Evening Perfection

Tonight I got the dreaded "can you come to my office" phone call just as I was about to walk out the door at 5. I said of course because the caller was the head of the corporate department and I knew JP had already picked up the Landon (and because 5 is too early to admit to leaving the office, but I had nothing to do - the capital markets deal I was working on is on hold thanks to the recent meltdown of Wall Street). It turns out that a deal I'm working on with Head Partner ("HP" if you will) has taken another step and he needed some research issues resolved. As happens in any meeting with him, it started out with lots of background, moved on to a few stories about the client, took a detour down memory lane, waxed nostalgic about the practice of law in 1978, and somehow ended back at this very complex deal we're working on. I enjoy talking and working with HP. Some of the associates are scared of him, but I've always gotten along famously with curmudgeonly old men.

I left his office at 6:15, with a stack of books (he has a love for "the printed word") and a list of questions. When I sat down at my desk I realized that Landon was going to be asleep in a little over an hour and I refuse to go a night without seeing him unless it's absolutely necessary. I knew there was some urgency with this project - HP wanted to talk with me as soon as I had an answer, but I also knew the conference call with the client wasn't until 2pm tomorrow. Surely it wouldn't make a difference if he had the answer late tonight or early tomorrow, so I popped back in his office and asked if we could meet at 8am sharp (I have a full day of corporate training starting at 8:30 which is already going to be interrupted with a flyback interview at 2:30 with a guy who's resume is significantly more impressive than mine) to discuss my findings and he thought that sounded great. I ran back to my office, piled up my books and notes, and headed home without passing his office on the way out. I know there will be times I will be stuck at work, but unless my physical presence for every one of those evening hours is necessary, I'm going to push back enough to get some time at home with my son.

And what a happy time it was. It was a beautiful, bright evening and I could hear Landon laughing when I got out of my car in the driveway. Everyone was out on the back deck- Landon was walking around in big, speedy circles in his diaper, the dogs running around in bigger circles, and JP was watering my flowers and making funny noises at Landon. We stayed out there for a while and I could fell myself just soaking up the good times. Around 7 I gave Landon a bath while JP studied and made dinner (a frozen pizza- we eat like college students). I'll admit that I used to try to get out of doing the bedtime routine. By the end of the day Landon was often so fussy and he rarely settled with me before bed- he's twist and cry and arch and then scream when I layed him down. But the last few nights I've really enjoyed our time. Maybe because I don't get as much of it as I used to, or because I'm not in any hurry for him to go to bed, or because he's exhausted from running around with his toddling friends- whatever the reason, nighttime has become very special. We splash the water in the bathtub, and I line up all his squirt toys on the tub's edge and he carefully selects one at a time to put back in the water until they're all gone. He laughs when I put a toy on my head and then he tries to do the same. Sometimes we just sit and smile at each other. Next is the toweling off and tooth brushing with his beloved electric toothbrush. I think it feels good on his swollen gums, I have a hard time making him give it back to me. He gets a new diaper and crawls around me as I lay down on the floor of the gameroom. Sometimes he'll stop and lay his head down on me mid-crawl, so I know he's tired even though he'll pick suddenly pick himself back up and crawl off at high speed. I read him Goodnight Moon and he usually crawls over and sits by me somewhere in the middle of the book; he really likes to pet the little mouse in one of the pages. I start singing while we sit on the floor and then around 7:30 I pick him up and walk to his room. It used to be that he'd Flip Out when he saw his room was dark and ready for bed, but now he'll just rest his head against my neck and sigh. And I'll hold him and sway and sing far longer than necessary just because it's so perfect. We sing You Are My Sunshine and He's Got the Whole World with lots of extra made-up verses and my voice breaks every damn time. I tell him I love him, lay him down, and miraculously (and only recently) he falls asleep without even a peep. Then I head downstairs to eat dinner with JP.

Now I'm back at work at the kitchen table, securities books beside me. JP is reading accounting and typing in a spreadsheet. Rosie is curled up at my feet, Tex at his. Lilly is stretched out on the landing of the stairs, eyeing the dogs with suspicion. I have a long day tomorrow and so far no answer to most of my research questions, but things are good. Really, really good.