Monday, July 16, 2007

NICU update (updated)

~ 7am: We found out last night that Landon's lungs hadn't improved- he's basically walking the line between needing further intervention (intubation) or just staying on the respirator a little while longer before they can start weaning him off it. Even if he picks the good side right now, and they can start reducing the oxygen they're giving him, it'll be at least one week before he can come home and quite realistically two or more weeks. I'm really sad.

Update at 1pm: We visited Landon twice this morning- after the first visit it sounded like they were going to intubate because he had a difficult night and now needed 53% pure oxygen rather than the 20-22% he was on yesterday. After breakfast we went back down and were able to talk with the NICU attending. She said he was improving (now at 32% oxygen) and they were going to watch him very closely, but they had not made the decision to intubate at that time. If he makes it through this evening without that step then it probably means he's on the road to improvement (though it might be a long road- tubing him might actually make the recovery shorter but it's quite a bit more invasive so they want to avoid it). He's still breathing far too rapidly- over 100x/minute rather than the usual 30-60. You can see the dents in his chest from working so hard. We'll go visit again this afternoon- it's hard just seeing him a couple of times a day, but we're trying to balance our desire to see him with the fact that our visits get him worked up and breathing faster (although I know he likes holding our hand- which you can see in the picture- it's hard to get him to let go when we leave). Once his breathing has relaxed and he's really improving we can spend more time with him.

It's been tough- I only feel like half a parent. I think I'm still in a bit of shock that this whole thing happened and not having him around to constantly remind me that I'm a mother makes it even less real. He's being (well) cared for the NICU team and I'm just a visitor. I know the connection will grow when I can hold him and spend more time with him, but for now when I see him laying there I have to continually remind myself that he's my son. I think JP feels a stronger bond than I do- maybe because he wasn't able to be close to the baby until now. I had the little guy squirming around in my belly for eight months- he actually feels less "mine" now than he did before. The timeline for his homecoming is looking at just over a week- best case scenario. I'm glad he's in such good care, but I can't wait until he's in my care.

10 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry, LL. I'll be keeping you all in my thoughts today and praying Landon makes a stunning turn-around.

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  2. I am so sorry!! I'll also be praying that he improves quickly. We had similar news when my son was born and I was devastated. It didn't help that day 2 or 3 your hormones go insane. I was hysterically sobbing all day long. Drink as much water as you possibly can - that really helps with the crying and the major leg swelling that you will no doubt experience, especially if you're standing a lot and sitting up in a hard ICU chair for the next week or two. I have been there and wouldn't wish it on anyone. (((HUGS)))

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  3. aw - i just welled up reading that. i'm so sorry. and i'm sending landon all the good vibes i can.

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  4. I'm so sorry. I'll pray that your baby comes home as soon as possible.

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  5. Glad to hear the update. Too bad you can't just sit in there close to him. That must be very difficult! :( Hope the news gets better as tonight and tomorrow.

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  6. He looks like a big healthy boy for a NICU patient. All my thoughts will go toward his strengthening quickly and coming home soon. Take care of yourself and the bonding w/ Landon will come in its own time. My son felt like a stranger for the first couple weeks and we didn't have your hardships to deal with. Peace, Love, Strength.

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  7. He looks like such a strong little guy! I hope he has a speedy recovery and you can take him home as soon as possible.

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  8. Hugs... he'll be home with you when he's ready. Meanwhile, maybe you can catch up on sleep? I hope the three of you are okay!

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  9. I felt similarly when Ed had to stay in the NICU -- I would hear babies crying in other rooms near mine in the Mother/Baby unit and feel like I was somehow defective. It sucks, but he'll be with you soon.

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  10. You are all in my thoughts. I hope he's able to come home soon. He's a beautiful baby.

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