Monday, November 7, 2011

Little Moments, in Hipstamatic

So my 4-day weekend last week wasn't enough to recover from The Case (the case to end all cases; the case that very nearly made me quit my job; the case that made me cry TWICE- 2x more than the births of my children made me cry -- that case). I returned to work on Tuesday, relaxed, but utterly apathetic. I worked on things, I did a good job- an acceptable job- but not a me job. I gave nothing more than the minimum, I had no burning desire to get more involved in these new matters. I just wanted a week of sitting at my desk and playing on the internet- was that too much to ask?

Yes. I'm now on four cases. I should be flattered I got snapped up so quickly, and I suppose I am, but mostly, I just really wanted to do a little online Christmas shopping and maybe secretly re-read a few books on my iPhone thanks to my Kindle app and a strategically placed book of the federal securities statutes.

So I left early last Thursday and stayed home last Friday. I had a cold, which gave me an excuse, and an appointment with a plumber to fix some sort of valve that was causing our pipes to shake and moan every 30 minutes between 2 and 5 a.m. (which was just awesome for an insomniac and light sleeper). I kept the kids home with me, of course- I find myself generally unwilling to be parted from them for long. It would be easier to get back into the work groove if they would make caring for them difficult- if there was a tantrum or a day without napping or something... but no, they're absolutely freaking delightful. They play together more and more- not just near and around each other, but together in the same game. Claire's personality grows bigger every day, but as big as it is, it barely rivals her sweetness and smiles. She gives impromptu hugs and kisses on your cheek, and also throws kisses from a distance with a widely outstretched arm and a loud smacking "bwaaaaa" sound. Landon is almost always dressed as some sort of super hero and Claire is always his side kick. When he goes anywhere- even just to the living room from the kitchen, he'll say, "Claire, do you want to come too?!" and she'll nod very seriously, climb down from whever she was, and toddle behind. On Sunday, I spent about an hour on the floor of the play room just hanging out with them- sometimes playing with them, often just watching them play with each other and it was perfect. I can't believe we ever questioned adding Claire to our family. Later, when we were playing outside on the driveway, Landon fell off his bike and skinned his knee, and before I could get to him, Claire had run over on her chubby little legs and hunched down to kiss him all better.

Today was a good day at work. I got in at 7:45 and plowed through a whole lot of work on four different matters. I was assigned to a 5th one as I was leaving and am working on a Response to a Motion to Expedite as we speak (or as I type?). And as I research case law and massage legal holdings into pursuasive language, I become engaged again, and I remember why I like so much of what I do. But then I field head hunter calls and calls from former colleagues with job leads and wonder if I should make a change and what change should that be? When I leave the office at 2:00 in the afternoon to take my kids to the park because I worked late the night before and have a lull between rounds of revisions, I wonder, is there anywhere else I can do that? But then I think, maybe at that other mythical job, I wouldn't have been up until 2 a.m. drafting a brief in the first place.

I don't know. I look at my happy, healthy, thriving, loving children and know that they're okay. They're in a wonderful daycare with teachers who care for them. They have a structure and constance to their days, and barring the very rare late night in the office, we eat dinner and play games and read books as a family every night. They're good, I truly believe this. And JP and I are good too- we can do this, this two full-time working parents thing, we're making it work. But, we've started asking ourselves- why? and, do we have to? If we each had the option to step back a bit at our jobs- make slightly less money, and maybe delay or pause a bit on the career ladder- why wouldn't we do that? For our own sakes, just to have that extra time with two ridiculously sweet children and with each other? And even though I used to grind my teeth when anyone asked me if I was going part-time, mostly because no one ever asks the male working parent that question- I no longer think that stepping sideways for a bit will permanently unend my career. Though, I admit, that thinking that and actually stepping aside are two very different things. And the fact that we pay 3x the cost of our mortgage in childcare + student loan payments each month is a road block to certain options, but not all.

I think JP and I both will have made certain changes to our jobs and/or schedules by January. Or at least they'll be in process. Just thinking and talking and planning for them is a step. A step that makes me happy and calm, even as I have about 4 more hours of work to do tonight (and it's now after 11 pm).

This post was supposed to be about the iPhone pictures I took below over the weekend. I love having a camera on my phone- it captures so many more of the little moments. But I guess that's what the above rambling is about though- the little moments and how we can be there for more of them. We're working on it.

Landon and Great Uncle Carl the Pilot on Friday,
watching airplane videos on youtube while mommy worked a bit
(we love when Uncle C has layovers in Austin)

Saturday hike in my beautiful city

urban view

Claire, following Landon up any rock he climbs

making daddy so pretty

Claire's favorite set of wheels


Batman mask from the back of the Cheerios box
apron from mommy's kitchen drawer

wearing every Batman item we could find in the house

heading out for the day: blankie and a lunch box

1 comment:

  1. LL! Check your email, woman (assuming you haven't already). It sounds more and more like you guys could use a break.

    Love love love the photos.