Halls, Decked

Around 10 p.m. on Friday night, I decided to decorate our house for Christmas. My in-laws were all asleep upstairs, JP was studying, and I had a lot of tension to work off, so I figured I might as well do it productively.

Decorating the house for Christmas was a big deal growing up. My mom replaced almost everything in our entire downstairs with a Christmas version - plates, cups, pictures, candles, wall hangings, knick knacks, etc., it all got switched. My favorite day all year was the day I'd come home from school to discover the magical transformation. Over the past few years my mom has cut back on her decorating and set aside the items she wasn't using anymore in a box for me. That box has been in our hall closet since July and on Friday I finally opened it. It was so fun, listening to Trans Siberian Orchestra, pulling out each piece from my childhood memories and finding a spot for it in my own house. I got so into it that I ran to Wal-Mart at 11:30 to pick up a few missing pieces like candles and extension cords so everything would be perfect on Saturday morning. And just like I used to twenty-five years ago, Landon woke up to a new house, one filled with twinkling lights, snow men, and holiday happiness.

When I was little I always thought I'd be sad to grow up and leave my house and its abundance of love and traditions, but as I realized last year, you grow up in stages, and each year I find myself creating a little more of a holiday separate from the one I shared with my parents. I can now see us spending much of the holidays relaxing in our own home, and I couldn't have imagined that just a few years ago.

We put up the outdoor lights today (and by "we" I mean I decided it should happen and JP and his dad did all the work). Our house and roof peaks are framed in brilliant white LED lights, there's twinkling snowflakes hanging off the front porch, and the bushes are blanketed with multi-color bulbs (I generally dislike multi-colored Christmas lights, but the LED variety are so bright and pretty I find myself growing quite fond of them). There's a big wreath on our front door, lighted garland wrapped down the banister of the stairs, and a mini Christmas tree with all eight of our ornaments hanging proudly on its little branches. The annual letter has been written, the family photo has been taken, and the cards are waiting to be addressed. Christmas has come to the Lag Liv house!

A Thanksgiving Story

The day really began last night when JP and I dragged ourselves to the grocery store at 8:30. It was painful, I have never wanted to shop less, but a large dinner requires ingredients so off we went. I didn't have any particular recipes planned, but I had a few printed out and your blog comments to keep in mind, and for reasons I can't explain, I wasn't particularly concerned about the tasks ahead of me. By 7:30 a.m. I had pumpkin bread, made from scratch, baking in the oven for people to eat with their morning coffee. (JP and I hate coffee but keep all the necessary supplies for guests who can't seem to start their day without it.) Landon helped me get out the bowls for the million ingredients that go into the tasty, tasty bread.

Next came the 19 lb. turkey. I combined a few recipes and blog comments and have to say, it came out really, really well. I stuffed it with onion, carrot, and lemon, basted it with chicken broth mixed with parsley and onion, and pretty much let it do its thing. Unfortunately my giant turkey and roaster took up 85% of my oven, so the side dishes were a logistical challenge. I decided to assemble them early and just squeeze them one at a time into the oven whenever the turkey looked like it was willing to share some space. Everything got cooked and I reheated it all at the end while the bird rested and the stuffing and rolls cooked. And as per someone's suggestion, I made the mashed potatoes early and put them in my crock pot to keep warm- that worked out great. I was mostly alone in the kitchen, which was exhausting but truthfully my preference. JP and his dad had taken off to buy a bargain of a train table I'd found on Craigslist, which was of course in an area of Austin that couldn't be further. His mother and grandmother watched the parade and Landon helped me with the dishes I was doing as I went along.

Sometime in the middle of the cooking and cleaning, I washed and dried all our wedding China and crystal. This was its inaugural use- in Chicago we didn't have a table to set or room to store it n our cabinets, so it's sat in boxes for three years. I dug the leaves and extra chairs out of our hall closet and set the table for nine, it looks like a real Thanksgiving table!

The Indians arrived at noon (real Indians from India, not the Native Americans in the Thanksgiving story, JP's grandmother got confused about that when we were telling her who was coming to dinner) and I had cut up smoked meats and cheeses as appetizers. The wife of one of his classmates brought over a traditional Indian bean curry which was very nice and went surprisingly well with our American meal. We had a blast with them, as always, and at 1:30 pm we sat down to eat this glorious piece of poultry:

It was a really nice meal- everyone was complimentary, chatty, and in high spirits. Once it was over the boys worked in shifts to wash and dry every piece of China and crystal, all the while teaching JP more bad words in Hindi (he apparently has quite the cursing repertoire). Lots of Washers games were played before and after dinner and once the dishes were done there was a touch football game in our cul-de-sac. We gave the Indians the most classic, vegetarian-friendly, American Thanksgiving Day we possibly could :) The experience was capped off with pumpkin pie, of which Landon was a HUGE fan. I fed him two pieces!

Now everyone is at the UT v. A&M game. I gave my ticket to my law clerk, he's infinitely more helpful than my secretary and I was having a tough time finding a sitter for Landon. It was a good decision, my feet and back are throbbing and I'm greatly enjoying an evening at home with a glass of wine.

So it was a really good day. We had wonderful guests and much to be thankful for. I never forget that a year ago today things weren't quite so perfect in our little world. Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Thanksgiving Due Diligence

I worked until 11:30 last night, I'm working from home right now. My in-laws arrive tomorrow, I'm cooking a full Thanksgiving dinner, for the first time ever, for 9 people on Thursday at 1. I had to say no to a partner this morning when a deal that I thought had died popped back up in the form of a box of diligence materials FedExed to my office. I talked with another first year who had nothing on her desk, filled her in on the deal's background, and then informed the partner of my full plate and fully briefed replacement. He was happy with the switch, at this point I don't think people care much which first year is doing their work as long as it's getting done. I was sad to turn him down since I haven't worked with him yet and the deal is an interesting one, but given the sheer volume of material I have a feeling I'll be taking some of those documents home over Thanksgiving anyway.

Sometime before Thursday I need to grocery shop and look up recipes for turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes (can you believe I haven't made those before? I love them so). Getting some sleep would also be good or else I'm going to crack under the strain my in-laws bring to the house. My role is to keep everyone calm and rational and not yelling at each other, and escaping to my office to review some contracts might sound good by Sunday. Luckily we can all agree that we adore Landon and he's such a busy little guy these days, I'm sure we'll stay entertained watching him dance and run around the house.

I can't believe Thanksgiving is in a day and a half. I can't believe I'm cooking the 19 lb. turkey that's sitting in my fridge. Is it hard? I'm a good follower of directions, I should be okay right? Four of our guests are Indian MBA classmates of JP. They've never been to a Thanksgiving dinner and won't be eating the turkey, so that takes some of the pressure off. Plus they're funny and friendly (we've had them over several times before) and I'm looking forward to introducing them to lots of delicious side dishes. Which reminds me, I need to keep the stuffing vegetarian and keep it out of the turkey -- how do you make stuffing? Sometime tomorrow I need to look up recipes and create a shopping list. I am a Doctor of Law but I'm not sure I'm qualified to cook a Thanksgiving dinner.

Burning Through the Midnight M&Ms

It's 10:30 pm, I'm at work, and I'm not sure when I'll be able to go home. I'd complain about this fact except that it makes me feel like a real lawyer and I'm dorky enough to get a kick out of that. I also have a caffeine free diet coke and pile of m&ms on my desk, so really, it could be worse.

I did get to see the Landon. I went home at 5:30 and spent two hours eating graham crackers (I know, parenting fail, but it's all he wanted and then I decided I wanted some too and so that's the healthy, wholesome dinner we shared this evening- he eats very well at daycare, I promise), banging spatulas on various household objects, and reading Brown Bear Brown Bear on repeat while he did some kind of interpretive dance to the words (he's an artist, what can I say). The 26 lb. ball of pure joy he has been for the past several weeks deserve so many posts but I never have time to write them. I put his snuggly self to bed at 7:30, kissed JP goodbye for the second time today, and headed back to my office.

There's mountains of paper all over my desk, my extra chair, and the floor- I walked in to this morning hoping it wasn't as bad as I remembered from Thursday afternoon when I abandoned everything to run to the airport. Unfortunately, I think it might be worse. The good news is that I genuinely like what I'm doing. I don't think I love it, not yet anyway, but I'm not unhappy, I like the people I work with, and I make enough to support my family, pay off my loans, and buy Landon a play kitchen. I'm challenged by the work I'm doing on this deal and I've developed a small crush on the person who organized the virtual data room for the other side- such organization and comprehensiveness I thought only existed in my dreams. And of course, there's also the m&ms- they always make burning the midnight oil a more enjoyable experience.

Back to a Pumpkin

I'm back from my whirlwind trip to Houston for my firm's annual meeting and prom, and now that I've unpacked everything and eaten a delicious peanut butter, banana, and honey sandwich, possibly topped with powdered sugar and followed by a peanut butter cookie, I feel ready to tell the tale.

In short, it was a good time. I flew out Thursday evening, checked in at the Four Seasons, and headed to dinner at a nearby sushi restaurant with a group of people from the Austin office. Lots of raw fish and four bottles of wine later, I found myself in the hotel bar ordering a Long Island Ice Tea. I haven't had a Long Island since 2002 and I think it'll be a good six years before I have another because oh my goodness they pack a punch. Luckily I was surrounded by 100 other attorneys all at varying levels of intoxication so no one noticed any rambling or two-stepping that may or may not have taken place in the lobby. I got back to my room around 2am- so much for the evening full of rest and relaxation I so sorely needed.

Friday was our annual meeting which I found interesting and informative. There were some good speakers talking about various aspects of the economy, along with the annual financial report and naming of the new partners. JP and Landon drove over in the early afternoon; Landon was deposited with his grandparents and JP joined me at the hotel. We had a suite and JP thought it was important to spend time sitting in each chair in the living room- it reminded me of that scene in Knocked Up when Paul Rudd gathers all the chairs in their Vegas hotel. I started getting ready and had a minor crisis about hair. It's naturally curly so I usually step out of the shower, stick some mousse in it, and wait for it to dry and curl itself. Straightening it is as fancy as I get, I have never owned or operating a curling iron or other electric hair-styling device so formal events are tricky. I ended up just gathering my wavy hair into a low pony tail and wrapping a strand around the rubber band to hide it, I suppose it looked okay but other people had very elaborate 'dos. My dress was very fitted (i.e. very tight), dark fuchsia, satin, ruched, and hit just above the knee. I got a lot of compliments and I was probably one of very few people whose outfit cost less than $40. At 8 pm we were on a bus heading over the Museum for the party.

... which was absolutely, flat out ridiculous. I have never attended an event like that and it's funny to think I'll do it again. It was Middle East themed to celebrate our Dubai office and guests were presented with belly dancers, two live bands, countless open bars, ceiling-high decorations, delicious food, henna tattooing (I got a beautiful one down my hand that my mother-in-law is going to love when she arrives Wednesday), hookah bar, shoe "buffet" (tables of slippers and sparkly flip flops to change into for dancing), photographers, and lots and lots of tuxedo and formal gown-clad lawyers. I started feeling guilty for how much money was being spent on the affair, but ultimately decided that I'm not in charge, it represents half of a percent of our revenue, and we donate way, way more than that to charity -- plus we work hard and people look forward to this all year, so I just enjoyed my night at the ball. It was fun to see my colleagues all dressed up and even more fun to finally meet so many of the people I've been working with from other offices. After much dancing, a little drinking (I can't do two nights in a row- I'm not in college any more!), and lots of merriment, JP and I boarded the bus back to the hotel and slept in until TEN a.m. I haven't slept in that late in years. It was lovely.

It's a little strange to sit here on the couch in pj's and a jar of peanut butter beside me and think about the fancy dress and champagne glass in my hand 24 hours ago. I feel a little like Cinderella- a Cinderella with less breakable shoes and much happier home life.

Pants and Presents

Yesterday after my swearing-in I finally picked up my clothes from the woman I found to alter them. I had dropped off 6 pairs of pants, 1 skirt, and 1 jacket- all the bottoms needed to be taken in at the hips and waist and the jacket had to be taken apart and reconstructed to fit my narrow waist and not-so-narrow swimmer's shoulders. I was very excited to suddenly have all of my wardrobe available for me to wear, getting ready in the morning was taking forever as I tried to find new ways to match my two pairs of pants and assorted tops.

Because of the work involved I was expecting to pay anywhere from $100-150 and maybe more depending on the cost of the jacket, and given that all of these items had originally been quite expensive (though of course, I bought them on sale) I considered that price well worth being able to actually wear them. And the grand total was: $27.50. When she told me that I waited for her to go on, assuming that was the cost of one item, maybe the jacket. When I realized that was it, I spent ten minutes convincing her to charge more. She had done excellent work and my "new" clothes fit perfectly; there were eight items in there, that's barely $3 per piece! I ended up paying her $40 and still feel guilty about it. I am all for a good deal, but it's different to shop the clearance rack at Marshalls versus a single older lady in a little house who cares for her elderly mother. I dropped off a few more items (I went through my winter clothes and discovered none of them fit either) and next time I'll probably up her bill again, maybe double it for Christmas. JP and I are saving everything we can to build back our decimated emergency fund and my very high loan payments start in January, but I'm pretty sure that extra $25 means more to her than me and I don't care if she insists the time it took to take in my pants is only worth $2.50.

And on the topic of holiday giving, I wanted to solicit advice on presents for the various support persons in your life. Like Landon's teacher at daycare- there are two teachers in his class (one who is specifically his) plus another one who is there in the late afternoon. I'm assuming we get something for all of them, but can the one for his special teacher (who he adores, quick story: the other day when I picked him up she told me they'd had a "lunch date" - Landon had decided to hold her hand the whole way through lunch. Oh, the cuteness.) be different and/or bigger? What are some ideas of things to give? Being very anti-clutter myself I hate just giving them some kitschy holiday thing to put on a shelf and I'd imagine they get a lot of cookies and such. There's also our cleaning woman. I broke down and hired one when I started working, she comes every two weeks and does the major cleaning and we touch up between visits. I miss being able to randomly go out to eat when we don't feel like cooking, but the increase in my free time at home is well worth the sacrifice in expendable income. Any thoughts? Just pay extra the visit before Christmas? If it were me that's really all I'd want. And that just leaves my secretary, but we have a pool so I don't have one specifically assigned to me. I'm assuming there will be some kind of organized gift giving among the attorneys who share the center.

I like getting all of this out of the way early so as to spare our bank accounts a huge blow in December. I already have my gifts for my parents, JP's family, and my sister (still looking for my brother). JP and I never spend much on each other as we'd rather just save the money or enjoy a dinner out- with both of us so busy, time together is immeasurably more valuable than anything we could put on the credit card. We're trying to decide what to get Landon- I think it will either be a train table or play kitchen. Both would be big, solid pieces I hope he and our future children will enjoy for a long time and would be a good addition to our downstairs play room.

So, thoughts? Gifts for the daycare teachers and maid? Favorite play kitchen or train table? I should warn you ahead of time I'm biased against brightly colored, noise-making plastic monstrosities. Sturdy Little Tikes-like plastic is fine, but I really hate toys that make a million electronic sounds, ours didn't growing up and we did just fine (better, in fact) making them up ourselves. Landon loves the very basic kitchen at his daycare and is obsessed with our dishwasher at home. But he also loves his trucks and trains and a nice wood play table (with storage for said trucks and trains) would be great to have. I can now see how well-meaning parents end up spoiling their children, I'm probably more excited about playing with the kitchen set and trains than he's going to be!

Duly Sworn

Today I, along with what seemed like way too many new attorneys, was sworn in to the Texas Bar. The firm still needs to mail in my licensing fees and attorney taxes to make everything official, but I am in the possession of business cards and that makes me happy. I am very, very busy at work, but given the general state of the economy and the conversation of two girls behind me at the swearing ceremony who were still looking for post-law school employment, I'm not going to complain about that. I'm really enjoying what I do and in my first 2 1/2 months of working I've missed Landon's 7:30 bedtime less than five times.

And speaking of the Landon, he has recently started dancing whenever he hears music. It could be from his mini electric guitar he carries around the house with him, from his Sing Along Stage, or from the TV - when he hears a tune, he shuffles his little feet, waves his arms in a circle, and gets a huge grin on his face. It is quite possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen. When he does it in our bathroom in the morning while we're getting ready it actually makes me forget that I stayed up late reading the 10,000th draft of an S-3 and my eyes are bloodshot and I have to go in to work to read the 10,001th version. He is such a sweet, funny, snuggly, happy, busy little boy- I need to make time to write a separate update for him instead of cramming it into one about my Swearing-In Ceremony, but I need sleep more. Hopefully soon!

Oh Man

It's going to be a hell of a week. I was already swamped with a capital markets offering that is closing in two weeks and I just got an email saying that the M&A deal I spent a billion hours on the first drafts of the charter documents just completely renegotiated its terms and everything needs to be redone "quickly". Also this Tuesday is my Bar swearing ceremony and my grandparents are driving over from San Antonio to attend and then go to lunch and I'm flying to Houston Thursday for our firm's annual meeting and prom and my in-laws are coming for a week in a little over a week and I'd just REALLY rather not have 3,000 papers on my desk that need my attention.

In other news, JP and I bought a new TV for the living room. The one we've had until now is 10-years old, weighs about 1,000 lbs., is as deep as it is tall, and makes a buzzing noise whenever it feels like it. The new one is shiny and pretty and cost the same as my loan payments which don't kick into repayment until January. I figure buying the TV would be good practice for making them. I just watched the Discovery Channel in high definition for the first time and wow, the screen is like having a moving piece of artwork in your house. Almost makes me wish I had more time to watch TV.

The Drive Home

Landon and I are in Houston. It was an impromptu trip- a decision made on Thursday, finalized Friday morning, and acted upon late Friday night. I found out that one of my closest friends who I haven't seen in over a year was going to be in town visiting her parents, and I figured that if we were going to be with 200 miles from each other, I could make the effort to close that gap. And so I did. We spent a wonderful four hours together with her boyfriend and Sir Landon and I'm really glad I finally got to meet "her JP" (as she calls her guy). Landon and I will head back home tomorrow after church and a quick visit to my grandparent's house. My sister is coming by in the afternoon so that I can head to the office and finish up a project that is overwhelming my desk at the moment. JP has several group projects due this week so he is spending the two days by himself- we miss him but he has promised to make the most of his time (and not all by sleeping).

I did a lot of thinking during the three hour drive to my parent's house. I left after Landon's bed time so that he would sleep in the car. The radio was off. The road was dark. My mind was free to wander. I thought about all the times I've made this drive - to and from State swim meets in high school, to and from orientation, the many trips up and back during college. My first trip home was October of my freshman year when I brought JP home to meet my friends and see my childhood home. I told my best friend (the one I saw today, she's two years younger than me and was still in high school at the time) that I was going to marry him; we'd been dating for two months. I remember pulling up in the driveway in his SUV, the same one he drives today, and he turned to me and said, "Can't you picture us doing this in the future with our kids in the backseat?" And I could. I remember how much I looked forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas, coming home to visit as the child who was all grown-up and off at college on a swimming scholarship.

I only lived at home for half of one summer, so I did that 3-hour drive quite a bit, usually by myself, and it's funny to think of how my inner monologue has changed. For years it was all about medical school- from freaking out over the way organic chemistry had marred my perfect 4.0 GPA to secretly wondering if I really wanted to be a doctor. I planned my wedding in my head on those drives, thought about children, wondered what my future would bring. But even through all my life changes over the past seven years, I'm still me, and I think that maybe my inner thoughts haven't changed that much at all.

On this particular drive I spent a while being nostalgic about my childhood. I love my life right now, so it's really only a tribute to how wonderful my childhood was, but I would go back to age 5 in a second and do it all over again to come back to today. Elementary school, middle school, high school- every grade was my favorite. Sometimes I long for those days of fun and carefree living- swim meets, nights out with friends, family dinners. I hope Landon feels that way when he's older.

Then I wondered what I would change if I could change anything about my past. But while I've made mistakes and there's memories that make me cringe, I'm not sure there's anything I would actually change. There's a conversation or two I would do differently, there's definitely an email or three I'd like to rescind, but as far as major decision go, I can't say I'd change anything because all of that lead me to where I am now- with JP and the Landon who was sleeping in the back seat. I do wonder if I should have stuck with medical school, I wonder if I should have gone to New York or San Francisco for law school, I wonder if we should have spent a little more time "abroad" in the US before returning to Texas. But here we are, and it's too good of a place to spend more than a car ride wondering whether I could be someplace else.

And now I'm going to go upstairs to the room I slept in when I was five, back when my two-year-old sister slept next to me and we'd stay up past our bedtime giggling and pretending not to be afraid of the dark. I'll flip through my babybook, remind myself that I need to work on Landon's, and then fall asleep knowing my parents are downstairs and all is good and safe in my world for now. It's good to be home.

Night and Day

Today at work I wore a black and white patterned pencil skirt with a black tucked in button down. I paired that with red peep-toe heels, a wide red bracelet, and a short black, white, and silver double-strand pearl necklace. I clicked my high heels up and down the hall, busy, borderline competent, and generally having a good day. I'm working on the second drafts of all the charter documents I struggled through last week and so far the feedback has been pretty good.

So that's me as a lawyer.

Tonight at home I found myself walking around the upstairs in a long sleeved t-shirt paired with fresh vomit, old work out shorts, a messy bun, and thick framed glasses. I was holding a Landon who had just recently woken himself up by throwing up thick, white, sticky puke all over his hair, ears, face, pj's, bed, wall, and floor. He was clinging on to me for dear life, trying very hard to calm down after his impromptu second bath. And as I walked the hallway singing his favorite songs, slowly, finally feeling him relax, I thought that the lawyer-me probably wouldn't recognize the mommy-me right now. My colleagues certainly wouldn't. Isn't it funny how you can have versions of yourself that seem so different on the outside but are both still 100% you on the inside?

And as a side note, I wouldn't say I enjoyed roaming the halls with a curdled-milk pukey smelling baby, but there's something so absolutely wonderful and almost gratifying about the way your child melts into you when he doesn't feel good. That complete trust and surrender to mommy (and daddy) to make things better is probably the greatest and most terrifying part of being a parent.