Tuesday, September 1, 2009

8 years

I met JP eight years ago, yesterday. He was on his 8th or 9th Jack & Coke when he bumped in to me near the bar and asked if I wanted one too. I didn't- I was eighteen, underage with no fake ID, and was still feeling queasy from my introduction to Long Island Iced Teas the night before. But the music was too loud to bother explaining that so I just said sure. Five seconds later, a cop came by, sniffed my drink, looked at the big black X on my hand and told me to leave immediately. He did the same to the 19-year-old JP and we were both escorted out to the sidewalk. I was terrified. I thought I was going to be arrested and have to call my parents to bail me out of jail only two days after they'd dropped me off at college. As it turns out the guy was just a bouncer and as he gallantly held open the door, JP assured me that no one would be arrested. At that point, stranded on the curb while all my friends were inside, he introduced himself. We spent the next two hours talking and walking back and forth across 6th Street until our friends stumbled out of the club to go home.

In that two hours I found out JP was a swimmer and we were both at the club because the guys and girls teams were meeting up that night. He was a junior in the business school, he was from Maryland, and he was going to start his own company. He was chatty and funny and outgoing. I had a great time and at the end of the night when he asked for my number, I gladly gave it.

I learned later that JP normally did not go out and he did not talk to girls-- in fact, no one had ever heard him talk much at all. We went on our first date two days later; we spent 6 hours together and never ran out of things to talk about. At the end of the night, I had to ask him to kiss me as he was way too shy to take the initiative. We've been together ever since. One of the guys on the team later said that September '01 is when [JP] started smiling.

We've had our ups and downs over the past 8 years and even though we've faced tougher times together, it's never been as difficult between us as it's been the past few months. On Sunday I'd had enough of arranging everything in our lives around the swim school. Just, enough. While it's true that JP would support me 1000% in anything I ever wanted to do, it's also true that I would never ask this of him. Plus I missed him and I missed us and I was tired of being irritated and I was done. When he got home I said: Don't talk to me until your schedule is better. I will never leave you, I can't imagine not loving you, but I miss liking you and I want that back.

And then I walked into our room, closed the door and took a long hot bath.

JP called up his partners and said this wasn't working. This put their little marriage on the rocks, but now, two days later things are leveling out. JP is no longer the receptionist, he is no longer managing the personnel in their Dallas location, and he is coaching four lessons per week rather than twelve. These were all responsibilities that were supposed to shift before he started back at business school, but he had a hard time letting go of control and his partners had a hard time stepping up, and nothing changed. Now they have, and everyone is happier. Happy wife, happy life, indeed.

Thursday is our 4-year wedding anniversary and on Friday we're dressing up and going out on a date. I can't remember the last time we did that - I think we were still in Chicago. I'm not used to my relationship being a source of stress or unhappiness. It has always been the calming, constant, easy thing in our lives. I can feel the ease coming back. It's nice.

14 comments:

  1. That took ball, but how cool that you did that! Good thing you both have your priorities straight. Congrats on the day!

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  2. So glad to hear this. You were not being unreasonable and it's important to stick up for yourself. Enjoy your well deserved date!

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  3. Glad you guys worked things out. You were definitely not unreasonable. No reason you need to play single Mom when you're not single. Happy anniversary!!!

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  4. Thanks for sharing, this is just what I needed today. I have just started back to work full-time after maternity leave and my husband's job has him out of town about 3-4 days/week. I've been having many of the feelings you just described and I find it difficult to say "hey, this isn't working for me." It's nice to see a positive outcome when you bite the bullett and have the tough conversation.

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  5. Good for you for saying what you did!
    And good for JP for doing what he did, not just saying things would be different but immediately following through.

    Not all partners could/would do that. You are both very lucky to have one another. And to have the ability to get your relationship back on track when needed. Because all relationships need the occasional course correction.

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  6. Wow. I am so impressed. With you, and with JP.

    Happy anniversary!

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  7. Obviously you have a strong marriage-- you were able and willing to speak up, and JP was able and willing to make changes. That's terrific.

    Happy anniversary, and many more!

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  8. You guys have excellent communication, and I hope your date night is awesome :)

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  9. Thanks for sharing this. I had this issue recently come up in my marriage and I know just how difficult it can be to speak up.

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  10. I'm pretty sure you read your comments so I thought I'd post this for you and any other new(ish) Laywers to read about. There's a BAR-BRI lawsuit out there (I'm not a laywer, I don't know anything about it) so go collect your $40! Link posted in comment URL.

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  11. Happy Anniversary! I love reading about your relationship with JP, both the beginning and the way in which you two make it work now!

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  12. It's wonderful that you were both able to do what you needed to do and put your family first.

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  13. Happy Anniversary (for both...the 8 and 4 yr!). This is proof that the two of you have a very good partnership within your marriage. When things got to be too much, you let him know and he made some smart changes. While the schedule he was keeping was hard on you and Landon, it also was hard on him (whether he'd admit it or not). He probably didn't really recognize how bad he needed the break from all the extra work in addition to going back to school. This will allow him to not only study more, but also have more time with you guys and eventually be a better business owner. So glad to hear it worked out well. Now if I could only figure out how to have a well-placed temper-tantrum in front of one of Justin's bosses... ;)

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