Billing Time

One of the best things about being on maternity leave, besides the baby, is that I don't have to enter time anymore. But if I did, today would look something like this.

1.0 hrs: Make and eat breakfast (cereal); make and eat lunch (turkey sandwich).

8.0 hrs: Watch Claire sleep (usually while watching HGTV, with a bit of Food Network and a re-watching of the Glee finale mixed in. 6 of these 8 hours were probably spent with Claire hunched down in a little ball on my shoulder, stomach, or chest.)

3.0 hrs: Nurse Claire.

1.0 hrs: Change various poop filled diapers, including one that had poop exploding out of the diaper, down my legs, and somehow up my left arm. Cursing and clorox wipes were involved for me; soothing words and soft sensitive baby wipes were involved for Claire.

1.5 hrs: Enjoy Claire being awake; take video before she poops and falls asleep again.

0.25 hrs: Weigh self; review total; re-weigh self; ponder why on earth my body needed 45 lbs to host an 8 lb baby; vow to lose last 15 lbs before end of maternity leave.

0.25 hrs: Take shower; put on real clothes so I don't spend all day in pj's.

0.5 hrs: Attempt to take long walk with Claire, abandon trip after 20 minutes due to menacing thunder and darkening skies.

0.25 hrs: Check mail; write thank-you notes for newly arrived baby gifts.

2.0 hrs: Review and respond to email; conduct other time-wasting activities via the internet.

1.0 hrs: Talk to mom; talk to sister; talk to JP.

0.25 hrs: Enjoy big hug from toddler who came home from daycare by opening the back door and announcing, "I had a GREAT day mommy!"

0.75 hrs: Make dinner; eat dinner; clean up from dinner; remove assorted items of clutter from kitchen.

1.5 hrs: Family walk; play-time with Landon.

And now we're back to TV (NBA game) and watching Claire sleep (this time on JP's legs).

Worn out from all the eating, pooping, and cuddling.

Sometimes we mix things up, like when my co-workers came by with lunch to meet Claire yesterday, or when JP and I take exciting shopping trips to Babies R Us and Wal-Mart, but that is the general pattern of my days with my very new newborn. And while I say I'm wasting my days away, I mean that in the most positive of ways.

(Though I am breaking out my photography books to teach myself how to shoot in manual during this downtime. I'm sure Claire will be a patient subject.)

Needed: A Short-Term Home Based Hobby

Claire and I have been wasting the days away. I'm 12 days into my maternity leave, feeling great, and am perilously close to being bored out of my mind. Newborns sleep a lot. Then they eat, poop, spend about 30 minutes making absurdly adorable faces and movements and then they sleep again. I've written my thank-yous, done what I can do around the house (the pre-baby nesting kind of killed the house to-do list), and filled in the baby book. JP surprised me with a Kindle as a baby gift (I was so surprised and excited- it lets me read one-handed!) so I need to find some good books to download.

It's June in Austin so that means the weather will hover at or above 100 degrees for the next 3 months. Claire and I go on walks and spend some time on the back porch in the mornings and evenings, but in the middle of the day mommy can't handle the heat so we watch a lot of HGTV. Luckily, last Sunday was unusually breezy and cool so we headed to a nearby park to let Landon run around and let Claire nap in a new location.

Showing off his big boy skills.

Landon remains a very proud big brother. My favorite moment so far was probably Friday afternoon when Claire and I joined JP to pick up Landon from daycare. Landon bounced up into the backseat of the car, SO excited to find Claire sitting next to him, and exclaimed, "babyclaire, guess WHAT?!" and then told her all about his day. When we pulled into our driveway a few minutes later, Landon had slowed down enough to notice the one-sidedness of the conversation and complained, "Mommy, babyclaire isn't talking to me."

He has to give her a kiss and hug every night before he goes to bed and he usually plays near wherever she's sleeping so he can be on babyclaire watch. We are immediately informed if Claire moves, opens her eyes, or makes a noise. She doesn't do much yet, but already watching the two of them together is my very favorite thing.

Claire's Birth Story

A Recap of June 4, 2010
(as pulled from my relatively fuzzy memories of that day)

6:00 am: Wake up after a restless night's sleep. I'm not really nervous about the surgery, just suffering from a combination of excitement about the big day, anxiety about getting up on time to make it to the hospital, and the frequent urgings of my bladder. After my 4th trip to the bathroom I'm actually looking forward to the catheter.

6:45: Leave for the hospital with our carefully packed bags and my hair and make up done- gotta take advantage of the planned nature of this whole thing. My mom will stay home until Landon wakes up, and then she'll take him to daycare (it's pizza day; Landon is totally pumped that babyclaire is coming on pizza day) and then join us at the hospital.

7:00-8:00: I get checked in. The hospital misplaced my pre-registration paperwork so it takes a while. I meet my assigned nurse who seems very nice and get briefed on everything that will happen over the next few hours.

8:00-9:00: I'm finally registered and we head to my pre-op room. I get my IV (after 2 failed attempts, I have teeny hidden veins and extremely low blood pressure, I always feel bad for the nurses trying to get blood from me) and get hooked up to a baby heart rate monitor. Claire hadn't moved all morning so it was very reassuring to hear the whoosh whoosh sounds.

9:02-10:02: I get wheeled to the OR and have my baby!

The surgery went really well. JP was suited up in his scrubs and we kissed goodbye as I was wheeled into the OR. He had to wait in the hallway while I got my spinal, which was probably good since he's fine with blood but doesn't like needles. I believe my parting comment to him was "make sure you take pictures!!". Once in the very white and very bright operating room, I'm transferred to a skinny table and meet my anesthesiologist, my nurse anesthetist (CRNA), my surgical nurses, and of course my OB. Everyone is very friendly and nice and while the setting is a bit stark, it feels warm and happy. Claire is referred to by name and I'm very excited to meet her. I have to sit on the edge of my bed for the spinal, which goes in without any problems and takes effect immediately- I can't even swing my legs back up on the bed 10 seconds later. I lay down and the blue screen is put up in front of me while they prep my lower half for surgery. I'm talked through everything that is happening by my very nice CRNA- he remains my link to everything that is happening behind the blue curtain until Claire is born. At about 9:10 JP is invited back in; he has the camera ready. He sits by my head and tells me how excited he is to meet our baby girl while my CRNA informs me they are cutting me open (I think he said more gracefully than that). My blood pressure has been very low (about 80/38) so I'm getting drugs to boost it which make me a little dizzy, but I don't feel too bad. At 9:20 they ask JP if he'd like to stand up to watch his daughter be born and he does- the first thing he says is "she has a lot of hair!" and then I hear her cry. It's 9:22. My OB reminds the stunned and proud father to start snapping pictures and I try to thank her and realize I'm a little choked up. They carry Claire to a little isolette right next to me to wipe her down. She doesn't like it.

She's in my arms in about a minute later. She is perfect and seems so big!

JP looks over the blue curtain again and informs me there is a rotisserie chicken sitting on my stomach. My OB tells him that is my uterus and it's being stitched up before they stick it back inside me. JP looks like he might not have needed to know that. I notice two rather deep grooves in Claire's forehead and my OB says those are indentions from my pelvic bones- she was pressed down against them and my OB had to dislodge her. I am very, very glad I had a planned c-section. They take Claire away to be weighed and cleaned off a little more and JP follows with the camera.

My CRNA continues to stay right by me and tells me what's going on. At one point they prop up my legs and I see my knee over the curtain. I'm shocked to see how glowingly white it is and to find I feel absolutely no physical connection to it. I'm pretty sure I make a comment that my skin looks like I'm a vampire. (I had just read all the Sookie Stackhouse True Blood novels.)

10:02: I am back in my pre-op room, now the post-op room. JP is still with Claire, so I'm by myself, marveling at the fact that my belly is gone when it was here only an hour ago. I can't say that I miss it. After waiting a while I'm bored and ask the nurse to hand me my book and blackberry. I send a text to my parents and siblings that Claire has been born and then settle down to finish my re-reading of the 7th Harry Potter. It is so weird that I just had a baby.

10:30: The pediatrician comes in to tell me that normally she would be bringing Claire in now to be with me, but she has some fluid in her lungs that they are watching. JP is with her, my mom is standing outside the nursery window (I can hear her voice coming down the hall while she talks on the phone to my dad and grandparents), and they fully expect she'll be in with me in an hour. I'm glad JP is with her, feel a little sad that my reunion with Claire is delayed, and return to my book.

11:30: Claire comes to see me. She is perfect, as is her breathing, and I hold her while JP and I just stare. As a last minute decision I decide to try nursing when asked and it goes well. I'm about to be transferred to my regular room where my mom can join us and we can all sit and stare at Claire some more.

12:00: I'm in my very big, very nice room with my mom, Claire, and JP. I'm regaining some of the feeling in my feet and legs but am still numb enough not to be in any pain. After a little bit Claire goes back to the nursery for her assessment, so I ask for my laptop to see all the pictures my OB made sure JP took and write a quick post for you all.

The rest of the day goes by pretty quickly. My aunt and grandparents (dad's parents and sister) arrive from Houston around 2:00 to visit our new baby girl, as does my dad (we weren't expecting him until late Friday night, apparently he was telling someone our good news and his boss overheard and sent him packing to Austin). My spinal wears off and I start taking the percocet which controls the pain just fine. Claire continues to nurse and sleep like a champion little newborn and we all waste away the afternoon holding her and gazing at her little face. I'm on an all-liquid diet for the first day, but don't have any appetite anyway.

At around 4:30 my mom leaves to pick up Landon from daycare and take him to the hospital to meet his baby sister. The rest of my extended family returns to their hotel so that Landon won't be overwhelmed when he arrives at the hospital.

I am SO happy to see him and the introduction goes very well. At about 7:00 JP heads out to meet everyone for dinner. I encouraged him to go so I could have some alone time with my computer, my book, my baby, and perhaps get a bit of sleep. He comes back to sleep in the room with me and while holding Claire keeps commenting on how small and fragile she seems. I think she seems huge and hearty after Landon and all of his tubes in the NICU. Neither of us can really believe we've just been given our baby with no strings attached and that we can hold her as much as we want.

All in all, it was a perfect day. A c-section is a little weird in its speed and sterility, but I expected that and didn't think it took away from my birth experience- it was what was needed for my situation and I wouldn't change a thing. The nurses and doctors were all so friendly and the room felt very happy. My recovery has been great and I feel nearly as good one week out as I did after Landon's birth. We went on a walk around our circle yesterday and I move around with ease. I've been off the narcotic since Wednesday and haven't had any ibuprofen since Thursday night- and not out of any attempt to be hero, I'm all for using medicine when needed, I just don't hurt. A little sore, a little stiff, but no real pain. My mom left yesterday morning and while we miss her, we've been doing just fine. Landon continues to be delighted by Claire's presence and Claire continues to sleep for a 6.5 hour stretch at night. She is taking a nap with her dad on the couch right now (actually, I'm the only living thing in this house who is not sleeping right now, and that's because I'm not tired - crazy!). We are all doing very, very well.

Day 7

I'm sorry for the lack of updates. I've been very busy. You see my mom and I watched all 12 DVD'd episodes of Glee in 2 days and then immediately watched the finale. It was awesome. I now understand why all my co-workers have been bugging me to watch that show. Then we had to watch my DVR'd episodes of the new season of So You Think You Can Dance. Claire slept through all of this (see Exhibit 1), but I feel certain that being surrounded by all of this dancing and singing is going to make her very musical one day.

Exhibit 1

I was first introduced to SYTYCD when my mom visited after Landon was born. We watched an entire season on MTV 2 and I've loved it ever since. I feel sure the hours (and hours) of dance and music worked its way into Landon's subconscious. He loves dancing and his daycare teachers said he's the only toddler who follows every instruction in their music class. Apparently he stands about 3 feet in front of their music teacher and his gaze never wanders from Mr. Doug's guitar and hand movements. So hopefully Claire will reap the same benefits from all of her mom's time spent in front of the TV during her first week of life.

And speaking of Claire, she continues to be the perfect baby. The kind of baby I used to hear about when Landon was little and feel burning resentment towards their parents. Not that I wanted any baby to suffer with reflux or colic, but damn, it was hard to hear how much other babies (and their parents!) were sleeping.

Burrito Baby

So because we suffered with Landon I feel like I've earned the right to say that my 6-day old baby slept for 6.5 hours last night!! She had a pediatric appointment yesterday and I asked if it was okay that she was going so long and the doctor said that as long as she was eating every 3 hours during the day (which she does) and was maintaining her weight (which, after a weight check today, I'm proud to say that she is- mommy and baby both got gold stars after she gained 2 ounces in 24 hours, even with her long night's sleep), then it was fine and we should just enjoy it. And I am, except that I still wake up after about 3 hours and freak out that she's not awake and maybe isn't breathing that I sit up way too fast (ouch) and reach out to jostle her in her co-sleeper because I can't even wait the one second to see if her chest is moving. I'm hoping I learn to trust in her health and lungs soon because I could be less tired than I am.

Snuggled with her Tia

She is so snuggly and sweet and delightful. She is still a nursing champ. I remain deeply ambivalent about breastfeeding, but Claire is so good at it and it's been so easy for us, we're sticking with it for now. JP has been feeding her a bottle with formula for the middle of the night feeding and that has worked out great. She takes it just fine, JP loves doing it, and I think the extra, uninterrupted sleep has help me recover- I'm actually feeling really good! I'm still a little poofy in my midsection and I'm really looking forward to that going down because I can't wear any of my bottoms, including my maternity ones. But I'm off all the drugs except for the occasional ibuprofen, I can stand up and sit down without pain, I walk around easily, and my incision hasn't bothered me at all. I took an exciting field trip to Target two days ago and this afternoon JP and I are heading out to pick out a glider for the living room.

Landon continues to be the proudest big brother. He hasn't shown any jealousy, he's just excited she's here and wants to "pet" her and hold her whenever he can. My sister and her boyfriend came over for dinner last night and before anything else, he wanted to show them his baby Claire. It just fills my heart to watch him with her.

I'm working on Claire's birth story and now that Glee is over I may actually finish it. I can't believe it was only 7 days ago! It seems like she's filled a spot that was always waiting for her- we were whole before, but somehow we're even more complete now.

Home

This is Claire and me on our way out of our hospital room this morning. We got to leave together.

This is Claire with a tummy full of milk in her papasan chair on our back deck. She enjoyed the fresh air while my mom and I drank diet coke and chatted about serious and important topics.

This is Landon in the same papasan chair on the day he came home from the hospital when he was 12 days old. It's not really relevant, but he and his bruised head are very cute.

And this is our family of four snuggled on our living room couch. Landon remains nearly overwhelmed with excitement and pride about "his babyclaire." JP and I continue to fall more in love with our daughter. And Claire remains practically perfect in every way.

I'm hoping to sleep a little tonight now that we are away from the constant interruptions of the hospital and then I will write something of substance tomorrow. Maybe. Or you'll get another picture, but those are worth a thousand words right?

In the meantime

I have so much I want to write about - Claire's birth story (just perfect), my recovery (going very well), how extraordinarily different it has been to have Claire in the room with us instead of the NICU, the fact that I'm nursing and don't think I hate it but am pretty sure I don't like it either (actually, not sure if I'll write about that one), and how utterly delightful it is to have a newborn back in our lives. She's so floppy and snuggly and makes such funny little sounds.

But in between entertaining visitors, snuggling with Claire, and trying to get a little sleep, there just hasn't been time. So until then, I'm hoping you'll accept this pictures of my baby girl and her EXTREMELY proud big brother.

Landon has visited four times and immediately runs for my magic bed and then wants to hold his babyclaire (all one word). He adores her.

He also adores that green and blue shirt that a co-worker handed down to me from her son; he's worn it for the last three days. But even that probably takes a second to "his baby." Doesn't he look like a proud papa in the picture below? He held her between us for nearly 15 minutes and just giggled and grinned the whole time.

And this picture of Claire is one of my very favorites. She's wearing the utterly ridiculous hat that I bought for her at a boutique near our house (the only thing I let myself buy before she was born and worth every penny) and her expression comes the closest to capturing the cuddly sweetness that has all three of us wrapped around her surprisingly long little fingers.

She's snuggled up with her daddy right now and they're both looking very happy with the world.

My Children

We are all doing so very well.

Claire is a little ball of snuggliness. I can't get over having her in the room with us. At this point in Landon's life I think we'd only seen him twice and he was fighting so hard to breathe that he still had never cried or opened his eyes.

Claire has done a bit of both. Her eyes are currently a deep blue and her copious amount of hair (at least for my family!) is dark brown with maybe a hint of red.

Landon met his sister yesterday.

He spent the first five minutes asking me why I was in bed and then attempting to order me out of it. He also told me to put some clothes on. After I explained that this was my special bed and I was wearing my special hospital outfit he thought maybe it was okay, though he still didn't want to come sit with me. Instead, JP called him over to the couch and asked if he wanted to help hold baby Claire. Landon was very excited about that idea.

After holding his sister and seeing her tiny toes and fingers and laughing at the noises she made, he decided he'd come sit with me on the magical moving bed after all. We went up and down a few times and then I got both of my babies together for a picture.

And one of our whole family.

The necklace I'm wearing was my baby gift to myself. I was surprised to find that I wanted a "mommy" necklace as I usually don't like that style of jewelry and hate hearts or any other cutesy things, but I found this one at the noisy cricket etsy shop and I love it. It is exactly what I didn't know I really wanted.

We've had several visitors - great-grandparents, a great-aunt, and my parents, and more are on their way. I've walked around and washed my face, an act that felt as luxurious as any spa treatment I've ever had. Everything is really, really good. In fact, as I look at JP holding our baby girl and await Landon's second visit to our room, I'm really not sure how things could be better.

There's Someone I'd Like You To Meet

Claire Annalise
9:22 a.m.
8 lb. 10 oz.
21 inches of pink pudgy perfection



Everything went great, more later I promise.

It's Actually On My Outlook Calendar

Tomorrow morning, at or around 9 a.m., I will meet my baby girl. Our bags are packed, my mom is here. The co-sleeper is set up in our bedroom and the new changing table is stocked with teeny tiny diapers. The nursery cheerfully awaits its baby with a closet filled with clothes organized by size, color, and type.

All four of my grandparents, an aunt, my sister, brother, dad, and mom will all be here at various points in the next few days to meet the newest member of our family. Landon is so excited about his baby sister. He calls her by name and told his daycare teacher this morning that "today is the last day I'll be all alone." She said she was confused at first and asked him if he was saying that because he was going to be a big brother tomorrow. He nodded with a grin and said yes, "tomorrow our baby is coming to be with us." I have no idea where he got the wording about being alone, as we've certainly never phrased it that way, but I know that I can't wait to see them together, even if I teared up a little while tucking him in bed tonight. Our last night as a family of three. I won't be here when he wakes up in the morning and my three nights in the hospital will be the longest I've ever been away from him. But he'll have his Papa and Gigi to go to the park and take long walks with, so I know he'll be just fine. Plus he'll be coming to visit us at the hospital in his super special big brother t-shirt.

Tomorrow I will not be pregnant anymore. Tomorrow I will hold my daughter. It's completely surreal, but I can't wait!

Silver Lake

So it's June and I'm still pregnant. I'm at peace with this fact solely because I know that I will hold my daughter in my arms on Friday and I will NOT be pregnant anymore. I know this last month of pregnancy has been infinitely beneficial to my baby, and I'm so thankful that she's stuck around for it, but I am very, very done with the 40 lb. medicine ball sticking out from my abdomen.

I mentioned earlier that we have booked our first family vacation for this summer. I spent two weeks of chickening out over the "purchase" button on southwest.com, but we now have three (horribly expensive) tickets to Minneapolis in August. I'm taking my (two!) children to one of my favorite places on Earth- Silver Lake in Siren, Wisconsin. We have to leave Austin at the crack of dawn, endure a 2-hour layover in Denver, take a second flight to Minneapolis, pick up a rental car, and then drive 2 hours to Siren (and then do it all again backwards on the way home), but it will be worth it.

My grandpa was the 8th of 8 children and grew up on a farm in the teeny town of Siren (now with a booming population of 988). Next to the farm was a lake, Silver Lake, and after his dad died and his mom sold the farm, the family kept their little lot on the lake. As the years passed, my grandpa, now an officer in the Air Force, bought out each of his siblings, promising to take care of the property and its taxes while still keeping it open for their use whenever they wanted. Most of those siblings still live in and around Siren.

For as far back as I can remember, every other summer my family and I would pile into our Ford van and drive for 3 days to visit Silver Lake. My dad would pull over when we were a couple of miles away so we could put on our swim suits in order to race out of the van and jump in the water as soon as we arrived. The land wasn't developed, so my grandparents spent the summer living out of their camping trailer and we pulled our little camper right up alongside theirs. We loved it.

We woke up to this view each morning,

and went to sleep each night with the cozy knowledge that all five of us were under the same tiny roof. We spent our days swimming, fishing, and "going to town"- an adventure that usually involved a stop at the laundromat to wash our clothes (which my sister and I loved, we actually protested the addition of a washer and dryer when my grandparents built a cabin on the property a few years ago), a trip to the Main Street Cafe for lunch, and perhaps a stop at the Fudge Shop. Siren is a magical place in my memory, and even though it now boasts not one, but TWO hotels, additional restaurants, and a coffee shop with wireless internet, it remains a place that takes me back to a simpler time.

My grandparents still drive up to Silver Lake from their retirement community in San Antonio. About five years ago they built a beautiful 2-bedroom cabin (decorated almost entirely in Swedish yellow and blue, of course) on the property and they spend a few months there each summer. They're getting older, as grandparents are unfortunately prone to do, and their stints up in Siren are getting shorter. For that reason, and because of some deep emotional urge I can't rationally explain, it became incredibly important for me to travel to Silver Lake this summer. While my family has been blessed by my grandparents' decision to create a trust out of the lake property so that we will be able to enjoy it for years to come, I wanted to have at least one more trip with the cabin as their place. Plus, my maternity leave made this the perfect time for a trip.

My last trip to Silver lake was when we randomly decided to drive over from Chicago with a 7-week-old Landon. My grandparents got to meet their first great-grandchild, JP got to swim across the lake for exercise (not to diminish his swimming prowess, which is considerable, but it's a little lake; I did the same swim when I was in middle school),

and I got to enjoy some family time with two of my favorite people.

I am so excited for our trip this summer. We've saved up our money in a separate "vacation fund" savings account, and while the part of me who keeps a constant, unhappy eye on our student debt knows we should probably funnel it that way, the rest of me knows it will be money well spent. Our first family vacation. Landon will be old enough to enjoy the sandy bottomed beach, the little minnows that swim around the dock, and the "Queen Mary" pontoon boat (named for my grandmother). My grandparents will be able to spend time with their second great-grandchild. JP will be able to swim and comb antique stores for old stuff we don't need. And I will be able to watch Landon enjoy a place that I love so very much. I can't wait.