8 years

I met JP eight years ago, yesterday. He was on his 8th or 9th Jack & Coke when he bumped in to me near the bar and asked if I wanted one too. I didn't- I was eighteen, underage with no fake ID, and was still feeling queasy from my introduction to Long Island Iced Teas the night before. But the music was too loud to bother explaining that so I just said sure. Five seconds later, a cop came by, sniffed my drink, looked at the big black X on my hand and told me to leave immediately. He did the same to the 19-year-old JP and we were both escorted out to the sidewalk. I was terrified. I thought I was going to be arrested and have to call my parents to bail me out of jail only two days after they'd dropped me off at college. As it turns out the guy was just a bouncer and as he gallantly held open the door, JP assured me that no one would be arrested. At that point, stranded on the curb while all my friends were inside, he introduced himself. We spent the next two hours talking and walking back and forth across 6th Street until our friends stumbled out of the club to go home.

In that two hours I found out JP was a swimmer and we were both at the club because the guys and girls teams were meeting up that night. He was a junior in the business school, he was from Maryland, and he was going to start his own company. He was chatty and funny and outgoing. I had a great time and at the end of the night when he asked for my number, I gladly gave it.

I learned later that JP normally did not go out and he did not talk to girls-- in fact, no one had ever heard him talk much at all. We went on our first date two days later; we spent 6 hours together and never ran out of things to talk about. At the end of the night, I had to ask him to kiss me as he was way too shy to take the initiative. We've been together ever since. One of the guys on the team later said that September '01 is when [JP] started smiling.

We've had our ups and downs over the past 8 years and even though we've faced tougher times together, it's never been as difficult between us as it's been the past few months. On Sunday I'd had enough of arranging everything in our lives around the swim school. Just, enough. While it's true that JP would support me 1000% in anything I ever wanted to do, it's also true that I would never ask this of him. Plus I missed him and I missed us and I was tired of being irritated and I was done. When he got home I said: Don't talk to me until your schedule is better. I will never leave you, I can't imagine not loving you, but I miss liking you and I want that back.

And then I walked into our room, closed the door and took a long hot bath.

JP called up his partners and said this wasn't working. This put their little marriage on the rocks, but now, two days later things are leveling out. JP is no longer the receptionist, he is no longer managing the personnel in their Dallas location, and he is coaching four lessons per week rather than twelve. These were all responsibilities that were supposed to shift before he started back at business school, but he had a hard time letting go of control and his partners had a hard time stepping up, and nothing changed. Now they have, and everyone is happier. Happy wife, happy life, indeed.

Thursday is our 4-year wedding anniversary and on Friday we're dressing up and going out on a date. I can't remember the last time we did that - I think we were still in Chicago. I'm not used to my relationship being a source of stress or unhappiness. It has always been the calming, constant, easy thing in our lives. I can feel the ease coming back. It's nice.