Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Glossitis, Plus Things Not Involving Tongues

I went to the doctor today for something that sounded ridiculous when I made the appointment. My tongue hurts. It's been hurting since last Thursday. It started with tiny puffy little red dots on the very end of that pulsed in pain and fury every time I dare used this highly used muscle. Just try saying "ah, my tongue hurts!" at lunch with your co-workers every single time you try to take a bite of something. It is ridiculous. It is also immensely painful. You use your tongue constantly and when you eat you use it 1,000x more. I love eating. It has been a trial.

Then over the weekend it got worse and my tongue was angry and sore all the way down both sides. I couldn't eat or drink and my big plan for it to heal while I ignored it wasn't working. I called the doctor on Tuesday for a Wednesday appointment and then my throat exploded in the pain of a thousand pieces of broken glass around 4 a.m. Wednesday morning, and I winced and took ibuprofen until I saw the doctor at 3. Upside- I do not have strep. Downside- they have no idea what is going on, but we're calling it "glossitis" which sounds like a thing where someone wears too much lip gloss, but quite literally "inflamed tongue" that hurts. I'm on ibuprofen, a steroid shot, and a special treatment called "magic mouthwash." It tastes somewhat terrible but feels almost wonderful. This needs to go away, your tongue touches your teeth ALL THE TIME and every time mine does I wince and/or yelp a little. I'm tired of talking about my tongue in public circles. Or just, at all.

On the upside, my inability to put food in my mouth did help my "I'm going to go one week without cookies and cake to prove I don't have a problem with cookies and cake" vow from Friday. Though I have been swinging through the McDonald's drive-through before I pick up the kids (shhhh; they don't know drive-throughs are an option in their life) to buy a $0.49 vanilla cone, but that's medicinal. And today I added an order of fries. And I came home to a box of donuts from JP's client. But no cookies or cake!

~ ~ ~

The kids and their tongues are doing awesome. Landon remains an animal obsessed super sociable pacifist. He's super fast, super smart, and unbelievably generous to his sisters with his heart, toys, and ability to hug, hold, and reach high things. He doesn't believe in possessions and will probably live in a commune someday. I hope he can find one near a major airport so we can visit.

Today I realized JP and my general policy against eating at chain restaurants (we just have so many amazing and unique local ones!) is having interesting effects on the next generation:

Landon: Mom, have you heard of Dominos?
Me: Like the game?
Landon: No it's pizza that comes to your house!
Me, laughing: Oh, yeah, I've heard of that.
Landon: Could we maybe eat it one day? Neil says it's really good.
Me: Ha, well, I'm sure we will, but Pizza Snob and Mellow Mushroom are even better, so we like to go there.
Landon, skeptical: Neil said Domino's is the best.

So peer influence has headed our way via his best friend and chain pizza-pusher.

If Landon's lap is empty, a Cora will be in it soon

Claire remains utterly herself- enthusiastic, wily, affectionate, assertive, and accessorized.

Mommy look, Cora is so beautiful!

On Monday morning before work, I was walking by her on my way to the kitchen and she yelled:

Claire: OH. MOM. STOP!
I did and she grabbed my waist and pulled me down to eye level
Claire: Mom. You earrings are SO beautiful!!
Me: Oh, thanks Claire!
Claire, patting me on the shoulder as she walked away: You are going to have SUCH a good day.

She's smart in a frighteningly manipulative way that she mostly uses for the greater good, but always uses for the greater Claire. Landon, whose lowest grade was a 97 last term, is in WAY over his head in their daily negotiations. She forgets nothing and can see 3 steps ahead of whatever Landon is currently suggesting, but she is also an incredibly patient and loving big sister and always includes Cora in her play.

Cora is 17 months old and bold, bald, and beautiful. She is learning so! many! things! and has such! strong! opinions! about everything.

When she is in a good mood, which is still the vast majority of the time, I can't imagine that a more delightful and happy baby exists in all the world. I have to stop myself from constantly picking her up and squishing her. She ADORES her big siblings. She barks at every dog she sees. She gives sloppy open mouth kisses. She follows multi-step directions. She speaks a few words and understands many more, but refuses to acknowledge that I have a title. This ranks me below dada, ruff ruff, tummy, ear, nose, belly button, Tex, Landon, Claire, no, yes, more, food, milk, water, ball, outside, and at least twenty more. She loves to play dressup and always has a hat and purse (or lunch box or shopping bag) on the crook of her arm.

She walks imperiously about the house relocating items and talking to herself. She feels strongly that my mini eye makeup remover bottle belongs in my shoe organizer. She feels even more strongly that the TV remote belongs in her hands. She's a climber. She likes to help. She is certain she is at least 5 years old.

She flings herself down any slide at any park at a high velocity and doesn't seem to mind when she fails to stick the landing on the hard ground below, and just brushes her hands off and heads to climb again. She often yells at me from 5:30 p.m. to 6 p.m., but rewards me with smiles and not-yelling if we go outside. She thinks she's in charge of our house, and but for bedtime, she's probably right.

thought she couldn't reach the box on the table; was wrong

She's getting so big, but she's still so much our baby.

~ ~ ~

It additional non-tongue news for me, I got a tentative offer to teach a permanent class at another barre studio! I'm super excited, though a little nervous as I'm doing a test class tomorrow night for the two owners and one of the other barre teachers (who happens to my barre idol and crush; she taught at my current studio and left a few months ago for this new one). I have my set list all planned out, but it's a lot scarier to teach for experienced barre-goers who might hire me and a barre teaching legend (in my own head, anyway) than it would be a normal class with a mix of experience and expertise. I'm taking testimony tomorrow and am WAY more nervous about what I'll be doing at 7:30 p.m.

But I bought a gorgeous new workout tank, and have promised myself these awesome pants if I get the job, so I'm sure it'll be fine. New clothes are a great motivator (the last two times I've tried to treat myself to something at Lulu I just haven't been able to find the perfect thing, and it must be perfect for me to buy something there), but I honestly just really REALLY want to teach. It's like being an associate at the firm again where you never get to talk in depositions and then one day someone lets you sub in for the partner a few times and you get the thrill and terror of asking all the questions and then the partner comes back and you're back in the quiet corner, and while depositions are still exciting, they aren't nearly AS exciting and now you just want to make partner. Tomorrow is me trying to make partner. And get new yoga pants.


  1. My husband had the same tongue ailment last year. After several doctor appointments, and trying various remedies, he discovered quite by accident that it was being caused by the store brand dental mouthwash. As long as he sticks with Crest, no reoccurring problems.

  2. Google Burning Mouth Syndrome.