Suzy Breadwinner

Every day this week I've come home from work to a spoiled, happy Landon who launches himself into my arms with a cry of Mama! Mama! He lets me snuggle him and is then walks me all around the house, never wanting to be more than a few feet away from me, but not willing to be held when he is so busy. I love that moment and look forward to it the whole drive home.

Also every day this week when Landon throws himself at me, my grandmother-in-law immediately remarks on how POOR Landon hasn't seen his mother ALL DAY and he missed me and loves me and Oh look at how he can't bear to be parted from you. I've choked back many a reply, including things like "I do it because someone has to pay the mortgage and your grandson's enormous grocery bills" or "Not everyone can marry a millionaire like you did." I hold back on variations of the former because they sound mean-spirited towards JP and I don't begrudge my current position as sole income earner; he put in his time with the investment bank so I could attend school full time and I'm happy to do the same for him, especially since this is also allowing him a chance to fulfill his life long entrepreneurial dreams. I refrain from the second because she has since lost all that money and it's something of a sore subject. I also try not to be a mean or cruel person which frequently leaves me smiling and nodding or staring blankly in another direction.

These daily exchanges have reminded me of something I can whole heartedly thank my mother-in-law for -- besides adoring my son and proclaiming him to be the smartest, handsomest, most perfect child ever born, she is completely supportive of the fact that I have a career. She has worked full-time since before she was married and it's just a non-issue for her, like it is for JP -- in their minds, of course I would work, why wouldn't I? It's a view I appreciate.

There is one thing that bothers my MIL about my job- my salary. Before we got married she sat JP down and told him that he better go get his MBA and he better get a good job because our marriage was doomed if I made more than him, after all, she would "never have married your father if he hadn't made more than me!" JP told me this later and we bothed laughed, thinking it an absurd statement to make, but then yesterday I was flipping through some magazine (Parents? Parenting? something like that) and in the "Coming Next Month" section there was an article promising to help marriages in which the woman made more than the man. I immediately showed it to JP, shocked to find his mother's words supported in some way. I've now mentioned it to two male colleagues and both admitted it would be odd if their wives made more then them- not a marital problem causing level of odd, but still something to get used to. I remain rather befuddled by the fact it would matter at all.

In other work news I'm now staffed on an exciting securities litigation matter. I just gave away a huge amount of my nerdiness in that sentence but I love securities law and the tangential Madoff connection in this case makes it all kinds of fun. I'm also dragging JP to a summer recruiting event tonight at a country club- there will be margaritas, a Mexican food buffet, and putting contests. JP always looks wary at the thought of a room full of lawyers, but he seems to enjoy being married to one so I'm sure he can handle it.

The Tempest

Well, my tongue is not bleeding. Things are actually going quite well- I've been working, JP has been coaching and attending investor and company meetings, and Landon has been followed and adored as though he is the sun and my in-laws must orbit (very, very closely) around him. I've held back multiple times on explaining the concept of personal space and the fact that even though Landon is little, he is still a Person and deserves to go five seconds without being touched, patted, and/or smothered. But he's a trouper and they don't see him much so as long as he doesn't look freaked out I'll continue to hold my tongue. It helps that I'm gone all day, and that I know despite any other failings and irritations they love Landon very, very much.

I did have one interesting exchange during the first hour they were in our house. JP's grandmother is 92 and has lived with them since her second husband died when he was in 7th grade. She is very blunt, frequently cruel, and always colorful. When JP's parents were upstairs fawning over Landon, she sat down on the couch across from me and said, "So, what do you think of the gays?"

I shot JP a look of WTF combined with Help! and a dash of Here we go... JP, who was safely esconced in the study, replied with smug amusement and a "You knew what you were getting into when you married me" shrug of the shoulders. And because I did and we are now legally joined in a union no grandmother can put asunder- and because I kind of enjoy the fact that I am not what his grandmother thinks I should be, the conversation continued something like this:

Me, amused: What do you mean?

GIL: Well, you know, marriage!!

Me: You mean, do I think they should be allowed to?

GIL: [nods]

Me: Yes, I think in a country that purposefully separates church and state, with a government that has decided to regulate marriage as a civil matter and grant a host of benefits along with it, they have to be allowed to.

GIL: But then they can have children!

Me: They already can- anyone can have children, you don't have to be married. If anything, allowing marriage helps those children by showing some acceptance and legitimacy for their family and extending those civil benefits that come with it.

GIL: Hmph. One of my friend's daughters is.. [whisper] gay [/whisper] and she has a daughter!

Me: Okay... well, she can do that.

GIL: Hmph. I don't like it.

Me: Well, I guess it's a good thing we don't get to control what other people do based on what we like.

[pause]

GIL: Is Landon potty trained yet?

And with that, she declared victory and I went into the study to pantomine the act of strangeling someone to a greatly amused JP.

Today Landon is taking an Austin Duck Adventures Tour with his grandparents and since three of his favorite words are Duck, Wawa, and Boat, it should be a big hit. I will continue to work a lot, be a gracious, constantly cleaning hostess who does not initiate political discussions but will respond to them, and spend a lot of time drinking wine and kicking warnings to JP under the table at dinner. Given past experiences, things couldn't be going much better!

Calm Before the Storm

My in-laws (plus grandma-in-law) arrive any minute for an eight day stay. I don't have a whole lot to add to that statement. My house is spotless, yet waiting for my mother-in-law to take a sponge to my microwave or other random item she thinks is unclean (it's not) and I'm waiting for her to comment on my weight because she has never failed to do that either. I know they are beyond excited to see Landon (we haven't seen them since Thanksgiving) and JP and I plan to work as much as possible to maximize their time with the little guy and minimize the time we all spend in the same room (that sounds meaner than it's meant to, things just get... tense when JP is around his parents for too long). I'll miss my usual Landon time, but he'll be spoiled and loved and it's only a week. In the mean time I'll rack up some billables, take advantage of a few date nights with JP, and probably bite my tongue enough to make it bleed.

Yesterday was our first day at home without guests in a few weeks so we all soaked up some down time together. Landon was full of dance moves and smiles as we finished decorating the upstairs and installed our last ceiling fan (we only bought one fan, we just moved a few others around to better suit the rooms). I think by now I could hire myself out as a ceiling fan installation expert should I need some extra cash. Last night JP and I watched Milk (excellent movie) and cuddled and didn't open either laptop for the entire evening. It was delightful. This morning we all went to church and then Lowe's and I just felt so happy and content and irritatingly suburbian the whole time. I may occasionally long for the city, but my goodness do I love this life and my little family. It was so nice to have a day to work on to do lists and laugh.

I Need a Pause Button

I attended my first evening recruiting event last night and although I had fun and it was good to laugh and talk with co-workers and summer associates, I missed Landon like crazy. Once again it just amazes me how sharp the drop-off is between me being okay with my schedule and separation from Landon to desperately wanting to stay home this morning just to play with him and soak up his funny, frustrating, snuggly self. I miss dinner with him usually no more than once a month (and so far, never because of mandatory work, usually it's a firm social event of some kind) and it's so hard each time- if not that night, definitely that next morning. It doesn't help that I got a ton of Landon time over the last week with Memorial Day, taking Wednesday off, and leaving early Friday, so I felt like I was going through withdrawal. My goodness I love that little man.

I uploaded these pictures into blogger a few weeks ago. I was marveling at how much he's changed in the nearly 23 months that he's dominated my life, stolen my sleep, and wrapped me oh-so-tightly around his chubby little finger.

And now they just make me want to sneak out of my office and break him out of daycare, which would probably make him mad because he doesn't like to be picked up before snack time and he has a music class at 3 pm that he loves. I suppose it's best that I'm crazy busy (I'm eating a very late lunch over my keyboard as I type because my brain requires some kind of break from the madness all over my desk) and this afternoon is going to fly by. It'll be 5:30 before I know it and Landon and I have big plans to visit our favorite park and then water all the trees in our backyard. Usually he only succeeds in watering his shoes, but the chore makes him feel very important.

I like my job everday and love it some days, but I require my time with Landon. Interestingly, Landon, with his fondness for the roof over his head, shirts with buses on them, and fresh fruit and other food products, requires that his mama has a job. Most days this all works out just fine and I'm lucky to work at a firm that doesn't care that I leave by 6 every day, but there's always a bit of tension between my roles as mom and attorney and it's hard to have them out of balance for even one night.

Graduation Gifts

In the comments to my post yesterday, Melissa asked, "What would you recommend as a graduation gift (on a budget) for a fabulous girl just out of law school?"

And I really didn't know. I just got money for my law school graduation and given that we were facing a summer with no income, that was exactly what I wanted. I do kind of wish I had a thing or two to memorialize that occasion, though I suppose the diploma hanging in my office does a good job of that.

I think jewelry is always good. Whenever I travel I'll buy a unique, usually inexpensive (now that I think about it, it's always inexpensive) piece of jewelry to wear when I get back. And then every time someone compliments me on it I can remember where I got it or why I got it and it brings a smile to my face. The jewelry doesn't have to have anything to do with where you're traveling or the occasion itself, it's just a happy reminder on its own. This can be especially nice because I'm assuming your friend will be starting work soon and it's great to have some work-appropriate jewelry to jazz up simple work clothes. So a simple necklace with a bit of color or striking pendant could be a nice "oh thanks, a friend got me this for my graduation" gift.

If she's not a jewelry person, than maybe something for her office? (assuming she has a job of course) A nice picture frame or desk accessory helps personalize the space she'll be spending a lot of time in. Her office will probably provide some supplies but if it's like my office they're very basic and could definitely be improved. One thing I love is a set of bookends for my bookcase- the office supply ones were ugly, light black plastic and instead of those I now have a sturdy silver set holding up my old casebooks and new CLE materials. It doesn't sound exciting, but I appreciate those every day my books aren't falling over like they used to. I also have a snow globe with the Austin sky line that I love and I would really love to have one of Chicago to commemorate my law school days. Hmmm, that would be a good Christmas present, I need to get JP to read this blog...

The attorney next to me received a gorgeous, deep red leather laptop shoulder bag from her husband when she graduated and eight years later she still uses it. Given its quality and looks, I doubt that was a budget item, but it's another idea. If you don't care if it's a permanent memento, you could also do a gift certificate for a manicure or pedicure for her to pamper herself during or after the Bar. I would have greatly appreciated that one.

So those are my thoughts for someone on a budget. I'm sure there are better ones out there, so if anyone has given or received something they loved, chime in!

My City

I live in a beautiful city. I loved Chicago and still miss it dearly, but that doesn't change what I feel for Austin. I have to keep reminding myself that part of what I miss about Chicago is a life and lifestyle that is no longer my own. I miss meeting friends for drinks and then walking home along the Chicago River watching the lights from the buildings dance on the water. I miss walking to shop, leisurely wandering from store to store, rarely buying anything but just soaking up the sights and energies of State Street and Michigan Avenue. I just miss walking in general- I used to walk for miles and never noticed the distance.

But now, with a Landon who is obsessed with being outdoors, who needs space to run and a driveway to draw on, Austin is the right place for us. I love our dogs, our backyard, our space to spread out, and I especially love our big kitchen and back deck that call out for dinner parties and backyard cookouts. I miss living downtown almost everyday, but I'm filled with contentment about where we are now.

One of my goals when JP is done coaching and before he goes back to business school (or doesn't, that's still up in the air) is to spend more time taking advantage of Austin. We did this little hike yesterday- took about an hour of our time, including driving there and back, and it was so fun. Landon was a very serious hiker and marched around the rocks with a focused expression.

Lovely isn't it? My never-been-to-Texas law school friends were shocked at how green Austin is, I had to remind them that Texas is a huge state with many varied terrains. We had a wonderful time together drinking margaritas, hiking Mr. Bonnell, swimming in Barton Springs, shopping on South Congress, eating Tex Mex and breakfast tacos, and talking until I was hoarse. I'm exhausted- the tequila tasting until 2 a.m. Sunday morning might not have been the best idea, but we had a great time.

And I greatly enjoyed having another photographer in the house because for once, I got to be in the pictures!

Landon was very sad to find his lady friends gone this morning. I was too. Luckily we have a long list of plans for their next trip to my new city.

Left Behind at BigLaw

Two of my friends are here and we had an amazing time last night, but my friend L was stopped from making her flight. She was supposed to fly out early this morning and yesterday the evil female partner she works for told her no, there was too much to do, and she'd just have to stay at work to get it done. There's no hearing or trial next week, there's no immediate deadline, there's other junior associates around and my friend, while brilliant, is by no means irreplaceable. I was heartbroken for her. It's been a really tough past few weeks for her and she called our friend E sobbing on Monday night because the partner she works for had just yelled at her with a tirade laced with f-bombs. Classy. And infuriating. I hate that stereotype of the cold, bitchy woman who had to scratch her way to the top and I hate even more that like most stereotypes, it's occasionally true. It may not be fair, but it bothers me more than the occasional jackass male partner. Both are power-tripping, immature, and unnecessary ways to practice law, but when it's a woman acting awful the let down just feels more personal.

So anyway, L isn't here. It's the kind of thing I heard about the cold, cruel world of BigLaw that I haven't found to be at all true. I think the people I work with are genuinely good people and I enjoy working for them. I'm certain there will be a missed vacation or weekend off sometime in my future, we cater to clients who pay a lot of money for our services and it's a trade-off you take when you except the job and paycheck that come with it. But I know and trust that it will be for a good reason and that those forcing will care about what they're asking of me. A partner I had lunch with yesterday put it this way- you don't have to bargain away your personal life to be a successful associate, and when you do- whether because you're forced to or it happens through your own ambitions, life gets miserable in a way that is going to negatively affect your work product or the way you interact with those around you.

And because I'm still so sad for L trapped in her office all weekend with someone who yells at her on a daily basis, I thought I'd end on a totally different note. This is what Landon picked out of the pantry for his breakfast this morning:

It's a bar of crisco.

Yum!

Recharged and Refreshed and Red-Headed

Since our latest big deadline passed on Tuesday, I've been able to use the past two days to catch up on life. Yesterday was all about errands and cleaning and continuing to work on Landon's big boy room and today I focused on cleaning my overflowing desk and inbox and organizing things around the house (with a lunch date with JP and a trip to a new playground with Landon somewhere in between). It's nice to get a little breather to keep from feeling overwhelmed with all the non-work related tasks in my life. The latest round of home improvements are nearly done- we just have one more ceiling fan to install and a few finishing touches in Landon's room.

This weekend three of my best friends from law school fly in from Manhattan and D.C. and I could not be more excited. I miss my law school girl friends ten times more than I even miss Chicago. I started dating JP my first week of college and since he was already a junior, I pretty much just hung out with the team and his friends. It wasn't until law school that I found a close group of my own. Or maybe they found me. Regardless, I miss them terribly and am so excited that almost every one has been able to make a trip down to Austin to see me, my new city, and their adopted nephew.

And this has nothing to do with the above, but one of the other things I accomplished yesterday was organizing my pictures from the past two months. Among them was this one:

It's not really a keeper and would have been deleted except for the fact that seeing it made me realize my hair is officially red. Not blonde, which I almost wrote on last summer's Texas driver's license application- I was blonde for 16 years and it's a hard association to shake, not even strawberry-blonde, which I was for the first few years my hair decided to change, it's red. And Landon's is quite curly, when it was so straight up until a few months ago. Apparently we don't need salons or hair treatments here, we just need the passage of time to change up our 'dos.

(Also, I fixed the pictures in the last post and added another. I'm not sure what happened to them earlier)

Pointing out the Obvious

Hello there. A lot more has happened since last Friday when I wrote about how there was no time to write about all the things that were happening, and this time I have a surprise day off, so you get a blog post about some of them!

On Saturday Landon and I flew to Houston. We had the bulkhead window seat with an empty seat in the middle so everything went as smoothly as possible. Landon ate copious amounts of Honey Maid Honey Bees (have you tries those yet? delicious!) and fruit snacks and only flipped out at the very end when we were landing and I wouldn't let him run up through first class. Once in Houston we went to a party at my aunt's house and saw lots of family we haven't seen in a long time (that's the reason we flew- JP was coaching a summer league swim meet and couldn't arrive until much later in the day and we figured out that it was cheaper to buy an $85 one way ticket than pay for gas for another car to drive round-trip). Landon got to play with a hoard of nerf guns owned by my younger male cousins and even though he's never seen a gun before, he seemed delighted by its existence.

That night we met JP and the dogs up at the lake house and spent 1.5 days of relaxing, boating, jet skiing, eating, and visiting with family and friends. Landon spent most of the time pointing. It turns out that about 90% of his current vocabulary is up on the lake lot: water, boat, duck (also includes the egrets and other aquatic fowl), bus (the tractor and our fleet of vehicles), Papa (my dad), Gigi (my mom), dog (four of them), and various others. And since my parents' lot is on a big point and we are surrounded on three sides by water, Landon excitedly pointed out the "WaWa!!" every 30 seconds, for the first 24 hours we were there.

Saturday night

Sunday morning

Sunday afternoon

Landon went on two boat rides and preferred to go very fast while snuggled into my neck. He's afraid of lawn mowers (just about the only thing he's afraid of so far) and when the engine cranked up he stuck out his finger towards the back of the boat, glared at me, and said "Mow Mow" in his most accusing voice. But he got over it. We also tried swimming with him, but it turns out he only enjoys pointing at the water and expended considerable effort to keep his body from actually touching it.

You'd never guess his parents are two ex-UT swimmers and his most frequent babysitter and adopted uncle is a world record holder. By Monday morning he had moved on from the water sightings and walked around showing his Papa the various trees on the property.

It was utterly lovely to have 2.5 solid days together as a family with no work, no JP on the phone, and no laptops. I had to work late Monday night, but our biggest deadline yet was last night at midnight (thus the gift of a day off today), so I knew it was coming and was just thankful for my two days totally out of pocket.

Today has been wonderfully productive and now I'm off to pick up the Lanman and play until bedtime. I hope you all had wonderful Memorial Day weekends!

Full

I just put Landon to bed. We read our current favorite books, he snuggled into my neck as I hummed "You Are My Sunshine" and he whispered "nigh nigh" repeatedly in my ear. He curled up in his crib, puppy under one arm, and as I covered him in a blanket knit by my grandmother he made loud kissing sounds. I closed the door with a heart so full and happy I wasn't at all bothered by the fact that I have a million things to do before I go to bed myself.

This has been a very full week- it gave me fodder for a dozen blog posts, but no time to write them. I billed 12 hours on Monday, though I still had my obligatory 2.5 hours off in the evening with Landon. On Tuesday I left work at 4:30 to attend a new associate dinner at the managing partner's 800+ acre ranch outside Austin. It involved 7 courses, approximately 20 utensils (including a "marrow spoon" - a first for me), and thousands of dollars of the managing partner's prize wine collection. JP and I got back around 11:30 and I woke up hungover on a Wednesday morning for the first time since my freshman year of college. On Wednesday I left my laptop at work for the first time in months, met up with friends at the park with Landon, and then celebrated my big night off by painting his big boy room until 1 a.m. I can't even describe how little I wanted to do that and how much I wanted to sit on the couch, but I knew it was the only night we'd have free before we have company next weekend and I wanted to get it done. JP and I had closed the door so that Lilly wouldn't rub up against wet paint and when we stumbled out 3 hours later I had developed a splitting headache from the paint fumes, so Thursday morning involved a hangover of sorts as well.

Last night I hung out with two old college friends and drank daquiris and today I escaped work for two hours to attend a graduation party for an old family friend I've known since she was 1. I generally feel pretty young, but seeing her so poised and pretty and grown-up when I remember her learning to walk suddenly made me feel old. But I couldn't be happier for her and it was so wonderful to see her whole family. I felt all warm and fuzzy for the rest of the afternoon at work. I have multiple adopted parents and grandparents, but they are my true "other" parents and have been since we moved in across the street in 1988.

Tonight we finish painting Landon's room because tomorrow morning Landon and I will be on a plane to Houston, with JP and the dogs meeting us at the lake house later on in the afternoon. I'm going to spend 2 full days relaxing, laughing, and NOT working. I haven't been home since December and I'm very excited about this little trip- and then next Friday three of my best friends from law school fly in from NYC and DC!

So life is full. I haven't turned on my TV or personal laptop in six days, but I couldn't be happier. It makes me unsure what to write about. I think blog posts that just detail a person's day (like this one) aren't particularly interesting but I don't know what else to say, and waxing poetic about how happy I am or how much I like my job doesn't seem much better. I have deeper thoughts, about my career and the flux between what I want and what I'm not willing to give up for it, about Landon and how shocked I was to realize the other day that he's almost two, and about marriage and the dynamic between two people with separate ambitions and demands on their time. But I don't know when to write about any of that. So you end up with no posts or a post full of nothing.