So I Married an Entrepreneur

I can't say I wasn't warned. Within an hour of meeting my very drunk yet still very charming future husband, I heard all about his plans to start his own business one day. He was rambling and had just attempted to walk into oncoming traffic, but he spoke with such conviction about his entrepreneurial dreams that I knew he was serious. Over the next four years of our courtship I kept telling myself he'd grow up and come to accept the practical path of a steady, benefits-providing job and all this talk of starting his own company would stay just that- talk. I discouraged his ideas (which in my defense, were generally ill-thought out, impractical, or already existing) and enthusiastically helped him prepare for job interviews. By the time he graduated with his B.B.A. in Finance he had a job with a major oil company in Houston, we were planning to get married, and I was thrilled to see him on a traditional career path.

I was wrong. Wrong to think he'd given up his entrepreneurial dreams and wrong to wish he would. For the most part my discouragement was well placed. He needed a heavy dose of practicality, something his mother never introduced in his life, and I think the lessons he learned while working for larger companies will help him in starting his own. He also never had a business idea worth pursuing. But I still feel bad for how much I hoped he'd stop trying to come up with one. After four years of working, he set out to get his MBA purely to get out of a desk job and "find someone with a good idea." Last September, over a dinner of hamburgers and pasta salad, one of our close friends and ex-UT teammate provided him with just that. He had just returned from the Beijing Olympics and was retiring from professional swimming. He had some money and an idea, and he needed a business-minded partner to put everything in motion. He looked at JP and said "Let's start a swim school."

After seven years together I had accepted that JP's career needs were radically different from my own. While the financial risk involved with starting my own company terrified me, JP found it to be a source of excitement and motivation. However, I still thought he'd work a regular post-MBA job for a few years while we paid down our loans and he figured out what his hypothetical company would be. I most definitely did not think he'd be starting this company while in grad school, immediately after I had started my demanding new career. After all, it was his turn to be the flexible parent. It was my turn to occasionally come home to dinner and folded laundry. I was a full-time associate at a major law firm- I was supposed to be the busier one.

But for once, I could think of nothing obviously wrong with the idea and soon found myself lending a supportive voice to the meetings at our kitchen table. After several business plan revisions, he and his partners have formed a swim school to teach kids of every age, from initial water safety to the finer points of stroke technique and training. They have a pool, experienced instructors, and an enthusiastic fan base. JP has done all the business work- forming the LLC, meeting with lawyers and tax advisers, keeping the books, managing payroll, scheduling lessons, and answering the phones. Everything. It has been difficult, to say the very least, to balance all of this with business school, my job, Landon, and our family life, and there have been some late nights and tense conversations between the two of us. But it's working. They're doing so well and this is such a perfect opportunity for him- combining his passion and knowledge of swimming with his skills as a businessman, negotiator, and coach.

I still get scared about the uncertainty of it all, but with the recent economic turmoil and law firms conducting mass layoffs, I suppose nothing is certain. I do believe in their idea and it's been fun to play the part of cheerleader rather than dream crusher, as JP used to lovingly call me. And of course it helps that I make enough to support our family for the foreseeable, carefully budgeted future. As co-head of a hopefully growing family, JP couldn't pursue this without me and my paycheck and that makes me feel proud and slightly less guilty about my old nickname.

After some debate, JP's returning to U.T. tomorrow to finish his MBA. It's going to be hard- even harder than last year when they were planning their business, because now they're operating one. I spent a while dreading it, but after lots of talks, including one alone with his business partner, I'm... well, not at peace, but at least not dreading it as much. I know we'll make it work and we'll be fine, I just don't want to be irritated for 8 months. I don't want to blame him for not having any free time when it's all necessary work and he still manages to be an amazing husband and father. It's not like he's out with some drinking buddies or golfing on the weekends- he's building a business and earning a masters degree. But I still get mad (or "prickly" as JP has dubbed it). I hate when his phone is constantly ringing and he's up until 2 a.m. doing the books and payroll. I can't sleep without him next to me, and since I can't yell at the insomnia I end up yelling at him. I don't want to do that. Sometimes I think bitterly that I would never do this to my family- add the pressure of a new business along with school, but then I remember that I'd never want to and if I did JP would support me 100%.

It's going to be a difficult year, but we've had others. Part of me still wishes JP would be happy in a normal job with predictable hours and without regular evening and weekend commitments, but all of me knows he wouldn't and most of me is okay with that. And I'm tremendously proud of all the work he's done and the praise their little company has already received from parents and swimmers. Eight years after a drunken conversation on the sidewalks of 6th street he's living his dream and I'm so happy for him.