Monday, November 14, 2011

New Adventures, pt 1: the Application

10 pm, Nov. 14th, 2011

I don't know when I'll be able to post this, but feel compelled to write. I submitted a cover letter and resume for my dream job today. I haven't written a cover letter since 2006 and hadn't updated my resume since my summer associate internship in 2007. I made my secretary and good friend read both before I sent them because I suddenly become irrationally afraid I'd included a typo. My hands shook when I sent it. Both because I'm so excited about this job it scares me, and because it is such a huge step for my family. It would involve a move, a new city, a new daycare, new schools, new friends, new everything. It is terrifying on both levels- that I'll get it, and that I won't.

I've mulled over applying for a week. When I got the call inviting me to do so I sounded hesitant- it's my nature. The job sounded amazing, but my mind immediately jumped to the 100-item task list I would have to write to move my family. I thought about it for a few hours, talked to JP, and spent 3 hours on citydata forums picking out a neighborhood and a hypothetical house. Okay, I thought, we can do this. I called the person back the next morning. I wanted it, I said. And I did.

My biggest concern was JP, followed by the kids. They're young enough that I think they'll be fine in a new place. Both are gregarious, both have been in childcare since infancy. It hurts to think about leaving our daycare. We just had our bi-annual parent-teacher conference for Landon and loved hearing the stories of his day, all of which illustrate just how much he is thriving in that school. He's the leader of his pack of friends during outside time- he narrates all their imaginative play, generally involving Power Rangers, knights, and "fighting princesses." The day after I found out about the job, Claire had a tough time at drop-off. It's rare, but it happens, and she clung to my neck and cried and cried as I pried her off. I hate those mornings, but by 11 a.m. I had two emails- one from her former infant teacher who stopped by to check on her (upon hearing from the front desk lady, and Claire's biggest fan, that "our Clairebear" had a tough morning), and one from her current lead teacher, letting me know that she was happily playing with her friends after a few minutes of special cuddles from Ms. Molly. I'm going to cry on our last day there. Hell, I'm crying now. It's been a special place.

But JP was my biggest worry. He just spent 12 months looking for a job, how could I possibly ask him to do that again only 6 months after finding one? I wouldn't, I decided. I could wait a year- maybe going part-time at the firm for that time- and wait until he'd worked for Current Employer for 18 months. I told him about the phone call, because I tell him everything, and he said, "apply for it. It's exactly what you want. I'll be fine." I laughed a little and admitted it wasn't pure selflessness that had me skittish, his looking for work was hard on me too. "But we'll be fine, you know that," he said. And it's true, we're stronger than any of that. Five minutes later, I heard JP call out from the study, "I found a master's team I can swim with!" And so we checked off a task that wasn't even on my imaginary list.

On our weekend hike I mentioned that I was already worried about daycare. JP looked confused- why? Did we pay for the whole year already? I gave him an annoyed look, "no, a daycare for the new city." Oh, he waved a hand, that'll work out. Breathing deeply to avoid a tirade about how things don't JUST work out, they work out because I spend hours obsessively researching things and MAKING them work out, I decided I could delay most of the worry until I had some indication the move was likely instead of just possible. And then we hiked up another hill and talked about how much we loved Austin.

I just priced moves, checked on my hypothetical house, and talked to our old realtor about selling our house. I'm so excited. I'm terrified at how much I want this job. I'm overwhelmed at the thought of actually moving to a new city where we don't know a single person. I'm so excited.

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