There and Back Again

Sorry for the long absence- I think it may have been my longest since I started blogging 3.5 years ago, but we've been escaping the Texas heat wave in Siren, Wisconsin, which was of course experiencing its own heat wave. The upside was that Wisconsin's kind of heat wave involves temperatures in the low 90's as opposed to the 100's. The downside was that my grandparents' cabin doesn't have a/c.

I have a lot to say about our trip, but I have 6 suitcases that need unpacking and I have never failed to fully unpack from a trip within a few hours of coming home. I've never had to deal with more than 2 suitcases before, but I like a challenge. So until I can spend a bit more time with my laptop soaking up its big screen and fast internet connection (I've subsisted on blackberry-only internet for the past 7 days, the withdrawal was harsh), I will just write a quick note and leave you with a few unedited pictures.

In sum, the lake was beautiful and the family time was absolutely fantastic. I spent less than one waking hour away from my children and I missed them the whole time (I was doing laundry in town, washing all the sheets we slept on so my 80-year-old grandma wouldn't have to do it after we left; also I secretly enjoy the novelty of the small town laundromat). Our seven days reinforced why family vacations are so important and even though it was financially irresponsible to take this one, I don't regret it one bit.

I was worried about the travel beforehand- two kids and the long itineraries seemed like a potential disaster, but it all went perfectly (well, except for a nearly lost suitcase on the way there and a really lost suitcase on the way back- I should have worried more about my luggage than my children). Last Friday involved leaving the house at 5:00 am (and waking Landon up 3 hours early to do so), a shuttle ride from off-site parking, 2 plane rides, a 2-hour layover in Denver, a 2-hour drive to Minneapolis, and no nap, and he was perfect. Not one tear or even a frown- he was excited and cute and perfectly behaved. He remained uninterested in the DVDs I had so hopefully packed, but he happily passed the time coloring pictures, "reading" books, and trying to show Claire everything on the plane and out the window. He was most concerned that she enjoy her trip.

Today's trip back home involved much of the same- a super early morning, 2 plane rides, a shorter layover, another shuttle ride, and a drive home that took him 3 hours past nap time. He was wonderful yet again and this time we even got him to watch 45 minutes of a DVD, so for the first time since I became a mom, I got to read on a family plane ride! Claire did great too- no crying, just lots of sleeping and smiling, and she slept 8-9 hours every night at the cabin! (But NOT in the hotel room in Minneapolis last night, though it really wasn't her fault.) It was a wonderful, relaxing week, and while Claire is the reason my eyes are bleeding today, I forgave her when I saw this picture transferred to my laptop from my (now broken) camera:

Clairebear, stuffed like a sausage into her ballerina bathing suit

It makes me smile every time I see it, but now it's back to unpacking and catching up on So You Think You Can Dance before the finale tonight. I can't wait to write more- I have missed this blog and you all so much!

2 months!

Claire turned 2 months old yesterday. Her doctor appointment was today, and because I use my blog to record all major life events, here are her stats:

Weight: 13 lbs (97th percentile)
Length: 23 in (75th percentile)
Head: 41 cm (95th percentile)

My baby has a huge head (and body, really), but she still showed off her strength for the pediatrician with her baby push-ups on the exam table. The doctor noted that she was drooling already and said her lower gums were a little swollen so she might be teething. That had better be one area she doesn't take after her brother- Landon was "teething" for about 6 months before any teeth showed up. I would take him to the pediatrician begging her to find something wrong that we could fix and she'd so, no, I think it's just his teeth glacially making their way through his gums. She's already got the milk protein allergy and the reflux, so surely she wants to strike out on her own in some area!

She's been having quite a bit of trouble with the reflux- we're using the Prevacid, Zantac, and adding rice cereal to her formula, and I think we now have it under control. You can hear the liquid come up her esophagus after she drinks but she's no longer arching away from it, so that's an improvement. She's such a stoic little thing- she still rarely cries, but instead makes sad little squawking noises after she drinks with her mouth turned down in a big sad face. It's one of the most pathetic things I've ever seen.

But, on the super fun positive side, she smiles constantly and it's just adorable. Her chubby cheeks and multiple chins make the smiley face even better. Even if it's three in the morning and you're exhausted and your insomnia is trying to kill you and your eyes burn when you try to open them, her smiles make me give her a goofy grins back in return. Landon also loves them and he always announces when she's smiling to the rest of the house.

So far Claire's favorite things are her baths, getting her clothes changed, and eating. She loooooves it when you lay her down on the changing table to change her diaper or change her outfit (or, often, both). She gives you a series of big smiles and you just know she's thinking, "oooh which of my pretty dresses do I get to wear now?" She even smiles as you're pulling clothes over her head- I really do think she likes getting to wear different outfits throughout the day. Which may also explain why she likes to poop on them.

Even with the reflux, she has been such a joy. Landon remains a doting big brother and it has been so funny to hear him parroting back some of the little endearments I coo at her. When he got home from daycare yesterday he bounced up to the chair where I was rocking her and said, "hi little lady!" in this sugary sweet voice which is apparently what I sound like when I talk to her. And then when her face started to look said he said, "oh, no sad face!" which is also what I say. Cracked me up. It is still so fun to see the two of them together.

And perhaps most joyous of all? On Tuesday night Claire slept from 9 pm to SEVEN AM. 10 hours!! And then last night she slept for 9! I love that baby girl!

(These are obviously not recent pictures, they're just a few more shots from our newborn photo session nearly 2 months ago. I need to get better about using my camera on these random days while we're hanging out at home! The most recent pics I have are here.)

A Legal Happy

I haven't paid this much attention to my blackberry since my maternity leave began. The federal judge who heard the challenge to Proposition 8 which banned gay marriage in the state of California was handing down his opinion today and I couldn't wait to see what he ruled. And YAY!! he found Proposition 8 unconstitutional.

And of course it is. As Judge Walker wrote in his 136-page opinion which lays out "in precise detail why the ban does not pass constitutional muster": "Because Proposition 8 disadvantages gays and lesbians without any rational justification, Proposition 8 violates the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment." He also notes that the law "fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license." And you don't get to do that. You don't get to deny a group of people a right conferred by our secular government just because you don't like them or because you think the Bible tells you to do so. You just don't. And that's a fantastic thing about our constitution. It's why separate but equal doesn't still exist in certain states, it's why laws against interracial marriage were struck down by the Supreme Court (and, side note, the supporters of those marriage bans also used religion and the supposed negative effects on children as justification for them, arguments that have reappeared in today's debate), and why, I think, sometime in my lifetime gay men and women will be allowed to get a marriage license from their city clerk.

So I'm happy. It's a good opinion. I continue to completely not understand those who support measures to legalize hate and seek to deny a government right, a right that comes with a myriad of legal benefits, to a certain group of people who just to be able to get married. And I nervously wait to see what the Supreme Court ultimately does with the case.

Papa's Project

One of my favorite things about my dad is that he's always moving. He always has projects on the horizon and when he talks about getting something done, he not only does it, he does it perfectly and without cutting any corners. He can't let a car leave his driveway without washing all the windows (for example, as we were waving goodbye and backing out of their driveway last weekend, my dad emerged from the garage with his windex and a rag, and by the time we reached the bottom of the driveway our windows were sparkling). He comes up with an idea of something to do with the house and a weekend or two later it's done. He built my mom a full Biology book storage unit out of our old living room bar area (my mom owns over 30 college Biology textbooks that she reads in full and incorporates into her high school lessons- college towns and their accompanying bookstores are as dangerous as a DSW for her), he turned their stand-up shower into a closet because my mom had takeover the one they were supposed to share, and despite a complete lack of engineering or mechanical training, he has fixed every appliance and car problem we've ever had. I think he's very good in his financial career, but it's his hobbies (and my mom) that keep him happy.

Outside of his projects, his lake house, his dogs, and my mom, he also loves being a dad and grandpa. He was always the dad in the pool tossing all the kids around or creating games for us to play in the yard (a favorite being when he'd mow the lawn in a crazy pattern and let us play in the "maze" for a while before having to mow it all over again in 110 degree heat to make it smooth). When we were visiting last weekend he took Landon on big adventures through the green belt, helped him fly a remote-controlled helicopter he pulled out of the garage (no idea when we acquired that), and then, while Landon was sleeping and all the girls were downtown seeing Wicked on Saturday night, he made this special sign:

It has all of Landon's favorite things: a helicopter, a boat, an airplane, and his pets- a slightly chubby Tex, a Lilly, and a Rosie with her longer hound-like nose. It's a work of art.

He signed the back and now it's hanging proudly above Landon's bed.

He said as soon as he knows Claire's favorite things, she'll get one too.

8-week Update

Clairebear is 8 weeks old today. I'm basically required to follow that with, "and I can't believe it's gone by so fast," but it's true- I really can't. Everything has been SO much easier this time around. And not because of Claire- as it turns out she is much like her big brother with the milk protein allergy, super expensive formula, and freaking reflux. Oh yes, we landed a pediatric gastroesophageal reflux disease diagnosis last Friday when I took Claire to the doctor an hour before we were supposed to leave for Houston for my mom's party. She'd been up every half hour the night before just crying and crying and it was so sad and nothing helped, not even her bottle which she seems to love more than life itself, and finally at about 3 a.m. JP stuck her in her car seat and drove her around the block for 30 minutes. When he trudged back in the door with a baby who had been asleep until the moment the car stopped moving he said, "no more kids." I told him that shouldn't be a 4 a.m. decision, but I wasn't about to argue just then.

(though this one is so cute!)

The pediatrician agreed it was GERD, and due to my vast experience and knowledge of reflux treatments, we got to skip straight to the good stuff- a strong dose of Prevacid in the evening and Zantac as an option in the morning if she's really struggling (we've only used that once so far, and I'm really not sure Zantac does anything, it didn't for Landon.). Claire is doing so much better- about an hour after she took the Prevacid for the first time, she had her nighttime bottle, heaved a great sigh, and fell into a deeper sleep than she had for days. And then she slept for 7 hours! Delightful- for everyone. I think we caught on much earlier with Claire so there wasn't as much damage to her esophagus yet and the medicines were able to help better, faster.

Yay!

There is so much that has made things easier this second time around. Previous experience is big- you learn a lot about babies and their many issues after surviving the infancy of a difficult one. This time I knew what reflux was as well as how to recognize it. It also helps to know that one bad night won't kill anyone. Not you, not your marriage, and not your baby. In fact, a hundred bad nights won't kill you. And I also know that it's going to get so much easier and so much more fun. Having a toddler around is a fantastic reward at the end of babyhood. And knowing all of that has helped me to enjoy Claire's babyhood that much more.

Thoughts on My Return

I have 5.5 weeks left of my 13 week maternity leave (12 weeks paid leave + 1 week vacation). I've been asked how I feel about this, so I want to address it, but it's probably not going to be very interesting because the full and complete answer is that I feel fine. For one, not feeling fine isn't an option because my working isn't an option, so there's not much point in finding reasons to be unhappy with the reality of returning. But for the sake of discussion, I'll pretend like I didn't just write that previous sentence and delve a little deeper into my emotions regarding my return to full-time working attorney.

And, well, I feel fine. I'm looking forward to it in a certain sense. I like working and I miss the intellectual outlet that being a lawyer provides me. Not that I haven't used my brain at home, or that stay-at-home parents don't have intellectual outlets, I just really enjoy the unique analytical processes that come with being an attorney. I like reading cases and I like finding ways to coax their holdings into working for the argument I'm making. I miss the professional environment- talking about current cases or news stories (or the latest episode of Glee) with my colleagues, and I miss my office with its order and separateness from my home life. Basically, I just like my job. Whether it's because it really is the perfect career for me or because it's the career I have and the salary is necessary for my family so I've decided it's the perfect one for me (or more likely, a combination of the two), I'm happy with my life as a lawyer mom, and I'm happier in that role than I am as a stay-at-home mom.

Which is not to say that I am counting down the days to my return (I'm not) or that I haven't deeply enjoyed my time at home (I have). These weeks have been more enjoyable, more relaxing, and more maternally satisfying than I ever expected. I'm very grateful for them- there's no mandatory paid maternity leave in the US and many companies don't provide for it. I have loved every one of the hours I've logged on the couch, holding a snuggly, sleeping Claire- or, more recently, a wide-eyed awake Claire who can't seem to figure out where she is but is pretty sure everything looks familiar. I've enjoyed grocery shopping in the middle of the day and starting big dinners (and new recipes!) at 5:00. I've enjoyed being able to plan vacations and lunches and know that no case or sudden partner request will get in the way of them. And I've really enjoyed my daytime uniform of casual clothes and flip flops.

The things I worry about when I decide to worry (usually when I can't sleep) are as follows: One, being a working mom with one kid worked out great- I felt like our days were pretty easy and we spent a lot of happy time together, but I haven't done this with two. What if I can't give both of them enough of myself? What if JP and I don't have enough time together? With Landon we're off duty at 8 pm and that's when we can spend our quality couple time and when I can do the work I didn't finish because I darted out of the office at 5:30. But I'm optimistic. Claire is a great sleeper (11pm to 5:30am the past 5 nights!) and one benefit of JP's unpaid independent contractor status is that his work is extremely flexible and he can drop off and pick up the kids as needed. Claire and Landon will be at the same daycare, which we love and is a mile from the house, and I think our routine will be much the same as it was before. Before I started working I thought mornings and evenings would be so stressful as a working parent, but so far, ours just aren't. They're relaxed and organized and fun and I'm hopeful that will continue.

My second worry involves my job, its recent low work flow, and my lack of options and a network in Austin. I've vowed to work on this. I need to get involved with more (and by more, I mean at least one) associations or bar events in my city. I need that both for potential lateral moves (whether necessary or desired) as well as to have any chance of making partner where I am. I'll be starting my 3rd year when I return and it just isn't that long before you need to have developed an area of specialty or expertise, as well as worked out whether or not you want to aggressively pursue the path to partnership in a few short years. I don't know my answer to that, but I am keenly away of how much my family needs my salary. I need to make sure I'm in as strong a position in my career as I possibly can be and that is going to involve some out-of-work commitments. I don't like it, I love coming home at the end of the day and soaking up my family time- my ability to do that every day is what makes my life work for me- but I need to start looking at it as another way I'm serving my family and missing a dinner or two a month isn't going to hurt any of us.

My third concern is that I've forgotten everything I used to know about law and that my fellow 2nd years have moved past me in knowledge and experience while I've been out. There's not much I can do about this except work hard when I get back and remind all the partners who loved me before I left that they still do. I'm less worried about this than the other two things, but it's there.

So that's that. September 7th is the big day back. Claire starts daycare on August 23rd- or at least we start having to pay for daycare on August 23rd, so we'll probably use those two weeks for some short transition days. Landon, who continues to just thrive over at the neighborhood center, is so excited that his babyclaire is going to be at daycay too. I think it's all going to be good.

Got It!

It's not a good angle, the light is terrible, and the perspective makes her triple chin look even more out of control than normal, but I finally captured Claire giving her Daddy big smiles this morning!

I never really understood this phrase before when applied to babies, but she is absolutely delicious. I actually found myself attempting to chew on her cheek yesterday.

For My Mom, Master of Biology

I'd been planning the party for months.

My mom, a high school biology teacher, has been working towards her masters in biology for the past 2 years through a distance learning program with an out-of-state university. To say it has been hard would be a vast understatement, but because she doesn't like to complain and is herself the most positive person I know (second only perhaps to her mother), she probably wouldn't like me detailing the struggle of the past 2 years. But it has been hard. Really, really hard. I remember when Landon and I drove over to see my dad on his birthday and on Saturday morning I heard noises downstairs at 3:45. 3:45 AM. It was my mom, up early, so she could get some studying done before the day began. Then after 2 years of that, she had to spend 2 weeks in June at the out-of-state university working 24 hours a day to complete all the on-site lab work and take the comprehensive exam so she could graduate. At the end of the exam, on the last day of the program, she sent a text to all of us saying, "It was awful... I can't talk about it." (I should note that we later discovered she got an A on that test, something which did not surprise anyone in our family besides her.)

So obviously, at the end of all this, she needed a party. Both to celebrate her and her amazing achievement while working full-time (and working so hard she still got nominated for teacher of the year), and also for her family and friends to celebrate getting her back in our lives the way we know she wants to be!

I emailed my dad in April to suggest the idea and he agreed to fund whatever I planned (within certain budgetary guidelines, of course). It was the perfect partnership and I loved every second of the planning process. The only hard part was not saying anything to my mom! In the end we told her there was going to be a party (since there was no way we could hide it on the day of), but didn't tell her any details, including the guest list.

When she arrived at the restaurant on Saturday I think she was surprised to find 35 people there to honor her, and I know she was shocked to find her parents among them:

They had traveled all the way down from Northern Wisconsin just to be at the party in Houston for a few hours.

We are all so proud of my mom. My dad even kept his leaky eyes (as he calls them) in check for a short toast and then my mom made everyone cry by toasting all of us in return.

It was a great little luncheon and I'm so glad it all came together like it did. Though when you combine good friends, loving family, Italian food, cake, and a very good reason to celebrate- how could it not be wonderful?

Claire's Announcement

I love stationery, particularly personalized stationery. I love the thick card stock, the crisp, professional printing, and the way I feel when I put pen to paper to drop someone a little note. (I also love writing thank you notes, but that's a different topic.)

And for as much as I love stationery, I love formal announcements and invitations even more. Picking out our wedding invitations took me hours even though I knew I wanted something very simple and traditional and my budget was very limited. I struggled over the font selection for days. I love getting a heavyweight envelope in the mail and seeing what friends have selected for their own wedding. Birth announcements are even more fun because you get to be more creative and they involve pictures of itty bitty babies and proud parents. I also love the archival nature of all these things- they commemorate very big events in your life and putting them on a page of a wedding album or baby book makes me very happy.

(Side note, my mom keeps my baby book up in my old room at home and I love flipping through it when we visit. It's so fun to read about the early years I don't remember from my mom's perspective. I feel like I get to see a version of her, and a version of me, that I wouldn't otherwise know. My birth announcement is also in there, a little card with my name and birth information hand-written on the inside page and a picture of me, wide-eyed and brand new with a bonnet on my head, on the front. That baby book means a lot to me.)

One of the things I was so excited about while pregnant with Claire was designing her birth announcement. I knew I wanted something nature-inspired (based on her nursery), I wanted it to do our much-anticipated professional pictures justice, and I wanted to hire my friend Ally to do it. Her company is Little Bears Designs and I think she did an amazing job. She was extremely patient with my back-and-forth emails saying things like can we move this box a little this way? or change this color a little bit? or add some vines, no take away some vines, no wait never mind I like them how you had them before. And when I finally gave her the okay at about 10 pm on a Tuesday night, these gorgeous cards, in a heavy card stock with a linen finish, were at my door 36 hours later:

(front)


(back)

One sits proudly in a frame on a wall of Claire's nursery and another is taped to a page of her baby book. I just love them!

Where's My Sticker?

Because I know you guys are on the edge of your seats regarding my new commitment to exercise, I wanted to let you know how my I'm doing. Yesterday I dug out a pair of old Swedish goggles (the only goggles I like to swim with and not because they're Swedish -- well, not just because of that, they're also the only ones that have ever felt good on my eyes and don't leak. Plus, fun colors! and cheap!), a cap from high school that has my maiden name emblazoned on the side, and a training suit and headed to the pool. I told JP my goal was to swim 1,000 yards and he scoffed and said I could do at least a mile. After I yelled at him and told him how hard it was to swim 9 years out of competitive training and how bored I get swimming by myself, I secretly resolved to do a 2,000 just so I could come home and proudly announce my total.

Once in the pool I felt much better than I anticipated- the water is still home to me and my stroke technique came right back. However, I had NO endurance and by the end of my 200 warm-up (8 laps, for the non-swimmers) my arms were shaking. Shaking! In high school we warmed up with a thousand every morning. But I persevered and made some sets for myself and then vowed to stick with them. I know the limits of my self-discipline so they were all short sets of 10 x 50's, mixing things up with kicks, drills, and different strokes. I was done in a little less than 40 minutes and I felt really good - tired, but good, and it felt even better to triumphantly announce my 2000 yards to JP when I walked in the door.

Then, while I was still riding on my post-swim high, I saw yesterday's Groupon for a local yoga studio. It was $49 for a month of unlimited classes and I bought it. For those who don't know me, that was a huge leap in my path to physical fitness. I hate yoga- completely hate it. In theory I think it's fantastic, and I appreciate that is is great for your body, but I am so inflexible and get so impatient that it has very much NOT worked for me in the past. But I have been told by multiple doctors that I need to try it, that it will help my headaches, and that I will continue getting more and worse back injuries if I don't start stretching. So I'm excited about trying it out- and because I just invested $49, I WILL be going on a frequent and regular basis for at least those 30 days. I love group classes, so it will have that going for it and hopefully it will be okay that I don't know anything about yoga and I can't touch my toes (or my ankles, or my lower shin) without pain.

Today I skipped the pool and popped in Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. I turned on Level One and OH. MY. GOD. I was begging for a break after about 45 seconds. How is that workout only 18 minutes long? It is at LEAST an hour. Claire had a tummy ache and was a little more needy than usual. I had her all set up in her play gym will mommy worked out, but I have to admit I was very grateful for her need to be held every 5 minutes or so. Jillian kept telling me I didn't get any breaks, but what she doesn't know won't hurt her and my in-home gym doesn't come with childcare (JP was out). Even with my breaks it was still a good work out and I don't know how any one moves on to Levels 2 or 3. I'm not even sure I can do Level One again tomorrow. Has anyone done all 30 days in a row? How long did it take to not want to die by minute 6? Right now I'm thinking of alternating it every other day with my swimming.

It's back to the pool tomorrow- now that I've started out with a 2,000 I feel like I have to do at least that from here on out. I'm hoping I can start really pushing myself, I'm just so bad about doing just enough to be tired without pushing past it. Practice was never something I enjoyed about swimming- I just like racing (and winning), but I'm trying. I'll just picture my favorite work dress at the end of the lane- I'm determined to fit into it by the time I go back!