I worked for last summer. Because 6 weeks of work would put me at 36 weeks pregnant and 1000 miles away from my husband and midwife, I was hoping to shorten my stay to only 4.

I initially chose to interview with The Firm for three reasons: its large office and wide variety of practice areas, its commitment to women and families, and its reputation/prestige. In my initial screening interview I talked about my plans to work and have a family and how important it was to me to find a firm that would help enable that goal. One of my interviewers was about 6 months pregnant, so I assumed this was a topic that mattered quite a bit to her as well. During the callback, I talked to several attorneys with children, and during the post-offer flyback and I requested to meet with even more. I realize this isn't fool proof, but I knew JP and I planned to start our family soon, so I did the best I could to find a firm that seemed compatible with our plans. At my other firm interviews I asked the same general questions and didn't get the same feeling as I did from The Firm. Either the women would talk about how great their nanny was and how much work she enabled them to do (I have no problem with nannies, but I'd rather hear about how the firm is flexible and allows them to work from home/spend more time with their children) or the women wouldn't say much of anything and the male partners would point out the firm's official family friendly policies. I ended up going with my gut feeling on the family/flexibility issue alone- all the firms do great work, have great clients, require the same hours, and pay a lot.

Because The Firm is very proud of their female/parent attorney retention rate, I wasn't too worried about telling them about the pregnancy, but I still kept putting it off. Hearing the heartbeat and entering the second trimester left me out of excuses for not notifying them. So I made the call to the partner I had dealt with the most during the interview process (he also happens to be the chair of the litigation department and flex-time committee).

And... he was wonderful. Very positive, very congratulatory, and certain that 4 weeks wouldn't be a problem. He mentioned that 2 women in his department just delivered their babies within 5 days of each other, one week ago. I know I'm just a summer associate and they want to lure me in, but his excitement was genuine (he has 3 kids and talks about them quite a bit) and I am happy to write that I continue to have the same positive gut feeling about The Firm.

Baby Appointment #2

Today was our second prenatal appointment and the big news is that we got to hear the heart beat!! It was a very strong "whoosh whoosh" at 150 bpm. Even though we'd already had an ultrasound, today felt more official in some way. Because of my tipped uterus, and being only 8 weeks pregnant at the time, the baby was just a blob on the ultrasound screen. Hearing the heart beat made it seem like a real little person- with its own heart beat separate from mine. Pretty amazing!

Random funny piece of information: my midwife/OB practice is located in the Playboy Enterprises corporate headquarters. I find this a little ironic. A magazine devoted to making men want sex and an office devoted to women dealing with the result of sex- all just 2 floors apart.

The Rubber Band Trick

Today I have an elastic hair band looped through the hole of my jeans and around the button. It gives me about 1/2 an inch of extra breathing room and makes sitting in the library far more comfortable. This marks the first morning I couldn't button up my jeans. The glorious part about being pregnant is that I could blame this on the baby and use a hair band guilt-free. I actually haven't worn these jeans in while, they've always been a little snug, and I'm pretty sure that 3 months ago I still would have needed the hair band. But then I would have felt fat and forced the button closed just to prove they still fit. I would have had to suck in all day- this is far more comfortable.

It's nice to think "oh yay, my baby is growing" instead of "oh wow, I really shouldn't have eaten that coldstone ice cream last night."

Baby Shopping; A Reflection

Yesterday was a day of baby registering. A friend and I went to "Babies R Us" in the morning. That place is crazy! I'm so glad we have a relatively small apartment because it keeps you from believing the "you need ALL of this to properly raise a baby" brain washing. In the end I couldn't find much to register for- everything is SO big! I don't need an 8-in-1 bassinet, I just need a cozy place for the baby to sleep in our room. I don't need a baby tub that is also a bubbling spa with attachable shower head, I just need a tub that doesn't have food in it like the sink. I don't need a stroller that is large enough to fit myself, JP, the cat, and the baby and that also doubles as an all-terrain off-roading vehicle. I don't need a bouncer chair that has so many gadgets I wanted to cry while looking at it (and I think one of the toys was in my nightmare last night). And why does Everything have to be blue or pink? Even some of the car seats were boy/girl specific! A nice shade of blue is perfectly lovely for a girl's nursery and just because our baby has a penis does not mean there needs to be giant basketballs, soccer balls, and footballs all over the room.

Complaining aside, it was really fun to wander among all the aisles filled with mini products and smiling babies on the packaging. I did find several things I liked, but I did not find any nursery decor. It was either way too gender-specific or way too cheesy. If anyone has any suggestions for where to find nice looking crib sets please let me know. It just seems like you could have such sweet looking bedding for a baby- like Noah's ark, sea life, twinkle twinkle little star, etc. Most of the stuff I found had animals that looked scary or just wasn't nice looking or cute.

I dragged JP to Target in the afternoon to register there. He went straight for the toys and was certain our infant needed a giant train set and match box cars and legos and anything and everything requiring batteries or an electric motor... I steered him toward the baby stuff and he was pretty sure our baby didn't need most of it. His method is to randomly pull something off the shelf and declare that's the one we need- mine is to register for lots of things and then carefully read through the online reviews when I get home -- some combination of our two approaches is probably right. I've spent most of today on amazon.com reading reviews- its fun to see what other moms say about the different products, but now I'm really going to start doing some school work. Really.

Baby Shopping

Yesterday I bought my first pregnancy-conscious top. It's not maternity (it's from Forever 21), but its the first thing I've bought that takes my slowly-starting-to-change body into account. It's v-neck to show off the best assets pregnancy has given me and loose on the bottom to hide the fact that my jeans are getting just a little bit snug. It was fun to try something on and not obsess over whether it made me look fat or if it clung too tightly- I was trying to find something that made my waist look somewhat ambiguous. It's so freeing! I can eat a whole pizza before going out Saturday night and it won't matter!

Tomorrow I'm going to "Babies R Us" with a friend to start building a baby registry. I know its a little early, but Shelley already has hers and she's only due 5 weeks before me. I wouldn't even walk through the baby section of Target while we were trying to conceive or for the first few weeks of my pregnancy. This trip is just to see what's out there and over-register so I can read reviews online later and start deleting. I found with the wedding registry that I liked having a while to play with it before anyone was going to be buying from it.

So for those of you with any baby experience, or if you've heard from others with baby experience- let me know if there's something you couldn't live without or something that was a waste of space (and we have very little space).

Texas Entertainment

Over the weekend I was telling JP how when we were kids, my siblings and I would put bowls of water outside on nights it was supposed to get below freezing (which happened about once every other year). Having grown up in Washington, D.C., he found this hilarious, and commented that we could have just put them in the freezer to see the same thing. He doesn't understand the novelty of the "freezing outside" phenomenon for a Texan. Yesterday, my uncle emailed me a story that's even better:

His family lives in a suburb of Houston and the temperature was below freezing during the day last week (of course schools and everything were shut down, just in case it decided to sleet). A local news station had a reporter whose assignment was to stand next to a bucket of water and watch it freeze over, and the 60 min. news show kept cutting back to her to see if there were any exciting new developments. Can you imagine the riveting commentary and action shots? And who did that reporter piss off at the news station?

3 Things

Over the weekend I was reading through Citation's archives (yes all of them, yes there are lots, and yes I will do anything do avoid reading admin) and saw her post on 3 things you would want to grab in case of a fire- or less dramatically, 3 things you would be truly sad to part with. Last night when I couldn't sleep, I started thinking about what my 3 things would be. Here's the list I came up wit

(1) Lilly, the cat. I don't think this really counts as one of my things because if a fire was in our apartment, Lilly would be the first one out. Unlike the loyal dog, she would not be nibbling our toes and meowing in warning- her ass would be flying over the balcony, hoping for the best. However, despite my past claims that I was "not a cat person", I've grown quite attached to our fat, white furball and would be very sad to lose her. I got Lilly in college when JP and I were on a "break" and I was lonely and needed something to come home to. She was only 6 ounces and had to be bottle fed- she's now a hefty 12 lbs with a stomach that sways back and forth when she trots around the apartment. She has a great personality (when she not going psychotic at dinner parties) and is a major source of entertainment for JP and me.

(2) My cigar box. No, I don't smoke- it was a box of my grandpa's that I decorated at their house when I was little. It holds some of my dearest possessions from childhood: a letter from my best friend Sean when he visited NYC in 1st grade, a card from my 2nd grade class when I was sick with pneumonia, random artifacts from camping trips, birthday parties, and holidays, the snail shell Sean used to propose to me, and the letter he wrote me in high school to tell me he was gay (he promises its not b/c I made him marry me about a thousand times growing up), cards from my family for big events, the church program from my Confirmation, letters from my parents for each State swim meet, and much more. I cry (happy tears) every time I go through that box covered with glue, glitter, and feathers.

(3) My freshman year of college scrapbook. This was the last big and fancy scrapbook I will probably ever make. I met JP on the first day I arrived in Austin to attend UT and by Thanksgiving I told my family I was marrying him- through letters, cards, and pictures, this book chronicles that magical first year together. Also, due to an only somewhat successful hip surgery, this was the year that swimming, so long a dominate force in my life, became something I just "used to do." The book has pictures from parties, emails to/from my parents, and hospital bracelets from my two long stays for a severe case of mono. I go through the book often and it reminds me of a wonderful year for both of us.

There are many more things I would be sad to lose- but almost everything we have is ultimately replaceable: the wedding photographer has all the proofs, so we can order another album, Bailey Banks & Biddle still sells my wedding rings (although I never take them off, so if we're talking about a fire, they're a freebie), and due to our very tiny apartment, any family heirlooms that have been passed down to me are being stored at my parent's house. In a few years, when we have more storage space, this may be a much harder list to make.

What's on your list?

Still Pro-Choice

I found this graphic and topic on Magic Cookie's blog and figured that since this is an issue I think about a lot, today is a good day to write about it.

Like Magic Cookie, I have long been pro-choice, and wondered if being pregnant would change my views. I don't believe that it has. In college, I always assumed that if I were to get pregnant, I would have an abortion. When I found out I was pregnant in December, I was immediately ecstatic about the little group of cells on their way to becoming a baby; however, I didn't think of those cells as actually being a baby. I was thrilled they were there, and I would have been devastated to lose them, but they were not a baby yet. I think the immediate connection I felt was because we had wanted a baby for a long time. Without the happiness and excitement, those first few months could be utterly miserable- especially if coupled with fear of your family and/or significant other finding out about the pregnancy or horrible memories connected with the conception. I don't believe the emotional connection is automatic- it was for me because I was in a happy, stable relationship- but if the pregnancy is an unpleasant surprise, there is nothing in throwing up every morning or feeling exhausted all day that makes you feel connected to what is in your uterus. In those first few weeks several of the embryos can fit on the eraser end of a pencil (according to "Pregnancy Week by Week") -- that is not a baby. That is not something we protect at the sake of the health and emotional well being of the mother. Pregnancy takes over your body for 9-months and changes your life forever, there should be a choice as to whether that will happen or not.

A more separate and practical argument is that women have always had and will always have abortions. Back in the dark ages it was through dangerous herbs or the messy, and also dangerous, do-it-yourself approach (which continues today). Abortion is a medical procedure that needs to be performed by medical doctors in a medical environment. It is not an issue for futile debate during every political campaign. A woman who absolutely does not want the baby, for whatever reason, is not going to have it. (Not to mention the fact that even if she is forced by lack of an alternative, there isn't adequate medical care, maternal leave, or child care to help her in that forced decision.) The government's resources and religious right-to-life group's time and efforts would be better spent on education about birth control and safe sex to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies.

34 years after Roe v. Wade, I am glad the option to terminate safely is there for women who need it. Pregnancy is an enormous undertaking and the maternal instinct does not kick in at the first signs of morning sickess. As much as I want my baby, I do not feel a need to protect every unborn child- I still believe it should be the mother's decision.

Weekend Work

Every weekend I plan for so much productivity: I'll do my reading for the whole week (or at least the first few days), I'll look over my notes, I'll start going through the old outlines, I'll do a few practice tests (just kidding). But so far, I get less done between Friday afternoon and Monday morning than I do on a normal day. Maybe its carry-over from my law firm work this past summer (ah, the relaxed life of a summer associate), but I feel that weekends are my time off. JP hasn't had to work as many weekends lately, or if he does, he just uses my laptop at home in the morning. Because he's using my laptop, obviously I can't study (nevermind that you can read an admin assignmet without your laptop in front of you), so I do productive things around the apartment: make a big breakfast, put the magazines and old mail in neat stacks, think about shaving the cat* because her white fur is everwhere, and dream about someday having more closet space. After all that hard work, I'll make breakfast or we'll go out to brunch, and then I'll manage to waste/enjoy the rest of the day. I promise myself that on Sunday I will go to the library in the morning and at least knock out Monday and Tuesday's reading, but then Sunday comes and a lazy morning in bed sounds so much better. The crazy thing is that JP goes to UC's campus on Sat. and Sun. to go to the gym- I really have no excuse for staying home and doing nothing. This past Sunday I even went to the library while he was at the gym, but I spent 90% of my 2 hours there catching up on email and reading news stories.

I'm not behind in my reading as I get most of that done during the week, but I'm not ahead. Every quarter I vow that this will be the one where I don't start outlining 6 days before the final (or like last quarter, 6 days before 4 finals!). But each quarter keeps ending out okay and finals seem so far away in the beginning. I've decided to consider it training for being a working parent -- leaving work behind and truly being home when I'm home. This is somewhat ridiculous as law school has no real deadlines until finals and even then its only my grade thats being affected, but still- "preparing for a balanced life" sounds so much better than just being lazy.

*We actually did attempt shaving the cat a few years ago. We used JP's electric hair trimmer outside on the balcony in Houston. Lilly didn't seem to mind- I think the buzzing was kind of like a massage, but her hair is so thin it wasn't cut uniformly. We gave up after about 30 min. and she had a few bald spots, some stripes, and generally looked homeless. Her hair has grown even longer and sheds even more- probably out of spite.

Outrage and Indignation

I try to avoid being outraged, but two events last night evoked that emotion in me. The first was an email forwarded to me by a very close family friend back in Texas. It was about Barack Obama- here are a few choice tidbits:

• "The info below is only as a warning and serves to ensure that all Christians become very aware of the BACKGROUNDS of the people we support (political or religious) and do our due diligence before putting them in charge of anything that may affect our lives and homes. Barack is VERY like-able, smooth, and has easily worked his way into the hearts of many influential Americans."
• "Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a Muslim."
• "Obama was enrolled in a Wahabi school in Jakarta. Wahabism is the radical teaching that is followed by the Muslim terrorists who are now waging Jihad against the western world."
• "Since it is politically expedient to be a Christian when seeking major public office in the United States, Barack Hussein Obama has joined the United Church of Christ in an attempt to downplay his Muslim background. "

This pretty much made me want to scream. It also stresses his middle name (Hussein) and the fact that his mother was an atheist. It of course fails to mention that he is highly educated, a former Univ. of Chicago professor, and devout Christian (because the Christianity is just a cover for his radical Muslim thoughts to wage Jihad on America after attaining the presidency). What really upset me is that a very well-educated man whom I respect greatly emailed his entire contacts list to warn them all about Obama. Really?! Is he that scary? God forbid you should do some of your own research into his background instead of sending scare tactic emails. And God forbid we should have a bit of diversity in the presidential candidate or a president who is not an idiot and has read the Constitution. Even if you're not a Democrat or a fan of Obama, spreading misleading emails about a candidate is not what a democracy of informed voters should be about.

And on to the next rant... (I apologize for the morning anger, but both of these things were very upsetting). On his show Wednesday night, Bill O'Reilly attacked kidnapping victim Shawn Hornbeck. (See a link to the video here). O'Reilly decides that because Shawn had a piercing when he was found he was obviously "a troubled kid" who chose to stay with his kidnapper because "it was more fun than school." The Moderate Voice has a good blog post about it as well as Fox's contact information. I've already written them a politely restrained email expressing my objection to O'Reilly's comments. I know my email probably won't do much, but I felt that if I was going to bitch about it in my blog, I should complain to the network as well. O'Reilly's comments aren't even political, they're just a pompous man beating up on a boy for the controversy ratings. I could write a lot more, but the above two links phrase most of my thoughts better than I could, and I have a bunch of securities reading to do before class.

I will have a happier post tomorrow.

Update: Someone (I believe the original sender's brother) sent out a link to a website that debunks almost all of what the email said. I was still struggling with how/what to respond, so I'm glad the correct information was sent to everyone. His brother has renewed some of my faith in the South!