Friday, April 1, 2011

Ebb and Flow

Thank you all, a lot, for your comments on the last post. Right after writing it, I left to get queso for lunch (in part so I wouldn't be tempted to pull the post down) and then sat in my office with the door closed, eating chips and melted cheese and finishing up the new BDB book on my kindle. I felt down and detached. As I tried to force myself back to work, I got an email from the receptionist telling me I had a cookie delivery. I made my way down to the first floor and found a Tiff's Treats box with a dozen chocolate chip and snickerdoodle cookies, still warm, and a sweet note from our very own Academomia. As I clutched my little white box, holding back tears in the elevator, I realized what a tenuous hold I had on myself. I'd never cried at work, and now I appeared to be crying over cookies and the overwhelming niceness of the person who sent them to me.

Then I ate four, and it helped.

I snuggled with the Biscuit when I got home and that helped even more.

Then JP had two great interviews this week and that helped most.

In a lot of ways, things were actually turning up this week. JP finally got some positive feedback in his job hunt. The flat rejections come so quick and sting so much, but after some time and a lot of meetings, calls, emails, and resume submissions, encouraging things are happening. And it's then, when things are looking better, that I let myself admit the hard in the past few weeks and get choked up in an elevator two bites into my first snickerdoodle (and start freaking out over what it will be like to have him working full time...).

Overall things are so good. We're so blessed with our kids, my job, our home, our daycare, our life. And I love working and I love my job (at least when I'm being the corporate and securities litigator I'm supposed to be), and most of the time, this life works so well. But I don't ever want to pretend that things aren't sometimes hard at the same time.


  1. Thinking of you and knowing things will work out for JP soon.

  2. Thinking of you both too. And yay for not pretending.

  3. Another post I can sympathize with. I definately had to hold back tears at work the past two weeks. The ups and the downs are killing me.

    Yay for cookies! You deserved all four (and more) of them!

  4. Glad to hear things are looking up! And yay for the cookies. So sweet! If it makes you feel better, I've totally cried at work. <>