Making it Better... and a bit on marriage

After hearing the wailing sound I made while checking my secured transactions grade last night, JP took note and and brought me home a few surprises last night - chocolate cake, a dozen roses, and a very sweet card. (He's a keeper!)

The best thing about 1L was that we got married a few weeks before it began. That excitement, love, and additional dimension to my now dimension-less existence, kept 1L from being the worst year of my life. There were times when I was definitely depressed. However, I had JP to go home to every night- to remind me there was SO much more to life than law (it was alarmingly easy to forget that when you're in the law library for way too many hours a day). I remember talking (ok, crying) to my mom on the phone during the spring quarter and saying if it wasn't for JP, I probably would have quit and gone home. He ran errands, cleaned, cooked, gave me pep talks, and didn't freak out when the rational, relatively unemotional woman he married became a weepy, self-doubting mess. (I've since returned to my normal self.)

I've been thinking a lot lately about marriage and the roles we play in it- especially with the baby coming this summer. The traditional roles in marriage are something I've always feared. While I was home for Christmas my mom kept saying how worried she was about me trying to be a law student and a new mom. About how the 2 years she worked after I was born were so hard- she would hate waking up on Saturday because it meant a day full or errands and cleaning. What I couldn't explain to her is that my marriage is fundamentally different from hers (while my parents' very happy marriage is something I've always hoped for, there are parts of it that wouldn't work for me)- JP goes to the grocery store, he cooks, he cleans, he runs errands, he secretly enjoys shopping for clothes with me- he doesn't see any of those chores as "mine". It's something I can thank my mother-in-law for. She has always had a career and JP really doesn't see gender roles the way I feared (and constantly talked about leading up to our marriage); it was always understood I would have a career and that we would work together as equals in raising our family. His mom thinks nothing of me continuing on my plan to be a lawyer, whereas mine is probably worried sick about my "inevitable" hospitalization for exhaustion.

I think what a female attorney told me at a lunch last year is so true- she said it was important to her that her daughters see her working, but it was even more important for her sons.

Ouch!

Secured Transactions, the grade I feared the most, was just posted and it was BAD. Really Really Bad. So bad I can't stop staring, its like a particularly gruesome car wreck.

Repeat to self: "I already have a job, I already have a job, I already have a job."

Baby's First Picture!

We had our first appointment on Tuesday morning- it was so exciting to see the little heart beat! Apparently I have a tipped/tilted uterus which made it very hard to find the baby with the ultrasound at such an early stage. There were a very scary few minutes while the midwife was trying to find the baby. By the next ultrasound the baby should be big enough so that the tilted uterus won't be an issue any longer.

Our dilemma of the past few days has been the first trimester screening test- it's an ultrasound and blood test to screen for disorders like trisomy 18 and Down's syndrome. Apparently its like MSAP testing but it has a better detection rate with fewer false positives. We went back and forth on it, but ultimately decided not to do it. With our ages and lack of any family history- its more likely that any positive result would be a false positive and just cause (lots of) unecessary worry and stress. I'm definitely someone who obsesses over things so I don't need any ratios to worry about for the next 7 months. Besides, the amnio, which would be the next step with any questionable results, carries a 1/200 chance of miscarriage- a risk that is likely to be much higher than any disorder.

We have our next appointment on January 30th, so now I get to look forward to that!

Non-baby post

And now a post about law school... I got VERY good news from my Corporations professor over the holiday- I got a high A on the final. This is my first A in law school and this was a very very hard class (and I want to do corporate law), so I was So excited to hear that. Finals were really tough this quarter- I had four of them (including 2 in one day) and I was newly pregnant and totally excited and exhausted. I don't know any other grades, but at least that one is good and can help offset the C I'm scared of getting in secured transactions.

I also cannot decide what to take next quarter. Due to the good news from Corp, I'm going to take the professor's Securities class. I really liked him, but his ridiculously hard final scared me off. I'm also taking a seminar on "Higher Education and the Law" and perhaps administrative law. That leaves one more spot- tax? commercial transactions? I have no idea and I have to go buy my books tomorrow and do my reading for class on Wednesday (can you believe we start this early?). Ugh- I really have no idea what to take...

Sharing the Good News

The story of telling my parents they're going to be grandparents...

JP and I had agreed to wait to the 20th (when he flew in to Houston) to tell my family the big news because he wanted to be there, but I ended up telling everyone the night I flew in on the 16th. The whole fam, and my grandparents, were out to dinner for my sister's 21st birthday. My sister mentioned she wouldn't be coming home until the 23rd, and I knew I wouldn't see my grandparents again during the holidays, so I snuck to the bathroom and called JP. He gave me the go-ahead to tell them that night. After the official birthday celebration was over I said, "I have a bit of an announcement- I'm 8 weeks pregnant!". And the response was... SHOCK. Total shock and disbelief. Apparently we did a good job hiding out family plans.

Luckily my grandparents were there and were immediately joyous. My dad said something like "how did this happen?". My mom just looked shocked. I had a VERY hard time convincing everyone it wasn't an accident or unplanned. My siblings didn't look like they really cared. All-in-all it was not exactly the reaction I had planned. I called JP and said "I'm not sure people are happy." He responded that he was glad he was safely back in Chicago. The rest of the night and at brunch the next morning, we pretty much talked about other things. It was really quite strange.

Later, my mom told me that August 9th (my due date) was exactly the same due date of her first pregnancy which she miscarried at 14 weeks. I think that partially explains why she looked like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on her when I told them. I just don't think she can get excited until we've had our first ultrasound and see the baby's heart beat.

A couple friends and I watched "Father of the Bride II" the week before I went home and I guess I was expecting my family to be more like Nina (the mom) than George. I have a family of Georges. The good thing is that George did come around and ended up more excited than anyone. I'm guessing that will happen here. The downside to their reaction was that it totally killed any desire I had to tell anyone else. I never called any aunts and uncles and in the end my grandma "accidentally" told everyone.

JP's parents were immediately quite excited (he is 2 years older, so maybe that helps? 25 seems like more of a parenting age than 23?). I can already tell that planning holidays and baby visits are going to be a giant pain in the neck with two new sets of grandparents in different parts of the US. His grandmother's response was "Well, for Heaven's sake!" - not sure what that means, but I'll take it as happiness :)

Anyway, it was an interesting visit home. Our ultrasound is tomorrow and we can't wait. I have all our Christmas (really New Year's) cards addressed, stamped, and written in, but I didn't want to mail them with the news until we had that appointment. For one of the only times in my life, I'm hoping my life does not mirror my mother's. I won't even print out the Christmas letter (although it is written- including a sentence about how amazing it was to see the heartbeat ;) I'll post the news tomorrow!

Catching Up

It's been over 2 weeks since I last posted. This is mostly because I've been at my parent's house in Houston for the past 2 weeks and we spend a lot of that time up at their lakehouse which has no internet access. This is also because I'm trying to decide what I want this blog to be for. Do I just want to keep it personal- for family and friends to keep updated on the pregnancy and JP and my lives in far-away Chicago? Do I to keep it a little more general about law school, law, politics, and all sorts of other things that could potentially be of interest to people who don't know me? Do I want to tell my family about it- even if that means I can't complain? Put it on my profile so friends can check it? I'm still not sure... anyway, we'll see where it takes me.

I'll post again later about the baby news and how it went when I told my family (def not as expected).

Done!

And at 12:12pm today, my 2L fall quarter was over and thank goodness!! The exhaustion is really starting to hit hard- all of a sudden my eyes will burn and I can't keep my head up. I feel like I've been awake for 48 hours straight. Studying was getting really really tough- especially the finals type studying where you feel like you can't take a break (or at least my kind of finals studying where you wait until 8 days before finals to begin). And this morning, about 30 min before my antitrust final I started feeling really queasy for the first time- so I think its a good thing I have the next 3 weeks off!

Now I can do all the things I've been wanting to do - read (even more) baby websites, read all my baby books, clean up/organize the apartment, enjoy Chicago at Christmastime... Yay for being a student and still getting breaks!

Still Drowning

I have 3 finals in the next 2 days. Today is my last full day to study and I can't figure out how to divide my time - do I simply abandon all hope in secured transactions and focus on crim pro and corporations? Do I divide the day equally and just see what happens? Do I focus exclusively on crim pro, the one class I fully understand, for hope of a great grade to counterbalance my future not-so-great ones? Is it better to have 3 mediocre grades or 1 fantastic and 2 bad? Obviously I'm wasting time figuring out how to divide my time...

Next quarter, I vow that I will be better prepared. I will not wait until SIX DAYS before my 4 finals begin to START studying. I will not allow myself to feel like a stressed and overwhelmed 1L again. (I'm pretty sure I said this at the end of spring quarter last year...)

I had a bit of excitement yesterday when, at lunch, I get a frantic phone message from JP. He was "supposed" to fly to DC this morning for his investment banking firm's annual meeting and holiday party. He had a huge project he was supposed to bring with him that he was planning to work on all day yesterday. The phone message said, "Oh my god. My flight leaves today at 3pm. I haven't packed, the project isn't done, I don't know what to do. Call me." This was at 12:15, he works 40 min. from home and the airport is 30 min. from home. I had to leave the library (and my parking spot!), drive 25 min home, pack him, throw his suitcase at him, and then drive 25 min. back and find a parking spot at 1:30pm. I was NOT happy. How in the hell does someone forget what day they are flying somewhere. And his entire office was on the same flight- how was he the only one unaware of its departure date? Because these questions are unanswerable I just fumed on the car ride over, tried to give him a loving good bye (if the plane goes down I don't want my last words to be "Are you an idiot?!!") and then fumed on the way back. I think it was good for me- my frustration about finals got focused on a person who knew he had to accept my yelling because he screwed up. JP is now safely and happily being wined and dined in DC, and I am safely and (not quite so) happily esconced in the library.

Back to creating my study schedule!

It's Positive!!!!!!

Ahhh!! I left the library early b/c I couldn't get it out of my head that I might actually be pregnant. I got home, took a test, and there was a + sign! I half cried, half laughed, and really wished I wasn't alone in my apartment. JP called and said he was coming home early (at 2pm) b/c of the terrible weather and snow storm here in Chicago. I walked over to Walgreens and got a baby card, put the pregnancy test in a ziploc bag, and wrapped it up :)

He was so excited too! We don't really know what to do with ourselves. On the one hand I have 4 finals in the next week so I Really need to study, but I'm going to be a momma! That's so much bigger than finals! We are going out to celebrate tonight- I can learn secured transactions tomorrow...

Now the big dilemma is what to tell who, when. I always thought we'd wait a while but I'm already bursting. We're going to my parent's house for Christmas, so I think we'll tell them then. I have no idea when we'll get back to Texas again and I'd like to do it in person.

What an incredibly great day :)

Maybe...

I haven't even told JP this yet, but I'm 3 days late... I'm (very secretly) hoping I might be pregnant! Which would be funny b/c we were supposed to start trying in December- it would be quite ironic (and only slightly problematic) if it happened by accident in November!

I would only be able to work for half the summer, but I wouldn't have to worry about taking 2 weeks off of classes and coming back so soon after having the baby... just writing it down makes me scared that I'm really hoping this is it!

We'll see... if nothing happens I'll take a test tomorrow morning.