Hi.

So it's been 15 days since my last post. I couldn't really tell you why. On the one hand, you'd think I'd have more time for type-written navel-gazing, what without the commute or the midweek barre teaching or you know, ever really leaving the house at all. And yet, our days have taken on a new normal that seems just as full as before.

For some of us anyway

In the morning I wake up and go log in to my dual-monitor work computer that sits on a folding table 18 inches from my bed. I check email, make sure there's nothing I need to jump on right away, and then get dressed to work out. I've done the 40-50 minute OTF app workout every single day, Monday through Friday, for the last 3 weeks. It's been great. It syncs to my heart rate monitor, encourages me to keep moving, and makes me sweat and move A LOT.

I love working out outside, something I've never been able to do before, and I feel good all day for having moved in the morning. I rinse off and change, get my gigantic pot of tea, and sit down at my desk to work. I break for lunch sometime and eat with the kids to give James a break. If I can, I try to spend a little time in the playroom/school room to give him more of a break, but lately I've been super busy and pretty much lock myself back in the bedroom until early evening. Around 5 I emerge, hang out with the kids and James goes and works out in the backyard. I make dinner, the kids might swim with James or go play. We eat, so much earlier than we used to, and after dinner you will always find us in the front yard playing frisbee. Or rather, the kids will be playing frisbee with James and I'll be sitting with Maggie on the bench. It's lovely. They play until dark, which is later than the girls normally stay up, but there's no real need to go inside. Eventually we come in, the girls shower, we give them a kiss and tuck them in bed. Landon stays up a little later. He's currently reading the Lord of the Rings series so we've been watching hour-long increments of the movies at night. He goes to bed, James and I hang out for another hour or so and then go to bed. I read. I fall asleep around 11:30 or 12. And then the days start again.

I've been working a lot. I had a video conference two weeks ago that motivated me to dry my hair for the first time since we were in Curacao. With hair, makeup, and actual clothing (with jewelry!) donned, my kids could barely recognize me. The amount of glowing praise and awed looks sent my direction made me think I should really up my game a little more often.

Luckily I was still wearing pj pants and fuzzy socks to keep things familiar.

We've continued to make all the meals all the time and do takeout on Fridays. We have DRASTICALLY cut back on all spending that isn't food. Our last two credit card bills added together equaled almost exactly what we generally spend each month. We aren't going anywhere or doing anything and everything just still feels very uncertain with James's business and life generally. And when things feel uncertain, I clamp down on what I can control, and what I can control is discretionary spending. There is now almost none. But we have attempted to spend money on two things! Paint and Maggie's teeth. On the paint, it was successfully purchased and continues to be applied to surfaces. Every piece of trim in the hallway, bathroom, foyer, kitchen, and living room has been repainted and they positively gleam. The walls of the hallway, bathroom, kitchen, and half the living room are done. It looks amazing and we (James) have maybe another day of work to do and I will cheer him on while he does it.

We also attempted a tooth cleaning appointment for Maggie. Doggie dental work is often terribly expensive, but there is a local nonprofit vet who came highly recommended and does discount cleanings on Thursdays. I was so excited to sign Maggie up and she was SO EXCITED to go on a car ride adventure to get there. When we arrived I filled out a lot of paperwork, sitting safely in my car, handed the paperwork and my smiling bulldog over to the vet tech and was told to pick her up at noon.

At noon I went to get her and the doctor came out to talk to me. Apparently, rather than make her heavily sedated, the Propofol they gave Maggie made her hyper. "Hyper?!" I exclaimed, what could that even be for a bulldog? Apparently it is dancing and repeated attempts to hop in place. They tried to add some gas, to help her mellow out, and she just gave them huge smiles from behind her mask. Because she's a bulldog and medically delicate, they couldn't do anything else, so she partied with the vet techs for 3 hours and I left with a dog who was safe, breathing, and with a mouth that still smelled like a dead fish. Sigh.

Also in the last few weeks we had Mother's Day!

I love Mother's Day. I woke up to a table decorated by the kids, who needed a warning that I was about to enter the room because they'd hand cut confetti to shower upon me. And then they cleaned up every tiny piece because they know my heart.

I got all the cards, a delicious brunch, taught my barre class, ate snacks, and drank a full bottle of rose champagne over the next five hours while petting my bulldog and watching the kids play. James made me a steak salad for dinner, my very favorite meal, and I felt very loved indeed.

It was a really nice day. I love this crew.

This past weekend I drove to Houston with the kids to see my parents and celebrate my sister-in-law's graduation with her Associate's degree in Accounting. She got it while working full-time and we are very proud.

James stayed home because we realized midway through the week that he really needed a break. And because my needs are somehow always louder than his, and he has felt very strongly about handling home school and not ever complaining because his business is closed and he wants to contribute, I didn't recognize it. But he went from being alone most weekdays to being alone absolutely never. Not for even a minute, while I sit in our room, dying slowly because I am SO alone that I'm an oozing mass of need by the time I exit and he's always there for me. So I went to see family and James stayed here and it was badly needed for us both.

While visiting my family we made up for Easter and Mother's Day with the traditional PapaGigi egg hunt and a big brunch made my me in honor of my mama. It was lovely.

Maggie was also delighted to be part of the festivities and was especially delighted to get 8 whole hours of car ride time in 2 days. She smiled the whole way home.

And so did I because I was ALONE! Just me and my canine companion, driving without pause down the open road. Because my kids were STAYING at my parents' house for the next 3 days. Oh yes, we did PapaGigi camp a little early this year as I had a huge work deadline, James is working out registration for a new heavily modified session of the swim school, and we thought my parents would spend the whole summer in Colorado. It's been amazing. They are spending their days on the boat, on isolated islands, and hanging out at my parents' house. They have having so much fun and my parents are so happy to have them there. (We let my parents take the lead on whether to get together; we've been fairly isolated and totally symptom-free and they wanted us to visit. We drove without stopping and it was a truly delightful break in routine.)

It's pretty amazing here too. On Sunday, I got home around 4:00. I worked out, put on pj's by 5 p.m., made a giant bowl of my favorite snack foods and not a single person asked for a bite. I didn't have to make dinner and I didn't have to tell anyone they couldn't have a snack, thus making it impossible for ME to have a snack. I ate salty things and watched the Food Network for nearly 2 hours. James did a workout and we ate a late takeout dinner on the back porch. We went back inside at some point, watched some TV, chatted, and got the lazy downtime together we so rarely get anymore. It was soul and marriage restoring.

On Monday I did my workout and worked really hard all day without ever feeling guilty at all. I ate another super late snack and watched more daytime (evening time?) TV. What even is this life? No one needed a thing from me and it was a delight to connect with James again over another takeout dinner.

The kids are coming home tomorrow. My work project is done and I'm ready. James is ready. (He's commented at least 3x a day how much he misses them and I just kind of vaguely nod...). This has been a really necessary 4 days.

I continue to be so grateful for SO MUCH about our life in this crazy time. There have been moments that have been really hard (realllly hard). But there's been a lot of good. And after 3 evenings of popcorn and TV at 5 p.m. (omg the luxury), I'm pretty excited to get back to our cozy busy days and lazy frisbee nights.