Couldn't figure out how to begin or end this post, but here we go

I've been meaning to write. I wanted to. October was fun and full and busy. Claire had Homecoming, Cora scored a goal in soccer, Landon said funny things, James had a birthday, I traveled a lot and exercised every single day. But because of all those things, I never quite had time to sit down and write. Or rather, when I did have the rare hour on the couch, I read or photobooked and watched something with James or just went to bed early.

We took our family pictures on a Sunday afternoon, which involved a frenetic dash to get everyone clothes that fit and coordinated when I realized suddenly that my children had all outgrown everything they'd ever worn before. I bought Landon a Mens Small sweater, thinking that would help, but you guys, he's a Mens Large and at 6'1", I should have seen that coming. It worked out and I love the pictures.

Then it was Halloween and then the election and then I was just so sad.

I flew to Chicago at 6 a.m. last Wednesday morning after a short few hours of fitful sleep for a string of University of Chicago Law School recruiting events. It was helpful to be completely out of my routine I think. I was busy, on campus, not really even sure what year or day it was as I sat in the Green Lounge and stared out at the empty law school fountain they built while I was a student there. I left so early that James had to tell the girls. It was hard. Instead of telling our girls that a highly qualified woman who worked really hard and cares about people CAN be president, we got to inform them that a racist, morally bankrupt (and despite inheriting a fortune, frequently financially bankrupt) man who lies, cheats, rapes, mocks, and incited an actual violent insurrection of the US Capitol Building that killed police officers less than 4 years ago got voted in instead. I don't really know what to do with that.

In Texas, women are dying because our anti-life politicians passed laws that forced a mother to go to three different emergency rooms with her pregnant daughter, bleeding out and diagnosed with sepsis from a miscarriage, sobbing for help, only to have that daughter die a few hours later because the doctors sent her home and delayed care for fear of going to jail for treating her. I picture myself in that position, with Claire or Cora, and I want to scream. I'm so glad my uterus is already gone and I am determined that my girls will not live in this state, or any with laws like it, after they graduate high school.

Candace Fails screamed for someone in the Texas hospital to help her pregnant daughter. “Do something,” she pleaded, on the morning of Oct. 29, 2023.

Nevaeh Crain was crying in pain, too weak to walk, blood staining her thighs. Feverish and vomiting the day of her baby shower, the 18-year-old had gone to two different emergency rooms within 12 hours, returning home each time worse than before.

By then, more than two hours after her arrival, Crain’s blood pressure had plummeted and a nurse had noted that her lips were “blue and dusky.” Her organs began failing.

Hours later, she was dead.

Fails, who would have seen her daughter turn 20 this Friday, still cannot understand why Crain’s emergency was not treated like an emergency.

But that is what many pregnant women are now facing in states with strict abortion bans, doctors and lawyers have told ProPublica.

Patients are sometimes bounced between hospitals like “hot potatoes,” with health care providers reluctant to participate in treatment that could attract a prosecutor, doctors told ProPublica. In some cases, medical teams are wasting precious time debating legalities and creating documentation, preparing for the possibility that they’ll need to explain their actions to a jury and judge.

This isn't a post-apocalyptic TV show. This is happening right now where I live. I don't know what to do with a reality like this.

I wish I had something uplifting to say. Our life is good. When my head is down and I focus small, there is such joy and happiness. And I guess for right now microdosing joy is the answer. So I'm going to do that here, but know that underneath it I am just sad. I'm waiting for the anger and inspiration and fire I felt in 2016, but I think the shock spurred me there. This time, the absolute lack of shock that of course the country elected this absolutely vile person to be in charge, even knowing- maybe especially knowing his thin-skinned and petty brand of chaos and cruelty, is maybe even more sad than before.

But today, 11 years ago, Cora Linnae was born. So that is very happy.

We are celebrating tonight with tacos, chocolate cake, and opening presents. She is such a radiant source of joy, we love her so much.

James turned 43 in October and we ate 100 rolls of sushi (almost) to celebrate him.

Claire went to Homecoming and we got her dress at Dirty Dillards for $27 and she wore my shoes, jewelry, and purse and I did her hair and she looked so beautiful and grown up I got teary.

She had so much fun with friends and it made my heart so happy.

Landon went all best times at a mid-season meet in November that was SO exciting and hard-earned. He continues to crack us up on a daily basis and I'm in pre-mourning that he is halfway through his junior year of high school already.

I am good. Wearing my outfits and exercising every day even when I have to cram in a 20 minute stretch-band HIIT workout in a hotel room in Bentonville, AR. I particularly liked this one, especially since our "fall" continues to be 80 degrees.

When James and Landon were out of town for their swim meet we girls each had a friend over (including me!) and made a fancy charcuterie night and it was so fun.

I enjoyed a pre-Halloween witches brew with some badass professional women.

On Halloween night, Cora dressed up like a devil and ran around with friends and got lots of candy.

Claire joined us midway through and got some of her own. Maggie was a rainbow, and Milo enjoyed the empty treat bags. Landon went to swimming and did homework dressed like a 17-year-old kid and James scared children in our front yard dressed as the grim reaper while he handed out candy.

I took Maggie to the vet yesterday and she was so excited she could barely smile in frame for the picture.

She has a mass in her mammary tissue so she was supposed to have surgery today to get it out. Except our sweet third baby was so excited about her birthday that she woke up extra early and did all her chores before we woke up, which included feeding Maggie who was supposed to be fasting, so she's now going to have her mastectomy on Friday. The doctors think the mass is likely benign, but we'll know more once it's out. In the meantime, it's not bothering Maggie in the slightest.

And that's where we are. Excited to celebrate our sweet Cora's birthday tonight. Busy with school and work and activities. Excited about driving to Colorado to spend Thanksgiving with my sister and parents. Loving our pets and each other. Savoring my morning lake walks to clear my head and move my body. Resting up and moving forward. By the next Presidential election I will have TWO kids in college who will both be able to vote. So that's hopeful indeed.

A virtual hug to all of you, I miss writing and will try to be come back more.

Three Days in October

I am so busy at work and I'm trying to photo book and the high yesterday was 98-freaking-degrees in mid-October and there's no time for anything, but I miss y'all. I've been using Instagram lately to still feel connected to the world and I can't decide if I like it, but doing a little "story" each day of my work outfit has been fun and made me feel good and creating that little post on my elevator ride up to the 38th floor at work is sometimes all I need to feel like my day has started out right.

That and getting all the NY Times Connections on the first try.

On the one hand, I am nowhere near being an influencer, I'm just a mom of 3 trying to go to work feeling good about myself for at least a moment, so I occasionally wonder if this is just pure cringe.

But... it makes me happy? I'm not trying to influence anyone? There is no goal except wearing clothes to work. Anyway, if you want to see the outfits Bonnie puts together for me: here I am.

There is so so much to catch up on - I bought a new car! A hybrid + electric small SUV and I love her with all my heart. I've been driving her for 3 weeks, averaged 46.3 mpg, and just got gas for the first time. She's zippy and skinny and fits in all downtown parking garage spots. Heartfelt sigh... she's so perfect.

Anyway! There really is no time to go back through all the things that need going through, so we're just going to hit the last 3 days. Oh, this is important background: I committed on October 1st to working out every day and started seeing a trainer in my building's gym (and also finding and entering my building's free gym that I've pretended didn't exist for the last 2.75 years).

Back to Friday!

The day started with me driving to work and seeing that the 5th grade boy down the street must have had some friends over and decided to tp our house when Cora had a friend over (it was the kids' fall break). At least the decor fit the Halloween theme!

I drove straight to SMU which was hosting a Corporate Counsel Symposium and my partner and I were the first panel of the day. Who doesn't love a presentation on internal controls at 8 a.m.?

From there, I switched my heels to boots, ditched the blazer, and added a cowboy hat and drove to the AlixPartners Chili Challenge event!

A crew of our first year associates manned our booth and did such a great job! As always, it was great to hold a mug made of ice and connect with contacts and colleagues throughout the Dallas area.

Next up I put back on the blazer, ditched the hat, kept the boots (lower heel), and headed to my office for many calls, video calls, emails, and more calls.

At 6 pm I dragged myself to the building gym because I this was Day 11 and I wasn't going to break my streak yet, no matter how long the day.

After I got all sweaty, I drove home, ate a big salad for dinner, and watched Modern Family with my family. Claire was babysitting so I had to stay up a little later than planned (10:30 instead of 9:30, because I am no old and embrace my oldness and sleep is the freaking best), but I had my cat and my photo books and a new episode of The Great British Baking Show so all was well.

On to Saturday!

Saturday began with me driving Claire to her swim meet warm-up and then taking a morning walk along the lake. (Day 12!)

I quickly changed into an appropriate school shirt of support and headed back to Claire's meet JUST in time for the first event, the 200 medley relay, which she was swimming.

Claire did great. I'm so glad she's swimming and watching her cheer for and be cheered on by her teammates makes my whole heart happy.

(The 99 degree temperatures did not.)

As soon as the meet ended we went straight home, changed, and headed out to our first ever Texas State Fair experience!

It was the Red River Rivalry (i.e., the UT v. OU game) and my firm was hosting a big client tailgate event.

We massively lucked out with a free street parking spot, bought our tickets through my phone so we could skip the line, and dove in.

And it was insane. I don't understand the State Fair.

Maybe you have to grow up going? It mostly appears to be cars (auto shows), carnival games, a very small handful of rides, some beer gardens, and ONE BILLION people. Everything costs a million dollars and involves a very long line. Why?

I was delighted to have the V&E event because that meant we had an indoor party (apparently we rented the entire Music Hall) with free food and drink. So that was great. When we left, we told the kids we could walk around and do some rides if they wanted. All three of them looked aroud, shook their heads, and we walked back to my beautiful little car.

Next up James went to swim, I went to work in my office, and then he and I headed out for a date night to celebrate his upcoming birthday!

I wore an outfit Bonnie put together for me that involved a sparkly pink denim jacket I took from my mom's donation bin the last time I was in Houston. I am by no means too proud to take style cues from my mother's cast offs.

We had a delicious dinner, our first one out in many weeks, and just enjoyed chatting and being together.

Happy almost 43rd to this handsome guy. Man I love him so much.

On Sunday I went on another lake walk AND did a workout video with weights. Ugh, it's annoying how good working out feels. I worked for several hours from my home office and then got dressed to go to a baby shower for our sweet former nanny Tara!!

Her whole family was delighted to see Cora. The first diaper Tara ever changed!

We were so, so lucky to have her as part of our family for four years, particularly in a phase of our lives when childcare was so absolutely crucially important, and I love that our kids still get to see her and cheer her on as she builds her own life.

We can't wait to meet sweet baby Henry and for my kids to get to babysit hers!!

The rest of Sunday was more working from home, me running around town trying to find outfits for our family pictures which are next weekend, and then eating a delicious vegetarian Pumpkin Walnut Chili before watching a movie together and going to bed. Bed is my favorite.

This morning I wore what I like to call my "pumpkin spice" fall outfit (from Bonnie, of course) and dove into a crazy day that I'm just barely managing to end with a blog post!

I got home at 6:30, did a workout video in my room (Day 14!), and ate dinner with my family on the patio, laughing and joking with these four people who are my whole world.

Life is busy. Every day flies by so, so fast. On the whole, it's pretty dang wonderful and I feel like I'm in one of those wind machines trying to grab hold of all the memories as they fly by me.

I hope to get back to this space soon to capture it just a little more.