Friday, April 25, 2008

Follow-Ups and Non Sequiturs

I don't have anything comprehensive to write about today, so here's a few comments I wanted to add to past posts.

One thing I meant to say in "Never Ready", is that the reason I started crying wasn't because of the horrible memories (they're bad, but they don't make me cry anymore), but rather because of all the warm, supportive comments from readers, most of whom I don't know. They were pretty incredible and I was reminded of how much I relied on this blog during that dark time. The support of my family and friends literally kept me going- they made me food (friends), made me eat it (mom), and were just a physical presence of support and love. But it was the blog that became my lifeline. My outlet to express my outrage and then my fear; my diary to record details I knew I wouldn't remember; and a source of overflowing validation and kindness. Having my family and friends stand behind me was important of course, but at a time when it's strangers who have control over your life and don't believe what you're telling them, having other strangers tell you they believe you, tell you how much your story affected them, and write such wonderful things meant more than hearing my friends say the same thing. I've said thank you a lot, and meant it, but the other night it hit me just how much those comments helped me. Any time I wasn't sleeping or on the phone or visiting Landon in that horrible place, I had my laptop in my lap, writing a new post and reading all the comments from past ones. And I think it was the continually overflowing inbox that kept me from drowning in despair and fear. So many of those tears the other night were tears of gratitude and awe. Maybe someday if I can handle it, I'd like to read the ones from previous posts, I know I'll be overwhelmed again, but in a good way.

Second, when I typed up my daily schedule the other day I didn't want to make it sound bad or like I was complaining about it, and I hope I didn't. It's certainly busy and there are times when I long for the years when JP and I can lounge in bed on a Saturday morning, reading the paper, arguing about the articles, and reminiscing about the crazy days of our youth. But in general, I feel lucky to have the days that I do - JP is my partner in every sense, Landon is such a joy, and despite the impending paper deadlines and moving madness, I'm blessed to have the stresses that I do. Landon even slept in until 6:02 this morning, so everyone in the Lag Liv household is feeling pretty chipper.

Now I am off to the dentist to pick up a mouth guard because apparently stress has caused me to start grinding my teeth. I have no less than 12 fractures going straight from top to bottom in various teeth and have ground all the enamel off the bottom few. And to think I went so many years of my life without this destructive little habit. Just another thing the law school admissions booklets don't warm you about.


  1. I've been a tooth-grinder for years. I had a mouth guard, but it didn't do me any good because I take it out when I am sleeping. So I just gave up. I figure I'll be in dentures by 35!

  2. I have a terrible teeth grinding habit myself (from my teenage years). Unfortunately, it's caused plenty of cracks and the little spots are wonderful places for new cavities. You know what really helps me? Chamomile tea. It's a great way to calm myself before bed (I have bad insomnia) and I tend to grind my teeth less when I drink it to soothe my nerves.

  3. teeth grinding? that's one law school student symptom I haven't heard yet, but I believe it!

  4. LL: I got your back. Thanks for sharing your story, it helped me to always remember to love and kiss my babies, and not take the normal stuff for granted.

  5. Sorry for being off topic, but your husband is the author of "The Rational Republican," right? How can you have such a good relationship with such differing political views? Just wondering...

  6. The Chamomile's a good tip! I'll have to try that for Chapin and Pumpkinhead, both of whom grind horribly!!!

    And how could we all not support you. I cannot imagine anything more horrific than what you went through. :(

  7. Don't worry about sounding negative.

    Anyone who has ever parented a baby knows the dread that accompanies the 5 a.m. wail.

    I know you must feel like it's silly to complain about little things, after everything you've already gone through, but trust me, any moms reading that post about your schedule were likely nodding in sympathy.

  8. don't worry...I would cuss anytime Cooper's wail would start in the middle of the night. If he started while I was still up, I'd sigh heavily and grumble under my breath all the way to his room. You are human...although I'm voting for you to attain Superhuman status from all you've been juggling since July. :)
    I don't grind my teeth, but I do clench my jaw in my sleep so hard that my jaw hurts when I wake up.