Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Short-timer

I have 7 days left in my office. When I started at the firm on September 2, 2008 I honestly never thought I'd leave. I knew it was a possibility, floating out there in the ether, but I didn't really think I'd do it. I liked being an associate and I was good at it. Every case was my favorite case, at least until the end when I was on a case in a different section in a different area of law and I finally realized that being a mid-level associate kind of sucks. You get enough authority to be the one at fault if anything goes wrong, but none of the credit if they go well. Still, for years 1-3, I loved my work and was possessive and proud of my cases. I constantly tried to think of more ways to help, ways to make things easier and more organized. I was a chart queen. I could find any document anyone had ever thought they'd seen that was related to the case. I always wanted to do more. I'm not sure if it's just that that type of attitude cannot survive in BigLaw, or if I might still be that way if I'd been able to continue to work on the types of cases I enjoyed, but I look at formerly eager me and kind of shake my head in bemused wonder. It took 3 years, but by the end of last year when I was being volunteered to write all the post-trial briefs for my huge IP case I wanted to unplug my phone, close my door, and hide under my desk. No more, please, no more.

I had my year-end review last week. They weren't going to give me one since I'm leaving and all the partners are mad, but I worked hard last year and those reviews are a pain to fill out, so I wanted to hear what people had to say, particularly since nearly all of that work was in a brand new area of law full of people I had to prove myself to over and over in order to gain substantive assignments. And I got them, and despite all of the misery of that case- working until 4 a.m., winning motions, and then getting screwed out of going to trial- I credit it for 90% of the substantive, learning experiences I've had at the firm. It also provided all of my responses to interview questions at the SEC, and the kick in the ass I needed to apply for that job in the first place. So I'm grateful for the experience and I'm proud of the work I was able to do. One reviewer in that group said "LL is an immensely talented writer" and "has the unique ability to treat each new assignment - no matter what it is - as a new learning experience." Given the ups and downs of that case, and the times I sat in my office wondering how in the hell I was going to be able to write this brief and make the arguments we wanted to make, it was really nice to hear those words. (And to know I won't be working with them again.)

In the past I've felt like a defender of large law firms. And I still think they can be a great place to work. Yeah the hours suck, but you're paid for it and the hours aren't so great at smaller shops either, and the work can be awesome. You can bill entire days to writing legal briefs- wrestling with facts and case holdings and legal theories to your nerdy heart's content. I also had the opportunity to work with some truly brilliant lawyers. I could absolutely see myself coming back to the world of BigLaw again, but as a partner or counsel, not an associate. I will not miss having to pretend like "each new assignment is a unique learning experience," even if it means my acting skills are going to get a little rusty. I'll still be working hard at the SEC, but it will be different. Different work, different environment, different schedule. No clients, no entering time, no pretending I'm thrilled to be drafting a Motion to Compel over something nobody cares about. No time stolen from my family to do a crap assignment on a Saturday afternoon that no one thought of until that moment. No time stolen from my family in general- no checking a blackberry outside of work hours, no checking the cancellation policies when booking a vacation, no being half-present when I'm with them but waiting for an email from a client or partner. They kids are getting older, Landon is going to start having more activities, Claire would already like to play full contact sports- I want to be there for that, and I want to do it while still having a career of my own. And crazy enough, this next position will allow for that while furthering my career farther and faster than the firm every could. Sometimes it all makes me so happy I could cry.

I just got boxes and bubble tape delivered to my office to pack it up. I have more here than I thought- 10 million pictures of Landon and Claire, art, diplomas, two lamps, books, boxes and boxes of tea, vases from floral deliveries... 12 days from today I'll be in a new office, probably a little terrified to actually have to DO the job I managed to convince my seven interviewers I could handle.

But it's going to be fun, and with every day that I get closer to my new job, I realize just how done I was with my current one. Twelve days.

16 comments:

  1. I love reading this; you're closing one chapter to start the next. But I'm curious, can you think of how you would feel now if you didn't have any kids yet? Would you have stayed in BigLaw, or not?

    I've been applying to jobs, some at bigger firms (not that anyone's calling me back, though), and wonder if I could even manage to be away from my daughter for that long.

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  2. @Frenchie - good question i'm curious what LL says. but I honestly think that at the end of the day, kids or not, biglaw basically sucks, for the reasons LL mentions. as you go higher up, things get more stresseful and constant. its a weird dynamic because that's how you learn more and get more experience, but ultimately i think if you want to stay in biglaw you have to just love, love, love it. even though LL did - and was strikingly positive about it - to me, the fact that she is leaving demonstrates she is human like (most of) the rest of us. and go her for taking the bold step. i actually think biglaw is a great stepping stone to other stuff. so that's my plan, in about a year. we'll see what happens. sorry for the hijack!

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    1. I like hijacks! Makes me feel like questions are being answered even when I'm too busy to read my comments.

      To Frenchie's question- kids really had no role in my decision because of the unique situation with my section and office within the firm. Good work has dried up, the strong senior associates have left- the change in dynamic and good learning experiences meant I needed to move on. The only thing that would have made a difference was if I had no plans to have a long legal career and/or planned to stay home in the next few years. Then I probably would have ridden it out, made a big salary for a while longer and quit later. But I wanted to protect my career and jump to something better when it came up. This came up and off I go!

      But what Anon said is true- many aspects of biglaw do kind of suck, and the more senior you become, the worse some of those aspects get. But if I was getting the same work and experience I was getting 2 years ago, and I was able to work on cases in my actual section, I don't think I would have been looking. Which makes me so glad I was because this job is going to be so much better!

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  3. and i think it's interesting to hear you were screwed out of trial. i guess i could sort of glean that from your posts last fall but didnt quite put it together. i'm sorry. it's not fair.

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    1. Yep, I was and it sucked. I didn't want to go into it then, but now I'm thankful for it. The trial was pretty awful, even from a distance, and it definitely gave me the push to look outside the firm. That section would have been my future here and even though I was a part of the team in most respects, and I did get great work from them, when it came down to it they weren't going to promote me and support me in the way that you need as an associate in a big firm. So off I go :)

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  4. From a reader's perspective, I'm anticipating reading about how you will negotiate the new job and balance family life, what aspects of your work you will write about, and generally, the changes that will come from living in a different city. I am excited for you and congratulate you on taking this bold step.

    Also, as an appreciative reader: it's such a pleasure to read your blog, because you're usually relentlessly positive about both work and family. Such balance is difficult to maintain, especially on a daily basis, given the pressures and minutia of each sphere are always present.

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    1. Thank you SH! I look forward to experiencing all the stuff you look forward to reading about :)

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  5. I'm so excited for you and this awesome new opportunity. All of those perks that you mentioned about your new job are so fantastic. I worked at a state agency for 2 years of law school and the attorneys in my division were the happiest lawyers I have ever encountered, thanks in large part to the work/life balance. There are certainly trade-offs, certainly, but I hope that they all tip to your family's favor! :)

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  6. Good luck! I am looking forward to hearing about this new chapter. BigLaw definitely has its pluses and minuses. I'm at a smaller shop now (though still big) with a reduced schedule and while it's a lot better than my previous job, the only thing that makes things work is the fact that I love the work that I do. If you don't love the cases/work, it's much harder to deal with the minuses. There are some pretty heavy minuses to being a BigLaw associate. All of my friends that have gone over to Government are a lot happier than they were at BigLaw.

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  7. As a dedicated reader and fellow lawyer, as it relates to your family situation, I just could not be happier for you for leaving BigLaw. I think you will look back on some of your posts that involve 3AM work times and wonder how in the HELL you did that while maintaining your sanity and family life. Many of us out here have been shaking our heads for awhile (and loving you, too, of course! :) ).

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  8. As a non-lawyer reader, I have a question. In a few posts, you have referred to some partners/co-workers being angry that you are leaving. In my (again, non-law) experience, co-workers/supervisors might be dissapointed or sad but never angry that I (or someone else) was leaving for a new opportunity. This is especially true when the person has had a good working relationship with everyone (which you seem to have had) and is leaving for a better opportunity (personal or professional). So, all that to say...Why are they angry?

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  9. I find it so interesting that you thought you would stay at the firm when you started. I was just the opposite...planned to stay until it no longer worked for me, assuming that would be 2-4 years. I am so impressed by how you managed to balance everything for those 3.5 years. I can't imagine returning to a big law firm once I leave it. In my (limited) experience, the partners have the worst of everything except the money. They work non-stop and have so many work demands besides billing. But wouldn't it be nice to bring home millions of dollars each year?

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  10. What type of pay cut are you looking at, if you don't mind me asking?

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  11. as a fourth year, she would be at 210,000. goverment lawyers (including circuit judges) just dont make that.

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    1. Nope, my firm pays a modified market which means you only get "market" if you hit your hours at the end of the year. I missed my 2,000 hours requirement by a slim margin (due in no small part to NOT being taken to trial), so I made/make $40,000 less than the $210 market salary.

      My new job will be a $25,000 base pay cut and a loss of any possibility of getting a bonus- big or small. Completely worth it, but I do wish I could have gotten one bonus during my time as a biglaw associate, they're great for loans-paying-off purposes.

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  12. Love this post! So glad you got feedback (and validation) before you left. Thinking about you and the family regularly as you take this huge step!

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