It Begins

I feel like I've been writing far less about my pregnancy this time around. In truth, I don't think about this pregnancy all that much. Now that my stomach feels okay most of the time, I can go hours without thinking about the fact that I am growing a person. I've been wondering why this is. Last time I felt different - transformed - the minute I saw the plus sign on the pregnancy test. I remember walking to Walgreens in the snow to buy another test feeling so fragile. The trip took twice as long as normal as I carefully stepped around the ice on the sidewalk.

I've decided it's a combination of three things: (1) I've done this before. It's still an amazing thing to know there's two heartbeats inside of you, but the novelty of the idea has worn off. Now I just smile when I think of it and move on with whatever I'm doing. (2) I have far less free time to immerse myself in pregnancy books and internet message boards. I have googled less than five things regarding pregnancy since I found out. Partly because I know the answers and partly because that research is not billable and I'm no longer a student who's trying to avoid studying for finals. And (3) I'm already a parent and I have a delightful, attention-consuming toddler to play with and care for every minute I'm not at work. Last time I felt like JP and I were just counting down the seconds until we were parents of a baby we could hold and and feed and love. We were done being just a couple and were ready to move on to the next step. This time we're already on that step. Sure it'll be different once we have two kids- some days I still wonder if we're out of our minds to add more to the craziness, but the biggest transformation of all - the jump from two to family has already happened. I can't wait to meet this baby, but I'm far less focused on the count down than I was last time. For now I see the weeks until June 12 as more time I get to spend 1-on-1 with Landon, and excited as I am to hold his new sibling, I can't and don't wish away the special alone time I spend with him now.

Don't you feel better now that I have that figured out? I always do. And despite all of the above, today I find myself remembering that I'm pregnant a little more often. It's seems my little peanut (actually, my "fig or small plum") is pushing out and making herself some extra room in my belly. And to accomodate him, there is a navy blue rubber band holding together the top of my jeans. Of my four pairs of jeans, three still fit but one looked better with the sweater I wanted to wear. I could probably still button these pants, but I'll be sitting all day writing a memo and why be uncomfortable if you don't have to? If they weren't fitting because I'd eaten too many french fries I'd probably suck it up (or, in), but since I'm pregnant I get to pull out the rubber band trick. I haven't gained any weight yet, but as JP pointed out this morning- "whoah, there's a bump there!" I'm starting to regret altering all my clothes when I started work, I could use a few pairs of pants that were up a size. At least it's just in time for holiday sales!