Twenty Years

On this day, 20 years ago, a 22-year-old me and a 23-year-old James, vowed "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part."

What an insanely naive and optimistic thing to do at those ages, and yet, here we are, having done - and still doing - exactly all those things.

(Side note: I realized one second before this moment that James and I had never talked about the kiss. I assumed he'd keep in mind we were in my childhood church, mere feet away from my pastor, and with all of our family looking on. He did not.)

I don't know why twenty years seems like such a milestone this year, but it does. Twenty seems so solid. It's almost longer than we were alive before we got married. We started dating at 18 and 19 so we've been together longer than we ever existed apart.

I've watched marriages of friends and colleageus survive, thrive, wither, and fail, and sometimes interesting combinations of all four. I don't know what the through line is, but I know a good part of it is luck. Luck that the man I met when he was 19 has evolved into the man he is today at 43. That he is truly my partner, that we compromise, that we have always split home and child duties based on the understanding that for this to work we both have to be giving 100% all the time. That when one has more to give, they give it, because it usually means the other has less. We're partners, in every single sense of the word, and I still jump him in the pantry when the door is closed and the kids are busy.

Decades ago I read a line in a romance book that marriage is "an adventure and a comfort" and that feels as true as anything else I've read about it. It's an adventure- I love how much I still love spending time with James, how much we are still learning together, how I can be brave and bold in my life knowing he's behind me, and it's a comfort- coming home is my favorite thing in the world and home is him on the couch beside me or snuggled under the covers in bed. Marriage is choice and work and patience and faith and actively finding reasons to be in love, to feel lucky, as much as possible.

Even in our hardest years of grad school and young children and job stress and no sleeping, I always maintained that it was life that was hard, marriage was easy. Twenty years later I still think that's true, though I'll note that it's only been in the quiet moments of our lives that our marriage has ever felt shaky or less secure. Maybe because there's time to see the cracks, to either dwell on them or fix them. I'm glad we've always managed the latter.

My sister got married jsut before our 10th anniversary and I remember thinking that I should probably include some kind of advice in my maid of honor speech. But as I said then, and I think is even more true now, every marriage is as unique as the two individuals who create it. I have a lot of advice and thoughts on being married to James Fike. I know nothing- and I think would be quite bad at- being married to anyone else. My only general advice was "going to bed mad is sometimes the very best thing you can do- very little will be made better when you're both exhausted and little things seem so much bigger after 10 pm. If it's truly something that needs to be dealt with, it will still exist in the morning and you'll both be better able to discuss it" and "remember how lucky you feel today to have each other; feeling deeply and truly lucky to have the husband I do--and knowing and seeing James feel the same about me--is sometimes the perspective we both need when we're focusing small."

In a fit of nostalgia, I found my wedding box and binder and dug through them over the weekend. We were officially engaged for a very short amount of time (2 months? and I spent 6 weeks of it gallivanting through Europe with a group of UT graduates) and I planned the entirety of the wedding before James actually proposed (I knew he was going to and I was not going to be planning a wedding from Chicago during my 1L year) on a very tight budget, but our wedding day was the happiest, most fun, seriously best day of my whole life. We didn't do personal vows, so we decided we'd give each other personal toasts at the reception. James wing'd his (to great success) but of course mine was written, edited, and printed out on paper long beforehand. I found that paper in my wedding binder and copied the text below. Other than laughing at my 22-year-old self making grand statements like "my whole life," it remains so very true.

"My whole life I have watched the joy my parents have shared together in their marriage; and for as long as I can remember I had this fear that I wouldn't find that someone who made my life complete- the one I would look forward to coming home to, the one who would put a smile on my face just by thinking of him twenty and fifty years later. And then my first weekend in Austin my freshman year, I found him. I didn't know it immediately when I met you- you had drunk about 5 too many Jack & Cokes and one of the first things you did for me was hand me a drink 5 seconds before a cop came by and kicked us both out of the club for underage drinking. I think I started to fall for you when, even in your state of total intoxication, you insisted on holding the door open for me to leave the club. In the end, it was the Jack Daniels in you that asked for my number, and I'll always owe the whiskey for that one.

I fell in love with you without knowing it at first- you were so polite, so talkative, and so fun to be with... when I found out later that you had driven the 45 minutes out to the restaurant where we had our first date earlier that day just to make sure you knew the right way, I fell in love with you a little more. That night, when I had to ask you to kiss me, I fell a little more. I knew I was marrying you by the time I went home for Thanksgiving 3 months after meeting you. Over the past 4 years and 4 days, I have fallen more in love with you than I ever imagined possible. I love that you make me laugh when all I want to do is be mad at you; I love that you are the first person I want to call when something good happens; and I love that you are the first person I want to call when something bad has happened.

It's been an amazing four years - we are so different from the people we were the night we met, but we have evolved together, loving each other through it all. You are my best friend, greatest challenge, and the love of my life. I love you James."

Our South Africa trip was part of our big gift to one another, and the family we've built, to honor the occasion, but we couldn't resist a little something just for us closer to the actual date. We realized that we now have an 18-year-old who can drive and take care of the house and girls for a night (and who is such an introvert the thought of throwing a party makes him want to bar our doors to all outsiders, plus his sisters would tattle immediately), and I have a million hotel points from work travel that we never use because we rarely stay in hotels for family travel. One quick search later and I found I could get us a night at the Dallas Ritz for free! We booked it immediately, James added a couples' massage, and we made dinner reservations for our favorite restaurant within the zone of the hotel's courtesy car.

It was so, so great.

I wore a dress I bought with my sister at the Farm Rio sample sale in Dallas and did my makeup from a Youtube video.

The massages were great. The meal was wonderful. The hotel room was better.

We realized Sunday morning that Cora had texted us goodnight at 10:01 pm and we were both already fast asleep.

We walked to brunch Sunday morning, enjoyed a little more time in our room, and were home by noon.

Here's to twenty years. To film photography and a small selection of pictures I had to scan individually at Walgreens when I received them in 2005. To the our wedding being best dang party I've ever been to. To a love that is passion and comfort and ever-evolving.

And to so many more.

Meanwhile, back in Dallas (and DC)

(I posted Day 8 of our South Africa trip yesterday. Today's realtime update brought to you by Claire's 5:30 am morning practice which had James-and therefore me- up at 5 and I couldn't go back to sleep.)

So! Real life: now that school has started (we're on week 4 already!), life rushes ahead, seemingly faster with every year our kids get older.

Maggie can't keep up.

But she's not really trying to.

I always wondered how I'd handle blogging as the kids got older and existed increasingly separate from me. Turns out, the transition is pretty natural. I generally blog based on whatever photos are in my phone and these days it's all pets and selfies of my outfits. The kids are busy and gone a lot and living their lives. I'm too busy for regular updates that might ever get into the weeds of things. I enjoy capturing the high level, because snapshots in time are important ot me, but they all read the blog occasionally and seem fine with what I put out. Landon is significantly more annoyed at my outfit posts on Instagram ("Do you have to do one EVERY DAY. They're just clothes mom.") than anything I've ever written about him. I don't know that I always get it right, but I know that re-reading posts about my children fills my heart and takes me perfectly back to moments in time that I treasure. I also think they'll appreciate them one day too. They definitely love the photo books I make out of the memories I save and stories I tell.

Anyway, this is one of only two pictures I have with a child in it from the past 10 days. We're trying to convince Murphy he loves to cuddle.

Jury's still out.

Another pet pic! I worked from home all day Monday and Maggie was very helpful.

Also I'm obsessed with this movie and soundtrack. Cora and I have watched it twice together and "Golden" is my current theme song.

(Also also I'm SO happy for my emotional support billionaire, Taylor Swift, and her engagement to the football boy who seems to be her #1 hype man and I'm here for it. Everyone deserves to be loved out loud.)

I had my executive physical about 10 days ago. I was so glad that my new firm also covers those for partners. Last year I left my physical assured of my heart health, but with an order to see a surgeon immediately about a "gallbladder packed with gall stones," borderline concerning bone density scans, and some blood work cholesterol results my doctor did not like at all.

This year I am pleased to report that I don't need any surgeries, my bone density has improved, AND my blood work results were all in the normal range for all the things!! Being diagnosed with Celiac and going gluten-free over the summer has definitely affected my eating habits for the better. They weren't bad before, but I can't really have any fried foods now (we never make them at home, so they were always a restaurant item and most restaurants use the same fryer for gluten-containing items) and I eat mainly whole foods because they're easiest. I'd say 80% of my meals are unchanged, but that 20% is different in a better way.

So that was exciting! I have my mammogram later this week, so once that's checked off I'm good on preventative health things for about a year- yay!

Which is good because I've been busy - super busy - at work, which has been fantastic. I feel so needed and my experience is so valued, it's been a really great transition, and my associate has felt the same. I go to the office almost every day and I enjoy dressing up and being in my new space.

I spent 20 hours last week in Washington, DC.

I arrived in the evening on Thursday and took a walk around my hotel, looping around The White House, while pretending President Barlet was inside.

Friday morning I woke up early and did a 3.5 mile walk to the Jefferson Memorial and back. It really is a beautiful city.

I've walked every day in August since returning from our trip. Often on the treadmill, but increasingly outside now that the mornings have cooled off every so slightly.

I had a meeting at my former employer Friday afternoon and then I was back on a plane headed home to my crew.

Saturday morning found Maggie once again lost in the shower (she uses her big head to open the door to get in and then can't remember how to get out so she just stands there silently until someone finds her) and James and I packing for a very quick staycation in Dallas to celebrate our anniversary. That will be its own post, but it was absolutely lovely.

While I was in DC my anniversary present arrived at home! I've been contemplating a new purse for about a year. Something blue, because it's my favorite color and I don't have a blue purse. My new firm has a different login system for our digital desktops, so I don't need to lug my laptop to and from work every day. My work one stays on my desk and I use my personal one at home, so my purse can be a little smaller, but still needs to fit my daily things.

Enter this absolutely stunning pre-owned find from The Real Real! Exquisite condition, a fraction of the price. I love her so much.

I spent yesterday working most of the day, but received visits from all my children to my home office at various times.

Landon spent the afternoon and evening surfing behind a boat on the lake with friends, but I still got nearly an hour of Landon-chat, from details of his upcoming swimming recruiting trip to Ohio State and the aquarium (with snail and one fish) he bought of Facebook marketplace. He's an "aquariumist" now (the marketplace purchase brings his total to 2 aquariums, 2 snails, several tiny shrimps, and 2 small fish) and can talk to you abuot aquascaping and water preparation for many hours.

I took my walk outdoors yesterday morning since the temperatures dropped just enough to not make it miserable.

I've missed my lake.

It was pretty humid though.

Bring it on September, this is the start of my favorite few months!

South Africa Day 8: Travel to Mateya and Our Beautiful New Home!

Back to Africa we go!

On Day 8, we woke up a little later, about 7 am, and packed up our stuff and headed to our final breakfast at Marataba! We said goodbye to our beautiful canvas castle and piled in our van that would be taking us to the local airstrip where we'd be getting on a tiny plane to fly to our next stop!

The transfer plane was the main limitation on the size and weight of our luggage. The weight was no problem- I think we were less than half the pounds we were allowed, but the size restrictions were a little tricky. No hard sided luggage was allowed (because they have to fit it through a small hole in the side of the plane), so I bought us two new duffles, figuring they would be useful in moving Landon to college next summer, and borrowed another from a friend. We still had the two duffles I'd purchased for Iceland, so that made up our set of five and everything made it in the cargo hold and we were off!

Claire was VERY nervous about the tiny plane.

James was too. But we landed safe and sound about 25 minutes after taking off, saving many many hours of driving because we flew over reserves that roads don't cut through.

Airport!

We boarded our awaiting van to drive the 45 minutes to the absolutely spectacular Mateya Safari Lodge inside the Madikwe Game Reserve.

We LOVED our canvas castle and the mountainside beauty of Marataba, but wow, were we blown away by the privacy and luxury of Mateya. At most the lodge only holds 10 guests and for the days we were there, we were the only ones.

The lodge was originally built as a private home for Susan Mathis, a wealthy widow from Atlanta, Georgia. Her husband passed away fairly young, they didn't have children, and she decided South Africa was her next love and moved there to live 6 months out of the year. She collected a lot of African art and ultimately bought 100 acres of land near the Madikwe Game Reserve and decided to build a home.

Copied from an article,

Her friends thought she was nuts, and South Africans said she'd never be able to do it. "Just watch me," she told them all.

Susan Mathis proved them all wrong. Against all odds, this tough, independent, wealthy widow from Atlanta, Ga., designed, built and furnished an ultra-luxury safari lodge in the African bush, 12,000 miles from home.

Her husband, Harvey Mathis was only 57 when he died of a sudden heart attack while watching television at home. He and Susan had traveled the world together, but went only once to Africa, a place he never really liked.

After being widowed, Mathis made three trips around the world. But in every place she couldn't overcome the memories of the wonderful times she had with her husband.

In the end, she was drawn to South Africa, the only place where she didn't have fond memories of her husband. "This place had such a pull. I couldn't see me anywhere else," she said. She never really considered remarrying. Most of the available men were either too old or too poor. "Men are only interested in one thing, money," she said. "I didn't want to be a nurse or a purse."

Mathis did fall in love again, but this time it was with South Africa. The beauty, the animals, and especially the people she met, pulled her there. "The people are genuine and wonderful," she said.

She wanted to share her new love with friends and family. So she decided to build her own luxurious safari lodge and invite them to visit. Just five guest cottages, a house for her and another guest house. "I could afford it so I did it," she said.

For many years the lodge was only for friends and word-of-mouth guests who were connected to friends. Beyonce and Jay-Z stayed there! After she passed about 18 months ago, everything went to a trust and now the lodge is commercially available to book for a stay. 70% of the revenue from the lodge must go to conservation. Her trust pays for the staff and they said the lodge is not expected to turn a profit and doesn't have to, it's for people to enjoy the beautiful land around it, pay to keep it going, and keep her conservation work funded.

And you guys, the lodges themselves are absolutely spectacular. James and I had one (building 2) and the kids had another (building 3).

It was the most spectacular place we'll probably ever stay.

I walked by this window and out past our little pool I saw a giraffe walking across the savannah. Another time it was a family of elephants. I really can't believe we were there.

I also can't believe we were the only guests. The bathroom was my favorite part, that bathtub is the stuff of (my) dreams.

The shower was James's.

The outside shower was also hit.

We all had champagne (or sparkling apple juice) waiting in our rooms when we checked in.

The kids were fans.

It was a bit of a walk to the main part of the lodge where there was a gym, a beautiful library, a giant living room with bar and seating areas, a very fancy dining room, and large decks connecting it all.

The Reserve maintains a watering hole and we loved watching animals wander up to it while we were eating our own meals.

When we arrived we had lunch ready for us and we got our first taste of the gorgeous china and place settings we'd get to see at every meal.

They were all from Susan's private collection and I'm not sure they ever repeated one.

We got dressed and ready for our first Madwike safari and met our awesome guide Aiden back on the main deck where high tea was set out.

A high tea that I could eat every bit of!! There were fresh (gluten-free!) crepes with chicken salad, lettuce wraps with a bean and avocado salad, fresh fruit, fresh veggies, and these unbelievable milk tarts.

I'll talk about our first game drive in the next post, so this will just be highlights of the lodge. We ate dinner in the living room next to a roaring fire the first night. Each place had this adorable menus from a local artist that we could keep.

The kids learned about mid-meal palette-cleansing sorbets and I ate ostrich.

The other two nights we ate in the fancy dining room at James and the kids' request. With two roaring fire places flanking the table, it was surprisingly cozy among the grandeur.

We loved every piece of art. It was so fun to explroe every room- each piece was unique and beautiful.

Like this hand-carved door. Spectacular.

Even the glassware was unique to each meal.

Every meal was a delight.

The chef, Cuxton, had worked there for 24 years (!!) (the staff has almost no turn over; the housekeepers had been there 15 years, the managers- a married couple- for over 10) and he made me fresh gluten-free bread every day, saying he was excited to try new recipes. It was the only fresh bread I've had so far in my gluten-free life and it was incredible.

We got a tour of the wine celler, all Susan's collection, where wine was selected each night for our meal.

One woman I couldn't keep out of my mind during our stay was my Grandma Jo. She LOVED collecting beautiful tableware and setting a table for every meal. She loved art and was so creative herself. She would have loved every inch of Susan's masterpiece.

This sculpture and bead flowers greeted us at the front each day and I saw my grandma in the beautiful beads.

I could have taken one million pictures and I nearly did. I also fell in love with this little elephant salt and pepper shaker. We asked the managers where they came from and they said that Susan bought them from Neiman Marcus in the 70's and guests always ask about them.

Thanks to a Google image search, I found a one on eBay for $20! They couldn't believe it. It now sits on our table at home and makes me very happy.

The individual lodges didn't have wifi, so you could only use your phone or computer in the main room. The manager said Susan did that on purpose - that it made people gather together and talk around the dinner table instead of retreating to their rooms and phones when they were looking for entertainment. They told stories of her sitting at the dining table each night with the various guests, telling stories and hearing theirs and I just loved it. I'll talk more about her conservation work when I write about our game drives, but she did incredible things for the Madikwe Reserve.

Fires were lit in our bedrooms every night when we got back from dinner and I'd sit, finish my wine, and read or just chat with James. We were in bed early and up earlier, but felt very lucky and pampered and rested the whole way through.