There's a lot that I love about being a mom, and a lot that I love about being a working mom, but my very favorite thing has to be picking up Landon from daycare at the end of the day. Even if he's in a terrible mood and fussy for the rest of the evening, those moments after I walk in the classroom are always happy. I start smiling as I get close to the center and I feel almost giddy as I walk down the hallway to his classroom.
Last Monday I picked him up early so his first day back wouldn't be too long. The room was empty, so I walked out to the playground and saw Landon roaming around with a bouquet of weeds held tightly in his little hand. His face lit up when he saw me and he raced over yelling, "Mama! Mama! Mama!" I got a big hug and asked if he was ready to go home. "No" he said, "Mama come." And we walked all around the playground together. I love how comfortable and happy he is there - he's excited to see me, but it's not like he's dying to leave, which is the perfect combination. We did finally head home, stopping at the park for a while to enjoy the unusually cool 75 degree weather.
My favorite Landon-ism of the week is his newfound love of holding my hand. On that same night, Landon and I were eating dinner alone because JP was coaching until 8. Partway through his pasta, Landon asked to hold my hand ("Mama hand. Peez") and we finished eating the meal one-handed in companionable quiet. Two has been an extraordinarily delightful age. He's so fun and smart and funny and independent- he's trying new things and doing more and more on his own, and yet there's such sweetness in the way he'll suddenly ask to hold my hand or want to snuggle in my lap on the couch. I think I fall a little bit more in love with him every day. I do the same with JP and sometimes I wonder how much more I can handle.
We've been talking a lot lately about baby #2 and each day that Landon is so perfect it's a mark in both columns- on the one hand, I can't wait to love another child this much and experience this all over again. But on the other, I'm not ready to divide my time with him. There's so many quiet moments that we share together and I love that when I'm home, I'm his. Maybe it's in part because of our rough first year together, but in the past year I've truly fallen in love with being his mother, rather than just being in love with him. So while I look forward to seeing him play with his younger brother or sister, and I look forward to seeing our family grow, I'm just not ready for him to share me. Not yet.
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your blog makes me look forward to being a working mom one day :)
ReplyDeleteI love how you often write things that I read and think, "good Lord, I could have written that post verbatim." I was telling my mom the other day that my favorite part of the day was picking up my daughter from daycare - I love the pure look of joy on her face when she sees me and the enthusiastic greeting that I always receive. I was also comparing the feeling that I get in the minutes as I near the center to back in HS when you knew you were going to pass the guy you were crushing on in the hall - that giddy little excitement and rush. Of course, often, that is gone before we even hit home if she hasn't napped well or is otherwise grumpy - but I always have those few minutes each when everything is just perfect in the world. :) I also completely understand your conflicting feelings towards having a second. I sometimes think that we got so lucky on our first and enjoy her so much - I just don't want to share myself with another.
ReplyDeleteomg I love the holding hands part!
ReplyDeleteJust when I start wondering how I'll ever handle the balancing of a career and baby, I read your blog and I know it will be ok.
ReplyDeleteAnd between the hard first year and how awesome Landon is now, it's no wonder you're not desperate to have another baby right away. I'm sure when it happens, everything will fall into place perfectly.
No need to rush, you've more than earned your enjoyment now!
ReplyDeleteI can definitely recommend having a gap of at least three years between kids. The peak ages for sibling jealousy are 18 months to 3 years, 3.5 or 4 year gaps are fine.
My sister has 3, then 3.5 years between her three and they get on really well.
Being the mother of 7, with five still under foot, I can say that having more - only brings more; more love, more joy - and yes, more patience. I paniced at first when the first two were only 21 months apart, and then there was a five year gap for the next two to come only 13 months apart.... and now, with a range of 30 to 3, I can't imagine a single day done any differently. There are no "perfects" in anything. I loved each stage - sometimes after being able to get through the stage and reflecting on it (like the teen years!) but with every struggle something amazing comes of it. As if I have to tell you that.
ReplyDeleteThere is never enough of you. But that would be the case regardless, stay at home - you miss being an adult, work and you miss the first tooth falling out. If there is a balance - it is only one held within. The more you see that the give and take is what will make all of you happy as the years go on, the easier it is to see sharing yourself with another amazing soul.
Always the best to you - thank you for sharing your lives with all of us. db