Thursday, August 28, 2008

Waving the White Flag

Battle lines were drawn today, and it wasn't between JP and I while watching the Democratic National Convention- though last night I did inform him that if he did not STOP TALKING and let me LISTEN TO BIDEN'S SPEECH I was going to leave him, immediately. The snide remarks subsided, I listened in peace, and then we argued about everything he'd been holding inside until he looked like he might burst from the strain of it all. The night ended with lots of cuddling, so that means so far we have yet to let this election affect our marriage, but we do have a few more months to go.

Anyway, battle lines. They have been drawn between me and Landon's molars because I cannot f*cking take it anymore. I don't think I've ever cried out of sheer frustration - exhaustion, fear, sadness, stress- sure, every now and then, but frustration? Not until today. Landon's molars have been giving us hell for a while - night awakenings, short-to-nonexistent naps, low fever, a reappearance of drool (buckets of drool), diarrhea, fussiness to a never before seen degree... and today it was all so much I nearly had a breakdown. We took him to the pediatrician just to make sure it wasn't an ear infection or anything else that could be cured by a prescription or minor surgery, but nope, it's "just teeth". We've tried tylenol, motrin, Hyland's teething tablets, frozen banana, popsicles, vibrating teething rings, and everything else short of illegal substances and nothing seems to make much of a difference. If he's actively engaged in some activity (like being chased around the livingroom, merely playing toys or listening to a book is too passive), then he will be his cute happy smiley self. But the minute the super engaged activity pauses, he's sobbing, fingers in the mouth, lying on the floor. The dogs don't know what to do. Tex is most distressed and paces around the room trying to figure out how he can help. Rosie will lay down next to him and lick his head. They both look at me like why are you not fixing this?! Landon looks at me the same way.

I feel terrible for him that he hurts. I feel even worse for how bad I want to jump out a window and just run far, far away from the screaming. Today I stuck him in the bathtub around noon (after he refused a morning nap by screaming for as long as I could stand letting him do it), dumped every single waterproof toy we own in there, and let him splash for over an hour. He was busy and happy and I got to stare blankly at the wall for a little while. When he decided bath time was over I called JP and ordered him home. I'm sure there are moms out there who can handle this kind of day without back-up but I cannot. We spent the rest of the day trading off 30-minute intervals of playing with and distracting Landon, until JP had to go to a business school meeting at 6.

And that's when it got really bad. We took another bath, but Landon started flipping out only a few minutes into it. We tried to read a book but he was kicking and arching so badly I couldn't hold him and the book at the same time. I tried to sing, I gave up, I put him in bed. Twenty minutes later, he was still screaming, so I trudged back up with little hope of making things much better, but determined to try. I held him as he squirmed and arched and kept singing our songs, and finally after about five minutes (which felt like an eternity, he weighs 25 lbs after all) he quieted, he snuggled into my neck, and I felt him relax. I kept singing, kept swaying, kept holding him in the Exact same position as if the slightest movement would set him off again (not an irrational fear), until my back ached and my arms started to shake. I gently laid him down, rubbed his back, and kept singing - and he started screaming again. I called JP, again, and ordered him home, again, and then put a crying Landon in the stroller and walked around the neighborhood for 45 minutes. It's a safe area so the darkness didn't bother me and the temperature dipped down into the upper 70's so it wasn't too hot. Landon was quiet and so was everything else. We pulled into the driveway at the same time as JP. Landon, now at 2 hours past his bed time, was very sleepy and went right down.

Most of today I've thought about the fact that next week I'll be in an office. A quiet, baby free office. That was the light at the end of this teething tunnel, and while it may be sad or weak or non-motherly, it's true. I know there will be times I am sad that I'm no longer home during the day Monday through Friday, but today would not have been one of them.

17 comments:

  1. Oh, dear. I'm very sorry for you and Landon. I'd be running for the hills [office] too.

    If you're ready to try anything, my mom used to give us kosher pickles to gnaw on when we were teething. Something about the tough skin and salty brine. Worth a shot.

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  2. I'm sorry that Landon's molars are giving him such a hard time. It must be so awful to be helpless while your little guy is in pain...without considering all the frustration you're going through!

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  3. It sounds awful! My son had a horrible time with the molars, too. Have you tried Nighttime Orajel? It's the only thing that worked for us.

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  4. My mother suggested we try frozen bagels for our teething babies to chew or a wet wash cloth, put in the freezer. In both cases you need to keep an eye on the kid in case a big piece of bread breaks off or they try to ingest the washcloth, but it did help and they survived to cause me the approaching tween years grief.

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  5. Hi Lag Liv, I don't think I've ever commented - but I've been reading since October. I'm not a mom, but several of my mom friends swear by amber teething necklaces, I did see any google hits for big stores, but there are a ton on etsy.com (giant online craft sale). http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=sr_gallery_18&listing_id=14446187

    Good luck, I hope those teeth break through soon!

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  6. Molars are the WORST! And you DO need backup, you and JP. If you have a trusted sitter, or if your kind neighbor can relieve you for an hour, get them to. They will understand and sometimes one hour of peace can cure a world of insanity. I hope the molars break through soon!

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  7. You don't know how often I've wanted to have a "regular" job to escape my toddler. It's my choice to be a SAHM and I'm lucky we are financially stable enough to do so. There are so many reasons I chose this lifestyle that stem from my own childhood and I don't want to stir any debates but just wanted you to know that every mom feels like you do, esp. during a difficult time like teething or terrible 2s or whatever. My escape occurs during naptimes and often daydream throughout the day...nothing crazy...just maybe about a great smelling perfume I want to try or shampoo or how great the meal I cooked was last night and how everyone ate it...small stuff to you maybe, but it keeps me going when the only conversation I have all day is with a 2 year old and her stuffed animals.

    I hope he feels better soon. The house photos are great, the debates were emotional for me too. And how DO you take care of all those animals and the baby? Girl you are amazing!
    --Desimom

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  8. Ugh, I am so sorry!! There is nothing worse than an inconsolable baby. Part of you wants him to feel better, part of you just wants him to stop screaming so you can concentrate long enough to mix a drink. When I started reading this I thought "Work! You have work next week! A break! Yay!" I have felt that way many times. Good luck.

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  9. I feel terrible for you & Landon--that doesn't sound like any fun, and you're not a monster for looking forward to the office, trust me.

    I have no helpful suggestions to offer, unfortunately, so I hope that some of the other suggestions here help. Good luck!

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  10. I couldn't believe how long the molar misery lasted. I think it was about two weeks for us. Luckily, then it ends and the other back teeth don't seem quite as painful.

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  11. Try frozen waffles, they have built in drool cups.

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  12. I remember those days. They are the worst. I'll take a cold and diaper rash any day of the week. We bought out the entire teething section in the drug store. In the end I think the only thing that helped or seemed to do anything were teething tablets,the teething necklace and frozen wash cloth. I had my moments where I seriously started contemplating brandy, our grandmothers did it, it couldn't be that bad, but I never had the guts. Hang in there it gets better!

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  13. No. No mother alive can handle this type of thing with any more grace than you did. Even the ones who seem like they can? Can't. And don't believe a word they say otherwise. Many of us crack under much less. You're doing great, mama - and there's no shame in looking forward to going to a babyfree office, especially under these circumstances. I adore my toddler-daughter, but she's in a not-fun phase and I was about to brush up my resume this week when my husband reminded me that I am very pregnant. Dang it.

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  14. I'm in the middle of the same battle. My twenty month old is getting his canines and two year molars all at the same time so believe me, I sympathize. It's so tough to watch them hurt and want you to fix it and not be able to.

    We have been giving him Motrin in applesauce every night before bed to ward off any painful night wakings. We actually ask him if he wants "Motrinsauce" and he says yes. I don't like medicating him so much but he woke up every night for two weeks straight and we had to do something.

    I wish you luck!

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  15. Ugh, that sounds terrible! I have no clue what else you could try to give him, but I'm pretty sure you should give yourself a drink or two!

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  16. Unrelated:

    Too many people use "I" instead of "me," mistakenly believing that the former sounds more sophisticated. Not true.

    For instance, in your first line, it ought to have been "between JP and me" not "between JP and I...."

    As a general rule of thumb, use _me, us, etc._ after prepositions.

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  17. What a tough, tough day! For ALL of you! I know what you mean about feeling bad your baby is in pain, and feeling even worse because you want to run away from it. It's hard to watch your child in pain; it's hard to feel that so many of your tactics for helping him cope with the pain; it's hard to hear yourself think over the sound of a child crying and fussing for long periods of time (especially since you start feeling frantic on how to stop it). It's totally normal to want to get away from it. I know I had more than one occasion where I was so relieved that I could drop Gavin or Cooper off at daycare because we had had a rough night, or a bad morning.
    You've done very well in a tough situation. And some day you'll look back on this and use it as blackmail on Landon when he's a teenager. ;)

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