Cozy Chilly Game Days and All the Tea

Thanks everyone for your kind and supportive comments on the last post. It's been fascinating and encouraging to read how many others have made similar decisions during this time or before. I'm excited to try some of the teas and other drinks you suggested, and for those wondering- this is the Instant Hot Water Dispenser I have. James got it for me for Christmas last year and it took a long time for us to find someone willing to drill a hole in our marble countertop to kick off the project. And then a big thanks to my dad for installing it when they stopped here on the way to their Colorado house earlier this month. I use it at least eight times a day- instant 200 degree waters you guys, it's my most favorite toy ever.

As for teas, my current faves are Adagio Citrus Green, Stash Breakfast in Paris (delightful!), and Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spice Rooibus. I also semi-accidentally ordered 13 boxes of Twinings tea yesterday because I wanted to try their Black Christmas Tea and Herbal Winter Spice (and Chamomile, Honey & Vanilla) and you have to spend $50 for free shipping. It was $10 to ship a lesser amount and I just couldn't do it, so 13 boxes later I was at $51.67 and free shipping and I can't wait for the unboxing to my tea drawer. Reviews to come!

But I read your comments and smiled throughout the weekend. A weekend that was rainy and near-freezing, requiring a fire and fuzzy pj's for all. Maggie was here for it.

And by "here for it," I mean she lay unmoving in a furry pile of near-unconscious bliss until I decided she was probably boiling inside and I turned the fire off rather than disturb her.

I'm not sure I can ever have another dog who isn't deaf and/or has an energy level higher than that of a bulldog. She adds the perfect element of smiley, soothing unconditional love and happiness without raising the overall energy level in the house one bit. I love her so much.

Which is good, because there is other energy in this house.

In keeping with our theme of cozy family fun, I decided we should play games and bond all day on Sunday.

Me: Okay! Everyone will get to pick a game to play, so start thinking about what you want to pi--
Landon, melting in horror: oh god.

But he was game (no pun originally intended), as he always is. We started with Cora's choice of Life. She chose it so she could have babies and name them "Luna and Emma and Mia" and then she ended up with no kids while Landon had 5, 4 boys and 1 girl, all of which he named "Lil Timmy." (We name all our tiny stick players in Life, it's a very important element in the game.)

I baked up our Christmas cinnamon rolls after game 1 while everyone else did something I wasn't paying attention to because I was focused on the cinnamon rolls.

Did I even bake cinnamon rolls if I didn't take a picture of the cinnamon rolls?

I heard Legos being sorted through, so I assume Cora was back to building with Landon's old Lego collection and the stalwart assistance of both Rescue Pets, as is her currant wont.

Claire's choice was Skip Bo, which is a fun card game based almost entirely on luck and yet Landon has won EVERY SINGLE GAME we have played since purchasing the game in October. All of them. It's become a joke and while I'm SURE the streak will end at some point, it did not end on Sunday.

Pick-Up-Sticks was next. I bought that game years ago and for whatever reason it has recently swept the house like a new sensation. We play a LOT and yesterday was no exception.

The kids had to go outside to do some pool chores and walk Maggie (who switched from pj's to her puffer vest and then back to pj's) and Cora dressed for the occasion.

By the time it was James and my turn, we decided to punt our original choices of Sequence and Ticket to Ride to next weekend and opt for a movie. No one argued.

Dinner was Mississippi Pot Roast and it was absolutely incredible. People have told me to make this recipe for years and I have no idea what took me so long. I don't know why it's so good, but IT IS. James declared it our greatest meal of 2020. I strained all the sauce in the crockpot and then whisked it with some Wondra flour over low heat to make a gravy and served it over the mashed potatoes and crazy tender beef and cooked carrots and OMG. A perfect cozy meal for a lazy cozy day.

And now it's Tuesday and I'm finishing this post up before work while drinking tea in front of my sparkling lights. The girls are masked up and off to school and Landon leaves in a few minutes.

Maggie is bundled up for the cold and Moose is camped under the family Christmas tree.

I'm using my last few sips of Breakfast in Paris tea and my last few minutes before my first call to round up our menu from last week, this week, and next week up until the holidays.

Meals:
Mon: Beef Barley Soup (with a bag of frozen green beans added halfway through the cook time).
Tues: Chicken Verde Enchiladas, Mexican Rice, Black Beans (I make this recipe up, but it's chicken breasts in the crockpot on low wth verde salsa, shredded, and rolled into tortillas with a sprinkling of Monterrey Jack cheese and then everything is topped with some sour cream and a jar of verde enchilada sauce. Bake at 375 for 25 minutes.)
Wed: Garlic Herb Spaghetti with Chicken Meatballs (family favorite; those meatballs are so good, I try to make a double batch and freeze the other for a future fast spaghetti with tomato cream sauce kind of night).
Thurs: BBQ Chicken Sandwiches (frozen chicken breasts + cup of bbq sauce in the crockpot, cooked on low 8 hours, shredded, add more BBQ sauce before serving on wheat rolls with cheese, sliced tomato, and crispy onions), Tater Tots, Frozen Mixed Veggies.
Fri:Takeout Thai to celebrate 50 days!
Sat: Homemade Pizza (this dough recipe; Claire will make BBQ Chicken Pizza with the leftovers from Thursday, the rest of us will make whatever concoction sounds good with the remaining items in the fridge).
Sun: Mississippi Pot Roast, Mashed Potatoes (it's cheating, but the refrigerated 2-pack at Costco is so dang good, I buy them whenever they're available and just try to think of meals I can eat with them), Cooked Carrots. (This was AMAZING. I now see why people have recommended this impossibly simple recipe. James declared it the best meal of 2020; I strained the au jus and made a gravy with a bit of Wondra fluor and OMG.)

Mon: Clean Eating Instant Pot Summer Soup (SO GOOD; I did it in the crockpot with frozen chicken breasts, 1 cup farro, cooked on low for 9 hours. Then I shredded the chicken and added the diced zucchini and a briefly microwaved bag of frozen mixed vegetables isntead of just corn. It was hearty and filling but not heavy; winter perfection, even if it does say summer), crackers and cheese on the side.
Tues: Tamales (steamed from frozen; Costco's are great!), Mexican Rice, Black Beans, avocado and other toppings.
Wed: Creamy Mushroom Chicken with Crispy Onions, Mashed Potatoes (2nd tray from the Costco 2-pack), Steamed Green Beans.
Thurs: Gigi's Smoked Sausage and Meaty Spaghetti, Whole Wheat Spaghetti, Side Salad.
Fri: Frozen Pizza! Everyone picks one, I cook nothing, and we celebrate the start of winter break.
Sat: Leftover Spaghetti, maybe with penne this time, just to be crazy.
Sun: Rustic Potato and Leek Soup, Homemade Bread (2 new recipes that look amazing!)
Mon: Big Salad Night, Leftover Soup, Crackers and Cheese (I'd say leftover bread, but there's no way there will be any).
Tues: Gyros, Naan, Tzatziki, Roasted Potatoes, Greek Salad.

Day 50

Hi! So, in what has turned out to be a highlight of 2020, I stopped drinking alcohol in October.

It was the immediate result of one night out on a patio with two friends where I let the intoxating rush of socialization and frozen margaritas lead me to actually drink enough to become intoxicated and when I got back home I was a total asshole to the one person who matters most to me, which is what happens any time I drink too much which is why I am usually so very careful not to do so. It's been years since I have. Lots of them, but bam, there I was, acting like the person you root against in any movie.

It was also the longer result of spending 225 days at home and pouring a glass of wine at the end of each and every one. At some point in the middle, I wondered if I should get back to my New Year's resolution of only drinking on the weekends. And at some point three-quarters of the way through I realized I was never going to do that and perhaps I was no longer the person in charge of deciding whether to drink that glass of wine each night. While I think you can absolutely have a drink every night and be fully in charge of that decision, I was setting goals each weekday morning I absolutely knew I would (and then did) break and thus going to bed each night annoyed at and disappointed in myself. And even though it was usually only one, it was always one and the mere survival to the end of every day seemed to justify it, regardless of my true wants or intentions.

And so I stopped. Completely.

Interestingly, it was considerably easier than my previous failed attempts at moderation and other rules and lines. I'll also note, because I want to be honest, that knowing how much I had hurt someone and something very precious to me on the night of my last drink was an overwhelming motivational force in what would likely have been a hard first week of breaking a very ingrained habit. But I can say that by week two, even once back on an even keel in my marriage, the pull of the evening glass of wine was so much less. And by week three, I simply no longer expected it in my transition from afternoon to evening. It stopped being weird to make a new cup of tea while cooking dinner or to have one while watching a movie before bed. Somewhere in there I was thinking about drinking less and less until I realized it had been more than a month since I'd had one- quite a bit more than one really, and each day no longer felt like a milestone. I also realized that the last time I'd gone a month - frankly the last time I'd gone a week - without alcohol was when I was pregnant. And the result of my last pregnancy was 7 years ago. And it felt good.

I've developed new routines and new habits. I rearranged our kitchen to put all my tea mugs in their own special place where the wine glasses used to be. I created a tea drawer for my expanding collection and it makes me happy every morning (and afternoon and evening) when I use both. I treated myself to two new mugs and may have made myself one covered in pictures of Maggie for my Christmas stocking.

I've been living for my tea advent calendar that provides me with new teas to try each morning and my instant hot water dispenser that rocks my whole world every time I use it (and I use it a LOT). I've enjoyed Elderflower Cordial with lime seltzer when I want something fancy and am probably well hydrated for the first time in years. Being without the usual social whirl and happy hours and parties has probably made it easier, but then again, it was the being home all the time that led to that 5:30 pour seeming so essential. I've made it through Halloween, Election Night, Thanksgiving, Fridays, Hump Days, hard days, long days, and great days, all alcohol free.

And here I am at my 50th day.

James surprised me with flowers and a dealcoholized champagne the guy at Specs told him was "pretty good" (side note: that was probably James's first time in a Specs since college; ironic) and we'll toast with it over Thai takeout later tonight.

I honestly don't know what my long-term plan is with this. Initially I told myself I'd stop for 100 days, just to have some sort of goal, but now I think I'll abstain for as long as I work from home. I know I mention it every post, but being home just isn't great for me. I'm back in therapy and back on Prozac and I think that *I* am back again after being lost for a bit, but it's hard. The actual logistics have been good- I've got a great set-up in our bedroom, and calls, meetings, and even on-the-record sworn testimony work seamlessly. I'm on great cases, talking and video chatting regularly with great, smart people, and I'm really enjoying my job, but it's just hard. I miss all the human interaction I took for granted before - the stops at Starbucks, people popping by my office, going to lunch midday, stopping at TCU to teach or my yoga studio for some hot yoga - I was woven in the fabric of this vibrant urban suburban community and I miss every single thread of it.

I may try to add alcohol back into my life in a post-pandemic world; I may get to that point and realize my life is better without it. But at Day 50 it feels incredibly good and simply normal to be sipping my pumpkin spice rooibus tea after logging off from work at 5:30. And in this year, I'm thankful for something that feels good and normal, for something that has made me create new habits, and for something that has made me feel proud and strong and whole every day for fifty days.

Thanks and Tails from the Rescue Pets

You guys! Your comments on the last post were like a big warm hug. I have missed you! And I'd forgotten how much internet connections can still be true, genuine connections. I got a smile with every comment that popped up in my inbox and it made yesterday such a better day than so many similar ones before it, so thank you so much for the warm return.

I think I needed the break in posting- the kids are bigger and their lives belong largely to themselves, there aren't many stories to share from a life I largely live in my bedroom, the few I might have all involve line drawing on how you interact with the world in a pandemic and everyone has an opinion on that, plus mostly I've just been working so much and I'm in front of my monitors all day without the breaks that used to be built in, like commuting and getting lunch and driving home at certain times because of other commitments, and now there are none of those things and no commutes and no one has conflicts with anything so we email all day and keeping my evenings computer free became a necessity.

this inbox has eyes

But so is connection, and occasionally actually uploading the pictures on my phone (93% of which are of The Rescue Pets, my stalwart coworking companions), and sharing stories, and I'd like to do it more often again.

So, given that I have no other stories to share, let me take you through a few days in the life of the Rescue Pets.

Moose and Maggie remain best friends, partners in crime, and the best/worst coworkers a lonely lawyer working in her bedroom all day could possibly have.

We start our day early, at about 7:30 a.m. Moose always wants to know what calls we have for the morning and Maggie tries to remember if she was already fed her breakfast (yes).

Maggie takes her first morning nap about 7:40 and Moose pops in to let me know I made a typo in that email I just sent.

When Moose is ready to play, he'll walk over and gently bat at Maggie's tongue or face wrinkles to get her to wake up and come play with him.

Sometimes Maggie wakes up, sometimes she doesn't, but eventually, there is always playing.

I'm not sure Maggie really understands how to play- there's a lot of squishing her brother, but Moose is much faster and wilier and doesn't have to put up with anything he doesn't want to, so clearly he's having a good time. At some point, it's time for chase and Moose takes off. Maggie, totally pumped, gets a big bulldog smile and takes off too. She can be very fast over short distances.

Somehow she always gets lost midway through their bathroom-to-closet loop and Moose has to slow down to let her catch up. They do this a lot of times. Maggie has no brakes or ability to turn and crashes into all sorts of things along the way.

Sometimes Moose hides in my clothes hanging in the closet and Maggie crashes into those, sending hangers flying. She smiles the whole time.

At some point in the chasing, Maggie either gets tired and trots off or Moose cheats and jumps on the bed so Maggie has to give up. Moose finds my characterization of his winning move to be offensive.

There are naps. Lots and lots of them. Sometimes it makes me very jealous.

I always forget that Moose can hear me, so when I exclaim over how cute they are all cuddled up together, Moose always cracks an eye to let me know I've disturbed and annoyed him.

But Maggie, who only hears me in her heart, is smiling at me in her sleep I'm sure.

On one particularly chilly morning, when Maggie was wearing her fuzzy footie pj's and I decided to turn on the fire while I drank my first cup of tea, Maggie got to introduce Moose to the wondors of the fireplace.

"It's a magical place you see. Sometimes, if you're really lucky, a fire appears and it is made of warmth and love."

We had a week or two of finding the girls' stuffed animals all around the house. I was getting a little annoyed at them until I looked up from my computer one day and saw Moose trotting across my bedroom with a dead beanie baby in his mouth. When he saw me looking, he dropped his kill and attempted to look both nonchalant and defensive.

Now Maggie occasionally chews on the stuffed animals Moose has killed for her. It's clear she doesn't know why she's doing it, but she knows it's part of being in his pack.

Similarly, Moose has taken up squirrel watching. It's a huge part of his day and if I'm late in lifting the blinds in my bedroom office he lets me know immediately. Then he sit/stands for hours, ready to pounce on the squirrels in the world acquarium before him.

Today, Maggie joined him in his vigil. Again, she clearly didn't know what they were doing and never saw any of the squirrels who taunted our dynamic duo, but she was here for it. Standing by her alpha cat's side, ready to do whatever it was they were doing.

Later, job well done, they napped in the sun for a while.

I enjoy them so much. Truly, they are the only variance in my day and they have so much personality and so much genuine affection between them. One time I was on a video call and there was a loud crash in the bathroom- it was my bulldog sliding into my bathtub because she can't make sharp turns. Later, she snored so loud I had to mute my phone while I kicked her out of the room. She is the greatest and one of the only things I will truly miss when we get to reenter the real world.

And Maggie will likely need some intensive therapy when we are separated. We are never more than 12" apart these days and her anxiety when I close the bathroom door compels her to run into the door until it opens itself and we are reunited. Then she does her tippy taps of joy, demands pets, and then feels secure enough to trot off for a nap to recover from expending all that emotional energy.

But, I have at least a few more months until I need to worry about Maggie's separation anxiety and until then, I will soak up all the smiles these funny, furry little creatures bring my way.

And note, in this time of holiday giving, that I am forever thankful for the amazing people at Lonestar Bulldog Club Rescue, who took in a starved, infected, absolute mess of a puppy mill mama bulldog, paid for 6 weeks of surgeries and live-in vet bills, and then fostered her until she could join our family, and for Saving Hope, which rescued a tiny scraggly kitten in an overcrowded Laredo shelter and transported him here, where Claire and Cora's music teacher fostered him and now he lives in our house where he plays with a bulldog and sleeps under the covers with a teenage boy who sings him songs.

Life is good and my heart and in-home legal office are very full.

Sparkly In-Home Holidays

Hi! I ate 6 sugar cookies yesterday and 7 today and the semi-sick but also satisfied feeling in my stomach as I look at our sparkly redesigned living room made me miss you all and this space and the posts of the same traditions I write every year.

So much about this year is different, but we decorated the tree while listening to the Raffi Christmas Album and I made my quadruple batch of sugar cookies and nearly broke the kitchenaid and it was nice to have something that is exactly the same.

I rolled and cut and baked while James hung Christmas lights in the front yard and the kids raked leaves and the sheer normalcy of it was soothing to my soul.

The cookie decorating also went as expected. James made an anatomically correct gingerbread man and Landon found it so hilarious he almost could not recover.

Cora, my meticulous 7-year-old, decorated exactly 4 cookies over 90 minutes and ate 2 immediately. Claire decorated a solid dozen and managed to eat 5 before I realized how many she'd downed.

And I, I decorated all 100 of the rest. Which is only fair, since I seem to do most of the eating.

I continue to work from home. It's safe and I'm thankful for the care with which my agency has approached this pandemic, but as an extrovert I feel a bit like I am slowly dying inside. And the holidays- with their whirwild of parties are usually SUCH a battery charge for me, even in a normal year of going to work each day, teaching at two different yoga studios, attending two different school's PTA Board Meetings, and meeting up regularly with family and friends, and well, I've been a bit dreading the loss of my surge of happy sparkly extrovert endorphins.

But I decorated the house and the sparkle gives me a lift every time I walk through the living room, which is often, because I drink 650 cups of tea a day and live for the change of scenery that is walking to the kitchen to make it. AND I get to make it instantly with my instant hot water dispenser that James got me for Christmas last year and my dad installed and it makes me SO HAPPY.

Like little puffy emoji hearts burst from my eyes everytime I turn the handle and steaming hot water comes out. It's 200 degrees of joy on tap.

Other pieces of happiness: our advent calendars.

Since so much of our traditional holiday fun is canceled this year, I decided we should all have an advent calendar to brighten December. James got one with tiny Bonne Maman Jams and Preserves he eats with breakfast each day, the kids are taking turns opening a Lego calendar that is the highlight of each morning, and I got this one from Adagio Teas. We're on Day 7 and I'm still SO excited to wake up each morning and see my new tea. So far I've had five I never would have purchased (Blueberry White; Caramel Candy Apple; Cranberry Black) and they have been SO good.

Also, Moose wearing a holiday sweater with a MOOSE on it.

And the fact I got Maggie a matching one after she seemed jealous of his.

I can't imagine why I didn't just get Maggie one in the first place, but I think I had a moment of misplaced frugality when matching Christmas sweaters for the Rescue Pets were obviously never going to be the place for that.

Moose also got a Christmas stocking and now all seven are hung by the chimney with care.

It's his first Christmas and he is filled with holiday spirit.

In much bigger projects, I started working with a designer in the neighborhood to rework our living room. I never felt like we used the space well - it's so long and narrow and SO open on the sides I just couldn't figure out how to fit a second couch in and hated how the one we had chopped the room in half. So I just left it as it was and have spent the last 8.9 years wishing I could think of a better solution.

Enter Melodye. She looked at our space and current furniture, got my budget, and then sent me a drawing of the redesigned space largely repurpusing what we already had. Once agreed on the plan, she'd send me 3-5 ideas for the various things we'd decided to purchase, like the couch and rug, so I could pick a favorite. It was the first time I've ever worked with a designer and she helped me break through the wall that was my stalled living room plans.

And now our whole family can sit comfortably all together! It opens up the space so much- you can talk to someone in the kitchen, at the bar, or sitting at the table.

I adore the textured bean bag ottoman I never would have purchased that the kids now lie on all the time. The carpet is fluffy and soft and Moose's favorite place to stretch out and sleep. The new couch is beautiful and I never would have thought to pair it with our old one the way she did. She reused all our side tables, moved around art, and we've ordered a new piece full of color I can't wait to see.

We're still getting new bookcases and some gorgeous new tile around the fireplace but this little update has brought me more joy than I could have imagined. The budget is equal to what we spend going to Colorado to ski every December (canceled this year obviously) and I love that we're using it to shake up a space we now spend so much time in.

And even if these were Normal Times, after nearly 9 (9!!!!) years in this house, we're just in a different life phase than we were before. Our kids are teens and tweens and even the third baby is a big kid- we hang out in a way that is so different from the early playroom-in-the-dining-room days. We watch shows together and chat in the evenings and everyone reads their own books all sprawled out on the couches. Landon is often baking in the kitchen and no one goes to bed before 8. This space fills my heart and I'm thankful for the vision of another who made it possible.

I'm still working much of the time and I'm still struggling a bit with the at-home nature of my life right now, but I really mean it when I say there are also so many moments of bright joy and quiet happiness and I'm so thankful we've been able to be safe and well this whole year. I've been missing this space and I truly hope you all have something that gives you a little bit of the joy Cora felt when she opened her new rollerblades (and literally every other gift) on her birthday a few weeks ago.

(She turned 7. Our tiny amazing gift of a perfect third baby is SEVEN. What in the actual hell.)

Now that our pool has a heater, so James could keep offering swim lessons after our nights turned cold, she got to swim on her birthday and eat a "chocolate mermaid cake with all the chocolate in it" and she found it to be the most perfect of days.

I've heard from a few of you (thanks!!) and you've mentioned missing my meal lists (along with my witty ramblings, obviously). We continue to eat all meals at home, with a takeout treat 1-2x/month. Given that I now also eat all lunches at home, I have cooked more in the last few months than in so many years prior, but I haven't minded. It gives me a reason to leave my computer in the bedroom and the money we've saved by not eating out (and not paying for a nanny, restaurants, or anything fun that takes place outside the house) has allowed us to update the living room and even save despite the swim school being functionally closed. And so while I can't remember much of what I've cooked, I've recently made and loved these:

Turkey Pot Pie (perfect use of leftovers, I'll make this again with chicken)

Crock Pot Beef and Barley Stew 

Creamy Mushroom Chicken with Crispy Onions (with triple the crispy onions) 

Baked Honey Mustard Pork Chops (first time I liked a pork chop)

BBQ Chicken Pizza 

Sunday Chili (my new fave chili recipe)

Pizza Baked Ziti 

Cozy Autumn Wild Rice Soup (obsessed with this one) 

Garlic Herb Spaghetti with Chicken Meatballs 

Lemon Chicken Soup with Orzo (love! go slowly with the tempering of the egg)

Crockpot Chicken Wild Rice Soup 

Roasted Tomato Puttanesca 

Ang's Creamy Tortellini Soup (amazing) 

Coconut Lime Chicken and Broccoli 

Other regular favorites: homemade pizza (nearly every Saturday), Gyros (Trader Joe's, with naan, roasted potatoes, veggies, and tzatziki), Tacos or Tamales (most Tuesdays), my mom's spaghetti, and Big Salad Night.

May your days- and/or your nights- be at least a little bit merry and bright.

Happy December! Also- the comments should be fixed and back open, so let me know what's giving you joy this last month of 2020!

Update!: You guys I had finished the kids photobooks several weeks ago after WEEKS of late nights and a carpal-tunnel-inducing million mouse clicks and they've been sitting in my Shutterfly cart because I just CANNOT spend the full amount on them, even at the constantly available 50% off sales. I was worried the elusive "unlimited free pages" promotion that takes my cart of four giant books from $400 to $120 wouldn't arrive in time this year and then today IT DID just this morning. It did and it's done and my books are ordered and now I am completely done with Christmas shopping and I am so happy. Sometimes, joy is the right coupon code after weeks of work and waiting. Thank you Shutterfly and Happy Tuesday to you all,