Coast to Coast

Y'all. What a week! I hit a different coast this time (San Francisco!), spoke at two conferences 18 hours and 1,800 miles apart, and took a red eye flight, that, as a person who has never fallen asleep on a plane, I am simply way too old to handle. On Wednesday I was up at 6 am, attended a breakfast in our San Francisco office at 7:30 am, worked all morning in a guest office, spoke on a panel at 4 pm, attended a few cocktail parties and rounded up some fabulous guests for a dinner, got to the airport at 10 pm, and took off at 12 midnight PST, and landed 5:30 am CT the next morning.

I arrived at conference #2 after being awake for 40? 42? hours and it is a miracle I was coherent (though I'm assured I was!).

But first let's jump back a bit. When I last posted we had just moved, I had gone to DC, and the kids were at my parents' house in Houston. We met them and my parents in San Antonio at my grandparents' retirement community.

It was our first time visiting my sweet Grandma in memory care, but she knew who I was and admired the pearl earrings (formerly hers) that I was wearing. My Grandpa is so lonely in the apartment by himself, but he was absolutely delighted to see us- his whole being just lit up with joy when we walked in the door.

Reminds me of this moment when the two of them met 8 years ago. Just pure joy.

It was a good day for Grandma; she was calm and happy and loving with us and her Glenn. She encouraged me to retire as soon as possible (“don’t wait too long!”) and thought the kids were just “too beautiful” and James was “so handsome and strong.” We visited my Grandpa Jim’s room as well and he was tickled as always to see us and especially the kids.

I know I am so lucky to still have three grandparents in my life and for my own kids to know and love them, but it’s also a hard phase. Hard to see the changes, hard to see my Grandpa Jim alone and missing my Grandma Jo, hard to see my Grandpa alone in many ways even though my Grandma is still here. It’s hard for my mom and uncle, to make tough decisions you never think of making for your parents and to be their daily support in a confusing time. But it’s also wonderful. Wonderful to see their love and care flowing through four generations. We’re so blessed by the memories we have with all four of them, and even more so by the ability to keep on making them.

My mom took this picture of them looking through the pictures of the visit that I sent them, again and again, sitting together in the Memory Care common area, happily together, whatever their cirumcstances.

Once we said our goodbyes we drove over to Austin (the traffic from Dallas to San Antonio to Austin was SO bad and I'm still salty about it, omg what a weekend) to hit up our old favorite BBQ place with the kids.

Cora had never been, but loves a good rib.

Landon ordered a 5 meat platter and everyone ate a LOT of food.

After dinner, totally exhausted from a week at Papa and Gigi's, my travels, James's coaching and commute to Fort Worth, and the many hours in the car, we forgoed any plans to see Austin at night and just crashed in our hotel room on 6th. We waved to the street where James and I met in 2001, and where we went after we got engaged in 2005, and pretty much just passed out.

In the morning we enjoyed a lovely hotel breakfast (literally the kids' favorite thing) and hit up Barton Springs for the first time in 12ish years.

Just about everything about Austin seems to have changed, but Barton Springs is still natural and beautiful and freezing cold.

I do not do cold water, but I had a lot of fun watching the kids (and James!).

Kerbey Lane followed (Cowboy Queso and Eggs Francisco Forever), with a walk around campus that everyone was cranky about and forced me to cut short due to the mildly uncomfortable 107 degrees temps.

And then, it was time to drop Landon at Longhorn Swim Camp! The very camp I attended in 1994!

Landon was very excited about the dorm and VERY excited to be sharing a suite with some of his best friends.

He had an AMAZING time. I texted him once a day to ask how it was going and he'd always immediately FaceTime me and ask about the cats.

We drove home with just the girls to the rental house we'd barely slept in, and definitely hadn't fully unpacked, to do laundry and get Claire packed for NYC and me packed for San Francisco! The Lag Liv family was spreading out coast to coast!

Claire had an AMAZING time on her theater trip. They saw four Broadway shows, did a behind the theater workshop with the Hamilton choreographer to learn the dance to The Schuyler Sisters, saw the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, museums, Central Park, and a million other things.

I don't think she slept, but she had a blast and James and I just barely survived the 4 a.m. airport drop off and 10 p.m. airport pickup.

On my own travels I got to enjoy 58 degree weather, walk miles in a city, meet a law school classmate and dear friend for coffee in Palo Alto, and then have dinner with a dear childhood friend (who went to my 6th birthday party! among many others) back in San Francisco.

We ate at Californios, a FABULOUS Michelin-starred 14-course tasting menu that just blew my mind.

I really enjoyed speaking on my panel: "Managing the Interplay Between ESG and FCPA" with my wonderful fellow panelists who I am glad to have finally met and can call friends. The cocktail hours prior to dinner event prior to midnight flight home was a bit rough, particularly since I had a 30 page draft brief to review, but I made it. And the conference in Dallas on Thursday was on Diversity, Equity & Inclusion and was just a really a fantastic event. My panel was on mentorship, "Nurturing the Next Generation of Legal Talent," and is a topic I'm really passionate about and once of the aspects of firm life I'm enjoying most.

This little suitcase is all I've lived out of since our move, and that's not changing anytime soon. We got Claire from the airport late last night and Landon comes home tomorrow, the sale of our Fort Worth house closes Monday, and then we all go to Iceland Tuesday! I have no idea how we'll find all the things we need to pack in the chaos that surrounds me, but I'm sure we'll manage.

For those who have been, let me know if there are any must pack, must do, must see items! We're driving all the way around the island and I am so excited! If nothing else, it'll finally get all of us in the same place!

Around the World in 80 Days

I'm currently flying back from Washington, DC where I visited our DC office, hosted a Women's Initiative Event with our female summers and associates, and attended a fabulous networking dinner. We moved Sunday and Monday, I went to the office Tuesday (4.7 miles! 12 minutes!! worth every sweaty awful minute of the weekend), and flew to DC on Wednesday. James drove the kids halfway to Houston on Tuesday to meet my mom for PapaGigi camp. We'll pick them up tomorrow/Saturday in San Antonio where we will drop in to visit my grandparents and then spend the night in Austin before dropping Landon at UT Swim Camp midday Sunday.

James, the girls, and I will drive back to Dallas, Cora starts a little local soccer camp on Monday hosted by a high school player, James continues coaching in Fort Worth every afternoon, Claire flies to NYC on Tuedsay morning (she has to be at the airport at 4 a.m. which should not be a real thing), I fly to San Francisco on Tuesday at 10 (which is how I'm justifying getting James to do the 4 a.m. airport drop off), I speak at a conference on Wednesday and then take the redeye out that night at midnight to be back in Dallas by 7 a.m. to speak at a conference in Dallas at noon. Claire flies back into Dallas on Friday after four days and four Broadway shows in NYC, Landon is getting a ride home from swim camp that afternoon, and then we spend the weekend finding things in our hopefully unpacked rental house and packing all the things for our twelve-day, all-the-way-around-the-country road trip in Iceland. We get back July 2 and then July kicks off its own flavor of travel craziness.

I also have quite a lot of actual billable work and some cases I'm running and it's all a little crazy (there's a spreadsheet to track who is where when this month), but y'all I am having the best damn time.

But let's take it back to the move. For reasons I can no longer justify, I thought we should move ourselves to the rental house.

"It's furnished," I thought in my optimistic brain, "it's just our clothes and some toiletries, we can just pack up some boxes, rent a uHaul and do it ourselves on Sunday before the movers come!"

Except no. When you're going to live somewhere for 6-9 months, and have 2 adults, 3 children, and 3 pets, it turns out you still need pretty much everything in your home except the furniture and whatever you've tucked into the very back of your closets. And that is still a LOT of stuff.

Also, renting a uHaul is pretty much the worst, particularly on a weekend. We had a reservation all confirmed, but still ended up in line for TWO HOURS to pick up our truck, which was not the best start to the day. Once we finally had our truck, we went back to the house and began hauling our dressers (the only furniture we were taking) and our boxes (so many more than anticipated) to fill the truck. The temperature quickly broke 100 degrees and we were drenched in sweat.

The kids were truly amazing helpers. Uncomplaining and if not enthusiastic, then accepting of the day and what it entailed. Reminded me of this little helper back in 2012 when we moved to Fort Worth. It is nice that he can now carry the heavy stuff!

We also filled the Suburban, divided up and drove both vehicles to Dallas, unloaded everything when the temp was somehow even hotter, and then headed back to Fort Worth.

The day ended at my favorite margarita place, Yucatan Taco Stand, where we ate many a meal on a lazy Saturday afternoon in 2012 after swimming with our little Landon while toddler Claire napped. It was my final choice on our Fort Worth food tour and tasted extra good after a day of moving.

And so there we were, sweaty, exhausted, and just a little sad, with one set of clothes left in the house and a bigger move to go tomorrow. We all immediately went to bed.

On Monday morning we finally opened the Pod we were supposed to go through on Saturday (no time/too hot), two big moving trucks rolled down the street, and a team of five movers were ready to roll. Ramps were created, animals were secured in Landon's empty bedroom, and professional packing and moving began while I kept finding more things that should actually go to the rental house and loaded them up in both our cars.

I took an early load over with the kids and dropped them all off to set up their rooms and unpack whatever we brought over the day before. Becca also arrived and drove over a load of refrigerator and pantry items and stayed at the house to get the kitchen set up. I went back to Fort Worth to continue supervising and grabbing things for the rental house v. growing donation pile, particularly as we got to the Pod and the garage. It was a busy day. In some ways that was good- we couldn't really reflect on the enormity of leaving this home for the last decade when we were sweating and organizing and driving.

Moose wanted to know what in the fuck was going on. He buried himself under Landon's tiny sink as that appeared to be the only thing strange men weren't carting away.

Soon it was time for my second trip, now with the pets, so the cats were packed in their carriers, Moose totally freaked out and Milo mildly concerned about the inflight snack situation.

Maggie just wanted to be sure she'd be packed too.

Once at the rental house, Maggie hopped on her bed for a nap, Milo explored every room, cabinet, nook, and cranny, and Moose refused to exit his carrier as it was the only place he'd deemed safe so far. Many hours later, he had moved from the carrier on Landon's bed to the blanket on Landon's bed and still seemed to generally be overwhelmed with a sense of What in the Actual Fuck.

By midafternoon the Fort Worth house was empty except for the furniture we were selling.

By the time James and I drove back, Becca had turned a disaster of a kitchen into an organized room of wonder.

A big salad was prepped and meatballs were simmering and you guys, I could have cried. There was (and is!) still so much to do, but having a little bit of order in the chaos was soothing to my soul.

Meanwhile, here is Cora's bathroom which she assured me, after SEVERAL hours, that was "completely unpacked and organized."

Our brains all work in their own ways. The girls celebrated their unpacking by jumping in our rental house hottub and then we were all in bed by 9:30.

On Tuesday I uncovered a work outfit and shoes and dragged myself to the car to head to the office. And then this vision on the GPS screen made it all worthwhile.

By Wednesday the kids were living their best lives with my parents in Houston, going to water parks and having lake days and eating at Hibachi grills, I was in DC enjoying fabulous Cuban food followed by excellent Indian food followed by one of the best dinners (Spanish this time) I've had in a long time, and James was driving back and forth to Fort Worth to teach lessons.

We haven't really had time to reflect on the fact we just moved- I think it'll sink in sometime in August when I stay put for more than a few days. But for now I can say that I think our Fort Worth house gave us one of the best decades of our lives- from happy babies to chubby toddlers to sweet little kids to delightful big ones- what extraordinary and simple memories we made in that space.

I look forward to making another decade more with this crew wherever we land next!

Best of Both Worlds Podcast Guest!

I started this post about 10 days ago, but the terrible events of Uvalde made it impossible to finish or publish so I set it to the side. And this weekend is The Big Move and today is Part 1: Delivery of the Pod, so I should really not be on the couch drinking tea and typing on my laptop while old Top Chef seasons play on the TV, but I was so honored to have been a guest (again!) on Sarah and Laura's podcast and I am proud of this interview and I want to share it before the rest of our insane summer kicks off and all I can post is Move! Dallas! Travel! Unpacking! Birthdays! Or Freaking Out Because I Have a HIGH-SCHOOLER Who Is Taking DRIVER'S ED This Summer!

(What in the actual F, I cannot be old enough for this. He's pretty awesome though, so we'll keep him.)

Also, today is Claire's 12th birthday!

12! We hosted her birthday pool party on Wednesday night (not awesome timing for this working mom, but it was the night that worked best for her friends and my "forcing my middle schooler to move" mom guilt meant I could deny her nothing) and there was flamingo decor, healthy fresh fruit, terrible snacks (all involved a radioactive orange powder), drinks, too many pizzas, ice cream cake, a selfie station wall, floats, and one million glow sticks.

It was a great time - she made friends with the sweetest group of girls this year and I know she is going to miss them so much.

But because she's Claire, she's facing this whole transition with her usual determined good cheer. A little scared, a lot brave, and even more hopeful optimism, I know she's going to do so great. But I'm also glad she got a night to celebrate and enjoy the friends she made here.

And then I got to get all sentimental comparing her last pool party in this house to her first pool party in this house.

2nd birthday to 12th. Man, we've made a lot of memories in this space. I feel like the best phase of our life was here - the babies and toddlers, giggles and games, and us being their whole world. It's been such a special decade and I have to stop typing about it because I'm getting terribly sentimental and I need to spend the day ruthlessly organizing and packing and not curled in a ball with my phone reviewing pictures of my chubby smiley toddlers.

(Sob. Second birthday!) Back to the point!

A couple weeks ago, I was interviewed by our Dr. Sarah Hart-Unger, of the SHU Box blog, on her podcast with Laura Vanderkam, Best of Both Worlds. I have been a fan of SHU for years and she's been reading me for at least ten, and I was a guest on the podcast back in 2018 when it was still pretty new. Back then we talked about why I was glad I pressed on with working in private practice when my kids were too young to remember because it opened the path to the SEC that was so wonderful for the phase of life I was in then.

And now, 4 years later, we talked about my job change back to private practice and what precipitated it. It was hard to revisit, but also healing, to know where I ended up, to know - to feel - how very happy I am now, and to see how this next chapter is being written. I love my job. I am fulfilled, challenged, valued, and excited every damn day. The kids and James are behind me - and were behind me every painful, nervous, scary step of the way.

We talked about how they supported me, how for better or worse they were witness to every step forward and step back, and how we're making this life work. And we talked about the biggest new addition to our lives, our amazing House Manager Becca. The podcast goes into the background of how I found out this position even exists thanks to an amazing female mentor in my life, an incredible attorney and even more incredible developer of legal business who I am lucky enough to call friend, and who was gracious and honest enough to sit me down before I started back at the firm and say, point blank, you need more help before you do this.

And while I know hiring a household employee is obviously a privilege afforded very few, and is something I could only do very recently, I think it's important as working women to talk with each other about how we make things work. That we know what the options are. That you know that, like every male partner I've ever worked with, I am NOT doing everything. And if you still are, to acknowledge that it is a LOT of work, that when I wrote out all the tasks I previously did for our house that I could offload to another, it resulted in a 10+ page list of tasks that constituted a full-time position for someone who has made running a household their job. And, importantly, I am still doing everything that matters to me. Everything that requires me- the person I am- the unique perspective I add as a wife and mother in this house, I am still offering all of that. I am in fact MORE able to offer that, without annoyance or exhaustion, and I am so so thankful.

Thankful to my mentor for telling me what a house manager is, because you can identify a problem and have the means to fix it without knowing what the actual solution is, and thankful to Becca for responding to my plea on Care.com and joining our family with an open heart, a new Lag Liv family binder complete with tabs, and spreadsheets (spreadsheets!). I get more into the details in the podcast, but essentially Becca does all the things that go into running and feeding a house and family. She does the shopping, errands, returns, Maggie spa days, and more. She preps dinner, preps fresh fruits and veggies to make lunches easy in the mornings, and maintains the stock of things in our pantry and bathrooms. From the biggest thing- making sure that we have dinner to sit together and eat every night, to the smallest thing- making sure every bathroom has toilet paper and every lightbulb works, it's all done without me thinking of or doing it. She sends me a potential meal plan on the Friday before the next week, and I write back with any notes or changes for the week ahead, along with any random tasks that have popped up that need to be handled. She makes her own hours, but generally covers 10-6, and it gives me a nice transition to come home to.

The position has taken a big chunk of my pay increase but she is also the reason this job change has worked for me and my family, that I have gotten to purely enjoy and revel in this new role, and that I have not for one moment worried about negative effects of my job on my family, and that is worth everything. Because once you take away all the mundane tasks that didn't actually need me to do them, I still have as much time, if not more, to do the things that matter and I'm very grateful for it.

The podcast is linked below, and with that, I'm off to pack! (And yes, Becca is transitioning with us to Dallas! We'll pay her for her time commuting and she'll see us through the summer and then we'll both reevaluate, but we're both hoping this is a long term relationship.)