Christmas Delicious

I promise that not every post I write this month will be about Christmas, but the holidays do sort of dominate between late Thanksgiving and early January. This past weekend was all about cookies. Specifically my Swedish great-grandmother's absolutely delicious though very time consuming sugar cookies. And frosting. Lots and lots of frosting.

I made up a huge batch of dough on Saturday, after a massage (using up FSA funds!) and a P. Terry's cheeseburger date with Clairebear, and before a reptile birthday party for one of Landon's friends (I held a spotted python. He was so soft and smooth, I wanted to put him in my pocket so I could pet him all day- except JP does not like snakes and my jeggings don't have functioning pockets).

With the dough ready, here's how you spend your entire Sunday immersed in sugar and Christmas cheer (and your whole next week eating 6-7 sugar cookies every day, just like the ELF diet recommends):

Pull your tripled recipe of dough (which nearly broke my industrial strength kitchen aid mixer) out of the fridge, turn on Christmas music (preferably, the Frank Sinatra/Dean Martin holiday station on Pandora), clean off your counter, put on some supportive shoes, and prepare to spend the next 3 hours rolling out and cutting the dough into festive shapes. And making a giant mess because by the time you are done, flour will be EVERYWHERE.

Your children can help.

love Claire's concentration tongue; dislike Landon's sudden morph into "big kid"

Then they will be tired, because pressing the cookie cutter into dough that mommy has lovingly (and repeatedly) rolled into smooth submission is really hard work. Put the little one in your bed because you don't really want her to take her nap yet and she won't sleep long without her blankie or the ability to wedge her face up against the bars of her crib.

You will continue cutting and rolling and cutting for another 2-3 hours. There will be no pictures because you started this project in glasses, pj's, and unbrushed hair and now feel compelled to finish it before you do any of those things. By the end you will probably just make whole trays of Christmas trees and stars because they're the easiest shapes to cut (the snowflake cookie-cutter having been immediately abandoned as too intricate, along with the wreath and its impossible cut-out center and skinny ribbon strings). The dough will keep multiplying until you finally just eat the last cup or so raw. It will be delicious.

Wash it down with a diet coke, take a shower, and get ready for decorating and the eating of much frosting! Invite friends over to help if you can.

For the decorating-- make a rainbow of super sweet frosting (powdered sugar, skim milk, a dash of vanilla, and food coloring) and get out sprinkles and a giant bowl of red hots (the best cookie accessory).

The children will want to help- don't let them leave the table until they've decorated at least 10 cookies. Marvel at the fact that your little girl refuses frosting and only eats naked cookies. Ponder how you can possibly be related (despite the fact nearly every other thing about her is exactly like you).

As the kids get tired, force your husband to decorate at least half of what he plans to eat. It will be your responsibility to create any cookies you can actually give to people (daycare teachers, etc.), so take care with the frosting and use the colors appropriately. In other words, be the opposite of your husband who dumps pink frosting on snowmen, doesn't use red hots as little buttons down the tummy, and otherwise acts in complete disregard of your sacred holiday tradition. Make him clean up.

At the end of it all, pop in a Christmas movie- preferably a claymation version from the 1960's- so your kids can detox from the sugar while you (or, preferably, your husband) clean up.

Wrap up a selection of cookies for your kids' teachers in pretty bags with ribbon, try not to wince at the sudden decrease in your cookie stash, and then eat one more cookie (an ugly one, decorated by your husband, because that's all you have left) and curl up with your kids on the couch for at least an hour before attempting to make a non-sugar based dinner or pack lunches for the week ahead.

And then later, after all that is done and the kids are in bed, eat a few more cookies, drink a glass of wine, and know that you have done everything necessary for the holidays to arrive.