365 days and counting

One year ago yesterday my grandmother was taken to the hospital with what appeared to be a stroke. One year ago yesterday, while sitting on the couch with my mom and 6 day old baby, frantically exchanging text messages and phone calls with family members, we were shocked to find out the stroke was actually a blood alcohol concentration of 0.285. One year ago today my grandmother woke up and decided she would never drink alcohol again.

Today marks 365 days that she's kept that promise- a promise to herself, to my grandfather, and to us, and not a sip of wine, beer, or liquor has passed her lips since that night. And, she reiterated on the phone when I called to congratulate her this morning, it never will again.

I cannot even describe the difference we've seen in my grandma over the past year. We knew she liked her white wine, but I would never have thought my sweet little Swedish grandma was a drunk or had a problem. Sure the box was a permanent fixture in the fridge, and she seemed to sip it much of the day, but still- she's 81 years old, it seemed she'd earned the right to drink wine out of a dixie cup if she wanted to. But, as an 81-year-old, her metabolism is slow. The doctor at the hospital sternly explained that the alcohol takes much longer to process out of her blood, so she was probably waking up each day with some in her system, which is how it was even possible she could have a 0.28 bac after a dinner with only one glass of wine. If she stumbled or repeated herself, we attributed it to her age. We thought her memory was starting to slip and we grew used to repeating the same answers to the same questions; we tried not to call too late in the evening when it seemed she was less able to follow a conversation. We worried, privately, that our time with her was shorter than we'd hoped and it was no small part of the urgency I felt last summer to get up to Siren to visit.

As it turns out, my grandmother's memory is fine. She's thinner, fitter, and her circulation is better. I don't hesitate to call at 9:30 at night. I don't repeat parts of the same story. She only occasionally mixes up the names of her 4 kids, 10 grand kids, and 2 great-grand kids, but really, who wouldn't? Only now, without the alcohol, do we realize how much it was affecting her. My grandpa is nearly overwhelmed with pride at her vow, and my grandma confessed a few months in to her sobriety that she hadn't realized how much he had disliked her drinking and how much it was affecting their relationship. After 55 years in one of the happiest marriages I've ever seen, my grandma has made it even better. And my grandpa, long an appreciator of beer, but never a big drinker, now proudly brings O'Douls to all their retirement center parties.

Not everyone could quite a lifetime of white wine on a single vow, and not everyone should try without help. For my grandmother I think it was made easier by the fact that she really didn't know it was a problem, and after finding out it was, she decided immediately it wasn't worth it. She decided (and we strongly agreed) that she owed it to her husband, to her children, and to her grandchildren, to be as fully present as she can be for as long as we have her here. And in that decision, she's given us the best gift she ever could.

Congratulations on 1 year grandma, we're so unbelievably proud of you.