Lilly Ann

This has been a difficult week. Getting back from vacation to the feeling of being behind on the 27 million things we have to do to move, finding out we have significantly less money available for the move than we thought (see tax bill, no bonus for me, delayed bonus for JP), watching both kids break down in tears at every daycare drop off this week, enduring a home staging appointment that nearly caused me to have a nervous breakdown, informing daycare of our impending move and watching the front desk lady cry because she's going to miss her daily visits from Clairebear SO MUCH and realizing we still don't have a daycare (or even a list of potential daycares) in Fort Worth and we love this one so much how can we possibly leave it?, writing to do list after to do list, firing our original Fort Worth realtor and hiring a new one, reconciling ourselves to renting, getting the news simultaneously that the rental market sucks and we can be pre-approved to buy a house after all, driving 90 minutes to get fingerprinted (because there are no federal facilities in Austin that can do this, apparently), beginning the packing/home staging process which at the moment is making my house messier rather than cleaner as it's supposed to, and having ACTUAL law firm work to do under the eyes of a still visibly irritated partner and wondering how all of the other stuff will get done when we only have nights and weekends to do it and we have the kids and somehow, two months from today I'll be on my second day of work at the new job.

And then, this morning, we put Lilly to sleep. It was time. She's become increasingly anti-social and aggressive, never with us or the kids, but with any other person who comes in the house. In the past few months, I've had to race home from work to rescue a nanny from Lilly's honestly scary growling, hissing, and paw-swiping, we have to lock her in a closet every Monday morning before the maid comes, she attacked our home inspector when we forgot to put her in the closet before he came, and she tried to attack a friend of Landon's when he came over to play. And she's scary- she's pouffy and growling and she doesn't back off until she's so worked up that she scratches and hisses at JP and I when we swoop in to put her away. We talked to the vet, he agreed it was the right thing to do, and I thought I was prepared.

She slept with us last night and I took her in this morning. It was so, so much harder than I thought it would be. I adopted Lilly when JP and I broke up during my junior year of college- she was a 9 oz. ball of dirty white fluff, abandoned in a box on 6th street. She was my first baby. And despite her escalating aggressiveness with others, she's been wonderful with my babies. I called JP immediately afterward but just sobbed when I heard his voice so I hung up on him and decided to write something instead. I can't go to work until I stop crying and I really need to get to work.

So, Lilly Ann, 2003-2012, a few of my favorite pictures (she was born pre-digital age, so I don't have any of her as an adorable tiny kitty who fit in a coffee cup and slept on the open organic chem textbooks on my desk in college).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was right and I don't regret it, but man did I love that fat occasionally cuddly often ornery heartbreakingly sweet in those last few moments little kitty. And I'm really glad this week is over.