Tuesday, January 19, 2010

High Risk

I was going to write a nice post about my date with JP last night, and how in the middle of dinner I suddenly felt a surge of pride that we've been together for 8 1/2 years and have found a way to thrive after some very difficult times. Here we are at 26 and 28, homeowners, financially secure, nearly through two separate rounds of graduate school which we're paying for ourselves, and the proud parents of one very happy little boy. And when it seems like everyone we know has a grandparent they can call up whenever they need a little extra help, we did just about all that on our own. I looked at JP and said "I'm proud of us" even though it felt a little silly to say, and I really was. And I was so happy about how much I still love just talking to him and how much we make each other laugh. It was a fun evening.

But this morning I had my second pre-term prevention appointment to start my progesterone shots. As will be the routine, I started out sitting at a little table in the exam room to chat with my nurse practitioner. She was glad to hear my trial had moved up, glad that I had committed to my prenatal massages, and again strongly encouraged the prenatal yoga which I'm going to make myself do even though I hate yoga and all things involving stretching because I am the most inflexible person on the planet (ironically, something that could be improved if I would just stretch).

Anyway, and this is about to venture into TMI territory but it's too much a part of my next 6 months not to discuss, I mentioned that I had some - well kind of a lot of - bleeding during sex on Sunday. I said it quickly, hoping it would not be a big deal, but the look on her face quickly abused me of that notion. It's definitely a deal, probably a big one, and means NO sex until after the baby is born. In June. IN FIVE MONTHS. And then there's those recovery weeks immediately thereafter... I can't drink, my waist is gone, I can't take the good drugs for my headaches, I lose many a fun weekend afternoon with Landon to naps -- and now my sex life is gone as well. That hypothetical third child is starting to look a little hazy...

And of course most worrying of all is how concerned my NP was. I got my shot and she did an exam and said everything seems fine, but I need to continue to try to take it easy. I left upset about the mandatory celibacy but otherwise okay. How bad could it be? The bleeding had stopped on its own, I had no cramping, and now I wasn't going to be doing the thing that caused it. But then my OB called this afternoon to say that my NP called her with concerns and to see if she agreed that we should move up my ultrasound currently scheduled for Friday. My OB agreed and asked me to come in at 8:30 tomorrow morning.

I'm excited to find out the sex a few days early, but I'm stressed about my doctors' obvious worry. It's a good thing, of course, to have a team of medical professionals I like and trust looking out for me like this, it's just that my appointments with them and their reactions to things stress me out far more than anything else in my life. And that's ironic since the whole goal with this pregnancy is to reduce my stress. Part of the problem is that I don't find my life stressful. I like it and I'm happy nearly all of the time. I understand that I need to step back and that nothing is more important than a healthy baby, but I feel fine and that makes it very hard to know when I'm pushing things. As I've also said, I like what I do and find my average work days enjoyable, so again, it's hard to draw lines when I don't know what my body apparently finds to be too much since my mind thinks everything is great. I'm sure I'll get a few more guidelines on that during my OB visit tomorrow.

An important side note is that the baby is absolutely fine. I listened to the strong, steady heart beat this morning and can feel him/her kick around in my belly frequently throughout the day. The concern is that something is happening with my cervix or the placenta to cause this bleeding and that's what they want to look at in the ultrasound tomorrow.

I also had a whole post to write on my thoughts about having a boy or a girl but I thought I had until Friday to do it. For the record I really want a boy, though I'll also be thrilled with a girl. I'm very glad the choice is out of my hands. I've always pictured our family as consisting of two boys and then a girl. I know that if I find out I'm carrying a little girl tomorrow, I'll be so happy for her, but still so sad for the little boy I spent 20 weeks thinking was in there. I don't think the fact that he might never have existed at all will stop me from mourning him, even as I celebrate the news of Landon's little sister.

I'll keep you posted.

15 comments:

  1. Yes, do keep us posted. Hope all is okay...

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  2. I'll be praying for you. Its good that the nurse and doctor are erring on the side of saftey. I can't wait to hear what you are having tomorrow.

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  3. Oh no, no sex sucks! (No inappropriate pun intended.) I hope everything is ok--glad to hear the heartbeat is strong.

    BTW, I was absolutely convinced, without a doubt, that my first one was a boy. My OB wouldn't tell me the sex until like 24 weeks, and I was quite disillusioned to learn she was a girl--but I got over it pretty quickly once I got to start shopping for cute girlie things.

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  4. Yay sex ultrasound! Boo no sex. Sorry about the high-risk classification. I've known two women who have had a lot of bleeding and went on to have normal full-term pregnancies. It's good you are being so cautious!

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  5. You remind me why any future children must be outsourced. Pregnancy sucks, especially being high-risk. I agree, the appointments are more stressful than anything, and they are just so time-consuming! The only good thing is the baby at the end. And after he/she is born, you and JP deserve a second honeymoon, sans kiddies, for excessive amounts of rompy-pompy.

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  6. Proto I like that idea, especially since our 5 year wedding anniversary is just a few months after this baby is supposed to be born.

    I also like the phrase "rompy pompy" - I'm adding it to my vocabulary and will use it in a sentence as soon as possible.

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  7. Bummer! The term "cervical bedrest" is such a euphemism.

    I hope your ultrasound brings nothing but great news, and thanks for updating us!

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  8. Best of luck for a very positive ultrasound - with no surpises - except for baby's sex!

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  9. I had complete placenta previa with my second child and had some bleeding due to it. I was put on "pelvic rest" (no sex) around 16 weeks pregnant. We did not have sex until probably 8 weeks after she was born. I feel your pain.

    Lisa

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  10. I also ended up with a high risk pregnancy, and yes, the doctors' concern always makes it so much harder. I was hospitalized overnight at 34 weeks for preterm labor due to contractions that I never knew I was having. I was put on meds, got the steroid shot in the rump and sent home on bedrest, except for the several days a week trip to the high risk specialist, where I sat in the recliner and was all hooked up to fetal monitors, etc. I ended up being induced at 37 weeks due to my blood pressure (that I swear was only raised due to my anxiety over everything) and was in labor for 30+ hours and ended up with a C-Section. I'm totally convinced that she was more than content in there and had no plans of coming out early. While I appreciated the careful monitoring, it seemed to me that they were just erring on the side of caution, which seems to be the case with many of my friends, as well.

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  11. Bengali Chick1/20/10, 7:29 AM

    Dude -- I don't envy this no sex rule! Sending good energy to your bean -- hoping for a nice full term uneventful pregnancy=)

    My perinatologist was on the psycho side of caution. It definitely stressed me out hearing about dooms day at every appointment. But I definitely think all the monitoring helped my twins cook until 36 1/2 weeks.

    *Hugs*

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  12. Oh wow, good luck! You definitely deserve those prenatal massages more than ever now! 5+ months is a long time...but just think how awesome the reunion will be (fingers crossed for a baby that likes to sleep)!

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  13. Congrats! Glad everything looks good for both you and baby girl. I have a 2 y.o daughter and also wanted the girly-but-NOT-pink-and-not-frilly bedding. I just checked, and our bedding has been discontinued, but is still available on Amazon (For a much more reasonable price than we paid). http://www.amazon.com/Lambs-Ivy-Secret-Garden-Bedding/dp/B000BB56R0. We picked up the sage green color in the bedding for the nursery, and our furniture is dark cherry. I have gotten tons of compliments on it and have been very happy. I also got the coordinating lamp and hamper.

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  14. TMI?...goodness LL...that was nuthin'!

    @Bengali Chick...are you still blogging? Will you invite me? You posted your "twins cook until..." Are you currently pregnant? Have you already had the babies?

    LL....sorry to hijack but I remember BC from long, long ago and would like to know more about her. I already read the next entry about "it's a girl" and am so happy for you! Don't knock the girly clothes; at least buy a few ultra feminine outfits. Pink rocks!
    Desimom

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  15. Well, can you still do... other things? Gently? Maybe?

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