I've been struggling with what to write about this Thanksgiving. There's the obligatory list of things I'm thankful for (our health, my job, my wonderful husband, my beautiful children, etc.), but while I truly am thankful, I didn't have anything new to say about them. Our actual Thanksgiving day was very low key, which after hosting large Thanksgiving dinners for the past two years, was a welcome change. We drove over to San Antonio along with my sister, and ate a lovely meal at my grandparents' retirement center. The food was great, the company better, and the short drive and lack of preparation and clean-up perhaps the best of all!
Landon looked quite dapper in his bow tie; and while he spent much of the day in a rather uncooperative mood, he was perfect during the dinner in the fancy dining room (probably because he knew our threats of spending the next four days in his room if he acted up in public were quite real, as was the far more serious threat of not being allowed to eat any of the cookies we baked together on Wednesday). Clairebear was a huge hit among the retirees and bestowed big smiles on just about everyone. We left our house at 11:30 and were home at 5:30. After some crazy weeks at work, it was truly the perfect Thanksgiving for us.
The thing that kills me the most about my estranged relationship with my parents is that P misses out on grandparents - but the grandparents don't care they're missing out on P.
ReplyDeleteYour kids are so lucky to have great grandparents (and great-grandparents) on your side!
There are people in your life that you'd never associate with unless you were related in some way. My grandmother is like that. I used to wish she'd change or that things were different, but you know what? As soon as I realized that she is always going to be a disagreeable, selfish, whiny, uppity, never-wrong hag, I felt better and just let it go. I see her once a year if forced.
ReplyDeleteIf JP is ok, and Landon and Claire don't know any different yet, stop trying to make her into something she's not. Don't pain yourself for her benefit. She'll never appreciate the effort you are going through to give her the gift of her grandchildren.
Yeah, it's true that she won't appreciate my efforts (though on some level she knows the reason they have any chance at a relationship with our kids is because of me; JP checked out emotionally years ago), and it's definitely true that she won't change, but while she drives me crazy, it doesn't usually rise above the level of irritation. Well, maybe a little more than irritating, but truthfully, unlike JP's gradmother who really is quite awful, my in-laws are good people somewhere inside and do want a relationship with us. And before they got all weird about Claire's birth, my MIL was an adoring grandmother. So I can't quite cut them out yet. JP could, I think, but I know it would really be my decision (he'll do whatever I want on that front) and I can't be responsible for eliminating that relationship at this point. If they ever say anything negative to our kids the way his grandmother did to him, they will be cut out immediately and I won't second guess it, but they haven't. They're irritating as all hell, and seem to thrive on manufactured drama, but until they're actually mean (or if this happens again in another year and Landon is old enough to be aware of the drama), I won't be the one to end it. Not that I'm trying to mend it - I'm just not going to refuse to speak to them if they call. Not yet, anyway. But it's nice to feel at peace with the whole thing on my end. We've had fights with them before that were partially our fault (and by "our" I mean JP's), but in this case we're blameless and we're not the ones missing out on anything. We'll see where it goes.
ReplyDeleteAnother reminder how grateful I am for Nick's parents. My ex-boyfriend's parents, particularly his mother, was exactly that brand of crazy, and just really awful. She'd manufacture drama to manipulate him, but unlike JP, he'd fall for it every time.
ReplyDeleteSounds like it was a perfect Thanksgiving, without drama. JP is lucky to have your family; I feel the same way about Nick's family, which is considerably less crazier than mine!
I've followed your blog long enough to say quite honestly that it's sounds best this way. The times you've visited the in laws, they (mostly your MIL) did everything on their premises, including taking care of Landon despite your wishes to the opposite. I was seriously offended back then on your behalf, you and JP aren't teens anymore, living under your parents' roofs. MIL hasn't figured that one out. Yeah, like you say, her loss. She needs to get a grip. Glad you broke your vow, you weren't unnecessarily harsh btw :)
ReplyDeleteThis post had the unexpected result of making me reflect on how grateful I am for my in laws. I am so lucky. And then there is my own mother who is incredibly difficult and has no concept of boundaries. It seems that every family has it's challenges.
ReplyDeleteI suddenly feel compelled to write my in laws a note and tell them how much I love and appreciate them, so thank you for inspiring me to do that.
And I think you are handling the whole situation with a lot of class. Just for the record. I am a long time reader as well so I know some of past struggles.