Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Marriage Advice from the Stars

That should be ironic, right? But no- I've had a quote on marriage from Kyra Sedgwick saved in my drafts for months. I read it in some magazine interview and thought, wow, I really like that, I should write about it! But little topics like the Bar Exam and Starting My Job and Landon Dancing got in the way and I totally forgot about it. What reminded me was something Kevin Bacon said on the SAG Awards red carpet when he was asked how he and Kyra have kept their marriage hot and happy after 20 years: "You gotta keep the fights clean and the sex dirty." Who would have thought? Kevin Bacon, esteemed counselor of love and marriage.

Anyway, the quote from Kyra was:

"I feel the primary relationship has to be the mother and the father, and then it can be the kids. Of course the kids come first in planning your life, but it's incredibly important to keep your relationship as a couple strong and make time for it. It's the foundation on which everything is built. Kids should know that your needs are important, because if they think your happiness lies only in them, that's a lot of pressure on them."

I think this is so, so true, and something my parents did very well; they were always a couple in addition to being parents. I think back on the trips they took with just the two of them when I was little and how we'd sob into the phone when they called to check in (for the record, we were 100% fine and happy with our grandparents right up until the moment they called), and am so grateful they went. JP and I talked a lot about keeping our relationship a priority after we had kids. We brought Landon INTO a happy, loving marriage and he is better off it it stays that way, but it can be hard when you're gone all day and hesistant to cut into any family time we have together. But it's why we took him to daycare on Monday even though neither of us had to work (something my mother-in-law found appalling). We can't afford a trip away and that morning spent lounging around together was worth whatever time Landon had to give up with us- for him too.

Someone commented on this post that while she also thought marriage was easier than parenthood, parenthood made marriage much more difficult. I can totally see that, especially as Landon stops going to bed by 8pm (we have a lot of dinner and a movie dates at home- so much better without the expensive babysitter, marked up wine prices, and rude movie-goers) and our weekends become filled with our kids' activities. But hopefully I'll still be watching those E! red carpet interviews and reading In Style magazine and will be reminded of my priorities.


  1. I needed to read this today. We have a 12 month old, and I have noticed our couple time has been non-existent since she was born. I KNOW I should make it a priority - it just gets difficult for all of the reasons you mentioned.

  2. I wish I could say I relate to this post ... but ... um ... I haven't actually lived WITH my husband in well over a year, now. Well - 14 months, to be exact.


    Soon, however. Soon.

  3. I've always loved Kyra Sedgwick and this is just another reason why. I couldn't possibly agree with her more. I hope someday to have half as wonderful a marriage as she and Kevin have.

  4. Great quote. And watching my inlaws (now divorced) I know its true. As parents we are models to our kids, and modeling a loving solid marriage is key. I often think about how I want my son to treat a girl and know he will learn that from his dad. Ofcourse we are so far from that, but the few hrs my husband and I get alone are priceless. I had major guilt when I quit breastfeeding very early, but it did leave us able to go out to dinner or a movie...just get out of the house and it was crucial to us both not losing our minds in those early months.

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