Friday, January 22, 2010

Nameless

As I've previously mentioned, our baby girl has no name. We still have 20 weeks to figure this out (or 15, if she's like Landon), but now that she's a she, and seems so much more real because of that knowledge, I don't like that she is nameless. Our hypothetical second baby boy was named. He still is named in fact, and until I'm certain he won't exist, either because we decide against having a third child or because that third child is a girl (oh my god, how will I name two female children?), I'm not sharing it. But I never had many names on my girl list, and the few I had were immediately pulled off when I thought of actually naming our baby. My daughter, possibly the only daughter I will ever name.

JP and I went through the list of the top 200 girl names last night and between the two us vetoed all but 2. And we're not in love with the two. You see I'm very picky about names. I don't like names that are made up, names that have bizarre spellings, names that are unique to the point of weirdness, names that are overly common (i.e. not in the top 25; I was so pissed when "Landon" sky rocketed from 73 to 23 the year after he was born), and names that can be shortened into nicknames (ex: William because I don't like Will, Bill, or Billy. Both JP and I have names with very common nicknames and we both hate those nicknames and how frequently people try to use them. Now that the 80's are over people don't try to shorten mine as much, but people are constantly trying to give JP a name he doesn't respond to).

So it's tricky. I actually love names- hearing about them, reading lists of them- I have to stop myself from asking for people for their middle names and sibling names when I meet them. And it really freaks them out when those names come up and I remember them months later. But for as much as I like names generally, I like very, very few when it comes to actually attaching them to my children.

Ironically, Landon's name came quickly and easily. It's the name of a private school where JP grew up (side note: tuition is $28-29,000 A YEAR. per child. for all the years they are in school from third to twelfth grade. who can afford this?) and he mentioned liking the name fairly early in the pregnancy (his only remotely acceptable suggestion). Then the first time I felt our baby boy kick after our sonogram I exclaimed, "Landon just kicked me!" and his name was set. That has not worked this time as she's been kicking me all morning and inspiration has failed to strike.

I do remember a week or two of deep name-doubt after Landon was born. I'd stare at him and think: Do I really like his name? Do I just think I like it because I've been calling him that for 4 months? Does he look like a Landon? What does a Landon look like? Landon. Lan-don. Lannnndonnnnn. Maybe it sounds weird? Oh my god my child has a weird name. How hard is it to change a birth certificate. Do I like any other names? Oh, he's awake, never mind, it's fine.

For the record, I do like his name, though I can't help but wish I'd thought of the name we're holding for potential boy #2 back when I was pregnant the first time. Landon loves his name and delights in making us write it over and over for him to point at and say, "That's my name!" He even made a joke about it on our car ride home from the Houston last weekend. We'd just stopped at Dairy Queen so I could get a chocolate dipped cone and french fries (hey I'm pregnant, no judging). Landon asked for a fry and I said, "sure sweetheart" as I passed one back to him. Without missing a beat he said, "No mama, I'm called Landon!" and then laughed hysterically. My toddler made a joke! They grow up so fast.

So, a name. We need one. I'm sure we'll think of something, I just hope it's sooner rather than later. I like being able to refer to the baby bouncing around in my belly as something other than pronouns.

41 comments:

  1. Landon wasn't in the Top 25 until two or three years ago? My boys are 16 and 12, and I swear to God we know 15 Landons. My cousin is a Landon, and he's 25. I guess it's a popular southern name.

    Barring a miracle that entails shepherds and three wise men, I won't be having my girl, but I still "know" her name: Carys. Nice Welsh name that means "love." But it was the ONLY girl name my husband and I could agree on. I guess we were lucky we both loved it.

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  2. Maybe it's regional? Growing up I'd never heard of Landon as a name and don't recall one in my high school class of 1,000 (or my sister or brother's classes). I do know that when we initially picked it it was in the 70's on the babycenter.com list and I liked that spot. It meant the name existed and had been used, but not too much. Then it won the "fastest mover" award for 2007 and I was so annoyed.

    Interestingly, it's now back in the 70's, so maybe that was a fluke. Carys is beautiful- isn't that the name of Catherine Zeta-Jones's daughter? See, I remember odd name facts about people when I can't remember anything else :)

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  3. Have you seen the baby name site http://www.babynamewizard.com/voyager ? I don't have kids, but I love naming my future children and looking for names on there. It gives really cool charts for the popularity of names over the years.

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  4. I actually bought that book as a stocking stuffer for JP for Christmas! We were flipping through it last night; I like the popularity over time and "sibling" names attached to each name- gives me more ideas. I hadn't seen the website though, thanks!

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  5. We didn't name our daughter until she was 36 hours old (and her middle named changed just before 48 hours old). Now, we didn't find out the gender, but like you we had a boys name. With our son, we had his name picked out before we even got pregnant, but at birth we still dind't have a girl's name. They are just so much harder! Good luck!

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  6. Ah Landon, I grew up were JP grew up and still live there and yeah, Landon. I can't believe he is named for Landon.

    I'll give you our girl's name b/c we aren't having anymore. Michael would have been Madeliene had he been a girl.

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  7. Sounds like it's time to write to Swistle's Baby Names blog!!

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  8. Morgan's name fits your requirements... Though I guess it doesn't really go with Landon's name! I had pretty much the same requirements you had when we were naming her. Although we picked her name out long before we knew she was coming...we were dating 13 years previously when we picked it! Silly huh!

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  9. Cool name story for Landon. :)

    Good luck thinking of a name. I like babynamesworld.com, though it sounds like the other sites you mentioned are similar.

    I'm also a person who likes/remembers names. Example: my friend mentioned her hair-stylist's name (once!), and I remembered it many months later when my friend got a new cut. It does weird people out. Hehe.

    And, I meant to say it earlier, but I am so relieved for you that the pregnancy is no longer so high risk. Continued best wishes on that front.

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  10. If you like names and such, check out http://swistlebabynames.blogspot.com/

    - a whole blog of baby names and people writing in with their dilemmas, and the blogger offering her advice about it. and you can email her for suggestions!

    also check out the baby name site: nymbler
    it is based on the baby name voyager technology and offers suggestions based on names you like.

    incidentally, my daughter's name, Serena, fits your criteria, although it's not top 200.

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  11. We are having the same dilemma, although our baby sex is still a mystery (until birth). We have had a boy's name since pre-pregnancy but we can't find a girl's name to stick to save our lives. I feel like there are a lot of generic and/or trendy names and if not that, then just plain weird. Good luck!

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  12. Oooh, I love baby names. I had a girl named picked out that I loved and but instead had two boys. My girl name was Sarah Elizabeth...my husband had issues with Elizabeth so we likely would have ended up with Sarah Madeline had either of our kids been boys.

    For not too common girl names, I also like Avery. Good luck!

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  13. weird - I have a so many girl names on my list and after going through the top 500 boy names vetoed all but 2! Maybe we should swap lists. We didn't find out the gender of our first and I was convinced it would be a girl and hadn't really worried about boy names as I didn't think it would be an issue. Such a shock when it was a boy, but I do love the name we have for him now. Our main requirements are not too common and yet recognizable as a name and easy to spell, or at least not a name that has a zillion spellings.

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  14. We never could come up with a girl name. Thank God we had 2 boys. I had no problems with Bear's name but we could not come up with a name for Tater. We like tradional but not common names. I read every baby name website, looked through books, family names and couldn't find anything. One day we were watching a movie and one of the characters was named (Tater's real name) and we loved it. From then on we had a name.

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  15. Hi, there! I'm a total lurker, but I love baby names. We named our daughter Elena because it fit your criteria, too -- not in the top 25, but people should have heard of it. Classic spelling because I hate it when people intentionally misspell words. And no obvious nicknames (except here in Germany where they sometimes call her Leni, which I think is hilarious -- like a tiny taxi driver.) And I could see her being Judge Elena so-and-so, which I can't really see with some of the other trendy names out there.

    Other names I like are Vivienne, Eden (not so much now that everyone's naming their boys Aidan), Lorelei (okay, judge me).

    Christy

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  16. Third plug for http://swistlebabynames.blogspot.com/

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  17. Karla or Kelly...you could be the start of an 'old school name' trend. ;o)

    Nancy R

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  18. Wow, Christy. I have an Elena AND an Eden. :o)

    Nancy R

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  19. I'm a huge baby name nerd as well. I highly recommend all the Baby Name Wizard sites, including the Name Mapper, at http://namemapper.babynamewizard.com/namemapper/ , which shows that Landon was popular in the deep south before spreading to the rest of the country, and Nymbler, http://www.nymbler.com , which lets you input names you like and gives you suggestions that are in the same style.

    Names I thought of that might work for you: Paige, Chloe, Scarlett, Ruby

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  20. I've been reading you for 2 years but rarely comment. You could look at your Swedish ancestors for names. Old-fashioned names seem rather sweet now. I am Swedish, Finnish and Italian. In the past few generations there is a Sophia, Kristina and Julia. It is an important decision, but once she is born and named, the name will seem to be the only one that could possibly fit her.

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  21. Elise popped into my head as I read your post. :) I have three boys and it was relatively easy to name them all. Now we are pregnant with #4, gender unconfirmed, and wouldn't you know it? I am really undecided on boy names. I have two top contenders for girl names, but I'm betting either way this kid's gonna make it to day 3 or 4 without a moniker, for sure.

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  22. I am 100 percent with you on not picking a name so popular; I really enjoyed being just Adrienne and not Adrienne C. I especially think it is an important trait for a girl name!

    And never tell anyone your wish list of baby names. My best friend did, then her sister-in-law stole it. No joke. First AND middle name.

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  23. I was unsure of Wes's name for about six months after he was born! I was THIS CLOSE to telling everyone to call him by his middle name. Around six months Wes just became "his name" instead of "the name I gave him." It is so hard, but they grow into them, I think. I have a great girl name but I don't know if I'll ever get to use it.

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  24. Meredith... also, if you're not deterred by Latina names, I like Carmen and Ines :) Good luck!

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  25. Feel sorry for my mother - she had to come up with four girl names! (Gillian, Amanda, Catharine, and Corrinne - if any of those inspire you.) My niece is named Ellison and they call her Ella.

    I picked Jack for a name back when I was about 15, and liked all the way up through the 14 years until I had him. And now suddenly it's like number 3 on the list of popularity. But I don't care, I still like it!

    Good luck. You'll find a name. We're looking, too, though not sure on the sex of our little bean until next week.

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  26. How about Alexa.

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  27. Both Olivia's and Sophia's names are top ten and we almost NEVER meet other kids with their names. In fact, they are both the only ones with their names in their entire preschool - but there are two Loreleis. Go figure! We actually have a girl name picked out that is not top 25 - but I'm not sharing until I know whether I'm growing a boy or a girl. ;)

    For less common names, I really like Annalise, Ashlyn, Gabrielle (that's Sophia's middle name), Evelyn, Charlotte, and Audrey. All of them have been on our girl list for years.

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  28. We just had another boy, but the girl name we had picked out was Ada Clare. Ada was my great grandmother's name, and our church is St. Clare's and I really like the name Clare. The Bleak House allusion was a nice bonus.

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  29. We had a difficult time with my daughter's name. We adopted our two boys, and then ended up being the most fertile infertiles ever. I knew immediately what we wanted her first name to be- Maliah, pronounced Mah-LIE-yah. My hubby is Filipino and the name means "Freedom" in Tegalog (the Filipino language). We changed the spelling from Malaya to Maliah. It was the middle name that gave us fits. Dh campaigned hard for Jaiden while I wanted Elizabeth. After 36 hours of labor, a life threatening hemorrhage and passing out on the toilet- he graciously allowed me to use my name LOL! He didn't like the spelling so we altered it to Alysabeth in honor of a relative whose name is Alyssa Beth.

    I agree that naming girls is harder. Girls don't want to be one of many, we want to be special LOL!

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  30. So funny-- I have my baby's name all picked out, but until I meet her, I won't know if that name is going to work. So until then, I'm calling her by a nickname, just in case. :)

    (Assuming it works out, she'll be named after my great-grandmother, and her middle name after a friend who passed away in 2008. I figure having two kick-ass women as your namesakes is a good way to start life!)

    J

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  31. What about going into your Swedish side? My family is part Swedish and we have some family names: Linnea, Rosalind, Amalia, Svea, Laurel...

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  32. Love the Swedish names, and the suggested sisters from baby name site are interesting.

    I'd be that, of the list, Carly would meet your criteria.

    Unlikely to be shortened because it already comes with the -y sound.

    Or Erin - hard to shorten, matches Landon. Both go well with your surname too

    There is a theory that my Mother has that people often choose baby names which are a little like their, or share sounds or syllables. E.g. Stephanie having a Finn,

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  33. Some friends who have recently named daughters went with Josephine, Ellie, Mable and Avery. I'd also add to your criteria that you choose a name that is clearly meant for a girl. I hate when I'm not sure if I should address a letter to a Mr. or Ms. because their name is not gender specific and could go either way. Don't make your child suffer through that or possible taunting in school when they grow up. You have a lot of power with this decision - I'm glad you are not taking it lightly.

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  34. Not that I've ever named a child, but my theoretical triplet girls ARE named. If we have more than 1 boy we're out of luck. But I trend toward names greater than the top 100 in ranking or names that have been in the top 20 for decades. I like say Elizabeth & Daniel (crazy, but check the name voyager track record!), but (as much as I actually LOVE the names) couldn't go with Ethan or Emma.
    Excited to hear what you'll name her! Oh, and your landon is the first and only Landon I know!

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  35. I skimmed through the comments and see someone else mentioned the BabyNameWizard but even more specifically check out their name finder (www.babynamewizard.com/namipedia/advanced-name-finder) which has some great options. You can choose the number of syllables, starting letter, ending letter, and a bunch of style things (including such things as how popular the name is, Jewish, Muslim, Non-Standard-Spelling, Invented, Traditional, etc.) that you can require/exclude. I used it when we were looking at names for my son. Some of my life-long favorites don't match well with our last name but the results included several of those so I felt like it worked well.

    Oh! And I'd like to second a couple of my favorites, which I saw mentioned earlier.

    Paige -- I've liked this name since middle school. And as an avid reader, working editor, and fan of word play, it seems especially appropriate.
    Elena -- sort of similar to my mom's name. I have the same initials as my mom and always liked that connection. Might be nice to continue it!

    and good luck going the distance! one of my BFs had her 1st son early for no known reason and she was term with her 2nd.

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  36. Nymbler. It will save you. I'm engaged to a guy whose lowcountry SC family gives their sons girly-ish names that are also the names of counties/towns in SC. If I don't watch out, I'll wind up with a son named Jasper Berkeley Marion Sumter.

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  37. If you're looking for a rather unusual name, you might consider Mahala (my youngest's middle name). I would never like it for a first name but some of my friends absolutely love it. In fact, one friend called her Mahala so much as a baby that she actually forget her 'real' (first) name. We used it because it was my mother in law's middle name. Our oldest got my Mom's middle name for her middle name.

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  38. Longhorn Blonde
    I have a niece named Kylie Paige ... irrelevant, but there you go. :D

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  39. LL, you know I will chime in with the Swedish names, but I thought no one would have problems with Leif; who knew? We had to have names that were pronounceable in both languages and didn't have negative connotations in either country. We have a Swedish cousin named Leif-Göran (notice how I switch to the Swedish keyboard and back because of that ö, which would confound every computer and DMV in the land; DON'T do THAT to a kid!)Leif-Göran was contemplating a transfer to the States but he had a 12 yo son named Jerker. It's pronounced "YAIR-ker" but we told him he'd better plan to put him in school under his middle name or he'd never make it home! Anyway, I speak from experience that unless there is only one pronunciation, most people will get it wrong. I cringe every time I hear the name of Tiger Woods' wife pronounced "EEE-lin" which screeches, as opposed to AY-lin, which sounds quite pretty.
    We have little to work with in the family in the way of names, having several generations of Mildred, Edna and Ethel to work with on one side, and Gunnel and Anna-Charlotte on the other.
    I think those tracking websites have to help. I went through elementary school with so many Lisas in my classes (at least 5, in a coed class of 35-38, and 4 of us in the same scout troop) that I thought my name was spelled LisaP because that's what teachers made me write. (My parents always thought they were being so original; sigh. And every Lisa I have ever met or heard of was named Lisa Lynn (me), Lisa Ann, or Lisa Marie, as in Presley.) I longed to be Elizabeth, of which I only met two through high school.
    Fast forward several decades: my best friend has two girls, Carly (I pushed for Carlyn, and lost) and Hannah pronounced "HAWnah.") In a private school with 12-15 in a class, there are three Carlys in her grade and four Hannahs in her grade---all "HAWnahs!" There was actually a sociological explanation for this, I once read in Reader's Digest that parents-to-be, pre-Internet (yes,children, there was such a time) could be isolated from other PTBs, Mommy being far more interested in sleeping than socializing. (You don't share baby names in prenatal classes, right?) Consciously or not, names that they associated with characters on TV or names of newscasters, sports figures, etc. tended to be frequent choices. "Carly" was apparently the name of a soap opera character in 1992. "Lorelei" zoomed when Gilmore girls was on. You people have no excuse for five of the same name appearing in one class; do a local study (I smell a new craigslist category!) and work out name-sharing in advance! Kidding. Kinda.
    Since I won't get to name a girl unless we get a dog, you may have my two girls' names: Karen Elizabeth and Katherine Anne. (In my insane post-law school and pre-baby days, I thought I wanted twin girls. Hah!) Yes, they do have easy nicknames, but I actually prefer that they can have a version that suits their personalities. (Not that that theory worked with us: our firstborn, Leif-Michael myname M. could be L. Michael M. if he went into business, we thought; Michael M if we grew another attorney, but Mike M. if he played football. His 3rd grade teacher refused to allow a fourth (see?) Michael in her class; she viewed the second name of a hyphenated name as optional. So he's mostly Leif; he enjoys the uniqueness of it and patiently corrects everyone.) Second child Christopher Robert myname M. abbreviated his to Chris M. as soon as he could. (He had Kylie, Kaylie, Kyrie and Kristy and Carleigh in HIS class.)
    I don't think you can win this one, actually. But as one baby naming book said--I'm paraphrasing here-- "You may agonize between Melissa and Miranda, but once she's here, you'll associate the sweet curl of her lip with her name, and it will seem perfect."
    Lycka till! And remember Swedish parents don't name their kids for WEEKS after they're born.

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  40. I LOVE names too! I kind of want to have 10 kids so I can name them all. But realistically, PJO and I would probably never find that many names we could agree on. We went through the top 500 boys names, and found only 3 that we would both maybe tolerate. About an hour after Timmy was born, we picked that. Now of course we both love his name and can't imagine him with any other name. I am now a big fan of classic names that aren't currently super popular. I like how his name could be 1, 2 or 3 syllables. I like how he can have a "baby" name and an adult name. I like how he could have a few nicknames or go by his full name.
    Now I'm glad we waited until he was born to make the final determination, even though waiting to settle on a name while pregnant was pure torture. It made the actual birth feel sort of surprising since we had found out the gender at 20 weeks.
    I'm sure you'll find a beautiful name that you and JP both love, but even if it takes you 20 weeks to agree on one, your daughter will have a name when you leave the hospital I'm sure!

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  41. When we found out we were pregnant (during my 2L summer), we identified about 35 girls' names and 1 boy's name (Walter, if you must know). Then we found out she was a girl and eventually pared down to a list of about 5 girls' names -- however, "eleanor" had been on my mind for many years. My husband's gift for finishing finals my first semester of 3L year (7 months pregnant) was an Eleanor Roosevelt biography with a note that the final naming decision was mine to make. I knew, and he knew, that she was an Eleanor (even though we called her "mildred" the entire pregnancy because we didn't disclose her real name until she was born). ;-)

    Our family is complete, so here are the other girl names I love: Poppy, Hazel, Lily (though I think this is a popular one now), Amelia, Celia.

    Good luck - love reading your posts!

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