The Power of the Swing

A Week of Waiting Rooms

Landon's rapidly expanding medical file grew a bit more this week. Last Friday we were in the emergency room for his constant screaming; yesterday we visited the pediatric urologist at Northwestern Children's Hospital; and today we traveled to the pediatric gastroenterologist at the University of Chicago Children's Hospital. I wish adult hospitals were more like the ones designed for children- everything is so bright and colorful and the people who work there are generally very nice and smiley. At both appointments we were seen precisely on time- I've had a few doctor appointments in my day and I've come to regard that as something of a miracle. Both doctors were warm and obviously knowledgeable.

Urology update: his testicle has already almost fully descended on its own. The doctor said they don't usually make any surgical decisions until the baby is 1 year old and we have every reason to believe the situation will have fully resolved itself by then- which is good since the very mention of "surgery" and "testicle" in the same sentence makes Landon's dad and grandpa look faint.

GI update: he's staying on the Prevacid and we may be in for another formula change. The doctor felt that he definitely had a severe case of acid reflux and that Prevacid was the right medication for him (it's stronger than Zantac). He has improved over the past few days- no more screaming fits while eating- which means that not only is the stomach acid production down, but his esophagus has been able to heal. She warned us that reflux usually gets worse at around 4-5 months before it gets better at 6 months, so he may need a medicine adjustment at that time. While his esophagus is better, his tummy is still unhappy. The switch to Alimentum has nearly eliminated his gas pains but added diarrhea. If he's not doing better on Monday (which is his 2-month check-up, complete with lots of shots- poor kid), we're switching to Nutramigen. It's also hypoallergenic, but it lacks a protein contained in Alimentum which sometimes gives babies trouble. Apparently Nutramigen doesn't taste as good (our gastroenterologist was an expert in the baby palate- she ranked all the reflux medication and formula by taste), but Landon hasn't seemed picky so far. If that switch doesn't work, we have to try to the crazy "scientifically created in a lab" formula that makes Alimentum look cheap and Nutramigen taste good. Ugh.

In other news, my dad flies in today to see Landon for the first time- he's very excited and plans to teach his grandson how to fish in Lake Michigan. We also finally broke down and ordered the Fisher Price cradle swing, and I'm so glad we did. It's amazing. He was crying about an hour ago, so I stuck him in there and turned it on- he immediately stopped crying, got his suspicious look on his face, and within three minutes was fast asleep. Every now and then one eye pops open- I don't think he's actually tired- but after a few seconds he once again succumbs to the soothing rocking motion. I have a feeling he'll be spending a lot of time in there.

Yay!

And now a nice superficial post to balance out the deeper one from this morning.

Today was the first time I attempted to wear a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans-- and they fit! True they're not my smallest pair, but they are jeans with a non-elasticized waist, a zipper, and a button. The little act of fastening that button pretty much made my day. Landon has been a big help in losing my pregnancy weight: when he was in the NICU I had time to make food, but no desire to eat it, and now that his very vocal desire to be held overrides my desire to eat, and so I have no time to make anything.

Remembering

Six years ago today I had just started my freshman year at U.T. I was sitting in my cell biology class waiting for the professor to arrive, when someone said they heard a plane had hit a building in New York. Like everyone, I assumed it was something small- an errant pilot- and continued to worry about how I was ever going to memorize all this new information for our first test. Class ran from 9-9:50am CST and I returned to my dorm to find every television in the lobby turned on to CNN. I ran up to my room, turned on our little TV, and sat in stunned silence with tears running down my face while I caught up on all the that had happened while I had fretted about the Krebb cycle.

My thoughts are no more profound today than they were then. I didn't know anyone in New York at the time, so I wasn't personally affected- and yet I was personally affected. I suppose we all were. The endless images of planes hitting the building, the buildings falling, rescue workers running in amid the smoke and rubble continue to haunt me. MSNBC is re-airing their 9/11 footage today and I sat feeding Landon this morning with tears running down my face again. He'll never know a pre-9/11 world. A world where we could meet our family and friends as soon as they got off their planes at the airport, where we didn't feel the threat of a terrorist attack looming anytime we're in a tall building or densely populated area, where the US felt safe and isolated from all the problems you heard on the world news. I mourn the loss of our innocence as a country.

One of the things I remember most about that day, and the days that followed, was that I had never felt more pride as an American. The rescue workers running up to the buildings, fellow citizens standing in line to give blood- wanting to do anything to help, and the general coming together of the entire country are what stand out in my memory. Since then the event has been politicized, memorialized, and used as motivation for things I don't agree with- but on that day, everyone was standing together.

Emergency Room Transformation

Judging from the constant screaming, yesterday was the worst day of Landon's 7-week long life. It was also my worst day as a parent. He woke up at 7:30am and shrieked continually until 6pm when I finally took him to the emergency room. Every time he took a suck on the bottle he would start screaming. He would scream until he exhausted himself, take a 10 minute nap, and then wake up screaming again. His back was constantly arched, his body stiff, and his face red. He didn't take any real naps and only drank about 4 ounces of his formula. He also had diarrhea. It was horrible. I talked to the pediatrician twice and she finally told us to go in and have him checked. I loaded him in the car, called JP and told him to meet us there, and headed to the University of Chicago children's hospital. He screamed the whole car ride there, but the moment we crossed the threshold into the ER he stopped- he looked around, he babbled, he freaking smiled at me. He sat with a contented expression while I signed him in and explained his "condition" to the triage nurse. We were taken to an exam room where Landon happily chugged down a 4 ounce bottle and thoroughly charmed his doctor. He was declared in fine health and I think everyone thought I was crazy. Even JP, who heard Landon screaming through the phone each time he called to check on us, was looking doubtful. We left the ER after about 2 hours and were told to continue with the new formula and medication and that it often takes about 48 hours for the body to mount a reaction and adjust to it. Landon resumed screaming on the car ride home and back at the apartment, but luckily fell asleep exhausted at about 11pm. We still have our appointment with the pediatric GI specialist on Thursday- the reflux continues to cause tears at each feeding.

So first I wrote off all his crying as colic and fussiness and it turned out he had a painful case of GERD. Yesterday I acted on all the screaming and the doctors said he was fine. This kid is making a mockery of my mothering skills.

I'm Employed!

I have accepted my offer with the corporate department of Austin Firm. In September of 2008 I'll be a full-time worker for the first time in my life and I'm really looking forward to it! I loved my summer experience at the Firm and I feel like it's a place where I can successfully have a family and be a lawyer. Yes, it will be difficult and some sacrifices will be made along the way, but most of the attorneys there are happily balancing the two. It's such a nice group of people. I received so many congratulatory and then concerned emails after Landon was born- and when a friend of mine had a callback there last week, everyone asked about Landon and I. It's also BigLaw and prestigious and whatnot, but really it's the people that sold me.

I never, ever would have thought I'd be a corporate lawyer. When I came to law school I thought I wanted to teach. But once I figured out that you have to be a legal genius and enjoy things like research and law review, I ditched that plan and had no idea what I would do with my JD. I didn't think I liked litigation and I'd never had a business class or any interest in business related things. My dad has an MBA and my husband has a degree in Finance and nothing they talked about had ever sounded interesting to me. During 1L the only class that I loved was property- I hated contracts, civ pro, and crim. Torts was acceptable only because most of the cases were so ridiculous they were funny. That summer I worked for the litigation group at Chicago Firm and found that while I didn't hate memos as much as I thought, I didn't like them either, and the thought of endlessly researching case law and writing documents for a case that would ultimately settle made me depressed. It's not that litigation is adversarial- in fact, most of them time you're kind of working on your own (at least as an associate), it's that so much of it seemed pointless. Yes, your amazing brief may have convinced the other side to settle, but I felt like a lot of the work and research was wasted. I also despised civil procedure and all the bluebooking and rules that come along with memos and briefs. So, I started 2L really hoping that I'd like my corporations class.

And I loved it. Corporations Law and Securities Regulation are the two most enjoyable classes I've taken since genetics in college. I found the topic genuinely interesting- I even started reading the Wall Street Journal and listening when JP and my dad talked about business. I have no idea why I enjoyed the SEC regs so much more than the civil procedure ones, but I did. I love the freedom and creativity involved with corporate law- you can do pretty much anything you want as long as you disclose it. Transactions are started and finished within weeks and months rather than years. You're creating something or making something happen rather than fighting claims or perceived wrongs. My corporate work this summer confirmed my initial thoughts- this is definitely the area of law for me. I like minutia and repetition and document review didn't bother me. I felt like the corporate associates had more client contact- when you're working with small companies (common in Austin, even for a big firm), you really become that CEO or president's legal counselor in areas beyond a certain deal. Of course there's parts of being a corporate lawyer that aren't good- the fact that transactions can be started and finished within 30 days means that you're schedule is unpredictable and clients can be demanding, but there's drawbacks to every area. I spoke with a young corporate associate at the firm who just had her second child (she had her first between 2L and 3L). She said that when she was a (very pregnant) summer associate several attorneys encouraged her to look at health law or other regulatory areas because they were more predictable and family-friendly. She said she tried them, but didn't enjoy them, and decided that as long as she was going to work and be away from her children for X number of hours a day, she might as well love what she's doing. And if loving what you're doing means you work X+1 hours, then it's worth it because you'd be gone for the bulk of those hours working at any job- but this way, it's more worth that sacrifice. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but it really spoke to me at the time. Corporate law is also more in demand for in-house positions, and that's something I'm definitely interested in down the line.

So I'm excited about what the next few years will bring. I feel lucky to have found a firm (and a city) that I can be this positive about. Several of the attorneys had babies in law school, so I'm not doing anything ground breaking by starting work with a toddler. In Austin we can buy a house, get a dog, raise a family, and work at jobs we enjoy. It won't be perfect, but I think it's going to be pretty darn good.

Magic Powder

The Alimentum formula has changed our life in 24 hours. It may cost as much as crack and we may have to take out additional law school loans to pay for it, but Landon is a whole new baby. After his first bottle of the magical, unbelievably foul-smelling liquid he took a solid 3 hour nap. He hasn't taken a nap for longer than 45 minutes during the day in weeks- usually he's writhing and screaming and fussy off and on all day. I got so much done! I almost had time to be bored again! Then last night he slept for FOUR hours between feedings. It was glorious. He drank his bottle with near ease- only a few instances of arching his back and crying (he still has the reflux)- and then went right back to sleep. I never would have thought that four hours of sleep would seem like such a luxury. When I woke up at 2:30am and realized we hadn't heard a peep from him in 3.5 hours, I immediately thought he must have stopped breathing and ran into his room to check on him. He looked like a little cherub in his crib- a pink, breathing, and peaceful cherub. And he's so much happier! He's all smiley and babbling and adorable- and a happier baby makes for much happier parents.

Tummy Trouble Update

I was in high hopes after our appointment on Friday, but the Zantac has had absolutely no effect. Landon still has screaming fits during the day and continues to wake up every 2 hours at night to treat us to more screaming. I feel terrible for him and am starting to feel rather sorry for myself. We went back to the pediatrician today and she switched him to Pepcid and put him on hypoallergenic formula (Similac Allimentum). It's insanely expensive at about 2.5x what regular formula costs, but the proteins are already broken down so it's impossible to have any kind of negative reaction to it. She said we should see significant improvement within 48 hours. We also have an appointment with a pediatric GI specialist next week, but if he improves enough over the weekend we can cancel it. Next week also contains his pediatric urology appointment to hunt for his left testicle that's MIA. The poor guy- so many doctors, so much poking and prodding. Thank God for good health insurance. Our bills from the delivery and NICU have totaled over $35,000 and I'm sure these pediatric appointments and specialist consults aren't cheap either. We paid our family deductible earlier in the year thanks to all my check-ups, so we haven't had to pay a penny toward medical costs since June.

His weight is up to 11 lb. 8 oz., so physically he's capable of drinking 6 ounces at once and sleeping through a good portion of the night. Hopefully once his tummy troubles are under control he'll start working his way up to that. Waking up every 2 hours is killing us. It takes him over an hour to drink some of his bottle, scream a lot, and then settle back down, so we end up with about 45 minutes of sleep between wakings. Even with trading off, it adds up to very little rest. My classes start in 19 days and I can't imagine reading a case book right now.

With any luck, he'll be feeling much better soon and I can start writing about legal things- like the fact that I've accepted an offer, am registering for classes, and will be a 3L. At some point this blog will remember that it's a "blawg" and is supposed to be written by a mom who is also a law student :)

This Is The Life

Chilling on the boat

September 3rd

We just got back from a very impromptu trip to my grandparent's lake house in Wisconsin. At 12:30 on Saturday I realized we had beautiful weather and no plans for Labor Day Weekend. I called my grandparents and asked what they were doing for the next 2 days- they said to come on up! We threw Landon, his many accessories, and a few things for us into my car and drove the 8 hours to their beautiful cabin. It was a fantastic first vacation for Landon. Two nights is just enough to get away without having to pack too much and his great-grandparents thought he was absolutely perfect even with his 4am screaming fits (the Zantac takes 7-10 days to really help him). The weather was perfect, the food delicious, and the company delightful. I think Landon enjoyed all the fresh air and he loved the pontoon boat rides around the lake.

Today is also JP and my 2nd wedding anniversary. Our first date was six years ago yesterday. Who would have thought that the incredibly drunk junior who got kicked out of a bar the same time I did for underage drinking on my first day of college at U.T. would be my amazing husband and loving father to my child less than six years later??