Cora's Great-Grand Tour

As I mentioned on Friday, we embarked on a Lag Liv family tour of central Texas on Saturday. We left the house at 8:30 a.m., battled rain and SXSW traffic to first eat lunch with friends in our old stomping grounds of Southwest Austin. We got to catch up, pass Cora around the table, and return a bunch of baby gear I'd borrowed from them because Cora has already grown out of things and JP won't let me have another baby, before pressing onward to San Antone to see both sets of my grandparents and introduce them to their newest great-grandchild.

We headed up to my mom's parents first (the Swedish ones, for those who keep track that way) and JP got this picture of my grandpa meeting his new great-granddaughter for the first time.

I truly could not love that picture more. My grandpa has struggled so much with his back these last few years (chronic injuries caused by his ejection from his fighter jet when he was shot down in the Vietnam War) and I know it's been so hard to have daily pain amid the realization that it might never go away even after so many surgeries, but he was just SO HAPPY- overjoyed is probably a better word- to see us and to meet little Cora that I keep crying when I look at the pictures.

My grandma is doing great. She's been alcohol-free for more than 3.5 years now and has truly seemed to age backward since she quit. I know she worries about my grandpa, it would be so hard to see the person you love in pain, but she too was just overjoyed to meet and "get her hands on" her third great-grandbaby.

We hung out for a bit in their apartment, catching up on the rest of the family and answering all their questions about the minute details of our lives. My grandpa loves hearing my work stories and they wanted to know everything about JP's business and the kids' school and whether Cora is really always as happy as she was the whole time we were in their apartment (yes, she is). Landon wanted to read my grandpa a book, which I loved spying on through the patio glass door, remembering when I sat next to him after one of his surgeries (shoulder replacement maybe?) when I was in 5th or 6th grade and I read and talked to him by the hour.

Landon then asked to see my grandpa's medals and model airplanes and JP, Landon, and a very happy Grandpa Glenn headed to the study to immerse themselves in Air Force stories and memorabilia.

The girls stayed in the living room and my former-Kindergarten-teacher grandma sang Claire the story of The Three Bears about 16 times.

My grandma raised 4 kids, often on her own while my grandpa was away on tours, so I love this picture of her surrounded by my 3 little ones. The optimism and happiness that I feel I got from my mom began with her- everything will work out, my grandma always says, and everything always does, especially when you doggedly refuse to let anything else get you down along the way. My grandpa hung a "You Are My Sunshine" plaque for here over their bed, and that's exactly right.

They are so special to me- all four of my grandparents. The one thing I truly regret in leaving Austin- more than the hills and hiking and fabulous restaurants- is being 3 hours further away from them and not being able to visit as often as we used to. I'm so lucky to have all of my grandparents alive and healthy and living in the same community, I wish I could take advantage of it more.

Next on our tour, we headed down 6 floors to my dad's parent's apartment. As always they were snappily dressed and ready for a cocktail and conversation. Also as always, they had "a few things for the kids" wrapped in bags that the kiddos were very excited to open. They met Cora while Landon and Claire tried in vain to love on their cat and then Landon got to show them some of his work from school.

We gathered for a group photo, Landon inexplicably clutching my grandfather's shoe horn and Claire holding a cat toy and then we headed down for a group dinner in the downstairs bistro.

We enjoyed a tasty and early dinner, catching up more as we ate and then gathered the greats and great-grands for one final picture (poor Cora was finally getting her dinner and it was interrupted for the shot, the girl can only be pushed so far) before piling back in the car and driving the four hours back to Fort Worth.

We pulled up at 10, tucked our tired kids in their beds, and uploaded the pictures that made me smile as I got ready for my own bed later. I thanked JP for driving the 9+ hours in heavy wind, rain, and occasional traffic- he loves my family, but he signs on for trips like that without complaint because what matters to me matters to him, period. And seeing them, and introducing them to Cora, mattered an awful lot.

Friday Round-Up

Quick things before I go to bed and get separated from my computer all day tomorrow:

1. JP and I just watched Catching Fire tonight and OMG it was SO good.  Because we have young children and prefer eating dinner out where we can talk on the rare date night, we haven't seen a movie in theaters in over a year, so we are terribly behind on all movie pop culture references and have no idea what anyone is talking about re: the Oscars, but Catching Fire was my favorite book of the Hunger Games trilogy and I have been counting down FOREVER until I could see it at home.  Not as good as the book of course, but still fun and a better adaption than the first in my opinion.

2. We drive to Austin and San Antonio and back tomorrow to visit friends and all four great-grandparents.  A whirlwind showcase of the Lag Liv family (mostly Cora)- leave at 8:30 a.m., drive a total of 9 hours, back home by 10 p.m.  Should be fun!  (I'm actually not being sarcastic, but we'll see which tone is appropriate when I wrote about it on Sunday.)

3. Thank you for your dinner ideas on the last post. I'm happy to report that this week's meals were all a great success!  Everything was tasty and I didn't want to kill anyone by the time they were prepared.  The kids and I even read books and played Uno on multiple nights while things simmered!  Now I just have to do that again, every night, for the next 12 years or so.

4. I took off work today because I was so sad I was going to miss my barre class tomorrow that I wanted to go to this morning's in its place.  This is how obsessed I am.  As an added benefit, I got to volunteer to hand out snacks at Landon's school walk-a-thon where the kids marched around the school several times to raise money to buy a cover for their playground (it is Texas and they have no covered outdoor space).  I made JP go with me and we had lots of fun handing out pretzels and water bottles and cheering on the kids at our sweet little neighborhood school.

5. For the second part of my random day off I got a full bikini wax and went shopping for new summer shorts because I have faith that warm weather is coming.  I found myself in Express, thrilled to find shorts similar to the ones I was replacing (purchased in 2003, when I was a junior in college), but wondering if maybe I'm now too old to shop at Express.  The girls in the dressing room next to me were complaining about their 9 a.m. class on Fridays and how hungover they were after going out last night.  I've been at work for 1.5 hours by 9 a.m. and can't remember the last time I thought Thursday was a "going out" night (well, yes I can, it was college. a decade ago.).  But if I have the weirdly narrow hips of a 15 year old, does that make it okay?  I ended up with 2 pairs of shorts (light denim and mint green), a skinny white belt, and some rhinestone anchor earrings and then left the mall to pick up my 3 children from school/daycare.

6. JP and I also just finished House of Cards Season 2.  Very fun.  Not the Great Drama it might want to be, but deeply enjoyable nonetheless.  Mostly because Frank and Claire's marriage absolutely fascinates me.  Someone needs to write a college thesis on it. Maybe those girls I was trying on clothes with in Express.

7. A Cora post is coming.  She'll be 4 months old in 5 days and I'm really not exaggerating when I say she is the sweetest.  No, that doesn't even cover it - she's the easiest-happiest-awesomest-snuggliest. There are not words for the glory of this multi-chinned baby who sleeps from 7-7 every night.  We all adore her and she is simply delighted to be here.

Off to bed to rest up for our brief tour of central Texas tomorrow, happy Friday everyone!

Food Glorious Food

I am still wrapping my head around menu items that don't require extensive prep. It's not that I want to make complicated food, and really, my food isn't complicated, we just prefer fresh simple things that involve way more chopping and standing over the stove than I realized. Mostly because for the last year I've had a job that got me home early and two big kids who went and played outside or in their play room or otherwise by themselves with minimal input from me, so I could stand in the kitchen and spend 45 minutes making a dinner and think nothing of it. This is no longer my reality and even last week when I was trying to make dishes that could be thrown together quickly and then left alone, I would still find myself standing in the kitchen bouncing Cora's monkey bouncer with my foot with 2 chopping boards and 5 different pans in use at once and realize I'd taken a terribly wrong turn at some point in the dinner planning.

But, this week, thanks to a revival of firm-like weekend prep and cooking, I think I've got it!

Sunday: Brunswick stew, adapted; ciabatta bread.
Monday: Lasagna (made my Aunt's sauce and simmered it all Sunday afternoon; composed the lasagna after dinner that night); garlic bread made Monday morning and wrapped in foil. I was DETERMINED to conquer the craziness of Monday evening/JP's latest night at the pool.
Tuesday: Leftover Brunswick stew over brown rice; frozen Sister Schubert's wheat rolls (my fave, they're like fluffy clouds of carbohydrates).
Wednesday: Chicken and broccoli in the crock pot, served over rice; crescent rolls.
Thursday: Fresh tortellini with the leftover spaghetti sauce I made for the lasagna; the twin of the garlic loaf I made on Monday.
Friday: Homemade pizza, always.

The Brunswick stew was delicious and very different in flavor from the usual soups and stews I make. It was also a great way to use up the random 2 cups of pulled pork we had leftover from our pretzel roll pork sliders we ate last Thursday. According to the internet there are strong opinions about what is supposed to be in a Brunswick Stew (okra, no okra, potatoes, no potatoes, lima beans, other beans, etc.), but I found this one and it looked delicious and then I changed lots of things because that's what I do.

Brunswick Stew:
(Original recipe here, which I'm sure would be delicious exactly as it's supposed to be)

Ingredients
3 cups shredded chicken (I used a rotisserie)
3 cups pulled pork (I used leftover Costco pulled pork from a dinner last week)
2 cups beef stock
1 medium onion, diced
5 medium red potatoes, diced (I used 7; mine were small)
1 (15-ounce) can Butter beans (in lieu of Lima beans because I hate them; you could use white Navy)
4 cups cream style white corn (2 cans worth)
1 (24-ounce) can diced tomatoes
1/4 cup Stubbs Smokey Mesquite bbq sauce (in lieu of ketchup which didn't sound good and my pulled pork was sauceless; it added a fantastic smokey flavor I wouldn't go without in this stew)
1 cup frozen corn
3 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon Montreal Steak Seasoning
¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper (omitted because I'm a wimp who can't even handle that much spice in a giant pot of stew)

Directions:
1. Add shredded chicken and pulled pork to crock pot.
2. Add beef stock, onion, potatoes, beans, corn, diced tomatoes, bbq sauce, brown sugar, apple cider vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, steak seasoning and cayenne pepper to the meats.
3. Cook on low for 6+ hours, or high if you need it sooner. You can also cook it in a stock pot over medium-low heat for just 30 minutes to serve right away. But the crock pot made the whole house delicious!

The whole family loved it and it made enough for 2 dinners and 2 lunches, with considering the amount of food we usually eat is nothing short of amazing.

Four days of food; one day of prep

The menu is working out so far, so now I just need more prep-free ideas for next week!  It's trickier than it seems- dinners I normally I think of as "easy" like tacos and breakfast night really involve more standing over the stove time than Cora prefers.

Not that I can blame this all on Cora, she's pretty much the smiliest and easiest baby ever, I just like to spend some of the evening actually cuddling her and making her smile giant Cora smiles instead of hitting her bouncer with my foot every few minutes while I try avoid setting her clothes on fire by not holding her over the stove.

So crock pot and make ahead meals are my saving grace for now.  Because who wouldn't rather snuggle this many-chinned baby than do just about anything else from 5:30-6:15 pm?

Many Splendored Things

My mom came to town this weekend for a birthday visit. After a Friday evening of homemade pizza and much discussion of details for my sister's upcoming wedding, the two of us headed out at 10 a.m. when stores opened on Saturday and spent the next 6.5 hours shopping. Because when the Gigi and I get together, no TJ Maxx, Marshall's, or Ross within 20 miles is safe. And in the midst of searching for discount clothing gold among racks and racks of more questionable items, we had a glorious time.

Gigi!

Our first stop was accidental- a Nine West store closing sale next to the Ann Taylor where I returned the beautiful Moto jacket I fell in love with but had to divorce due to an extremely unflattering approach to my weird hip-waist measurement ratio. Anyway, at this random Nine West store I finally scored the tall brown dress boots I've been looking for since my old tall brown dress boots fell apart after 7 beautiful years together. I now have the pair pictured below, a birthday gift from mom, for $60 instead of the original $190. They are gorgeous and for once, the calf circumference is small enough to not gap ridiculously like the dozen other pairs I've ordered and returned in my 2 year quest.

Also along the way I scored the flattering maxi dress I've always wanted but never managed to find (like the shoes, I've tried on dozens and returned them all), a maxi skirt (another item I've always loved from a distance), two tees to match the skirt, a black work dress I'm completely obsessed with because of the white zipper in the back, a clingy tank dress with a superfluous hood that is weekend-adorable, a dressy dark green tunic that I can't figure out how it got to the clearance section without being purchased but will look fabulous with skinny jeans (and my boots!), and, finally, the grand finale- a bikini! That I like! And might even wear! And everything was $10-30 and completes a very badly needed update to the casual section of my closet. Yay for birthdays and birthday shopping sprees with mom- I'm already looking forward to next year's.

My Lulu outfit from JP; the back makes my heart smile
(ignore the fuzzy slippers; they're so comfy I've forgotten that they're ugly)

Also on Saturday, after Mom and I finally made it home and collapsed on the couch, Gigi volunteered to watch the kiddos while JP and I went out on a date. Two dates in one month! I don't think that's ever happened since we became parents.

Giddy, in a maxi skirt

We went to a Mexican restaurant downtown in Sundance Square. As it turns out, Fort Worth has quite the Saturday night scene! Streets crowded with people, fountains of water lit up and dancing to music, 45 minute waits for tables for 2! And two parents for once not paying hourly for a sitter who saw a 45 minute wait as an opportunity to order an extra round of margaritas at the bar instead of just $15 more bucks down the babysitting drain. After dinner we explored the Square, walked around like we lived in Chicago again, and found ourselves at a rooftop bar ordering another margarita round at 10 pm on a perfect 65-degree evening. Glorious doesn't even begin to cover it.

And then today we woke up to 15 degree weather and a world covered in sleet and snow. Looks like my swim suit and tank dresses will have to wait, though the brown boots are totally happening as soon as the ice melts.

Older and Wiser

I turned 31 yesterday.

The kids were probably more excited about it than me- Landon wanted to know what we'd be doing while he took the day off from school to celebrate and Claire kept asking when my Hello Kitty party was going to start. When I tried to explain that not only would everyone be going to school, but I would also be going to work (and there was no Hello Kitty party, where did that come frome?), both he and Claire were appalled. The adult world is a cruel place.

But it was still an excellent day, particularly when lunch with friends involved a birthday burger, Blue Moon draft, and Gorgonzola fries (omg SO GOOD). I divorced french fries some time ago due to my "must fit into my work pants by my 12 week return" diet and our illicit cheese smothered birthday booty call was one of my best presents of the day. When I found myself getting full partway through my platter, I abandoned the burger in order to find room for every single tiny fried bit of potato. I might have licked the plate, I'm not sure, mostly because I was also drinking.

Later, I got home to find a wrapped present from JP and the kids, a birthday balloon, and a cake platter of the most glorious cookies ever made. Oh yes, Great American Cookie Company Double Doozies.

I broke up with cookies even before I divorced fries so that reunion was so passionate I couldn't even wait to take a picture. I'd already eaten half a doozie while still holding Cora and wearing my purse. Then I ate the other half 5 seconds later. Then I took that picture. JP came home with Landon a few minutes later and was like, "wait, didn't I buy 8?" Um, there's no proof of that.

Not interested in cookies; really wants to chew on that nice low cal mylar balloon though

In addition to cookies, there were presents! Real presents that he picked out with all 3 kids (because he is crazy and takes the whole crew with him everywhere he goes on the weekend) that were a surprise to me! We rarely do that anymore and it was quite a package- mani/pedi gift certificate, massage gift certificate, and my first ever overpriced lululemon workout gear so I can fit in at barre class. Claire picked out the color for the top. It was all very sweet.

And so, another year begins! Hopefully a good one, filled with good books and baby laughs, date nights out and family nights in, continued barre class attendance and better sleeping. Older and wiser, and maybe next year, that Hello Kitty party.

Monday Night Monologue

There is a barre class at 8 p.m. on Monday nights and it is the only weekday barre class I can attend. I was excited about it all day, until the early evening when my day/inner monologue turned to something like this:

4:45 p.m.: Picking up girls from school. Super excited I can go to barre tonight.

4:55 p.m.: Picking up Landon from school, with the girls. Wish everyone was at the same school. Barre is in 3 hours, yay!

5:05 p.m.: Home! Cora is hungry, wants to know why she is starving to death inside the hated car seat. Why is everyone mean?

5:25 p.m.: Cora is fed. Big kids are playing a complicated game involving all the rooms of the house, all of Claire's babies, and a bow and arrow. There is some exclaiming, but no yelling or crying, so I plop Cora in her monkey bouncer in the kitchen and switch dinner plans to something more involved (this soup; very tasty!) because everyone is happy and I'm saving the premade dinners for a night when everyone is not. Thinking a glass of red wine would go great with tortellini soup preparation, but no, have barre class in 2.5 hours.

5:50 p.m.: Soup is simmering. Big kids still happy/not in kitchen. Cora is strangling her toy lion with an absurdly large smile on her face. Disturbing and adorable. Soup smells really good. Wish I could eat a giant bowl of it and drink a glass of red wine. But no, freaking barre class.

6:15 p.m.: Serve soup with ciabatta bread. My bowl is smaller than Claire's because tortellinis bouncing around in the tummy does not mix well with intense isometric leg exercises. Kids find my tiny bowl hilarious. Hydrate with non-alcoholic water. Chant over and over again in my head how much I love the Monday night class.

6:45 p.m.: JP is home! Kids inexplicably only 50% done with their single ladle of soup. JP eats giant bowl in same time as their last 3 bites while we talk about everyone's days. I'm so tired, wouldn't it be lovely to curl up on the couch with my new book and that glass of wine I still haven't poured? F-ing barre class. Kids finish, clear plates, and run off to start shower.  I feed Cora again. 

7:00 p.m.: JP has finished dishes, gone to scrub down kids in car wash/shower. I tuck an exhausted but content Cora into bed, give her a pat, and closed the door. Pretty sure she's asleep before the light goes out. Change into workout clothes. Still no wine.

7:15 p.m.: Books being read, toys being cleaned. Tired. Pretty sure I'm going to fall down in barre class.

7:30 p.m.: Bedtime kisses, check that kitchen counters are wiped clean on final walk through. Sit on clean counters and talk to JP about how his lessons went tonight. Whine about how I don't want to go to barre class anymore. 

7:40 p.m.: Leave. Grudgingly.

8:00 p.m.: Class begins. I love this class. So glad I dragged myself here.

8:30 p.m.: [so much shaking of the legs]

9:00 p.m.: Hard part over. I love this class! Yoga and yoga therapy portion begins.

9:30 p.m.: So centered and peaceful and tired and stretched and happy and calm. I LOVE THIS CLASS SO MUCH! I MUST GO EVERY MONDAY ALWAYS AND FOREVER ALWAYS!

9:45 p.m.: Home again. Wine in hand. Answering emails in bed and wondering if I could pull off this jacket? Still high on my love for Monday night barre class, at least until about 3 hours before next Monday's barre class.

Moving On

Sushi date night was a smashing success. We ate 7 rolls, an platter of chicken lettuce wraps, and some fabulous pepper crusted tuna tataki. I stole a few sips of JP's hot sake, but mostly enjoyed my samarai martini that involved sake, cucumber infused vodka, and a few splashes of other things shaken into a martini glass. I didn't share and then I ordered a second. I'm not a big martini person normally, but I'm a sucker for cucumber being involved in alcoholic beverages. And in heels, a favorite dress I bought at BCBG a million years ago, and earrings my sister gave me from Costa Rica, sitting at the bar with my handsome cowboy-booted husband, happy martinis just felt right. As did all the raw fish.

(A shot of the earrings for my sis)

And then on Sunday morning, this lovely lady joined me in bed when my husband abandoned me for a freezing cold pool at 6:30 a.m. She did lots of smiling while I alternated between reading a book on my iPhone (I got addicted to Jeaniene Frost's Night Huntress series, thank you to whoever recommended it!) and smiling back.

The rest of the weekend was barre classes, grocery shopping, Costco-ing, reading, and cooking. I bought enough partially made things at Costco to make this week's dinners much more bearable. And since I'm determined to do less vegetable chopping mid-week, I went all out with my favorite greek salad, grilled chicken, and grilled naan bread tonight. It was delicious and other than the date night, I think the highlight of my weekend was sitting out on the back deck while JP grilled the chicken, holding Claire in my lap, and watching the boys practice Landon's basketball moves in the driveway. Cora was asleep, so she couldn't complete the ensemble, but it was lovely having my big little girl in my lap for a while. The moment reminded me of this scene I snapped last Thursday night of JP reading to the kids before bed. Even though it's an everyday kind of thing, I smile every time I see this picture.

When events and conversations aren't busy devastating me on a personal and business front, I do love the day to day. So here's to more enjoying of that in the week ahead.

A Week

This was my first week back at work full-time, and even with Monday being a federal holiday with schools and daycare open so I got to catch up on the one million errands I didn't get to do before starting work because of the snow and then the vacation, it was a WEEK in all caps italics and extra bold. In fact there were so many emotions and so much exhaustion and on at least one evening so many homemade Mexican martinis that I couldn't even manage a sufficient amount of perspective to be able write about it. In my semi-anonymous non-facebook linked blog. A place where very little mental or emotional distance is needed to write about anything.

So here I am, on Saturday, post-ass-kicking barre workout, and pre-belated-Valentine's sushi date night (non-pregnant me who just now clawed her way back into pre-pregnancy skinny jeans by doing lots of the exercise and eating none of the cookies (or much of anything else) will be eating ALL the raw fish and drinking nearly all the alcohol until happy hour ends. And then going to barre tomorrow), trying to figure out how to put it all into words before Cora gets up from her nap. Or maybe not? When in the midst of a rough patch it seems imperative for me to write about the roughness, to break it into all its prickly parts, excise the bad feelings, and hope to find some closure by the time the publish button is pressed. But now that I've come through it, I wonder if I should stay in the happy now and talk about the beautiful new purse I bought for my birthday instead. But then I feel dishonest, sharing only the good and skipping over the bad, which shouldn't really matter since it's my blog and I can share whatever I want, but it does matter, because this is my story and I've never purposefully and completely skipped a bad chapter before.

And so. On Tuesday, while dressed in my favorite new dress I bought to ease the pain of returning to the non-yoga-pantsed world, approximately 1 hour before the end of my first 8 hour day, I got a call I've been waiting for for ten months, regarding a case I've been working on for twenty-two. Nearly every thing I've done in my new job- all the testimony, travel, presentations, memos, etc. have related to this case, and this one call from another division within my organization would tell me if I could proceed with filing an action. And I was told I could not, for reasons that are complicated and simple and completely confidential. And though I had just been joking with a coworker about this fabled call, telling him that at this point I just wanted to know the answer and didn't even care (much) what it was, I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. My mouth opened, nothing came out, and the caller had to ask twice if I was there because I realized with panic that if I spoke out loud my voice would probably break. I managed a thanks for letting me know, let's talk in more detail later, and hung up, staring at the receiver for minutes after doing so. I could not believe how much it hurt. Not personally, the decision had nothing to do with me, but just in some vague all-consuming general way. I'd worked REALLY hard on that case for a really long time. It essentially represented my entire career at the SEC so far and now I was going to have to draft the closing memo, file it, ship all my documents and binders off to storage, and start over with an empty desk. No stat, no public result, no nothing. And then I had to walk out of my office and go tell my boss, my boss's boss, and my boss's boss's boss, all separately in a voice that didn't shake, and then go pick up my three children at two places, smile and ask about their days, hold a very tired but not allowed to go to bed yet Cora while making dinner, putting away lunch boxes, and hurriedly serving the dinner before Landon's 6:30 basketball practice. JP ran in, grabbed Landon, went to basketball, and I played with Claire and Cora while desperately wishing I was curled in a ball on the couch with a glass of wine and a mindless book or TV show or both.

At 8, all the kids were in bed, and I got to tell JP about my day, and then by 9 we were careening towards a very big, very bad fight over something that is no one's fault, can't really be fixed, and hurts us both any damn time it comes up. An ultimate no-win situation that had nothing to do with my day at work, but sure as hell didn't help it and resulted in my skipping dinner, drinking a second martini in the bathtub to calm myself down enough to take a sleeping pill and pass the fuck out before anything else could happen or I could say anything else I'd deeply regret. It worked.

Cora, bless her multiple chins, slept a solid 12 hours and the rest of the week proceeded from there. Not as bad as Tuesday, but not really much better. I am still adjusting to getting home and starting dinner on my own with the three kids. JP's business is booming, which is fantastic on all levels except the not home until 15 minutes before bedtime one. It really wouldn't be so hard except for this little mini phase we're in with Cora where she is just waking up from her last nap when I get her at daycare, so she needs to eat as soon as we get home, rendering me unable to do anything, and then when I can actually start cooking, she's fussy and tired and wants to go to bed but I can't let her because it's only 6:15 and she'll be up at 4 a.m. unless we stretch her until 7:15 when she'll magically sleep for 12 hours until 7 a.m., so I need to hold her and it's just hard. I'm with the kids, but not really with them and I find I mostly want to yell at everyone, particularly JP when he gets home. And that isn't fair because he does everything in the morning, including making lunches, making, serving, and cleaning up breakfast, and delivering everyone to their various locations. I just get myself ready and leave, scattering kisses as I go out the door. And then he does all the dishes after dinner, gives the kids their shower, and helps tuck everyone in. I am literally responsible for dinner and that's it, but this week it just felt overwhelming, and on top of the work news, the fact that I was even at work, and my unstable emotional state any (blessedly rare) time that JP and I aren't in perfect accord and, well, this is why I wasn't writing about it in real time.

Things were better by Friday. The sting of my work blow had eased. The decision is what it is and while I still have to write the closing memo and that still seems a bit like rubbing salt in a wound, again, it simply is what it is. I have a new case that looks promising and I'll move on. JP and I are good. What threw us so badly on Tuesday (and Wednesday, and a little bit yesterday) is still lurking, but I can't blog about it and can't fix it and nearly every other thing about us and our relationship is so wonderful I sometimes can't believe my luck, so why dwell? And on Wednesday, when I didn't feel like going out to lunch and talking to colleagues, I went to Macy's and bought this beautiful purse at a magical 25% off (designer stuff never goes on sale, which was a sign that it must be purchased):

I'm usually a shoe person, but I'm quite taken with this purse. It's like a smile on my shoulder. Just like the one I'm getting as I listen to JP teaching Landon how to play bananagrams one room over and when I emerged from my shower earlier to find Claire very earnestly showing Cora animal flashcards and exclaiming "good job!" over and over again (good job for smiling at the animals, I suppose, Cora can't do much else). And now I'm going to do my hair and makeup, don a work inappropriate dress, and get on with the date night table for two and the eating of all the sushi. Things are fine and really even very good, but good god it was a week I am not sad to put behind.

Back to Work!

So we got back from our vacation about 9:45 Wednesday night with a car full of ski clothes, dirty laundry, and tired children. A mere 10 hours later and Landon and Claire were off to school with an interesting assortment of food items in their lunch boxes, Cora was off to daycare with her bottles tucked in an old Spiderman lunchbox, and I was driving in to my first day back at work. I laid out my outfit the night before, of course- one of the dresses my mom gave me for Christmas (TJ Maxx FTW! always), my favorite heels to help break my feet back into wearing something besides slippers and running shoes, and hair I'd done two days before in Colorado because I didn't end up having time to take a shower Thursday morning.

I had to kneel so Landon could take a picture of Cora and me at the end of our first day. We both survived. Cora got to explore a new set of play gym hanging toys and I mostly talked to coworkers I'd truly missed and deleted a million emails. I was only in the office for 4.5 hours and that ended up being just about right given all the post-vacation stuff we needed to do in addition to the going back to work stuff. JP jumped right back into this lessons, so I also had my first experience picking up all three kids, bringing them home, and making dinner, with the added bonus of needing to do all the Valentine's prep we hadn't been able to do while in Colorado. It actually all went great- the big kids are so good and Cora has recently decided to embrace baby entertainment devices. Put her in her monkey bouncer in the kitchen where she can watch me cook and she'll give me a good 15-20 minutes to do things that aren't cuddling or feeding her. She's really just happy to be here, always, and could not be easier (or smilier or more content- she makes me want all the babies).

Assembly line Target box Valentine's

I usually decorate the table and make a special breakfast for the kids on V-Day, but this year I just made cupcakes and put out themed place mats from Target with red napkins leftover from last year. The cupcakes distracted them from the fact that breakfast was just cereal bars and yogurt because we still hadn't restocked our fridge and pantry from the trip (the weekend could not come soon enough!) and the kids were thrilled. Seriously $5 of place mats, some breakable drinkware with a stem, and Pillsbury funfetti box cake mix- little kids are so easy to please.

JP had flowers delivered, because he knows how I love them, and Claire let me do her hair for the first time in weeks. It was a Very Special Morning.

Cora and I dressed in honor of the "holiday" as well- me with my precious red Kate Spade pumps from several Christmases ago and Cora in some sassy white and red stripes. I went to barre class Friday morning (it was another half day for me at work), so I did finally take a shower. I felt my coworkers deserved it.

Work again mostly consisted of catching up on gossip, actual news, and case updates. I got my performance review that I was supposed to get in November and it was all very good and then there was lunch and I tried to force all my coworkers to eat all the leftover cupcakes I'd made the day before. I left in time to swing by Target before picking up the girls ("the girls" - I still stumble over that, I have girls plural!) to make a new Penne with Vodka Cream sauce recipe that was DELICIOUS. Seriously, ignore the silly recipe name and go make that sauce immediately, it is quick and easy and the stuff pasta dreams are made of. I cleared my bowl to the kitchen and came back to the table to see Claire with her face in her bowl licking remains too small for the eyes to see.

After dinner and before JP and I put the kids to bed and popped open a bottle of champagne to sit down to House of Cards Season 2, I asked Landon and Claire if they wanted to take a quick picture with Cora. And I got this:

Maybe my favorite picture ever so far. I just had it printed to pin to the middle of my work bulletin board and I know I'm going to stop and smile every time I see it. Which will be a lot, because it's going right above my computer.

So the last week was a little crazy with the disjointed nature of it all- skiing Monday, sledding Tuesday, driving Wednesday, working and schooling on Thursday plus Valentining on Friday, but it all went well. I haven't really had to time digest the fact that I'm Back At Work forever and my time at home is done. It was lovely. Truly lovely and my favorite of my maternity leaves. I loved having JP with me during the morning, loved snuggling my sweet Cora all afternoon, and even enjoyed getting back in shape with surprisingly obsessive barre class attendance. The next time I have that much time at home I'll likely be 60-something and retired, which is a weird thought, but I know that I enjoyed every drop of it and I'm okay going back to work too. I guess the best way to phrase it is that I'm sad to be done with maternity leave, but I'm not sad to be back at work. I like working and being an attorney. It's part of me, a happy part, and for as much satisfaction as I derive from being Landon, Claire, and Cora's mom, I derive a separate satisfaction from being an attorney. And, as luck would have it, that role comes with a badly needed salary and medical benefits, so it's good all around that I'm back doing it.

And even better, I leave that role at 4:30 and don't return to it until the next morning. It's that fact above all others that has made it fairly easy to go back to work this time. Because this face is hard to leave, but it's a lot easier when I know precisely when I'll be back.

This week is the return to full-time attorneying and JP getting everyone out the door at 7:45 while I'm already in my office, so that will be a new adventure. But at least now we have proper lunch items and Cora has a new pink flowered lunch bag for her bottles and I'm sure all will be fine. Let the securities law enforcement and high heel wearing begin!

Skication Wrapped Up (and Pictured)

So luckily, a long-distance-driving ski vacation with 3 children between the ages 3 months and 6 years turned out to be a fantastic idea! Anything I thought might go wrong (Cora screaming herself unconscious in the car; Cora not sleeping well in Colorado; Claire hating ski school) didn't, and the few things that did go wrong (Blizzard! 2-wheel-drive car!) were ultimately fine and nothing we could have prevented anyway. We had a blast and I really hope we can continue going every other year or so.

Party of Five
(taken right outside Cora's daycare, where she wishes she was already)

My sister drove over from Golden to ski with us on Sunday and my Uncle the pilot and Air Force Academy grad (and amazing skier) was in Colo Springs to attend some Academy sporting events, so he drove over to ski with us too! We gathered all our ski gear and accessories and headed over to Keystone early Sunday morning to drop Cora off at the village daycare (which was fabulous; so nice and professional and friendly- Cora had a nanny all to herself!), drop the kids off at ski school, and hit the slopes!

Can't resist a good danger sign

We had a blast, as we always do, skiing and snowboarding together. The weather was not awesome- very windy and snowy. Giant piles of fresh powder covered the slopes making turning a bit tricky and very tiring. Thank god for all those barre classes- my legs were (mostly) up for the challenge. By day 2 the snow was even deeper and I took a 3-run break in the afternoon in a warming hut with a beer while JP hiked up to the back bowls to board down. Because he's crazy and I'm too old and frail and aware of my own mortality to do stuff like that anymore.

At 3:30 it was time to pick up the kids. I was most anxious to see how Claire had done- it was DUMPING snow all day with fairly high winds, so I was concerned she might take offense to the snow blowing in her face and refuse to go outside, but she did awesome! I happened to be watching the gondola line when her class got out and she marched right off the "magic bubble" with confidence and enthusiasm. God I love that girl.

Her teacher on day 2 told us that Claire was willing to do anything as long as she could hold the teacher's hand, so that's how they went down the bunny hill over and over. That's our bear!

Landon also did great! He remembered many of his skills from the last trip and by day 2 was going down regular green runs with his Level 2 class. His teacher said Claire derived great comfort from seeing Landon on the practice hill and they went down next to each other several times. He was also a leader and helper with his own class and very proud of never falling down. I loved how in only two days together both ski school instructors seemed to completely capture our two kids' personalities.

Our biggest struggle of the trip was an unexpected one- getting home at the end of ski day 1 on Sunday night. As it turns out, all of Denver comes out to the slopes and then leaves at the same time to drive back. Though we would be going in the opposite direction as all the Denverites on the highway, we got stuck alongside them on the road to the highway. Like really stuck. In a blizzard with ice on the road. It took 1 hour and 40 minutes to go three miles, after a long day on the mountains, and when our car lost traction and nearly slid into oncoming traffic, we realized we needed to get the snow cables he and Landon had bought the day before onto our tires. And he needed to put them on, crouched down near the ground, right where we were stuck, halfway into fast-moving oncoming traffic, in the dark, in a snow storm. I couldn't breathe until he secured that front left tire on the fast oncoming traffic side of the car, and then a car slid in the lane next to us and nearly hit him on the "safer" side where everyone was going 2 mph. The whole experience was rather terrifying, but he got the cables on and we were able to safely and securely crawl along the feeder until we finally got to the highway. Thank god the kids are so amazing in the car and Cora was asleep for most of it. We were all very excited to get to the condo (or, as Claire called it, "our new home") and the kids celebrated by "cheering" a lot with their milk.

Coming home on Day 2, a lowly Monday, was no problem, and we got home in time for some afternoon apres ski cookies and milk. On Tuesday we woke up to gorgeous blue skies and clear weather, so of course it was our non-ski day. We still took Cora to daycare, since she really wasn't interested in playing in the snow, and bought passes for the gondola (aka Claire's magic bubble) so we could check out the mountain top snow castle.

Not entirely sure why she's on the ski vacation

When we went to buy the passes we found out that using the tubing hill for an hour only cost $2 than just buying gondola tickets, so we were in!

Delighted by the bubble

A very nice Italian man ended up in the gondola with us and offered to take a picture- it turned out to be my very favorite of the whole trip! Though I wish Cora was there in more than spirit.

Our family with a very short bank robber

Claire was too small for tubing, but was delighted by her bright yellow kid tube and happily lounged in there while the three of us took turns flying down a very steep hill.

Like everyone who seems to work at ski resorts, the tubing hill operators were super fun and outgoing and willing to allow you to risk injury by spinning you as fast as possible before pushing you down.

There was also a giant snow castle at the mountain with tubes and tunnels and slides and a maze you could actually get lost in. Until we traveled with kids, I had no idea how many other fun things you could do at a ski resort besides just ski.

All in all it was a completely amazing vacation and I'm so thankful to Dinei for sharing her condo and JP for driving the whole way there and back because that's what made it all financially possible. JP's schedule is so insane in the summer that winter and fall will always be our windows for family vacations and this was a great one.

Our drive home yesterday went smoothly (no snow!) and we were in our driveway 12.5 hours after leaving Frisco. I started work today- an idea that seemed sound months ago when I planned it, but felt increasingly insane as we drove along the highways towards home last night. Luckily we unpacked quickly, got some sleep, and I'd only committed to a half day. I had enough time for Cora to practice going to daycare and me to put on professional clothes and practice being an attorney, mostly by deleting reading the hundreds of emails I'd missed while I was gone. More on the end of my last maternity leave (sob) and my return to the high-heel wearing professional world later, I just needed to marinate in vacation photos a little longer...