I don't know where to begin. I had some idea of what I wanted to say earlier today, to start this post in a bifurcated way that attempts to capture my heartache and sympathy and love for my friends and readers of color before switching tracks to my own updates that are really what this blog is about. But I just watched DC police fire tear gas into peaceful protesters in front of the White House so our angry, godless, weak, racist bully of a President could walk across the street to take a pointless photo op holding someone else's Bible before walking back to tweet into the void of his base for another night. Over 100,000 Americans have died in the last few months from a virus our President decided to ignore, but when one in a long line of black men is killed by police after he was handcuffed and unmoving on the ground for a crime he didn't commit, our President doesn't lead or speak or listen, he just mobilizes every federal power he has to turn local police into the militia because it makes him feel like the dictators he so publicly admires. The "Law and Order" President who has broken so many laws. I'm just deeply horrified and upset and sad and unsure where to go with this. It's just a blog, my little updates of life from busy blurry days I know I'll one day barely remember.
There have been so many things written and shared over the last few days- stories both powerful and heartbreaking, big pictures and small personal stories, fact-checking articles and emotional pleas, and I have read every one and nodded and learned and retreated back to my life. Because I can. Because I'm white, because the topic is uncomfortable, because I'm not sure of my place to speak. A black friend posted about White Silence: where you care, but because you are white, you have the ability to opt out of this hard conversation, and so you do. Because it is quiet, because it is easy, and because you CAN. But a true ally will work to engage others and speak up to combat racism, will speak up to friends of color and say publicly that I see you, I hear you, I hurt for you and am with you.
There was a story posted by a 6'2" black man, wearing his mask like a responsible citizen in a pandemic, who said that he would never dare walk around his neighborhood without his sweet daughter and white fluffy dog to prove he's "safe." Because otherwise he's suspect and scary. And I think of my 6'3" husband, with his resting bitch face we always laugh about, and how, if he was black, he would need that same shield. How I'd be terrified if he ever got pulled over for speeding or his penchant for "teaching" other driver's that the left lane is the fast lane. How, when Landon gets his drivers license in 3 years, instead of informing him of the rights I learned about in law school if he were ever pulled over by the police, we'd be having a very different talk where I'd tell him to exercise none of them and I'd know a simple false accusation could kill him anyway. I know that a little part of me would be scared every time he left the house until he came home and the wrongness, the terror, of that makes me ache.
I don't have answers, but I can use my word and my wallet. My money can pay for bail bonds for protesters and continue to support the ACLU and others. And in our house, as part of the summer schedule I just created and was going to blog about, we're having a kids book club on topics that can be hard to just bring up at dinner. All three are reading age-appropriate books that don't just feature minorities and people of color as characters, something I've always tried to do, but features their unique stories and challenges, something I realized I haven't. Landon is starting with The Hate U Give (or he was until I just found out he's already read it so I'm now looking for another teen-level book; updated: ordered Just Mercy (young adult version) and Dear Martin), Claire with One Crazy Summer (to be followed by Blended), and Cora with Sulwe. Because when my kids read the stories of atrocities that have happened throughout history they wonder, how could people let this happen? And the silence of the non-oppressed is EXACTLY how. So we'll read and we'll talk and we won't be silent.
Back to regularly scheduled programming soon. Spending tonight on book searches and helpful donation pages.
(A great compilation of resources for help, education, and more: A Note About the State of the World, from another blog that couldn't quite figure out how to post on their usual topics - there, celebrity fashion - without first addressing, well, the state of the world.
Edited to add another, from my very favorite food blogger, who lives in Minneapolis: Where Do We Go From Here?.)
Your Afternoon Man: Jon Bon Jovi
10 hours ago
Has Landon read Dear Martin? https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/24974996-dear-martin It comes up as similar to The Hate U Give on Goodreads.
ReplyDeleteNo, but thank you for commenting - I'm checking it out now.
Deletewould love to have more books recommendations!
ReplyDeletethanks
Martha
I would recommend Just Mercy. There is a version adapted for young adults.
ReplyDeleteWe watched the movie with our 11 year old too. It is available to rent for free all month.
DeleteOh thank you, we'll look for that. And I just ordered the book, thank you.
DeleteHi Lagliv
ReplyDeleteAs a black follower, I’d like to thank you for posting this but more importantly for doing the actual work in finding the resources to educate your children. The true revolution will start in the homes of white families - dinner conversations , books - and are an incredibly important compent in the process for achieving racial equality. Unfortunately I doubt we’ll ever be able to eliminate bigotry my only hope is that we can strengthen our institutions to at a minimum administer justice when egregious acts of police brutality do occur (George Floyd). To do this will require educating and enlightening the hearts of the younger generation especially white folks - not only as the majority but also the holders of privilege and ultimate shapers of our institutions.
I’ve been a loyal follower/ lurker for almost a decade now- from when Landon was a baby and dealing with the whole CPS drama, to when you were pondering about having a third child, to your posts have been a source of real joy and hope in my own difficult moments (recently divorced single mom). Thanks for your transparency and being a source of light in the world. I wish you all the best as you could embark on this journey of educating your family on the real grievances of the protesters and on white privilege. God bless you !
Anon, thank you so much for taking the time to write this message. I'm so glad that you're here (and have been here so long!).
DeleteOn what you wrote, we had a really good talk after dinner tonight, kids included, about the protesters and the tear-gassing at the White House and I found that, like everything, once you simply begin to talk (as we did two days ago), it gets easier to weave in new updates or perspectives or for the kids to come back with questions and for us to find answers and keep the conversation going. And while it's a heavy topic, it's real and just because we can choose to ignore it (or at least keep our children ignorant of it), that's a privilege that is destructive to exercise in and of itself. So I'm grateful to you and the work of so many black voices for eloquently putting in to words why it is so important to have these conversations and bring our kids into this fight for change. And the first step is bring awareness to the fight. Silence is oppression and I've never seen that more clearly.
I was also a voracious reader at Landon's age and two of the books that I loved were Chinua Achebe's "Things Fall Apart" (about colonialism, which fundamentally changed how I understood the world at age 13) and "Roll of Thunder Hear My Cry." Neither is recently written but both are deeply moving. He's also almost old enough for "I Know Why the Caged Birds Sing," although it does deal with sexual abuse and rape (also important conversations but a heads up).
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