Well, November happened. As my
last post anticipated, it was a lot.
But a lot of it was very good and now we're 1/3 the way into December and I'm just trying to keep up.
I usually talk through pictures, but I've been using an archival version of Picasa from about 2008 to edit my photos for the last 15 years and now my iPhone updated its iOS so photos are stored as HEICs which my vintage Picasa can't recognize because those files didn't exist when it was born, so I don't understand how to upload photos to my computer, edit them, and then post them because I've only ever had one system for doing that and Photoshop and Lightroom make me cry and Google photos doesn't make sense to me. I might now be too old to be a blogger. Internet operating systems have evolved past my rudimentary understanding of the magic that makes all this work.
[Which is to say, if anyone has an EASY photo program that works for them but also keeps your original organization in your picture folders I would love to hear about it.]
So, I don't know how to organize this. We'll see what the random uploads directly from my phone into blogger (another vintage interface that probably everyone has moved on from but it's the only one I understand) hold for us.
(Moose is not optimistic.)
(1) I had my uterine ablation and tubal ligation and it was easy and smooth and I watched TV and napped for a day and then was back to normal almost too soon. For the first time in 23 years I'm off birth control pills AND don't have periods and that's nice. That body system served me well, but I'm all done now. Yay and thank you, next.
(2) I gave the eulogy at my grandfather's funeral. It was a beautiful ceremony and having the dinner and day to celebrate and honor him with our close extended family was very special. There was laughter and tears and so much love. I miss him so much, but I know how lucky I was to have him, and I know both how much he loved me and that he knew how much I loved him. He would have loved all of us being together for him and I felt him there with us.
(3) The day after we got back from the funeral everyone 3/5 of our family had a swim meet (the same swim meet!) over the weekend.
They all did great, especially Cora (it was her first "real" meet) and James is quietly holding out hope she'll pick swimming over soccer one day. In his words,
"oh my god, she's so good. the potential!" But for now she's a soccer girl who swims on the side and we're exploring the world of club soccer much to my personal overwhelm.
(4) Cora turned 10 on Sunday, 3 days post-funeral and on the last day of a long swim meet. We had her party that afternoon and I was literally making her cake as kids were walking in the door. We heated the pool and had a dog themed pool party and it was perfect.
Maggie was an honored guest.
Cora picked burgers for dinner (specifically "dad's burgers, on the grill") and said she had enough cake, so we put her candles in the burger bun. We love her so much.
My third baby is 10. I no longer have any children in single digits, which is... kind of sad really. We've truly loved having young kids so very much, but I also think we've enjoyed every phase and enjoy our increasingly bigger kids too.
(5) I had trips to NYC, Houston, and DC all in 2.5 weeks. It was a lot. I wore some great outfits.
This feels like my silk slipskirt era. I'm obsessed with that houndstooth one from Vince.
Also this skirt was my great Marshall's find of 2023. Gorgeous Elie Tahari for $79 instead of $400. It looks even better with heels, the other black top I paired with it, my Grandma Jo's gold necklace and some fab earrings, but this is the best pic of the skirt. I adore it.
I had an event at the St. Regis in DC for high tea and it was lovely.
I went full sparkle and faux leather for that one, and the evening events I had that night. Why not?
(6) We took the kids to NYC for Thanksgiving! Six days after I got back from my work trip there, we boarded a plane on Thanksgiving day and took the kids to the Big Apple for the first time and it was GREAT.
I
love New York and my goal is for one of my children to love it enough to live there so I can visit often.
Landon told me it was "too much everything," so he's a no for now. Cora wants to study and rescue animals and she felt NYC was not the right habitat for that, but Claire loved it and I think she might be my big city girl.
We saw "The Play That Goes Wrong" which we HIGHLY recommend. The kids laughed so hard, I think Cora was crying. We all absolutely loved it and all three kids said it was their favorite thing about New York on the plane ride home.
The girls and I saw Six!. The third time for me, second time for them, I tried to convince them to see something new, but I also wasn't at all sad to see Six! again. It's so fun. We loved it just as much as the first time.
We didn't do nearly as much of the traditional touristy and sight seeing stuff I thought we would. They didn't care about seeing famous buildings, but they LOVED Central Park so we spent hours and hours there, watching them run and climb rocks and explore one of the best parks in the world. We walked all of midtown, enjoyed the store windows, shopped the Christmas market at Bryant Park, and ate rainbow bagels for breakfast.
It was a magical time to be in the city and a great way to kick off the holiday season.
(7) Landon had a big meet last weekend and my parents drove over to watch and he went all best times and qualified for Sectionals for the first time!
Interestingly, it was in the 50 free, and not the 100 fly or 100 back which are his main events. Turns out maybe he's a spring freestyler? Regardless, it was very exciting and now he's moving up to the National group for club practice and really seeing results from all the hard work he's put into swimming the last few years. I caught this picture of him leaving for school yesterday morning and wow. I really do have a 16 year old baby Landon.
(8) It's finally not 100 million degrees outside so Maggie and I have resumed our 4 mile lake walks in the morning before work.
She is relieved to get back to her fitness.
(9) This has been a tough month/semester for Claire. It hurts to watch your kid hurt and middle school can hurt an awful lot.
We also just got an ADHD diagnosis that explains a lot of unexplainable things we've been observing through academic, social, and emotional fallout, but which raises a lot of questions too. I'll delete this paragraph later, but if anyone has great resources for understanding ADHD in teen girls or therapies you recommend, I'm all ears. We've finally got her severe anxiety and OCD under control and nearly all ADHD medications are contraindicated (they're uppers that can make anxiety much worse and we CANNOT have that). So it's hard.
(10) I had my firm's client/partner holiday party this week. The dress code was "holiday chic" which to me meant black sparkly jumpsuit. James interpreted it differently.
(Bonus 11) I've been really focusing on getting back to a healthy maintenance phase of weight, food, and fitness. I travel so much, and so often for events, that it's hard not fall victim to a lack of regular exercise and too many mid-week multi-course meals and drinks. Even indulging in what feels like a very small amount (adding an appetizer and/or dessert at a nice meal, the champagne at hotel check-in because it's been a long day of travel, the m&ms on the plane... all reasonable, all not things I normally have on a Tuesday) still ends up being too much and I just wasn't feeling great.
For the last 2.5 months I have focused on: not drinking at work events (they're all during the week, they mess with my sleep when it's already sub-par when I travel, and I never drink more than 1-2 so why?), making healthy choices at restaurants (unless it's a special meal with a friend I'm meeting up with, the mantra I'm constantly muttering to myself is, "it's just a Tuesday, mimic normal Tuesday choices."), exercising EVERY SINGLE DAY no matter what (hotel room workouts and city walks are my go-to and even if I can only get 20 minutes in, I move my body every damn day), and going to bed early. I've re-convinced my indulgence-loving brain that worked on a government salary for too long that work trips are not vacations and not every meal in another city can be a treat. It's just a Tuesday.
After 6 frustrating weeks of absolutely no results, I'm suddenly down 15 pounds from where I started in late August and it feels so good and simple and maintainable. It's just acting like I act at home, but doing it everywhere else I happen to be. It also makes things like family gatherings and holidays truly special. Speaking of, we're doing sugar cookies this weekend and I will absolutely be enjoying a few (dozen) of those.
Happy Holidays all, I've missed you.
We had great results with neurofeedback training for our daughter's ADHD.
ReplyDeleteI love your updates! I have learned a lot from the ADDitude podcast - evidence based information and experts in the field. You could look through their large back catalogue for topics of interest. Some episodes include evidence based talk about meds. I also have an anxiety+ADD (and now +depression) daughter. Meds have been a challenge. Learned skills have been very helpful, though hard to implement “in the moment” if you know what I mean. Sending big hugs for the whole family - I know the big big life stuff that comes behind the few words you use on the blog.💕
ReplyDeleteWe deal with ADHD over here but stimulants are our main tool (and they do help a lot!!!), so not too much help there, but so glad you got some answers. Also I wonder if some of this weight loss was due to stopping your birth control - this happened to me (along with 100% resolution of migraines I was having frequently) and I am NOT complaining. Glad to be off the pill forever.
ReplyDeleteYes, I struggled with weight for years after going on BC after never having that issue. If I had known that it was all down to hormonal BC, I could have saved myself 15+ years of body image and food and exercise dominating my life. Sigh. I lost and never regained about 10 pounds shortly after stopping and feel like I got myself back.
DeleteI have ADHD as does my 13 yo boy. I also have very bad anxiety. I take a stimulant (Adderall is best) plus Zoloft for the anxiety. Adderall is extremely helpful for my anxiety as well as attentiveness - I think the anxiety is the coping tool that keeps my attention issues in check. If I manage the attention issues (with Adderall), I no longer "need" the anxiety and I am able to relax. My boy (same age as Claire) has begun taking a mild dose of Azstarys and it has really helped him with executive function. Happy to chat more if you think it would be helpful. gillian dot w dot egan at gmail dot com.
ReplyDeleteWe also manage ADHD in this household and we also use stimulant medications. I will say that I had a lot of anxiety before I started medicating my ADHD, and that anxiety resolved almost completely once my ADHD symptoms lessened. I also took Strattera for my ADHD for a long time and that is a non-stimulant medication. It might be worth looking into that.
ReplyDeleteOh and I also meant to say that you can set your phone to store photos as JPEG instead of HEIC. I did that because HEIC format is not accepted so many places and I was tired of exporting photos as JPEGs.
ReplyDeleteI have ADHD but not big anxiety; classic stimulants (Concerta) work terrific for me. My kiddo also has ADHD + big anxiety; I have not been the best parent model because that IS different ballgame. Focalin worked for my kid w/ Prozac & Latuda. If stimulants are out, recommend ROUTINE, sleep hygiene, EXERCISE esp. right before bed (I get a second wind and like to snuff it out with late pm exercise?). Check out How To ADHD on Facebook/YouTube. So much content online nowadays look to the classics/ Hallowell and newer one I love is Sasha Hamdani- online and book, Self Care for People with ADHD. Good luck and hugs! Lots of positive reinforcement always. A lot of negatives internalized that need to be undone. She will soar, very creative mind!!
ReplyDeleteHave you considered OT, particularly with someone that has therapeutic listening certification/education? ILS, particularly the safe and sound program and the focus protocol can be very beneficial (and within OT is often covered by insurance). I may be able to offer some OT from afar general guidance: michelle dot Greenawald @ gmail
ReplyDeleteMy son uses a combo of ADHD and anxiety meds. Vyvanse is great for ADHD and guanfacine is often prescribed with the stimulants but can be used without it as well if you are trying to avoid stimulants. You definitely don't want to upset the balance she has now, but the nice part about stimulants is that they pass through the body quickly so you could just try three days (to let the body adjust a little) then quit if you don't like how it is affecting her. People often regret waiting so long to try medication after trying everything else first.
ReplyDeleteThis is my favorite ADHD resource https://www.additudemag.com/ This is another good one. I have anxiety as well as ADHD but the stimulants actually chill me out really well. https://adhdgirlsandwomen.org/
ReplyDeleteLongtime reader and primary care doc and mom from Canada. Caveat this is not medical advice but I really like CADDRA ADHD resources. Also, echoing what others have said, I’ve seen some great results in both youth and adults with atomoxetine (which is Strattera) -not a stimulant. If the OCD and anxiety truly are controlled, I would honestly consider a stimulant, as they are first line, and ADHD and untreated ADHD can be contributing to worsening anxiety and mood. Again, not medical advice, but something for you to bring up with your team. Sending hugs it’s a tough time.
ReplyDeleteI have a younger son with ADHD. He did not respond well to stimulants (suddenly felt sad, no real positive effects) and he's done well on a combination of Strattera (not a stimulant) and guanfacine. As Dana mentioned above, it will take some trialing and observation to figure out what is right for your daughter. Our pediatrician also recommended the book "Straight Talk about Psychiatric Medications for Kids," which is a little intense but was really helpful helping us make educated decisions.
ReplyDeleteAlso OT and his IEP have been really helpful. I love that nowadays kids can learn lifelong tools for learning/working for their brains - much better than when we were kids.
I'm glad you're back. I don't think I've commented before but I have followed for years and always look forward to your posts!
Anxiety/ADHD woman over here! Zoloft at night for anxiety, Vyvanse in the morning for adhd. I was always treated for the anxiety, but the adhd meds lowered my anxiety drastically. Turns out life is easier when you aren’t missing 1/3 of what’s happening.
ReplyDeleteHighly recommend reading Divergent Mind: Thriving in a World That Wasn't Designed for You https://a.co/d/bY3c0Fl
ReplyDeleteI have severe anxiety and ADHD, the latter not diagnosed until my 20s. (I asked the school psychologist about it in middle school and was told it was something only boys get. I’m glad our understanding of mental health has advanced since then). Guanfacine and bupropion are my current ADHD meds and the combo seems to be working well enough for now. I have been on stimulants before and am not opposed to trying them again, but for now I am stable enough that I don’t want to mess with anything. I’m fairly certain that my 5yo has it as well and we aren’t necessarily opposed to stimulants for him, but he’s got so much other neurospiciness going on that we’re more concerned with appropriate diagnosis than treatment at this stage.
ReplyDeleteLots of love to Claire - from the perspective of someone getting herself sorted to book an ADHD assessment. Some days are hard. But good days always come.
ReplyDeleteI liked elementary school, LOVED high school and had a horrible time in middle school. I remember thinking that it seemed like all the kids in middle school were enjoying it and found out later most were like me.
ReplyDeleteAs a teacher and parent of a son with adhd, second resources from ADDitude. I find their articles so validating and encouraging. And data based.
ReplyDeleteMiddle school is rough. Our 13 year old had a horrible 7th grade but the ADD diagnosis has helped us help him. He/ they (gender fluid) has anxiety but their therapist sat us down for a talk on ADD. The anxiety can be so related to the ADD that treatment, even with a stimulant, may be best. He takes Zoloft already. His psychiatrist added methylphenidate (8 hours of action) at the lowest dose and it is working. No panic attacks and willing to go out of the house more. This med is short acting and out of his system but not enough that they won’t do homework before dinner (they used to avoid home work as long as possible). We have also seen improvement in doing projects (executive function). Just another view that anxiety can be partially about being neuroatypical in a neuro typical world.
ReplyDeleteYou can change your phone settings back to jpg, instead of heic.
ReplyDeleteI saw a rec above for the YouTube channel How to ADHD. I completely second this. You may want to start with Jessica McCabe's Ted talk (on YouTube). She was recommended to us by the psychiatrist who diagnosed my teen daughter's ADHD. (I had know she had anxiety for years, and then we started verging toward OCD for a while. Doing much better now! Wellbutrin has been good for anxiety and may help the ADHD as well.) If school is part of her anxiety (we had a lot of trouble with larger projects feeling overwhelming, and perfectionism making homework take FOREVER) then be sure to talk with the school about at least a 504 plan for accommodations, and possibly an IEP if you need more of actual curriculum modification.
ReplyDeleteI would recommend Guanfacine. It really is such a great medication that seems to help mellow my adhd child out.
ReplyDeleteHappy double digits Cora!! From my newly double digit twins. 💕
ReplyDeleteI don’t have any specific advice for Claire, but we have seen a lot of improvement with therapy (14 yo boy).
Anon-JLV
Hopefully your provider already suggested this, but a full neuropsych eval is a must. There are sooo many co-morbids with adhd and with anxiety/ocd already on the table there very well could be something else that’s been flying under the radar.
ReplyDeleteMy now 19 year old daughter has severe anxiety, mild OCD, and moderate ADHD Inattentive. She was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder with OCD in 7th grade. She didn’t get the ADHD diagnosis until 9th grade after her anxiety was controlled- the anxiety masked the ADHD symptoms since many overlap. She chose to not take stimulant meds because the anxiety/OCD symptoms were much much worse than the ADHD. We found a therapist who specializes in ADHD strategies and symptoms to help her. She learned how to work with her brain instead of fighting against it. She graduated high school in May near the top of her rigorous college prep charter school class, was admitted to 13 colleges with over $100k in merit aid earned, and now is a thriving college freshman. It was HARD and there were times when I second guessed our choices. Whatever choice you make- it’s not set in stone. You can change your mind if it’s not working for her. Hormones change, symptoms change- be flexible and make Claire a central part of the decisions. Empowering my daughter to make choices for her own body was the very best thing we did for her!
ReplyDeleteI am cheering you from the corner of my bedroom aka home workout studio for every.single.one of your 20+ min hotel room workouts! The hardest part is rolling out the mat (or hotel towel on the floor), and you always feel better when you're done.
ReplyDeleteGuanfacine has worked wonders for us. We also moved to a very progressive school with small classes and that has been tremendous. Sending thoughts y'alls' way because it's a tough thing to go through and, as others have said, it often changes throughout their lifetime.
ReplyDeleteLong-time reader, first-time commenter. My 8 yr old has ADHD. Guanfacine has been amazing. We use in combination with a simulant (Concerta). Also, school with small classes and lots of other kids with ADHD
DeleteI wanted to thank you for sharing your "it's just a Tuesday" tip because I had a big aha moment right there. Thank you! And also, am realising I need to implement my "I can do anything for 15 minutes" to moving my body too, and not just focus on the 60-minute workouts 2 - 3 times a week.
ReplyDeletePS Open the Settings app. Tap the Camera/ Formats/ Most Compatible. All your photos will save as JPGs. (there are also some free apps which I had to use to convert the HEIC to JPG before I figured this out)
ReplyDeleteLong time lurker, first time commenter. I’m a female attorney in private practice and was diagnosed with ADHD last year at age 35. I want to commend you for figuring this out for your daughter NOW. I’ve dealt with severe anxiety my entire life and now know so much of it was rooted in ADHD and the bad things that come along with it - feeling less intelligent than peers, feeling lazy due to inability to manage deadlines and struggling with motivation, struggles with memory, etc. For many girls/women including me, the pressure to meet societal expectations combined with the struggle to keep it together each day when executive functioning is challenging is just exhausting and leads to frequent burnout. I manage my ADHD with a combo of supplements (extra omega 3s and Mind Law Pro), exercise, routine, and Adderall as needed during the work day. The How to ADHD YouTube channel is fantastic. For books, I recommend ADHD 2.0 and Driven to Distraction.
ReplyDeleteSeconding the recommendation for a full neuropsyc eval to get the full picture of what’s going on! I’m sure you are on top of this, but what we thought was ADHD in my oldest was actually untreated Hashimotos disease plus celiac disease. I just figured I’d mention it in case that hasn’t been checked. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteNo idea about adhd but here to commiserate about middle school being *rough*. Also wanting to know how everyone in the family gets enough sleep. Whenever we do an activity with my daughter after school bedtime suddenly happens at 930 rather than 830, when it really needs to be. I hate that she’s only 11 and already there is pressure to do all this stuff leading to her to feel tired and crappy all the time.
ReplyDeleteRe: your 15lbs I bet with all the flying you’re doing and restaurant meals you were retaining a TON of water. If I eat pizza or any sort of restaurant food one night, my weight is up 5lbs for 3-4 days. God help me if I fly somewhere too. I have no idea how to “eat healthy” at a restaurant and find portion moderation in that setting nearly impossible, and in order to maintain my weight have had to mostly stop going. Good luck! The struggle is real!
Also - I recommend compression socks when traveling to help prevent water retention. I even started wearing them around the house this week and lost 7lbs of water weight in three days.
DeleteMy DD was diagnosed with ADHD in middle school too- the anxiety was what prompted the therapist to suggest testing. Sertraline for the anxiety, accommodations in school, exercise help A LOT. The combination of ADHD, hormonal flux and middle school was HARD. She’s now a senior in HS, just got accepted to her first choice college….getting out of middle school and learning to run her own race was key! Good luck to you both!
ReplyDeleteI've got two kids on stimulant ADHD meds and we're trying a non-stimulant additional med for my oldest called "qelbree" that my pediatrician just raves about. Haven't started it yet but it's a non-stimulant option. That and some ADHD coaching for life skills and maturity will help too. Mine are 12 and 8 for reference.
ReplyDeleteMy son was diagnosed with ADHD at age 4, but it only took that long because there was a year-long wait-list to see a developmental specialist and the diagnosis can't officially be made until age 4. But I think it was pretty clear to everybody what was going on in his case - he has the classic hyperactive/impulsive type and we were running into loads of problems at daycare. We started him on medication at age 5 just before he entered the public school system, and it took almost an entire year of trial and error before we settled on something that works for him (and we still periodically make adjustments). The best medication seems to be highly individual specific and hard to predict. As others mentioned, we've also done occupational therapy as well as social skills groups specific for boys in his age group with ADHD. Check with your doctor to see if you have options like that in your area. I also have used ADDitude and CHADD as online resources. I like the books by Russell Barkley.
ReplyDeleteAlso if you're running into academic problems, look into requesting a 504 Plan with the school.
DeleteHey there! I know I never comment but I have been reading your blog basically since you were in law school with my spouse. I feel particularly well positioned to answer your questions about ADHD, anxiety, meds, and related topics. I have ADHD, my 11 year old daughter has ADHD and anxiety disorder, and I am a middle school special education teacher.
ReplyDeleteSo first off, I think it is really important to know there are non-stimulant drugs out there that can help with both. My daughter takes Strattera which helps both. Unlike stimulants though, it takes a couple weeks to start working and it is not one you can pick and choose when to take. All this to say, not great for forgetful kids. We keep her meds on the table so we all remember to remind her to take them at dinner every night. She also takes Zoloft.
A couple conversations to have with her (and conversations while doing something- even just petting Maggie- are best): meds will take time to figure out if you go that route and that is ok. It’s a science experiment to find what works for each person! Maybe creating some sort of experiment log with your mom the science teacher extraordinaire would make it feel more doable. Approach it from that angle. You should also talk about how ADHD does NOT mean something is wrong with her brain. It just means life in our culture and our school system is not always well suited to the unique and marvelous ways her brain works. So figuring out hacks to get around that will be key. My daughter and I read “Journal of an ADHD Kid” together when she got her diagnosis a few years ago and that really helped.
Additionally, getting a 504 or an IEP (depending on how school is treating her) will be huge. Happy to offer more advice on navigating this process. My name is Wendy and I emailed you many years ago to ask about restaurants in the Austin area. Feel free to reach out. I can listen to challenges and offer suggestions for what to ask for.
I hope very truly that that is helpful. I know this might feel overwhelming right now but I promise having this information will make things easier in the future.
Sneaking in late to say that in my case, anxiety was largely the result of ADHD, not just a co-morbidity, and I have actually found stimulants to be amazingly helpful for my anxiety. I'm sure that you and your daughter and her providers have talked about this (certainly by now, I'm commenting late), but my own path to diagnosis was spending 3 yrs in therapy for anxiety and not making a dent in it and finally realizing that I don't struggle to get things done b/c I'm anxious, I'm anxious b/c I struggle to get things done (and, I think, am always on some level waiting for the other shoe to drop). But in any case, I hope that you and she come up with good ways to handle this (and I'm sure that you will!).
ReplyDelete