Friday, January 16, 2009

Dear Ms. Google,

As I've done before, I thought it would be fun to share a few of the google searches that have brought lost souls to my blog. Most searches involve the bar exam, pregnancy, law school (especially law school and pregnancy), and baby/toddler issues. And because I think several people were looking for answers my blog did not provide, I thought I'd provide a little commentary to help them on their journey for truth:

anyone know when they release texas bar exam scores: I get about ten searches a day regarding the bar exam, "easiest bar exam?" "texas bar exam" and the like, but I chose this one because of the phrasing. When searching with google I usually just throw in a bunch of key words, so my search would look like "texas bar exam score release date," but I enjoy the conversational approach of this person- kind of like they're asking it aloud in a crowded room. And while the internet may be akin to a very crowded room, I think the keyword search is more effective. But to answer your question, the Texas scores were released in early November.

do women enjoy getting pregnant: Getting pregnant? yes, unless you're doing something terribly wrong. Being pregnant- not so much. I'd say the getting pregnant was the best part of those 8 months.

third trimester and no sex drive: Yeah, that sucks- and describes my entire pregnancy. Despite all the reasons Landon gave me to fear for the reality of baby #2, that is the only part I'm truly dreading.

my husband doesn't like me moaning about my pregnancy pains: Seriously? I was hoping those kind of guys had been eliminated through natural selection. Tell him to shove it and moan away or start a blog - or both, then you can moan about your pregnancy and your neanderthal husband.

law student best time get pregnant: I think it's a good time and there's never a best time, so do what's best for you. If you're asking for the best time while in law school I'd say 3L year or at least any time after 1L.

my pregnant girlfriend is offending me with her mood swings: This cracked me up. Once again it's all in the phrasing. I'm trying to imagine this man sitting down at this computer, pulling up google, and entering that phrase. What was he expecting to find? I love him a little for not saying "my pregnant girlfriend is acting like a bitch" or something like that- apparently he's just finding her moods a little offensive.

how can i make my husband's belly bigger: Why do you want to? Desserts, ice cream, and pizza do the trick for me.

postpartum sex sucks: I disagree.

why is my child crying and stuffing his hands in mouth: because s/he is teething and teething is a bitch. I have found little that works, but a few options are Tylenol, Motrin, frozen wash cloths, orajel (or it's much stronger cousin, Hurricaine Gel), teething rings, and sadly, time.

infant tummy troubles and texas: Is there anything specific about Texas that you think is causing this trouble? Funny enough, when I mentioned this search to JP he said, maybe they were asking if Texas would cure the troubles. I have to admit, that spin on it hadn't occurred to me- I was immediately wondering why Texas was causing this poor infant pain.

waving the white flag to a toddler: Also cracked me up- and made me nod with sympathy. When Landon is acting particularly toddlerish I: try to find humor in the situation, express some sympathy for his frustrations and then walk away and do something else until he's done, read a book out loud until he comes and sits with me, and/or call JP and tell him to come home. They all work to varying degrees at different times.

why do some lawyers love law school and hate practicing? Because the two have almost nothing to do with each other.

sharing my husband: I'm not a good sharer, I have no advice.

rude people who put their seat back on airplane: Tell me about it. But be careful, some people get very offended when you suggest their lawful exercise of airplane rights might be irritating to you.

bread and cheese breakfast Sounds delicious! I'm not sure why you were googling this as it's fairly self-explanatory, but if you'd like ideas, my favorite bread and cheese breakfast is a lightly toasted bagel, covered in grated cheddar cheese, and placed under the broiler for a few minutes. Yum!

big puffy pancakes recipe: You can find one here. Mine was not what I envisioned, but it was tasty!

how to get 70% in law exams: Aiming high, no? If you really want to know, I found it helpful to review someone else's old outline the morning of the exam and then spot two issues in the fact pattern and explain them as best I could. As long as you display some legal knowledge relevant to the subject matter it's almost impossible to fail.

how to write a 25 page paper: What were you expecting to find? Sit down at your computer, open Word, and start typing. Stop when you get to 25.

So there you are. I'm not sure many of these people found what they were looking for, but hopefully google eventually showed them the way.


  1. These made me laugh out loud!

  2. These made me stifle giggles at work. I love the one about the pregnant girlfriend offending him.

  3. Is this a feature of blogspot that allows you to see these?

  4. LOL!

    For me, best time to get prego in law school was spring of 1L, and have the baby winter of 2L.

    And, I *loved* being pregnant. :D

    And, I had crazy, crazy, insane, awesome sex drive in my third tri.

  5. google seems to be everyone's "go to" source for knowledge... i love how people googled actual sentences!
    why does somneone want to make her husband fat!? lol!

  6. I LOVED being pregnant. I would be pregnant all the time if I didn't have to have an actual baby to take care of afterwards!

    Hmm as for best time to be pregnant - I think 2L. I had a baby in the middle of 2L and a second baby after the bar. The baby after the bar was MUCH harder because I had a newborn to take care of when I started as an associate.

    Law school life is much easier than life as a big firm associate. This made parenting a newborn a lot simpler. If I skipped class, no one cared. If I wanted to take the night off and hang out with my baby, no one cared. If I wanted to tune out, no one cared.

    Compare to the law firm - I couldn't just take the night off if I had work. If my kid was sick and I had an assignment, well, I was expected to focus on the assignment, not my kid. I could no longer do mommy activities during the week. Breastfeeding was more complicated as a lawyer compared to as a law student. My time was not my own. In fact, it is almost 7 PM and I have not seen my 2 year old today. I am on your site right now because I am killing time while I am waiting for a document. It is hard with a toddler to balance law firm life and mommyhood, but it is much harder with a newborn - especially one that is breastfed. Another problem with starting at a law firm with a newborn is that no one knows you or trusts you and will assume you are unreliable if you need to cut out early to go to the pediatrician or get home by 7 or 8 to feed your baby (you've exhausted the breastmilk stash and your boobs are going to explode because you no longer have empty bottles to pump into). So imagine going through the new parent exhaustion during your first days/weeks/months on the job while you are trying to impress people.

    If I had it to do over again, I would do it exactly the way I did it. But newborns require a lot of time and it is easier to take care of one on a student schedule than on a lawyer schedule. So 3L summer is not a great time to have a baby, unless you can afford to take 6 months off after the bar and simulate a maternity leave.

  7. I'm still fixated on "bread and cheese breakfast." That sounds so incredibly awesome it's unbelievable. How very Euro .. and hawt.

    PS - I'm one of those bastards who puts her seat back. I'm short, and when I have to sit in the stupid chair, that lump thingie that you're supposed to be able to rest your head against hits me wrong. So it makes me sit all hunched over and is really uncomfortable unless I recline the seat. Oh - and you may hate me for this, but I"m short enough that I actually fit comfortably in an airline seat. Unless I'm pregnant. Hawt!

  8. Kelly asked this same thing: what do you use to track google searches to your site?

  9. I use two things: sitemeter and statcounter, they're both free. You just go to their sites, create a profile, and insert their code into your blog (you can see them at the bottom of my side bar on the right). Or you can just google something about free stat counters for blogs. Google Analytics is another one people really like but I haven't used it.

    Sitemeter was the first thing I found and I like it because it's free and it keeps track of the info forever. I like statcounter better but it only keeps track of the last 500 visitors, so for me that clears every day. If I go a few days without checking it I miss all those fun google searches :) I probably check my stats every week or so because it's fine to see how people found you- it will also tell you if someone has come over through a link on another website.

    Truthfully I am not very internet savvy and I only know about these links because other people had them on their blogs. Someone else could probably give you a lot more info!

  10. You get some great searches! Mine are much less interesting. (At least I think they are -- I haven't looked at them in a while.)

    As for 3rd trimester sex drive, I had it in spades, but sadly JW did not. (2nd was even worse.) JW was freaked out that he would "poke the baby."

  11. The worst google searches I ever got were after a post I wrote where I was totally fed up with something and said, "This blows goats." Oh my God, don't even ask.

  12. Also, 500 visitors every day? Biotch, I hate you. I have like three visitors a day. And you know where they're all being referred from? Lag Liv. Damn you.

  13. oh, google searches. mine were never very exciting on the old blog and i don't have any yet on the new blog to laugh at :)

    the bread and cheese one makes me want to go grocery shopping. maybe the woman who wants to fatten up her husband should serve him this for breakfast!

  14. Oh dear teasingly, I always considered that my "healthy breakfast" on the days I ate it...

  15. This totally made me laugh out loud. A lot. My cats think I'm psychotic now...!