What We Need

This "Do you need it now" thing is killing me. As it turns out, you need almost nothing "right now." Food, toilet paper, and tequila- these are the only things I've been able to get around my new standard. On the upside, we've cut our credit card bill down to 20% of what it was the first two months we lived here (moving/renovating is expensive) and 50% of what it used to be when I worked at the firm. So that's good. But I need door mats and rugs and the perfect piece of art for our living room wall I found at Target yesterday (yes, I buy most of my art at Target, but its all awesome). And that's just for the house. I also need new workout clothes for my new physically fit lifestyle and a few casual summer dresses because the one I just packed to wear at the lake house on Wednesday was bought for $10 at New York & Co in 2004 and a pedicure because apparently I suck at painting my own nails and an updated bikini wax because seriously. And the kids need a few new non-stained t-shirts and JP needs a new office chair because he's sitting in the one I bought for my first apartment in college in 2002 and its back is broken and the cheap polyester sweats under the skylight in the afternoon. But even though I/we need all of those things, when it comes down to it, we don't need a damn thing right now.

(Except maybe JP's office chair; that thing is terrible and I feel bad that he sits in it all day, but he won't even hear of buying another another one until his birthday in October because he never wants any family money to be spent on him but I don't care because I just talked myself into buying one for him anyway.)

So this new standard- it can't be maintained forever and it really would be nice to have such indulgences as a cheap rug to walk onto when you come in from our pool onto the tile, but it's a good experiment. We did buy Landon his birthday present, because even though he does not truly need a $50 Imaginext Batcave, he is turning 5 and has been talking about getting this Batcave with such patience and reverence and barely contained excitement since he saw one at his friend's house seven months ago. We have stopped by to visit said Batcave on every trip to Target and he lovingly runs his fingers over the packaging and says, "when I turn five, I really hope I get this Batcave" and then sighs and continues his walk down the aisle. I do the same thing in home goods. Also, wall decor. And shoes. I haven't bought a pair of shoes since well before I accepted the new job. It is amazing what bargains you don't need when you never set foot in a Marshall's, Ross, or TJ Maxx. And when your every web move is being tracked at work, there isn't any opportunity to discover a fabulous pair of heels that are in your size and totally on sale at zapposendlessdsw.com. But while I miss zapposendlessdsw.com and the hours I used to spent perusing its wares, it was an easy sacrifice for nights and weekends with my kids and without a blackberry. I've never even undocked my work laptop. Unreal.

JP and I talk a lot about what we want for ourselves and for our kids- and not the sappy emotional stuff like love and laughter because, duh, but what stuff do we want? What fun and frivolous things do we think of as we work all week? Oh for now it's the mortgage, grad school loans, and kids' daycare, but hopefully someday when two of those three obligations are done (OH THE DAY!), what do we dream for our lives in 10 years? And for both of us it comes down to experiences. We have no need for a bigger or fancier house (though I will renovate the kitchen at some point) -- 2800 square feet is more than any family of four needs. I don't care about cars and there's no way the cars JP cares about will be within our financial reach in 10 years (or 20, 30, etc.). I enjoy pretty things but have no dreams of a closet filled with designer goods. No, for as long as I enjoy my work and don't feel the need to exercise the career flexibility I hope I'll have, it's experiences that we want. Vacations- fabulous fabulous vacations with our kids. I want to take them everywhere. I want to camp in the great National Parks of the US that my parents showed me (um, cabin camp, I'm not quite as brave as my parents). I want to revisit all the countries in Europe I've already toured, but I want to do it with my family. I want to take them to a beach so white with water so blue we will all lovingly mock our first family beach trip to the brown grey shoes of Galveston.

We probably still won't be able to do much of that in ten years, but our student loans will be fully paid off and our kids will be out of full-time daycare and even at our current salaries that will free up a nearly half of our monthly budget. Half. The simultaneous paying off of two professional degrees while paying for two kids' childcare is perhaps the best argument I never thought of for delaying the start of your family (not that I'd change a thing). Because in 5 years we should be able to save something to go somewhere every year. In 5 years the kids will remember those trips, just like I remember jumping rocks over raging rivers in Rocky Mountain National Park and sitting by a campfire with my parents and siblings on a bluff overlooking Lake Ouachita. I remember petting a bat held by a park ranger at Devil's Den in Arkansas and disconnecting our trailer in a Walmart parking lot so we could drive the van up the highest highway in the US to Estes Park for a day hike in the mountains. I remember my sister yelling out with a shocked "HEY!" as we were all swept up by a chair lift and she stood with her skis just outside of its path on our first ski trip. I remember so many things and I can't wait to make memories that my kids will remember too. We take vacations now too of course, fun and practical ones like the two-night trip we're planning to one of my favorite State Parks in August, but oh when my mind gets spinning on the "what I dream for one day" path, it puts us on a beach in the Caribbean or touring a castle in Switzerland. I hope we get there. It's far enough away that I don't have to care about how realistic it is, I can just dream, and in the mean time, focus on what we need.