Toddler-Induced Hangover

Ah yes, so I passed the Bar. I was surprised by my general lack of reaction. I think it's because I'd already been working for 10 weeks and despite my efforts to the contrary, I'd kind of already assumed I passed. It was basically a neutral-lose situation; passing allowed me to keep doing what I'd already been doing for two months (but with business cards and without asterisks!) and failing would have been really bad. This sunk in during the impromptu champagne and cake happy hour the firm hosted two hours after results were announced, all eight people in my class passed and I can't imagine being the one who didn't. Also, the big reveal was rather anticlimactic as I found out via a congratulatory email on my blackberry while I was on a conference call in another office. In Texas the whole list of people who passed is published on a public website, so anyone can see it once it's up. This year it was published about an hour earlier than in years passed so I hadn't even started checking yet!

But none of that is to say I didn't celebrate it properly anyway. I had multiple glasses of champagne at the happy hour, went to dinner with JP, Landon, and friends, and then split another bottle of champagne with JP after we got home. Good times. I found myself completely incapable of work yesterday- my first day as a real attorney and I billed about .5 hours. I wasn't at all hungover, so I'm blaming the gorgeous weather and reading fatigue (I've been reading election news stories until my eyes bleed), although none of those excuses are going to get the 149-page S-3 that I had to bring home proofed before Monday.

This week has been crazy for an additional reason as Landon has been sick. He was sent home early from daycare Wednesday with a 100-degree fever. He was extra snuggly that afternoon and evening (which was actually kind of nice) and awoke fever-free and in high spirits Thursday morning. He couldn't go back to daycare for 24-hours, which would normally not be a problem as JP and I have flexible schedules, but we just happened to both have mandatory meetings at the same time Thursday afternoon. This also shouldn't be a problem as the firm has back-up in-home care, but when I called at 7am to book someone I found out there had been a shooting in my safe little city and two armed men were still on the loose! This had resulted in several schools being closed and there were no back-up sitters to be found. More scrambling ensued, and we finally found someone who could come from 10-3:30 and a friend of mine covered until I got home around 5. It was a little crazy, but Landon was in his most charming, playful form and everything worked out fine. Yesterday he returned to his toddler friends and had a great day.

Last night we thought his fever had just been a fluke and I was reflecting on how remarkably healthy he is- his first year had so much drama but other than ear infections he's only been sick once, and that was almost 9 months ago! But around 10 last night, just as I was telling JP how lucky we've been, we heard Landon's wail come down the stairs, kicking off a three-hour marathon of attempted comforting. I had already forgotten the details of those nights spent walking a baby up and down hallways trying to soothe him, but they quickly came crashing back. JP and I took turns holding and rocking him and finally resorted to putting him in the car and driving around the block for a while. I think he had to have been hungry (he didn't eat dinner) but his stomach seemed to be hurting him (the classic pulling up of the legs, hadn't seen that in a while) and he threw every cup or snack we gave him across the room (despite our weariness, JP did excitedly remark on his son's good arm). Finally around 1 am he fell asleep in JP's arms and we were able to put him back in bed. We still got about six hours of sleep, which a year ago would have been better than normal, but I'm exhausted! How on earth did we survive all those months? I'm pretty sure I'm the only person in my class whose bloodshot eyes two mornings after Bar results were posted have nothing to do with tequila.

But still, things are great and Landon is feeling perky again today. We cleaned the house and went to Costco where I had yet another "economics of Costco" conversation with JP, this time over 2 lb. blocks of queso fresco cheese (I love the stuff too, but 2 lbs.?! eating something constantly just so it's gone before it goes bad does not equal cost savings!!). Now I'm trying to think of productive things to do that do not involve the S-3 staring at me from across the table. I suppose our hall closet could use some organizing, yes... I think I'll start there.

Time for a New Signature Block

I am no longer a lawyer-with-an-asterisk. I am a lawyer who passed the Bar!

Breakfast of Champions

This is what I woke up to this morning:

Isn't it beautiful? It's my parent's lake property in Livingston and it's a great place to let your brain rest after you made it work so hard that little puffs of smoke came out your ears. Last night we drank an excellent bottle of champagne and ate enormous steaks, twice-baked potatoes, and the world's best asparagus casserole. I alternated between being overjoyed the Bar was over and freaking out over all the things I kept realizing I should have written in my essays. Regardless, it was wonderful to see my boys again- I couldn't stop hugging and kissing Landon. He was all, "mom, put me down, I want to play with the mini Tex!"

This is Shadow, the 4-month old lab mix puppy my parents adopted from the same organization where we rescued Rosie and Tex. Landon is delighted that we were so thoughtful as to get a dog that's just his size. Our little dog pack is loving the lake house - they have so much room to run! Shadow would join in for a lap with the big dogs, immediately lay down for a power nap, and then pop back up and race off with his too-big paws and too-long tail. All three are comatose at my feet as I type- it's going to take a few days to recover from all the revelry.

Today has been a good day. I got up with Landon at 6:45 and we snuggled on the rocking chair on the deck, watching the sun come up over the lake. I don't feel done. I feel like I'm just taking another day off and tomorrow I'll wake up with the guilty knowledge that I have to catch up, that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I think it will take a while for that to fade- it's been too long, too many years of always feeling I should be studying for something. Plus I'm not entirely certain I passed. I think I did; I'd be surprised if I didn't, but I wouldn't be shocked. It's an incredibly difficult exam. I think I was below average in Procedure and Evidence, above average on the MPT, who the hell knows on the MBE, and probably in the middle for the essays. Given that about 75% usually pass, I should be okay, but I have no confidence in that statement. So the wave of relief I'd hope to feel is being kept at bay by a fear of my name not being on the pass list when it's published November 7.

Right now I'm looking forward to going home and watching TV, reading, and just sitting and doing absolutely nothing without guilt. Or at least doing all those things to the extent that Landon will allow me. Our August is actually kind of crazy - a trip back to Houston to drop Landon off with my parents before we fly to Chicago for a wedding, another trip to Houston the following weekend for another wedding, a 6-day visit from my in-laws, JP starting Orientation Aug 11 and business school Aug 27... so you know, the usual craziness. But craziness makes me happy and even though I talk about wanting to sit and do nothing, I know I'd be miserable within hours. And with this kind of craziness there won't be a constant weight on my shoulders. I've thought about the Bar Exam every day since graduation and worrying about things like finding the perfect candle sticks for our mantle and whether or not JP and his parents will kill each other after six days together sounds positively luxurious.

Also, this is what I had for breakfast this morning:

With three layers of chocolate cake, two layers of mint chocolate chip ice cream, and a layer of ultra thick cool whip, my world is looking pretty bright.

Day 2: Room For Improvement

Google searches that brought people to my blog in the last 12 hours.

3 searches for "how should i study for the texas bar exam essays the night before" This is soooo not the place to look for this kind of advice. It's 9:45 and I wish someone would tell me what to do. Should I memorize 6 subjects so that I can have a few really good essays? Should I try to brush up on all 12 so that I don't panic when I open a test booklet and realize I HAVE NOTHING IN MY BRAIN TO FILL THE EMPTY SCREEN OF DOOM. I'm really not sure. I know that I nearly fell asleep during the MBE, so getting more than 5.5 hours tonight would be a good thing.

2 for "lowest passing mbe score in texas bar" I don't know, but it's hopefully around a 27 because that's how many questions I was certain I got write in the first set of 100. Yes, 27 - you know, about the number you should get right if you just bubble in "C" for every single answer.

And 1 each for "how many days is the texas bar exam" It's 3 days and it sucks to see all your friends' relieved and happy facebook messages when you still have a day of essays ahead of you.

"how essays are graded on texas bar exam" I don't know, I'm hoping to wow them with one or two fancy legal phrases per essay - I want the person to think, whoah, she used Latin, she must REALLY know her law. Five gold stars for her! If that doesn't work hopefully they'll just close their eyes and pick a bunch to pass - I'd have as good of a shot that way.

and "ran out of time on mbe bar exam" That's unfortunate, but it's probably better than doing what I did, which is to flip to the back of the book to check my answers - twice - only to realize that, oh yeah, THIS IS THE ACTUAL EXAM.

Oh, and just to put a little candle on top of my bar exam experience so far, I got a freaking speeding ticket - my first one - after pulling out of the parking lot by the convention center. I was going 42, a perfectly reasonable speed for a three lane road that is a feeder to a major highway, and honestly thought something was wrong with my car when the cop pulled me over. Turns out the speed limit is 30. 30! The same speed as a residential street with children and dogs and other torts waiting to happen - none of these things were near this wide, open, highway-like road. And I didn't have my registration or insurance card because they're all in a purse in Austin waiting to go the DMV to get my Texas Driver's License, so I got TWO tickets.

So yeah, the day went super well. I think I probably got enough questions right to pass, but it feels like it'll come down to lucky guesses, and that sucks. When the utility and worth of your hard earned (and freaking expensive) law degree hang on the balance of a single test, it shouldn't be written in a way that makes you guess when you know the principle of law they're testing. I studied a lot, less than many, but still a lot and I'm frustrated that I don't feel like it did me much good.

So now time to push through for the final day of essays and waking up at 5:30 AM trying to remember something legal. I spent 10 minutes trying unsuccessfully to memorize the formula for claims of economic contribution in community property and ended up in a day dream where I read the list of people who passed the Bar and my name was one it - I came back to reality with tears of joy in my eyes. If that isn't what happens on November 7th, I think I'm going to go to medical school. I'm barely kidding.

Frigid Days, Frantic Nights

So, Day 1 is over. The experience was awful, though the test was okay. Our room was frigid - not chilly, not cold - absolutely shaking, teeth chattering, toes turning puple frigid. Tomorrow I will be wearing my ski outfit with (fake) fur lined parka- which means they'll probably overadjust the temperature to a balmy 85 degrees. My teeth really were chattering uncontrollably for the last hour and it made it VERY hard to remember all the civil procedure terms I crammed into my head around midnight last night. The laptop software was also having trouble and there was only 1 software rep for about 500 people, and the people with non-faulty laptops were apparently unable to read simple directions, so we got out almost 2 hours later than I'd planned. I hadn't eaten breakfast so I was starving and drove at the speed of light to meet my mom for lunch at Olive Garden. I didn't even turn on my A/C for the 45 minute drive in 100 degree weather - I was that frozen. But I think the MPT went fine and I probably did decent enough on the procedure and evidence portion not to hurt myself going into tomorrow and Thursday. Thank goodness for my ability to go without sleep - at least 6 of the 20 answers I wrote down in the civ pro section were nuggets of knowledge I picked up during my civ pro study session late last night. I can partially thank Landon for this ability to function well on less than 6 hours of sleep.

I spent my afternoon thawing out, taking the dogs on another long walk to the lake, and sitting at the kitchen table with my books, telling my mom all about how I REALLY NEEDED TO GO STUDY but not doing it. I just took a con law practice test from the magical released questions that are supposed to be easier and only got 50% right- and that was after I reviewed, so that's unnerving to say the least. You really shouldn't cram for the Bar at the last minute, so everybody reading this, shake your head at me and promise yourself you will do things differently. I know starting early wouldn't have changed much for me and I can trust in my ability to recall large quantities of information memorized at the last minute, but it's a really crappy way to spend 3 days of your life. Plus I now have some actual fear that I will fail this damn thing, which may make you wonder - why is she writing a blog post right now instead of studying? That is an excellent question and the answer to it is probably right next the one explaining why I didn't start studying in June like every other smart person.

In other news, JP called with news of a new Landon trick - throwing both his hands up in the air with an absolutely delighted smile on his face. He thinks this whole vertical motion of the arms is amazing and hilarious and everyone should pause to admire his ability to get those hands way up there above his 90th percentile head. Apparently he'll even do it in the middle of crawling - crawl, crawl, crawl, stop, sit, hands up in the air - big giggles - back to crawling. Oh, how I miss the little monster. Two more days and I can burn the barbri books (or turn them in to get my deposit back, but that doesn't sound nearly as satisfying), relax with my boys, drink a small bottle of tequila, and waterski at the lake (probably best done before the drinking of the tequila). For now, it's back to evidence and con law and hopefully getting more than half of the questions right.

The Night Before

It's 10:20 and I'm starting to read the civil procedure outline for my Procedure and Evidence exam tomorrow. My morning involved another big family walk and a trip to my office to pack up all my books and outlines. I left for Houston at 12:30 with a suitcase, box of books, and a Rosie dog in the back; I decided to bring her along for moral support and to give JP a bit of a break for the four days I'm going to be gone. I got a little teary eyed when I hugged my boys goodbye - this will be the longest we've been separated since we were married or Landon was born. I'm going to miss waking up to Landon's full-bodied excitement at seeing me - alarm clocks just can't compare, and mine will be beeping at me at 5:30 tomorrow morning.

Once I arrived in Houston, I spent a little while chatting with my mom and meeting their new 14-week old black lab puppy, Shadow (adopted from the rescue organization where we got Tex and Rosie). Shadow adores Rosie and she displayed endless patience for his attempts at bravery and assertiveness, all of which involved mounting her sideways or grabbing a toy out of her mouth. We went on a long walk to the lake where Rosie showed off her swimming skills and Shadow romped in the tall grass- puppies are so funny, it's fun to have one around again. I kept forgetting the Bar was tomorrow- I just don't believe it's here.

Which is why it's 10:30 and I'm now starting Civil Procedure. I know you're supposed to take the night off before the Big Day, but I think that's only if you've actually looked at what you're going to be tested on. And besides, I'm not used to getting a lot of sleep and I think a full 8 hours would confuse my brain. I did pack up my giant ziploc bags for tomorrow (even my laptop must fit in one - luckily Hefty makes a 2.5 gallon variety) and write down directions for the hour-long drive to the test site. Tomorrow is a half day with the MPT and Procedure and Evidence. I'm meeting my mom for lunch and then sequestering myself somewhere quiet to review for the MBE on Wednesday.

More than anything - more than fear or nerves or tiredness - I just want this thing over with. Here goes nothing!

Doggie Update

Things are going well with our new furry family members. Thank you for all your advice and comments, I really appreciated them. We've also been in touch with the rescue organization and they reiterated much of what you wrote. There's still been a bit of growling every now and then, especially when they're playing outside, but never at us or Landon and never escalating, so I'd say that's going very well. The dogs love laying around our feet and following us around the house. They're extremely tolerant of Landon (as I type he just crawled over the middle of Rosie while she took a nap, but we are still working on teaching him the difference between petting and grabbing because it's not only the dog's responsibility to get along with the little master of the house). They're doing well with their commands; they've got sit and stay mastered and we practice them often - making sure they know we're the ones in charge. PetSmart told us they'd be perfect for the Intermediate class in August. The introduction of Lilly hasn't gone quite as smoothly but we're working on it. Last night and this morning we had several successful interactions with the dogs remaining in "sit-stay" on the floor while Lilly came down and walked the perimeter of the room eying them suspiciously. We're taking it slow with them, but I think once she learns to relax around them, they'll relax too (they were both fostered in homes with cats and did fine- though I'd imagine those cats were very used to having canine friends around). Luckily the house is big enough for each to have his own space.

We've settled on Tex and Rosie for the names and have been calling them so since yesterday morning. A lot of people seem concerned about confusing them, but as rescued dogs we have no idea what their original names were and their foster gave them their new names only recently. We wouldn't change Hope if she'd actually been Hope for 6 years, but it's only been a couple weeks. What's important is that these are the names we use and these are the names they'll have forever. They already respond to them, even individually, and are just generally thriving in the Lag Liv household. We go on two long walks a day, both dogs on their leashes, and Landon in his big wagon - we're quite the caravan on the sidewalk :)

I've basically stopped studying. That's not good, there's still topics I need to, you know, START, but I'm tired of leaving my house to go stare at outlines. So I'm "studying" at home, amidst the madness - I'm sure you can imagine how well that's going. I did pack for my drive to Houston tomorrow and packed Landon for his, JP, and the dogs journey to Houston on Thursday. They're going to meet me up at my parent's lake house for two days of relaxing, splashing, and watching Rosie jump in and out of the water. There will be minimal brain usage and lots of fun had by all. I can't freaking wait.

Traveling as a Pack

So it's 2:00 and I haven't started studying (ummm the Bar is how many days away?) but I SWEAR I'm going to soon. We just got back from a big family outing to PetSmart and the dogs did great (Landon did too, but now that his car seat is forward facing he's much more amenable to car rides). Hope/Rosie was perfect as a little girl gave her lots of pets and Jude/Tex was just very excited about the whole thing. There were about a million dogs there and they ignored them completely, other than a few introductory sniffs. At one point JP was holding Landon and I was holding both leashes and I realized the two dogs combined weigh more than I do. Luckily they're pretty good with the leash, but we're going to sign up for doggy training classes too. It was funny to be there as this entourage of five- I would have laughed a few years ago if you'd told me I'd be living in Suburbia, heading to PetSmart with my husband, 1-year-old, and 2 giant dogs.

We bought the dogs personalized tags, as per the rescue organization's requirements. Tex got a Longhorn tag that looks smashing against his black fur and Rosie has a pink heart that matches her polka dotted collar. I think the dogs are wearing them proudly. Then we went to FreeBirds for some delicious burritos (Chipotle tries but it cannot compare). The dogs sat with us at the table outside (it was very classic Austin) and Landon ate a whole cheese quesadilla! He's eating really well in general and is doing great with his cups and whole milk- I packed all the bottles away last week!

I've basically living my post-Bar life without my life actually being post-Bar. I loved being out with my guys today. As we were driving down the highway JP put his hand on my knee and said, "it's good to have you with us" and he really meant it. I've missed these little mundane things too. One of the hardest things about the Bar has been losing my weekends and evenings (basically all down time)- I took more down time than I probably should have, but always with that depressing feeling that I shouldn't be. I can't wait to regain my normal family life.

So yeah, Consumer Law... I need to get on that. (And Texas Real Property and Guardianship and Civil Procedure and the MPT and reviewing those six MBE topics...)

Can't Think. Brain Full.

Conversation in bed with JP last night at 11:00.

Me: I'm worried my brain is full.

JP: [in his half-asleep voice because he falls asleep FIVE SECONDS after assuming the prone position] What? I love you too.

Me: No! I'm serious, my brain is full.

JP: [still clinging to his half-asleepedness] You'll be fine... shhhhhh, night time.

Me: You're not listening! I can't learn things - anything! I read and re-read and turn the page and try to remember what I just read and I can't. Can't! No recall. I studied Oil & Gas for 6 hours today - 6! That's a lot for me! I was even focused, no food breaks or chatting with other attorneys, just studying! You know how hard that is for me to do! But all I know is that the East Texas Oil Field was discovered before 1960-something so some statute doesn't apply. I think it's the MIPA one, which I call "mippa" but it might be "mypa". I don't even know what it stands for. Something about M___ I____ Pooling Agreements. Or is it Pooling Act? What does the M stand for?

JP: Minerals?

Me: Oh my god, that wasn't even on my mental list of possibilities. I spent all day reading about Mineral leases and Mineral estates and Mineral interests and Mineral acts and What is a Mineral and I couldn't figure out that the "M" in MIPA probably stands for Mineral? ... I'm screwed.

JP, used to the fact that despite being exhausted I immediately get hyper when I lay down in bed, grabs me and drags me over into a cuddle, kisses the back of my head and says: Shhhh, I love you too.

[End scene as JP immediately enters unconsciousness and I lie awake for the next 2 hours freaking out that by the time I drive to Houston on Monday I will have gotten so little sleep I'm going to drive off the highway.]

The biggest stress in my life right now is how tired I am. Even though I insist that I am not freaked out about the Bar and don't think I'll fail (I really don't), I know it's part of the reason I lie awake at night. It's frustrating to feel relaxed during the day, plugging through my outlines, and then lie in bed realizing I'm wound up tighter than I've been in a long time. And when you don't fall asleep until 1 or 2 AM, it's very painful when your baby wakes up at 6.

My only regret so far with the studying is that I'm not going to be able to review any of the subjects. So my 1 day ("day" being loosely defined as 4-6 hours) of review per topic is just going to have to be enough. I'd like to squeeze in a quick review of the MBE topics I studied first, but I'm not sure when that'll happen given that I never learned any Civil/Criminal Procedure and Evidence so I'll be spending Monday on that. I probably should have started earlier than July 7th, but I know myself, and if I had, I'd be even more sick of it than I am now, and would probably take off the next few days entirely. I just can't get worked up about anything for very long, and given how little I studied for the other big tests in my life (maybe 30 minutes for the SAT and 2 weeks for the LSAT), my brain feels more than a little put out and is threatening a strike (last night's inability to remember the Mineral Interest Pooling Act being a warning shot).

So to give that overworked little cerebrum of my a break, and hold off the strike until after the Bar, I'm taking the afternoon and evening off to go adopt a dog or two. These are the three we're meeting at 6pm in New Braunfels with their foster parents and I can't wait! JP and Landon went to Petsmart yesterday and broke all our budget rules to bring home $100 worth of dog toys and treats. I know adopting a dog RIGHT NOW seems crazy, and it probably is, but I really think having 130 lbs. of furry love in our house will help me study. Or help my brain relax so I can get some sleep. Either way, it'll be good.

Another Day, Another Topic I Don't Quite Know

I'm sitting on my couch flipping between SYTYCD and Project Runway wondering why I'm not more concerned about the Bar (and also why that Suede guy keeps talking about himself in the 3rd person - stop that!). I don't know if it's because I don't really believe it's 6 days away or because I didn't attend the barbri class and don't interact with anyone taking the exam, but I just can't get worked up about it.

I started today with the best of intentions- I was up and dressed in my work clothes (oh yes, the khaki colored linen pants, but jazzed up with very cute red heels) by 8:30. But then I played with Landon until his morning nap, and then I thought I could work at home for a little bit, but just ended up procrastinating via the internet. Then I realized JP was taking a nap so I set out to bother him. Finally at 11:30, after Landon woke up from his nap, I headed to the office. I turned to commercial paper with a fresh notepad and new purple pen (a trip to the supply closet was my reward for getting a 92% on the contracts question set I did yesterday- those official released questions are SO MUCH easier than the crazy barbri created ones), but quickly realized there was no way I could learn it in one day. I tried to read the barbri outline, then tried CMR, but just couldn't get my head around who has presentment warranties and who has transfer warranties and who exactly is a holder in due course and why are there like 15 requirements for negotiability and why does it not matter that a drawer's name is forged but it does when the payee's name is forged?? So I did some mental calculations and realized Commercial Paper will only be 3% of my grade. I think this may be the topic I just throw - although I haven't gotten to Oil and Gas yet and from what I hear that cannot be mastered in one day and this whole "it's only 3% of my grade" rationalization only works if I use it sparingly. I'm doing Oil and Gas tomorrow, so if it's as bad as I hear, I may throw it and go back to Commercial Paper.

So right now I'm mainly concerned with why the above sentences aren't freaking me out. Can one day per topic possibly be enough? I'm not going to have time to go back over the MBE stuff I studied first, but I did a contracts set yesterday without looking at it since early July and only missed 3 of 36. But that could have been a fluke. I'm afraid to do other topics in case they shatter my potentially misplaced confidence. Also, I wish Texas posted actual student essay answers- the Examiners' comments are helpful, but they just talk about what people missed, not what is "enough" to be a decent answer (surely they know we're all shooting for mediocrity here). The barbri model answers are pretty detailed, but I'm hitting about 75% of the issues they mention, is that enough? Although, that's when I practice them right after reviewing the topic all day, I'm not sure how I'll do if I try a topic from a few days prior (I really should, I know, but I'm thinking confidence may be one of the few things I have going for me right now and I don't want to hurt it). I just tried to recall the equation for claims for economic contribution in community property and drew a blank - not a good sign.

I spoke with our attorney employment head while stealing a few more of their M&M's and she said that while no one in the Austin office has ever failed the Bar, it's happened in other offices and it's no big deal, you just take it again February. So it's good to know that even if I'm totally embarrassed and depressed, I will at least be able to continue paying our mortgage.

So I'll continue on my little path to Tuesday. There's other distracting things going on, but I think they have to wait to be blogged about. Landon's molars continue to be big bullies - it took him over an hour to fall asleep last night and whenever I went in to check on him he was laying flat on his mattress in a puddle of tears, both hands stuffed in his mouth- breaks your heart and makes the priority rules in Secured Transactions seem terribly unimportant. And bless anyone who is still reading this- it seems like all I talk about anymore is this stupid exam and Landon's teeth (which are also stupid). After last Fall I will never fail to appreciate the beauty of boring, but it doesn't exactly make for riveting reading!

Fatigue

Yesterday was an off day for me and the Bar Exam. I didn't get to the office until nearly 11 and then I left at 2:30. I just didn't feel like studying. I read and re-read the same CMR Estate Administration pages, not absorbing anything, until I called JP to tell him I was coming home. He took the opportunity to go swim (unlike me, who hasn't done a real practice since I quit 7 years ago, JP still swims almost every day) while I sat at our kitchen table, staring at my outlines once again. I felt tired. I realized that since about February I have been in constant study mode. Spring quarter kicked off with four classes, two substantial papers, three finals, and a baby who screamed all night with persistent ear infections. When the ear tube surgery fixed one of those problems on April 1st, I had to throw myself into the researching and writing of those papers, and then the second those were turned in I was so behind in my classes I was panicked about exams coming up in 10 days. Then JP got really sick, we packed up our Chicago apartment, drove across the country, moved into a new house, went back to Chicago for graduation, and returned home with me behind in my Bar studying. I haven't sat on the couch without knowing I should be doing something else in so many months. I think I'm good about enjoying my life in spite of a looming deadline- about pressing pause and soaking up my time with my family and friends, but yesterday it felt like too much for too long; I couldn't see the great moments of last spring and this summer through the veil of constant pressure. I know I've made all these choices that have made my life difficult, and I'd make them again, but yesterday afternoon I needed to wallow in self pity while Landon took his nap. I made chocolate mousse, ate it out of the bowl topped with mini chocolate chips (the mini ones always seem so cheerful), and filled in my new planner. Ah, the joys of crisp new pages waiting to be filled in with a pretty pen.

I want this Exam to be over so badly, and yet, if I took it today I would probably fail. I haven't yet studied Secured Transactions, Commercial Paper, Consumer Law, Trusts, Oil and Gas, or Texas Property - all topics which have their own essay every year. The Bar is a rite of passage every lawyer has to take and I get that, I just wish there had been a little bit of time between the start of it and the end of law school. Graduating June 13th hurt when bar review classes began the third week of May- I'm just tired. Landon's molars are not helping. He woke up less than an hour into his nap, screaming the screams of an outraged, tired toddler who doesn't understand why his mouth hurts and no one is making it better. He was absolutely unresponsive to all my usual soothing techniques, Hyland's teething tablets, and Tylenol. I decided throwing him in the pool with daddy had the best chance of calming him down, so I placed my screaming, kicking, arching baby on the carpeted floor of my closet, put on my suit, threw all his stuff in a bag, wrestled him into the car seat, and took off for the local pool. He didn't stop screaming until he saw his dad splashing in the water. I stripped him down on the pool deck, put on his snazzy swim diaper and suit, and handed him off to JP while I found a spot for our stuff that was now strewn on the deck. We spent a very fun 45 minutes splashing, swimming, and watching Landon crawl back and forth across the baby pool. I've always found water soothing and apparently Landon does too. I took the rest of yesterday off, even snuggling on the couch with JP to watch a movie and eat more chocolate mousse.

Today I'm back at it and ready to push through to the end. One week from now I will be sitting in a room taking the Procedure and Evidence exam. I have exactly enough time to spend one day on each essay topic I haven't studied yet, and then half a day Monday to go back over the MBE topics before I drive to Houston that night. Hopefully that will be enough- I think it will be. And then I'll have the month of August to relax and enjoy my boys, our soon-to-be adopted dog(s), and our new house. Just seven more days...

this, that, and the other

I have a lot of posts running around in my head right now - thoughts on working in the Fall and what that means for me and my little family, thoughts about where this blog is going now that I'm done with school, thoughts on parenting, thoughts on politics and the election, thoughts on Austin and the choices and paths we take in life. I get lost in these thoughts while staring out my office window, with its beautiful view of my new city, and I have an almost irresistible need to write them down- to get them out. But I can't because (by design) there's no computer in my barbri study space. So I turn back to my Community Property or Agency and Partnership Outlines and press on- trying with only marginal success to clear my head of everything but Black Letter Law.

One of the many benefits of studying at The Firm this month has been reconnecting with the attorneys I met last summer. My first week was somewhat awkward- I looked quite a bit different than the last time I wandered those halls, 8 months pregnant and 12 days away from giving birth, and since the new associates don't start until September I wasn't on anyone's mind as someone who should be in the office. I'd pass people in the hall and smile hello, they'd say hi back, and we'd both walk past wondering if we were supposed to know each other. Of course there were lots who remembered me, but in a 100+ person office you can't get to know everyone during a 5 week internship. I've gotten better about reintroducing myself and it's been fun chatting with the corporate group on my study breaks. It's very reassuring to note that when I leave at 9:00 I am the only person in the office. I spent several hours there today and was alone the entire time. This is good. So the firm's people and its policies are just as friendly as they appeared when I was being wooed as a summer associate- it's what I expected, but it's nice to have it reaffirmed.

My progress through the essay topics has been going better than expected. In the past two days I've learned corporations, agency and partnership, family law, and community property. I've found that if I just read the barbri outline and then the CMR outline, slowly and carefully and think about what the law is saying, I can spit back most of the legal issues almost verbatim in my answers. That's why outlines and flash cards don't work for me- I memorize in paragraph form. Tomorrow I start Wills, which reminds me, JP and I need to make ours.

And because this post has almost no theme or coherence, I'll just throw in the fact that I spent what might have been my most delightful 20 minutes as a parent today with Landon. We have a new game where he crawls away really fast and you're supposed to chase him on your hands and knees. Every few yards he stops and turns around and when he sees you, he cracks up, and then continues on, only to stop and turn around again. If you chase him into a corner he falls over he's laughing so hard, and sometimes when he's crawling while laughing he stumbles onto his little shoulders because his hands weren't moving as fast as his legs. He finds this hilarious as well. Today he laughed so much he got the hiccups. It was pretty fantastic. He's also successfully transitioned to whole milk, so our grocery bills will go down by half now that we don't have to buy that hypoallergenic formula (I'm only slightly exaggerating). He's also using sippy cups for all his milk except the nighttime bottle. If he hadn't woken up in a state of hysteria this morning at 5:15 and refused to go back to sleep, I'd say he's pretty much the perfect child. (By the way, do you know how hard it is to memorize all the division of asset rules when you have already been awake for 14 hours at 7 pm and you only got 6 hours of sleep? Very Hard.)

So wow, deep thoughts, the Firm, the Bar, and a happy baby story - can you tell I'm tired and brain dead? I promise that better writing will come after July 31 when this horrible rite of passage is over.

In Good Company

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Everyone take one big deep breath and let it out slowly. Now, go watch some mindless TV or bake cookies - or both, preferably baking the cookies first so you can eat them while watching TV. Even better, find a giggly one year old you can borrow for an hour. You and your baby friend can fret over the Runaway Bunny and then bang plastic blocks on the tile floor and laugh at the loud sound it makes. Then go home, fill a glass with crushed ice and diet coke (or hard liquor, your call) and continue on with your studies. You will be fine. We will all be fine.

Texas Bar Exam Primer

There are a lot of non-law people around me who don't know much about this exam that has taken over my life (or should be taking over my life, but as I sit here watching So You Think You Can Dance with plans to watch the premiere of Project Runway Season 5, it's um, not). I actually graduated law school without knowing what was on the Bar, and I was several lectures into my review course (that's what barbri is - the big monopoly of a review course for the Bar, like Kaplan and Princeton for the MCAT or LSAT) before I knew the MBE was multiple choice. So for those of you living in blissful ignorance of what this horrible exam entails, here's a little Texas Bar primer* for you:

The Bar is given twice a year in every state (July and February) and lasts from 2-3 days. This summer's Texas Bar is 2 1/2 days on July 29-31. In general you must take the state's bar in which you want to practice. Some states have reciprocity with others (they accept other state's bar exam scores) but most only allow that if you've practiced for a certain number of years in the state which you originally sat for the exam. Washington, D.C. has the most liberal reciprocity rules and will accept any other state's bar exam immediately after you take it (assuming you pass of course). All this is why we are not leaving Texas for at least 5 years and even then we're only going somewhere with reciprocity. I refuse to take this exam again. Unless we can move to Colorado. I suppose I'd retake it if I could live near ski slopes, but it would be a close call. After all, that's what vacation homes are for.

Texas Day 1 consists of two 90-minute morning sessions. The MPT is the Multistate Performance Test. According to the TBE website it is "designed to test your ability to use fundamental lawyering skills in a realistic situation" (yeah, super realistic, you usually only have 90 minutes to start and finish a memo and you always get exactly the cases and statutes you need from the assigning partner). Anyway, you get an exam booklet with a File consisting of an "assignment" for an attorney, client, or judge and a Library with cases, statutes, memos, and anything else you may need to research and write the assignment. There will be stuff you don't need, of course, and it's up to you to figure out how to structure and phrase your work product, keeping in mind the particular audience you are given. It's pretty much like the first thing you had to do in your law school writing class and I'm ignoring it until maybe the day before. The MPT is 10% of your overall score.

The second part of day one is the Texas Procedure and Evidence Exam, which consists of two, 20-question short-answer booklets- one for Texas Criminal Procedure and Evidence and one for Texas Civil Procedure and Evidence. They are a combined 10% of your grade. Both will have a fact pattern that will take you through the initial filing of a criminal and civil case and ask you questions along the way - what motion should be filed (and where, when, etc), should this evidence be admitted, is jurisdiction proper, what should the judge say, what's the appeals process, etc. Even though you have like 90 seconds per 5-line fill-in the blank question, they all say "explain fully" so that should be fun. Despite my fear of facing questions I have NO idea how to answer, I'm also ignoring this part of the Bar. It's the only area where Civil Procedure is tested and that is such a complex subject that it's not worth the effort for only 5% of my grade. I did spend some time on Texas Crim Pro and Evidence rules so I'm hoping I'll remember enough Civ Pro from 1L year to not leave anything blank.

Day Two consists of 6 fun-filled hours of multiple choice questions. It's the MBE or Multistate Bar Examination and it makes up 40% of your grade. It covers the federal and common law of Contracts and Sales (including UCC Article 2 for the sale of goods), Real Property, Torts, Criminal Law and Criminal Procedure (Modern Penal Code and common law crimes), Constitutional Law, and Evidence. This is all I've studied so far. I've dedicated 1 day to each topic and just got a 67 on my first real practice test since the workshop. That's what I need to pass (kind off, all your scores are given their appropriate weight and added together, if you're above a certain number you pass, so there is no "minimum" score on any section), so it's time to force myself to move on. The hardest thing about the MBE is the questions are absolutely ridiculous. You are never tested on the law- you are tested on the exception to the exception to the exclusion and often are told to pick the "best" answer, which means all of them suck and you get to choose the one that sucks the least- and all the while you want to yell, "I know the freaking rule, and all the exceptions, can't I just write them down for you?!!". But you do get to bring in your own special #2 pencil and I already have mine carefully selected from the firm's supply closet. Sometimes it's the little things that keep you going.

Day 3 is the Texas Essay Examination- 12 of them over 6 hours for another 40% of your grade. You can type or hand write this section, and I of course will have my computer. I wrote Landon's birthday thank you notes the other day and my hand crumpled into itself and went on strike by the end - there were only 7 and I wasn't exactly writing novels. The topics to be tested include: Bankruptcy, Business Associations (agency, corporations, partnerships, limited liability companies, professional associations), Consumer Law, Family Law, Community Property, Real Property, Oil & Gas, Trusts & Guardianships, Secured Transactions, Commercial Paper, Wills & Estate Administration, and Tax (income, gift). You have 30 minutes per essay and many of the topics will be tested together (like bankruptcy and tax mixed into family law or business associations). I fear this section the most because almost all of these topics are completely new to me and I'm terrified of reading a question and having nothing to write down. At least with the MBE you can pick a letter and be done with it. You'd think this fear would have me working hard, but no, I haven't done anything for these topics. I'm starting tomorrow bright and early on agency and partnerships. Hopefully my tired little brain has room for all the information I'm going to try to cram into it over the next 12 days (note to self: more topics than days left before the Bar, holy crap, why am I watching Bravo?)

So that's it. We get our scores sometime in November so I'll start work not knowing if I passed (there's of course certain lawyerish things you can't do until you find out you've passed). I think I'm still in denial over the whole thing. I spent a lovely few hours this evening playing with Landon and pushing him around in his new cozy coupe. We're also knee-deep in dog research and are traveling to San Antonio on Saturday to possibly adopt this dog. I know, I know, this is so NOT the time to do that, but how can you look at that face and not want to bring her home immediately? Once you start looking at doggie profiles online it's very hard to stop- in three days I've lost hours of study time, but I'm rescuing an animal here. It's a higher calling. Although if I don't pass this exam, I won't be able to keep our newly rescued pup in the lifestyle in which he or she will become accustomed.

If my dad is reading this and freaking out about my lack of preparation, don't worry. I really am dedicating many hours a day to this thing. My brain needs breaks, especially breaks filled with a certain giggling 1-year old, and I'm sure our new dog will help me study. I'll get it done. I think. I hope. If I have to do this again I will cry, a lot, and no one wants that to happen- especially not me.

*do you pronounce that "primmer" or "prymer"? My Sexual Orientation and the Law professor said "primmer" and as much as I loved him and the fact that one day he left his cell phone on during class because he was waiting for an important call from the vet about his cat, and it rang proudly with a Cyndi Lauper song (could a sentence have more gayness in it?), I'm still not sure he was saying it correctly.

The Bar Exam Is Dumb

I have been studying, REALLY studying for 2.5 days now, and after reading a few outlines and doing a handful of MBE problem sets I have concluded this exam is stupid. Not just stupid because I have too much to learn and too little time to learn it or because it's keeping me in the office for 14 hours a day instead of chasing Landon around the downstairs- it's stupid because it's a TERRIBLE way to license lawyers. I now know contracts and torts- really know those areas of law. I could write you a small treatise and give you the exceptions and yet I still can't get more than 75% of those practice questions right. I come to questions where I recognize the issue immediately, I know the exception they're trying to test you on, and I read the answers and find either zero or three that appear correct. And even if you ignore how horribly written the MBE is (I know nothing about the MPT, Texas essays, or Procedure & Evidence exams because I haven't looked at any yet, but I'm sure they're badly written too), I still can't get over the fact that this has basically nothing to do with practicing law. I will not be a physician in the ER who needs to have facts and medical terms just sitting on the tip of my tongue. No corporate client will call me yelling "get me the answer to this corporations question STAT". There will always be time to double check, ask a colleague, or run a quick Westlaw search before calling them back. And most lawyers specialize - I will never need most of what is being crammed into my head (I'm looking at you, civil procedure and evidence).

But, despite the fact this exam is stupid, I'm plugging along fairly well in the studying for it. The office at the firm has been a godsend. It has floor to ceiling windows with a beautiful, calming view of Austin, no computer, and a door I can keep closed. I raid the diet cokes and hot tea from the kitchen, get lunch from the cafe downstairs, and grab hand fulls of chocolate from the employment office. When I'm taking a mini trip to get more food or caffeine, I am studying - reading outlines, reading the CMR (a very helpful little book!), doing practice sets, yelling at the answers in the practice sets... But I think I'm learning things - or at least memorizing things. In four hours I went from getting 8/18 in evidence to 15/18- and I still don't really understanding what hearsay is (I just know the rules that govern it).

I'm plugging through the MBE topics until Tuesday, and then I guess I'll tackle Texas Procedure and Evidence, and then the essays. The essays still scare me. I'm good at writing and making stuff up, but I feel like on the Bar the questions are so short and focused at one particular issue that it's hard to BS. You have to know things and know them quickly.

Tonight my sister came to babysit Landon for a few hours so JP and I could go on a date (Chuy's - very delicious). I had to limit myself to one margarita so I could keep studying afterward, but as always it was nice to sit and enjoy each other's company. My schedule is up with Landon at 6:30, soak him up until 9 when I go to the office, come home around 4:30 to play with him while JP goes to swim, go back to the office by 6:30 and stay until 10:30. I'm so happy that in stressful times like now I can completely rely on the strength of my relationship- I may worry about failing the Bar, but I don't worry about us one bit. Now I'm headed back to the office to finish Evidence. I hate ending each day knowing I won't get back to the topic until maybe the day before the Exam, especially because I don't feel any mastery of them, but there isn't time to give any topic more than one day of review.

So I'm pressing on. Not feeling great about it, but not feeling terrified either. At least not yet.

It's Really Happening

I received my admission ticket for the Bar Exam in the mail today. Apparently, four weeks from today, I will be two days down, with one to go. I think I should start getting scared, but four weeks sounds like an awfully long time- I only graduated law school 2.5 weeks ago and we were in Chicago 5 weeks ago. So I continue to plug along with the lectures and little else. My goal is to finish the lectures tomorrow, which is about 6 days ahead of the Austin barbri schedule. Then I'll make my "July Study Schedule" (oh yes, all caps, it's serious stuff now) and start going to the office.

At home, this is my study space:

That is one of our new couches. It is the perfect level of softness and support and I know it is the reason I was able to take that nap last week. It is also not anywhere near my laptop, which means I've been terrible about returning emails, but really good about staying up with my lecture catch up schedule. This is how I spend every minute Landon is napping, every evening after he goes to bed, and any time JP takes the little guy out of the house for errands or to splash in the pool: I place one large pillow behind me for back support, sit cross-legged in the corner, place another large pillow on my lap, put the snazzy clip board on top of that, put the iPod on the coffee table (amongst the baby carrots, blue cheese vinaigrette dressing, cup of water, diet coke, house phone, cell phone, and stack of MBE workshop notes I still plan to type up), pick up my blue pen with comfort grip (my snazzy pen had no comfort grip and has been banished after leaving a bruise on my finger from all the frantic note taking at the workshop), press play and enter the magical world of Texas civil procedure. Sometimes I like to throw in a big stack of chocolate chip cookies or a box of Nilla Wafers. Ah, preparing for the Bar, it is so glamorous.

On The Move

Landon's first birthday is two weeks away, a fact that pretty much blows my mind. We have modest plans, thanks to the Bar Exam (luckily he's too young to know that his birthday is already being impacted by mommy's career), but we are going to have a mini party with my parents when they bring over some of our furniture on July 12. JP's grandmother wanted to get Landon a present and asked us to pick out something for about $75. I knew exactly what I wanted to order: The Radio Flyer Classic Walker Wagon. Landon has been power cruising for weeks now, even using blank walls for that little bit of support he still needs to be vertical. I knew he'd love the chance to "walk" across the middle of the room. When it arrived last week, we put it together and gave it to him right away. I figure he has no idea when his birthday is, so why make him wait- and we were so excited to see him get excited! And as you can see, it was a big hit:

Holy geeze I can move!

Great for chasing my cat!

Perfect for making loud noises when I plow into the cabinets!

I can ride in it too!

We've been really impressed with how solid, heavy, and well made it is, and it doesn't let him push too fast because the wheels have a bit of resistance to them. Landon adores it and I know that even after he can walk on his own he'll use it to push his treasures around the house and yard.

Here's a video of him on the move yesterday. The outfit is his father's doing, and even though I have an adverse physical reaction to things that don't match, I find it impossibly adorable.

On the Bar front, I feel really good after the MBE workshop that ended yesterday. It was infinitely more helpful than I expected and I'm very glad I went. I've decided to forgo the Procedure and Evidence workshop- thanks for your advice. I think I just need to trust in my exam taking talent and my determination to study enough on my own. I'm on track to finish the lectures before the people taking the class will and then I'll take off a day or two for the holiday and commence official studying after the 4th (or maybe after the 5th, we have a neighborhood party that day). Now if you'll excuse me, it's my turn to go protect our walls and cabinets from Landon's repeated crashing into them until someone turns him around.

96 out of 200

That was my score on the MBE yesterday - a 48%. And I'm actually pretty pleased with it. I didn't get to listen to the con law lectures in time and I never took it in law school, so there went 34 of 200 questions. And I haven't read over anything in the outlines I've filled in between pauses and while doing household chores (I have a snazzy little clipboard I carry with me all over the house - JP makes fun of it, and my even snazzier pen, but it keeps me from going crazy couped up in the study). The average test taker at this point last year got a 109 so I'm not far off. It's just low enough to scare me into studying but not low enough to make me freak out. I feel like I'm in a good place and I'm ready to take on the month of July, which is exactly what I hoped to get out of this workshop.

Another benefit of sitting on a hard metal chair for 8 hours the past two days is it has made me immensely grateful for the iPod self study option. It is SO much better than sitting in that class room (or really warehouse, our classes were canceled last weekend for the Gun Show. Yeah, I'm in Texas now!). It's in a crappy part of town, 45 minutes away, and I'd have to pay for the gas and a lunch each day. I also definitely like being separated from all the crazy people who have all their flash cards made, color coded, and memorized and who have finished a whole book of practice exams. I'm just not in their league right now and given how much fun I had at the pool the other day with Landon, I'm okay with that. Also, I really don't think you gain anything from hearing the lectures live. For one, the instructor is just reading off their notes and isn't using visuals or even many hand motions. This is fine because you're bent down over your handouts frantically filling in the blanks, generally two or three blanks behind, and not looking up until the instructor calls for a 10 minute break. I don't think video, life, or audio would make the slightest bit of difference - everyone is just hunched over their paper. And the ability to pause and rewind a lecture on the iPod is invaluable. I know I won't have the time or inclination to listen to these lectures a second time so when we've gone through a tricky section, I often rewind and replay, just listening and not writing, and I think that's helped me learn a few things without actually studying yet. Plus you don't miss anything- there were so many times today that I wanted to pause or press rewind, it was driving me crazy!

The MBE workshop has been really helpful though. A lot of people skipped today because the instructor was just going over answers that were already explained in detail in the exam book. But this guy went way beyond the answers and gave us summarized tests and approaches, as well as the frequency certain questions have been asked over the years. I left with 19 pages of hand-written notes, my hand felt like it was going to fall off. And I feel like I've already learned enough to do substantially better on another exam. I also think I may have been talked into registering for the Texas Procedure and Evidence workshop (we have a separate Texas civil procedure and evidence short answer exam that is 10% of our overall score - if anyone has thoughts or knowledge of that workshop, let me know- should I do it? I may be too late to sign up, but it seems like barbri deadlines don't really exist even when they pretend they do).

What's freaking me out right now is the essays. Damn, that's going to be a TON of information that needs to be on total recall. It's not like the multiple choice where you can narrow down and guess, this is staring at a blank document. I have a lot of work to do. But I feel ready to do it.

It's now pouring rain outside (rain we desperately needed) and because I did Bar stuff all day I gave myself the night off, guilt free. We already watched the swimming Olympic Trials. Based on the first night alone the U.S. is going to have an unbelievable team this year - 2 world records broken already! The current world record holder in the men's 100 Fly is one of our best friends and my roommate last summer; I think we'll end up knowing about half the Olympic team again, which makes it so much fun to cheer them on. It's on every night through Sun. from 7-8 CT on NBC or USA. Now I'm going to drink too much wine, cuddle on the couch with JP, and maybe even be crazy and watch a movie! I'm savoring my last bits of June.

Joining Barbri Society

Tomorrow I join the masses of barbri students for a 3-day practice MBE workshop. I am not excited. I know it will be good for me to see the practice questions (for the first time) and get properly freaked out about how little I know and how much there is to learn. Fear and looming deadlines have always been my big study motivators.

But I don't want to get scared yet. I'm enjoying my frequent pauses of the recorded lectures to play with Landon and JP. I am reveling in all our fun family giggle time. I am not ready to get serious about studying. The Firm has given me office space and I've promised myself I will start going there during the day in July to study the way I'm supposed to. It's only a few miles from the house and I'm not putting in 15 hour days or anything, but I think that impending "hunker down date" is leading to my loss of focus here at the end of June. I know July is going to suck and I want to squeeze as much fun out of June as possible. Right now the Bar (July 29-31) feels far away and I can pretend that I have plenty of time to learn all 10 million exceptions and caveats to every law in Texas. Today I even afforded myself the luxury of an unplanned 2.5 hour nap. I never take naps. Apparently I was really tired (Landon cried from 1:50-3:50 AM; I hate teeth) as I fell asleep on the couch, in daylight, while listening to a lecture. Even when I had a severe case of mono naps never came that easily, maybe I should have tried listening to constitutional law.

I don't start work until September 2nd, so I'll have the month of August to relax and enjoy my boys. And like I said, I'm not planning to go nuts and study every waking moment for four weeks. I just like where I am right now - nearly caught up, not feeling pressure, and safely before my July 1 deadline for actually learning the material. I don't want to have to face the reality of how much I need to do. But of course I will and I have a feeling staring at that practice exam tomorrow is going to give me a surge of panic-induced motivation. That panic, and a possibly undeserved talent for test taking, has gotten me through every other major exam in my life. Just one more...

Oh Yeah, the Bar Exam

I feel like I should be talking more about the Bar, but it's not dominating my days like I thought it would and like I think it's supposed to. I'm still playing catch up in the lectures. I do about 2.5 a day and on Friday will be fully caught up, just in time for the 3-day, ALL day, MBE practice exam and analysis. I am not excited about giving up my Sat, Sun, and Mon to this Bar stuff but maybe it will be a good dose of reality.

The iPod self study option is a good one- especially if you graduate law school three weeks after the Bar classes begin. For those who don't know how it works, you (or really your law firm) pay a bunch of extra money for an iPod to arrive pre-recorded with the previous Bar review session's lectures. You can listen to them on different speeds, pause, fast forward, rewind, replay, etc as you fill in your lecture handouts. They also include a little sheet of any changes that happened between the Feb. '08 exam and the one I'll take in July. The law is slow to change, thank goodness, and my sheet only had two bullet points on it. The program requires discipline which I'm afraid I lost in law school, but I've already found fear to be an excellent motivating factor.

I think what I enjoy most is not knowing how freaked out other people are about the Bar. I really don't want to know that someone has taken 25 practice exams, read the long outlines, is summarizing the notes, and making flash cards. I find that knowledge stressful and I'm currently unstressed. On the other hand, I suppose I should know some of what other people are doing because I'm certain I should be more stressed than I am. It's an enormous amount of information tested over three days (Texas is the only state besides California that gets the joys of a 3-day Bar -- I stand corrected and should do my own research and not just repeat what I've been told, there are several other states with 3-day exams) and it's going to take a lot of work to learn enough to pass. My goal in the beginning was just to catch up in the lectures, and now that I'm almost there I want to stop just so I don't have to face the next steps- like doing practice questions and actually learning the law.

The real problem is this could be such an awesome summer and I'm finding it's frighteningly easy to ignore the Bar for long stretches of time. Landon is a blast right now. After he chased after a bigger boy's ball at the pool the other day JP took him to Wal-Mart and bought him his very own Spiderman bouncy ball. As you can see, he's pretty excited about it:

I sit in the study across from the dining room (which is acting as a play room right now, which you can see in the video) and just watch him play and squawk (we've moved beyond squeaking) and it's all I can do not to pause the iPod yet again and join in. We're looking for a bedroom set and I just want to go to furniture store after furniture store finding the right one. There's a million clothing store sales right now and given that my body really has decided to stay at this smaller size, I need to rebuy my entire work wardrobe and I don't want to wait until Fall when everything is full price again. There's also cook outs to be hosted, movies to be watched, and sitting on the back porch to be done. I also want to soak up the fact that JP is home all day. It's a unique situation we won't have again until retirement and I'm loving all our quality family time.

I don't resent the Bar or the time I need to put into it, I'm just having a hard time making it real right now. When I was really behind I felt all this pressure to catch up and now that I'm there the pressure has lessened and I need to ratchet it back up. Landon and I went to my office last Friday to say hi to everyone. They hadn't seen me since I was 8 months pregnant and had never met the Landon. He flirted mightily with all the lady lawyers and crawled full speed into several partners offices. Luckily the corporate section is used to having babies underfoot and he was a big hit. It was great to be back. I remain just as excited about working there as I was when I finished up my clerkship.

I'm staring at all these big books, which you can see in my blog header, and wondering where to begin. The barbri self paced program frightens me and there's no way I could start it now. For those who know, how did you spend those weeks up to the Exam? Should I bother with the long outlines or just review the handouts and work on practice questions. Back when I was a pre-med major I was really good at memorizing and I'm hoping those skills will come back quickly. There's also something called a Conviser mini review and an MPT workbook. I'm pretty sure it's bad that I don't even know what those are. And flashcards. I could see how they would be really helpful, but also time consuming to make. Maybe I could add them to JP's list of projects...

Oh, and this has nothing to do with the Bar (though it may be instrumental in my beign able to study for it), but Landon has fallen asleep with less than 30 seconds of protest for all his naps and at night. It's like he knows what he's supposed to do in the crib now and he just curls up and follows through. It's magical.