It's 8:45. I'm at home, but on my firm laptop working on a Series A Preferred Stock Purchase Agreement. The big deal that had me working late last monday is still big string of snafus (at the fault of the other side, their client, and the general suckiness of the economy) but I have hope that someday it will be over and I can get rid of the thousands of pieces of paper lining the walls of my office in neat little stacks (the stacks aren't actually organized, they just look much better than the precarious piles that used to be in on top of my desk). Tonight at about 4:30 I got an email regarding the deal I drafted the Series A financing documents for a few weeks ago- apparently the partner needs this SPA tomorrow morning and because I am so intimately familiar with the term sheet, I get the honor of drafting it! Hooray. I tried to press on at the office but quickly decided I needed a change of scenery- preferably one that included a Landon, a glass of merlot, and glasses instead of contacts (ooh, and sweat pants instead of a skirt and button-down. and JP.).
I don't mean to complain. With every headline and story I'm more thankful for my job and the paycheck, steady deal flow, and security that all come with it. I'm just tired. Very, very tired. My in-laws left today. The visit went well but I spent at least 5 hours a day cleaning up after them and keeping my house in order and after 7 days of that (and doing everything for a Thanksgiving dinner for 10) I'm exhausted. Landon is teething and up every few hours at night. JP has a final exam every night next week from 5-8 so he's studying like crazy (and I'm dreading next week's quasi-single parenting as an attorney with two big deals about to close). All I want to do is go to sleep, preferably while being cuddled by a JP who is freed from the tension that consumes him when his parents are present. I do not want to work on this 56-page agreement.
But work I shall. If I had time I'd probably write about my deep, scary thought this morning that maybe this isn't what I want to do with my life. Not that I'm unhappy, I'm actually enjoying myself much of the time, but I wonder if I want to do this forever. Do I want to move up in this job? I like being handed the discreet assignments and have little interest in running the deal myself. But that could just be the exhaustion and lack of any practical corporate legal knowledge talking. Who knows. I have too much debt and too much time invested in this path to stray from it right now, but I'm curious about where I'll be in twenty years. If the last several years are any indication, it'll be nowhere I have planned. And that's fine, almost comforting actually, because right now all I have planned is getting this stock purchase agreement finished before my glass of wine.
Loewe x Suna Fujita Capsule Collection
6 hours ago
So what's the deal with your in-laws? You've alluded to it a few times and inquiring minds want to know!
ReplyDeleteMan, I know how scary it is to feel like you might be on the wrong path after investing lots of time and money on it. I hope you get some rest (and JP cuddling) soon! I'm sure it will make everything seem a lot brighter.
ReplyDeleteI'm not being fair to my in-laws. When I shared this blog's existence with my family I chose not to share it with JP's (for a variety of reasons, one being they don't use the internet and I figured the idea of a blog would just freak them out) and it seems unfair to talk about them when my family can read it but they can't. So I try to hold back, but I'm really tired and a bit cranky and seven days is a really long time to have house guests, and I wrote too much (though I just edited a bit).
ReplyDeleteSomeday I might share more. It's a difficult situation and one that often makes me disappointed in myself and the way I handle it, though I can honestly say I try as hard as possible at the time. The most important thing, and the thing I cling to rather desperately, is the fact that they love and adore Landon and they are wonderful grandparents to him. Because of that, I will keep working to maintain JP's relationship with them.
Good luck with that agreement! I just got an e-mail from one of the McCombs profs confirming that our cohort has exams from 5-8pm each day next week. Maybe JP's cohort isn't on the same schedule, but I wanted to mention it just in case. Seems like the difference in starting at 5pm instead of 7pm could create some challenges in terms of childcare.
ReplyDeleteThe exam scheduling at McCombs is so bizarre, isn't it?
Thanks p2p, JP apparently didn't know his own exam schedule, it is 5-8pm rather than 7-10pm. Both are very bad for students with children and working spouses- why can't a full time MBA program have exams during the day?
ReplyDeleteGood luck with it all.
ReplyDeleteAt 8:00 tonight, I got an email from my Admin Law Professor that he was assigning 100 pages for tomorrow at 8:30. Its 11:30, and I just got done with my IP reading - so I will be up late too!
The difference is that I can totally blow my professor up. I will be thinking of you. I hope you get some real rest soon.
BTW - this is not the type of behavior that I get from most of my profs. This guy is just kind of in his own world.
Ok. I'm tired, and I just realized that I wrote "I can blow my professor up." Freudian typo? I can blow my professor off! I swear, I don't want to blow anybody up.
ReplyDeleteIt's not so scary that you might not want to stay in this field your whole life. Lots of lawyers move around (between firms; from firms to gov and back, etc.). It doesn't mean you are on the wrong path; it just means that you are on one stepping stone in the long and winding road that is your career.
ReplyDeleteNot really any time to comment, but just wanted to say that you don't need to know if you want to do this forever today! If you're relatively satisfied with it most days right now, great. But you can walk away any time, and this will give you a great background for lots of other opportunities.
ReplyDeleteThat would be the nice thing about a big firm job... after just a couple years, you'll have the debt paid off, and you could work part time. Of course, the problem is getting used to a certain lifestyle and downsizing that can be tough.
ReplyDeleteBut the good news is, you definitely aren't trapped in it forever, and you have many choices ahead of you. It's nice to have choices.
I completely agree with Proto Attorney. The reason I'm flirting with changing my career to law is that when that feeling of wanting a change comes along, it seems to me, it's good to have options of where to go, not just focus on what you're leaving behind. In other words, you're not trapped. Gov't work, public interest work, start your own firm, run for office, become a member of a Board or several Boards...be somebody's advisor, in-house counsel, start a self-help group for lassitudinous lawyers...HR manager...any kind of manager...the list is endless, seemingly. I know a couple of lawyers - a married couple with an infant child - who quit the whole law thing and opened a bread-baking franchise. You may think that means walking away cold from years of prep, etc. but without their legal background, experience and training, taking on the legal/financial issues related to running a small business would probably have been beyond them. What can you NOT do with a legal degree and bigfirm experience?
ReplyDeleteAs a mom, I just wanted to suggest that maybe you need a nanny/house manager. Someone who can watch Landon so you don't need to do the daycare drop-off with all its stress and can grocery shop, help pick up a bit, and prepare simple dinners. I am a law student mom now (kids in daycare) but once out I am totally hoping to hire someone who can help manage the home front.
ReplyDelete