Exams... suck

I could put it much more eloquently- I could talk about my passionate hatred for the quarter system and how I truly think it a bad fit for law school. Cramming a semester long class into 10 weeks isn't good for anyone and it gives you 3x more finals stress by the time you graduate. I could write about how I really should have started studying earlier than 6 days ago or how I don't know how to "not care" about my grades even though they really don't matter much now. I could write about how unbelievably tired I am (all the time) and how my body (now under the baby's control) forces me to sleep whether I have time to or not. I could write about how I never feel like I'm doing the right things to prepare for finals- that what I spend my time doing isn't really helpful and that other people have a much more efficient method.

But my commercial transactions final is in less than 3 hours and I feel woefully unprepared. Sadly, its the exam I'm the most prepared for. Admin is tomorrow and securities is Tuesday. All I can really say is, "ugh" and this will all be over Tuesday at 5pm.

Cheering Up is Hard to Do

So JP took the GMAT yesterday and did quite well; however, "quite well" is not "extremely well" and "extremely well" is what he was hoping to do. He should certainly still be able to get into business schools in the Top 20 and isn't out of the running for any in the Top 10, but "not out of the running" is not the same thing as "above their average accepted". Other over achievers will understand- it doesn't matter that it's still a good score, its not the score he thought he could get. So even though I want to smack him over the head with my securities book, I understand his disappointment, however undeserved. There's also the depressing thought of taking the test again- his score isn't quite high enough where that would truly be unnecessary, but its not low enough where he's certain he can do significantly better. A lot of standardized testing is luck of question drawn that day. The other thing is that he will still get into UT, a great school, and probably the best thing for all three of us (by then)- he just wants to know he got accepted to Harvard/Stanford. Superficial? Perhaps, but short of knocking him out with the above mentioned securities casebook, I don't think I can change his mind. There's also something to the fact that I got into those schools and then chose mine (the fact that I now semi-regret the choice doesn't matter). He wants to do the same; to say "I got into X, but chose Y", even if its only to himself. So basically, I have a lot of cheering up and ego boosting to do.

This is bad timing because I am feeling completely overwhelmed with my finals (that start in less than 48 hours). At least as a 2L I don't have to do all that well. I spent all of last night just hanging out with him, eating dinner, talking, etc. and only thought about how little I knew about admin a few times. Last year I would have been in the library- he would have talked to me on the phone and I wouldn't have been able to see how deeply upset he was or be able to help. I'm glad that I was home and able to be there for him the way he's been there for me, even if the first half-hour was spent with him glaring at his score sheet on the table and me really wanting to open it, but waiting for him to say something. The tight-rope walking dialogue of "you did great" combined with "I know you're disappointed" would not have worked out as well over the phone.

GMAT D-Day

JP takes the GMAT today at 1:45! I know we're both excited to have it over with. I'm sure he'll do great, but I think I'm more nervous than he is. Maybe because I know I'm the one who has to pick up the pieces and re-convince him of his brilliance if he doesn't do as well as hoped. He gets the scores back immediately (the advantage of taking it on a computer), so hopefully we'll be celebrating tonight!

(Well, he'll be celebrating, I'll still be drowning in admin confusion- or curled up in the fetal position waiting for it to just go away.)

We Didn't Win the Lottery, but...

I did win clothes! Baukjen, one of the founders of Isabella Oliver (the maternity clothes I'm in love with but can't afford on my poor student budget), posted a comment on my blog!!

hi, my name is baukjen and i'm one of the founders of isabellaoliver.com . someone forwarded your blog entry and it put a smile on our faces that you wrote that you'd buy isabella oliver if you won the lottery! drop us an email at thegirls@isabellaoliver.com and ask for your email to be forwarded to me and let us know your size and address and we'll pop a few pieces from past photoshoots in the post for you. take care and congrats with your pregnancy!

You always read that lottery winners are no happier for all their millions (and often much more sad) and it may have put some strain on our marriage, but my not having to pay for clothes makes both of us happy!

So whoever forwarded my blog to Isabella Oliver, thank you so much- and IO, thanks for taking the time to make a random American blogger's week :)

Update: There's a post about me on their company blog!

The Admin Study Cycle

Admin makes me:

1. Confused
2. Overwhelmed
3. Miserable
4. Long for alcohol in large quantities
5. Depressed
6. Apathetic
7. Decide to screw it and go take a hot bubble bath
8. Panic, post-bath, and sit down with renewed determination to conquer Chevron
9. Confused
10. Overwhelmed
11. Miserable

If I Won 355 Million Dollars...

That's what the Illinois lottery is at today- JP's office is pooling to buy tickets (b/c investment bankers are in desperate need of such pocket change) and he's buying a few for us (I have imposed a limit of 5). JP is the gambler and financial optimist of our little family- I'm the realist/pessimist and would prefer our money to be in a box under our bed, or, I suppose, in a safe, interest bearing account of some kind. I have a deep mistrust of the stock market and hate that we have money there- maybe its because I only realized what the stock market was when the dot com bubble burst, but I regard it warily.

Anyway, this made me think- if we were to be the sole winners of that ridiculous amount of money, what would we do? Would I quit law school? Would JP quit his job? Would he still go to business school? I have friends who insist the only happiness in life is to be independently wealthy- no need for grad school, loans, jobs, etc. But I'm really not sure that much in our life would change. I'd still finish law school- maybe take a year off without the pressure of repaying my loans, but I'm not even sure I'd do that. I pretty much want it over with. I would be free to do any kind of legal work I want, but I think I'd still start at The Firm. I like the people and I could get an idea of what types of law are out there. I can't imagine what I'd do without a job- a purpose to my day. It could be part time ,volunteer legal work, but it has to be something. The biggest changes for me would be the little extras- a new (4-wheel drive) car, a bigger apartment, giving money to my family, a personal chef!, vacations without a strict budget, etc.

I think more would change for JP. He'd definitely leave his job- he has enjoyed it, but the long hours and often tedious work got old a while ago, and it would be nice for him to have time with the baby (and me!). I'm sure he'd still get his MBA, but I don't think he'd actually go into the business world to use it. He's dream in life is to own a cattle ranch (yes, I married a nice boy from upper crust Washington, D.C. and it turns out he's a Republican who voted for Bush and wants to live on a cattle ranch) and I guess now he could do that. The financial freedom would mean a lot more to him- there's so much he wants to do: invent things, start his own company, and ride horses. He loves the stock market and would have lots of fun researching and investing his own millions. I would still prefer it to be in a box under the bed.

I would enjoy being able to give lots of money to our favorite charities and I could buy all the maternity clothes I wanted from Isabella Oliver, but I think I'd still be a lawyer in some capacity. I suppose that means I've chosen the right field...

Bullet Points for Lazy Writing

A few random bits of news for the day:

• My midwife called with the results of the quad-screen and everything looks great! Our risk or Down's Syndrome is 1/6,500; Spina Bifida is 1/5,200; and there is no increased risk of trisomy 18. So yay- and our ultrasound is only 16 days away!
• I'm exhausted. Pretty much all the time. I got less than 8 hours of sleep last night and found myself dozing off in class several times. I kept hearing that the 2nd trimester was so magical and you felt so great, but I am really just as tired as the 1st trimester. The tiredness isn't as sudden or imperative, but it is always there. I'm currently waiting for my stomach to feel less full from lunch so that I can go take a nap (and probably dream about all the work I should be doing).
• A week from today I will be taking my second final, the dreaded administrative law one, and I haven't begun reading through my notes. This is not stopping me from taking my nap, but it is starting to worry me.
• Our weather is finally pretty- still freezing and really windy, but the brilliant blue sky that I love is back.
• Construction update: the people above us are now hammering things and there is a big work crew beneath our window working on a pot hole. I am literally surrounded by hammering, truck noises, and beeping. Really helps the reading of the UCC to have some jack hammering in the background.
• Lilly has discovered the world beyond our apartment. JP used to leave the door open when he took the trash out to the garbage shoot b/c Lilly would never step foot outside our door- it seemed to freak her out. She eventually moved to rolling around on the doormat. Now she takes off sprinting down the corridor (well, maybe more like trotting, she's got a bit of a tummy). She's done this about 4 times and always ends up confused by the turns of the hallway- she'll find a doormat and lay down on it and one of us can scoop her up. I'm not sure how long it will remain easy to retrieve her. And now she stands by the door and meows to go out. Very annoying and of course, I blame JP.
• I told my family about the blog. I have yet to decide if that was a good move or not- the worst thing would be if no one reads it, but I know they might so I have to edit what I write. I don't mind the editing if the writing its useful or entertaining to them, but if its neither, I'll probably wished I remained anonymous. So we'll see- I have a lot more to say about the difference the internet has made in a single generation, but I'll save that for another day I don't want to study.

Off to bed to hopefully awaken with a renewed feeling of purpose and productivity!

Update: Slept for 2.5 hours in spite of construction noise and the very bright sunlight. Feel refreshed but horrified so much of the day is gone. Taking a walk to the White Hen to get a diet coke and then Getting To Work.

Construction Noise & the Dixie Chicks

Construction noise follows me wherever I go. I have almost no motivation to study for finals (in 7 days!), but when I do put forth a good faith effort to do so, someone starts hammering or sawing something within 25 feet of me. There's constant construction at the law library, which is coupled with an inability to regulate the climate- its either freezing or muggy and hot. Prompted by semi-productive memories of fall finals, I made my way to the undergraduate library last week. Right when I got settled in, a loud hammering noise assaulted my eardrums. Yesterday it was cold, grey, and snowy, so I attempted studying from home. Right as I got settled in with my giant penguin tea mug, the people above us decided to remodel their kitchen (I'm guessing) and use a very loud saw to cut through something metal and squeaky. It was awful. Even the cat was totally freaked out. JP looked like he might kill someone. We decided to call it a day and go to Trader Joe's (a place I will miss sorely when we move back down south) and buy lots of delicious food.

We microwaved ourselves a delicious TJ's meal of mandarin orange chicken, vegetable fried rice, and chicken shu mai and watched "Shut Up & Sing", the documentary on the Dixie Chicks, and then "Hollywoodland". SU&S was excellent and Hollywoodland was mildly entertaining (but definitely better than studying for finals). I highly recommend the Dixie Chicks movie- even if you're not a country music fan. If you're hard-core-Bill-O'Reilly-conservative, you may not like it, but its about so much more than politics.

I was embarassed on behalf of the South while watching it- I remember the whole public outcry after Natalie Maines said, jokingly, at a London concert in 2003, "... and we're ashamed President Bush is from Texas" and thought it was all ridiculous. Every country radio station below the Mason-Dixon line banned their music- they went from having the #1 single ("Traveling Soldier") to not even being on the top 200. One guy interviewed said he supported freedom of speech, "but they don't have to do it in public!" They got death threats, people protested at their tour stops, radio stations organized burning barrels for people to burn their CDs- all this in AMERICA. It was remniscient of a dictatorship- voice dissent and your life is ruined. Ugh. I got re-frustrated watching the movie, but I still really enjoyed it. Its fun to look inside their lives, see them tour, be with their families, struggle and triumph over infertility, etc. I also happen to love their music so it was fun seeing them go through the steps of writing and recording a song. I wish the movie had an epilogue telling viewers the Chicks went on to win FIVE grammy's even though the majority of country stations still refuse to play their songs. It was also interesting seeing the headlines and Bush's approval ratings back in '03. The Chick's manager was telling them "the war couldn't going better" and "Bush's approval ratings are sky high." So much has happened in 4 years. We're still there, its going horribly, and Bush's approval ratings are the lowest in presidential history. Anyway... this started out about construction and turned into a post about politics- and I really have to go study. Or do something that looks more like studying than blog posting.

Going Public?

I'm trying to decide whether or not I should tell my family about this blog. It's the best place to get updates on me, JP, and the baby. Right now I send emails every month or so with a quick update on things- sometimes I wonder if that's too often or if people really want to know. A blog is passive and they could check when and if they wanted news and pictures. I'm very close to my family- I grew up 45 min. away from my aunts and uncles and 3 hours from my grandparents. We're all used to knowing what everyone else is doing (and looks like!), so being 1000 miles away during this huge event in my life is very strange. The downside to letting them know is I won't be able to complain about them ;) I'm not too worried about that b/c I rarely have anything to complain about.

I'm also trying to decide my policy on pictures- so far the ones I've posted either don't have people in them or I'm too far away and covered up by my coat to really see me. I think I'm okay with posting them- my real concern is being "searchable", I would never want my first name, last name, firm name, etc. to be anywhere on the blog. Anyone who would recognize the picture already knows who I am- there are plenty of identifying remarks, not the least of which is my status as the only pregnant UC law student this year.

Anyway- have any of you let your families know about your blog? What is your policy on pictures?

Not the Best Day

This morning my car got stuck in the ice halfway into a parallel parking spot behind the law school. I realized too late the spot was not quite big enough for my car (so close!) and when I tried to move forward out of the spot, my wheels spun, and there I was- touching the bumper of the car behind me, practically touching the car in front of me, and poking out into the street. I thought maybe it was a bad dream and I'd wake up and get to try again, but no. Luckily, a South Side Good Samaritan saw my struggle from his apartment window and came to move his car further up (his was the car right in front of me). Unfortunately I was still stuck, but at least I could hope the morning rain would get rid of enough ice that I could get out of the spot after class. I endured the 1 hour and 40 min. of admin and went to free my car and it worked! I was now off to my internal medicine appointment for my headaches and stomach problems.

At that office I met with the doctor who asked lots of questions and seemed to type more answers than I was saying- I found this quite funny. I'd give a yes or no answer and she'd type for like 3 min. I ended up having a bunch more blood work done (my arms are like little pin cushions) and I have to give a stool sample (ewwwww) and transport it back to the lab (EWWWW). So that'll be fun. The headaches are definitely severe tension headaches- we're trying physical therapy since I can't take the really powerful headache meds while pregnant. Apparently my back pack, laptop bag, and the way I sit at my computer are all contributing factors. I'm a big believer in non-drug treatments (although I never mind a few helpful drugs to go along with the alternative therapy), so I'm looking forward to the PT- I just wish our finals weren't in TEN days. I really don't have time for this. The stomach problems are a whole nother bag of worms and basically we're just testing for things to rule them out. I'm going to have to make an appt with a gastroenterologist next.

And the weather was just crappy- super foggy, grey, rainy, and thunderstormy. And I'm behind in securities again. And I have three finals that I haven't started preparing for. Grades really don't matter after 1L if you have a job and you don't want to clerk, right?