On the Shores of Silver Lake

We're here!! Siren, Wisconsin. Birthplace of my grandfather. Home of the fudge shop, cheese shop, 65-degree August daytime temperatures, and beautiful memory-soaked Silver Lake.

My grandpa grew up on the farm behind it and we drove our Ford van with trailer up to my grandparents' lake lot every other summer for my whole childhood. It's a 3-day drive from Houston and it was always worth every mile. A sandy, gently-sloping beach into crystal clear always-chilly water. I have SO many childhood memories here that I am constantly awash in nostalgia and it all make me very happy. Performing American girl doll plays with dime store props (Kirsten from Sweden's story, obviously), learning card games and playing into the night, fishing for days and frying them up at the end, swimming swimming swimming, and way too much antique shopping. It's a special place.

And we're here!

We had to leave the house at 5:45 a.m., about 12 hours after the big kids got back from Camp PapaGigi. As always, Cora rocked it.

waiting for the offsite parking bus; nailing the early morning travel look

She was a pro in the airport, in security, and on the plane. I watched a movie the whole flight and James wasn't even in our row. Traveling with big kids is awesome.

After landing in Minneapolis, shaving 18 hours off our would-be drive time (James would SO MUCH have rather driven because he is a crazy person), we piled into our newly upgraded "luxury" rental car and headed up and over to NW Wisconsin. Within minutes- maybe less than 10- everyone but me was in a swimsuit and in the lake.

James swam around it. 1.5 miles. Just for a little get-this-vacation-going-fun. We traveled along beside him in the pontoon boat.

slayer of lily pads

After that, the big kids decided to swim across it. Claire, at just barely 6, almost certainly now holds the record for youngest one across. They were quite pleased with themselves.

And then, not to be outdone, Cora took off and jumped off the dock straight into the FREEZING water. None of us were in with her- it never occurred to me she'd just jump in and she didn't have a life vest on or anything, but just as I thought I'd need to jump in after her, she popped up, turned over, and swam to the dock herself. Water safety stress test complete!

Cora Fish from Lag Liv on Vimeo.

And then she did it again and again a million times.

My grandparents were thrilled to pieces to have us here and I just loved so much that I was here- a place that played such a huge role in my childhood- with my own three kids.

The pontoon boat- named Queen Mary after my grandma, Queen Mary, has been in near constant use. We even hooked up an old float to the back, giving the kids a caboose to ride around in behind us while we followed James on yet another swim.

Cora prepped for her own open-water race, but was easily distracted by cheese.

We've headed into town each day, 2 miles up County Road B, including a stop at the Main Street Cafe for breakfast yesterday morning. Landon ate one of their giant pancakes and Cora dug into her baby cake own with gusto. Both ate every bite.

Yesterday afternoon I even got in, halfway anyway, and only because Cora insisted on it. That water is really cold you guys.

And last night, during our dinner of pasties and fresh sweet corn, Claire lost her first tooth! Good thing the tooth fairy has wings and can travel.

Today my grandma and I are going shopping- Peggy's Country Store and maybe the fudge shop (now going out of business; a tiny piece of my childhood gone forever). We leave tomorrow to visit my mom's cousins (my second cousins?) in Ely, Minnesota for a few days. They have a beautiful cabin on a lake up there and who knows when we'll get this far north again.

It was 107 in Fort Worth the day we left. It hasn't left the 70's here. I love this place.

A Swim Down Memory Lane

I was going through my freshman year of college photo book tonight, trying to find an early picture of James and me since the 15 year anniversary of our meeting/first date is a few weeks away, and I came across a page dedicated to the end of my swim career. My life as a swimmer all seems so far away it's hard to believe I had pages of material to memorialize the end of it, but in 2002 my competitive swim career ended, my hip never quite healing from the surgery I had to have after my senior year of high school. By the time my physical therapy ended and I was facing the realities of my physical limitations, my college life was feeling so much bigger than swimming. My life always was, thanks to very grounded parents and friends and my general need to be doing all the things rather than focusing on any one, but still, in college I felt so fulfilled and thrilled by this next stage of things, I felt okay moving on. I was in a liberal arts honors program, pre-med in my electives, holding a 4.0, and madly in love with my new boyfriend. Life beyond the pool was calling and it sounded awesome.

And yet I so clearly remember crying when I told my parents my decision, that it was over. I remember how hard it was to be the "girlfriend in the stands" at the future UT meets. I had national cuts! I was a former scholarship athlete for the team! Dammit I could swim too! But there I was, all dry, no swim bag and no suit, cheering and clapping along with the parents. It was still fun, and I loved watching James swim, but in those moments, watching the swimmers on the deck and not being one of them, it was hard.

I adjusted, as you do, and my life kept on expanding. Now as I watch swimming at the Olympics I cringe at all the events I hated (basically anything longer than a 100), revel in the fact I don't have to care if I'm no taper, and feel SO overwhelmingly grateful I have the memories of swimming that I do. Of the team, the cheering, the rush. Of hitting the wall and turning to see your time- hearing the cheers and yells but not yet knowing if they're for you. Of the racing, oh the RACING, all out till you give out, god I loved it. I never particularly liked practice, but I loved to compete and loved being part of a team and I miss it so much when watching big meets like this. I want to step out behind the blocks, shake out my arms and legs, wait to hear my name, step up to the block and fly. I'm full of nostalgia, but still my biggest feeling is of gratitude for knowing what it's like so I can miss it as much as I do. What memories to have.

In thinking about this tonight, I decided to find a little essay I wrote when I was 19, back in 2002 after I quit. This was before blogs- or at least before I knew of blogs- and I'd never just randomly written something before, so I wasn't sure what to do with it when I was done. I sent it to my parents and then, on a whim, I decided to send it to Swimming World Magazine. It was published sometime later that year and I just found my copy.

So, since I'm immersed in swimming and nostalgia, here's a little trip down memory lane.

~ ~ ~

“So, do you miss it?” The poser of this innocent question by anyone who knows I used to swim or is watching a swim meet with me never really expects a full answer, much like the “How are you?” you ask everyone you pass on the street. Usually I just smile and make a comment about not waking up to a cold pool in the mornings or getting to stay dry during a meet. I tell them all that while I enjoyed swimming, it is a thing of the past; I have since moved on to bigger and better things.

But sometimes, after the person has turned the conversation elsewhere, I sit and think about it. Memories flood my mind. Swimming. Only in the context of that sport does it make sense to celebrate a drop in time many times faster than the blink of an eye, to mourn a relay lost by a fraction of an inch, to cry after a race you just couldn’t go fast enough for…

I miss the feeling of the water in the morning, the chance to swim in quiet solitude, the time to mentally organize my thoughts. I miss the hard sets, the ones you see written on the board and verbally declare impossible, but are already mentally and physically gearing up for. I miss the end of a good practice where only your sense of accomplishment pulls your body out of the water because your arms and legs long before gave all they had. I miss getting ready in the morning with twenty other girls in twenty minutes. The talking, hurrying, and laughter between people who were more than friends, they are teammates. I miss the immediate sense of family you feel among swimmers, you are all connected by the long hours in the pool, the constant soreness in your body, and the common understanding of the joy and despair a single race can bring. You share a closeness among near strangers that you don’t find among groups in the world beyond the pool deck.

Sometimes while watching a meet I find myself longing to be on the deck-- to be the one stepping up to the block, mentally going through my race, physically readying my muscles to be pushed to their max. I miss the time before the race, laughing and joking with teammates and competitors--friends right until the moment you step up to the block and friends again the moment after you finish. But for the time in between you’re the greatest of adversaries, pushing each other to the best you can do. After the race you’re glad for the competition, appreciating that they pushed you to your best, but during the race they’re just splashes in the water, splashes you have to get ahead of. I miss the opportunity to mentally will myself to a physical goal, touching the wall, and looking at my time. I miss being on the awards stand, feeling the medal on my neck, waving to my parents and coaches. I miss their assurance of their belief that I could do it, their smiles and congratulations when I did, and their hugs and shared grief when I did not. Most of all I miss that feeling of accomplishment that comes with the realization of a goal in the face of obstacles.

I even miss the heartbreak when you fall short of a goal you gave everything for. Not since swimming have I been involved in something I could shed so many tears over. Not since have I wanted something so badly that when it did not happen, my heart nearly broke. It takes an all-encompassing sport as swimming to allow yourself to wrap so much into one dream. Even after failure, the sport and the team are what make you go on—the force that gets you to move on quicker than you wanted and swim the next race. And in the end it’s your memories of that sport and that team that allow you to move from focusing on the heartbreak and failure and on to treasure the joys and successes. I miss caring about something enough to cry over it.

There’s no huge void in my life without swimming. I’ve moved on. I'm busy, fulfilled, and setting new goals. I only think about swimming occasionally, when looking through photo albums or reminiscing with friends. When watching a meet, I'm removed from it. When hearing about hard sets, they almost sound like a different language-- one I used to be fluent in, but now have to decipher into non-swimmer terms. Swim suits are no longer hung up in my shower, and swimming T-shirts no longer dominate my closet. Eating, sleeping, and school no longer revolve around a competition schedule. I'm focused on school and am working toward goals for my future career.

But do I miss it? Oh yes.

~ ~ ~

And I still do, in a more abstract, grateful way. But now I've moved on to sobbing at Simone and Aly's gold and silvers in the all-around gymnastics. I don't have any memories there, but man- the parents with tears running down their faces... far removed from my 19 year old self, it's the parents I identify with now!

So Many Things

It's been a jam-packed last few weeks- full and busy and fun, and I could itemize them all, but then there have been some very low moments with James realizing he will not be able to continue his swim school into the fall in any pool anywhere, plus some struggles with Landon and figuring out how best to handle his new occasional funks when he has given us absolutely no training along the way. Last Thursday the last of James's potential avenues closed and it just sucked so much I don't really have words for it. Neither did he, and in an act of true love and support, I didn't make him try to find any.

lovely thank you note from a swim parent

On my end, last week involved a ton of yoga, teaching a lot of barre, and reading Day Zero in the Arcana Chronicles in one long late night (what do you do when you get in bed at 11 p.m. and realize the download you were expecting tomorrow downloaded at midnight eastern time and you're in central? you read it. and it was SO good! still just adore that series), and mostly just didn't open my laptop for many days.

But to do a bit of recapping- Landon did golf camp last week! It's offered through the First Tee Organization and is a pretty amazing deal- $60/week for the half-day camp and $85 for the full. Now that I know it's a real camp and not some front for a sweat shop, I'm totally sending the kids for multiple weeks of the full day next summer. The group also provides the clubs for the kids- you just drop them off with athletic clothes, a lunch, and a ton of sunscreen and water and they take it from there.

Last week was the half-day option, which normally we couldn't do, but one of Landon's friends was also going that week, so his mom offered to pick the Lanman up and bring him home to play for the afternoon and then even included a trip to a big kid water park as a delayed birthday present for L. I feel so lucky to have found such great friends here and it was definitely an excellent week for him. He brought home his new clubs on day 2 and we did some family golf lessons in the front yard.

Cora was super enthusiastic.

Claire couldn't go to the camp because the minimum age is 7 (but she can next year, which is BLOWING MY MIND (and also pleasing my summer camp budget)) so she hung out with a friend one day and then James in the mornings and me in the afternoons. James took her to the Y each morning where she battled on the rock climbing wall and then on one afternoon I took her to get her very first library card. She was so excited and we checked out a bunch of new books, all of which she's now read and hopefully knows where to find to return.

On Saturday we headed over to my parents' lake house. They're in the middle of a kitchen and back patio renovation, so we arrived to a bit of a construction site, but the results are already looking fabulous. On Sunday we had a big adventure on the boat. First we took forever getting ready to go, what with fits over having to wear rashguards and losing sunglasses and securing water bottles for all, but finally we were ready to head out for a boating and tubing extravaganza!

Only to have the boat die a thousand or so yards out from shore. The concept of flagging down another boat didn't occur to any of us, instead we looked to James- you can swim that right?

And so he did. It did occur to me later, when he became a little speck in the water, that he was at some risk of being mowed over by a boat or jetski, and lake open water-swimming without goggles and with a current and tons of boat traffic is not anyone's favorite, but he made it, and came back to rescue us on my parents' jetski in nearly no time at all.

The kids swam a bit while we waited and then we towed ourselves back to the dock.

The kids thought it was the best morning ever.

We spent the rest of the day swimming and playing in the water. Cora refuses to stand on the swim mat and instead pushes herself off it in her puffy life jacket like a baby turtle- as always, she only wants to swim swim swim.

stealing my trick

baby turtle

We had a great and early dinner and then James, Cora, and I piled in the car to head home, leaving the big kids behind. Because this week is the newly dubbed and soon to be famous "Camp PapaGigi" and Landon and Claire are spending their first nights sleeping away from us and home ever, ever! I've never been in my house and not had all my children sleeping in it with me. I've traveled for work. James and I had our weekend in NY earlier this year, but the kids have never spent the night anywhere without us and it's super weird.

Cora started sobbing when we pulled up in the driveway in Fort Worth and she realized the big kids weren't sitting in the row behind her (she slept for most of the drive home and I think she just forgot)- her face was pure shock and panic when we unbuckled her and she looked behind. She's never been without them and she was crying, "Want my Yaya HOME" over and over. Then we fed her TJ's spaghettios and a big piece of cheese for dinner and she decided to carry on as an only child.

She seems to be doing okay.

Today when I picked her up she asked if Yaya was in the car. Before I could say no and explain why, she answered herself, with remorse in her voice and a shrug of her shoulders, "No Yaya's all gone now." Then she asked to go to the zoo.

The big kids on the other hand are having a BLAST and I'm so happy for them to have this time with my parents. We pick them up Friday (5 nights away!!) and I can't wait.

In the meantime we're tentatively soaking in the bizarrely low energy atmosphere in our house and watching every minute of the Olympics. Particularly the swimming- OMG the swimming. LILLY FREAKING KING is my spirit animal and I feel a totally unearned sense of kinship with her because I was a 100 breaststroker and she is representing and I love her. While watching that race I found myself standing on the couch (what?) and yelling (yelling!) at my TV with a series of incomprehensible noises and I wondered, amidst the glory and excitement- is this why people watch sports? If only football were interesting and not just a bunch of people falling down over and over while the clock stops for interminable amounts of time. But swimming! And diving and gymnastics and volleyball and everything else on right now- so fun.

Final wrap-ups- our menu for the week:

Monday: Pesto-Parmesan Baked Tomatoes, angel hair pasta sauteed with olive oil, garlic, and herbs (I put two tomatoes halves on top of the angel hair and then we cut them up to mix into the noodles; very good), bread, prosciutto, cheese, olives
Tuesday: Grilled kielbasa sausage, fettucine with zucchini and squash
Wednesday: maybe going out? with only a Cora our restaurant bill would be materially less (that's my justification and I'm sticking to it)
Thursday: Chicken Lettuce Wraps
Friday: pizza after our big kid reunion while packing for the vacation we leave on at 5 a.m. on Saturday (kind of a whirlwind two weeks for the big kids!)

And lastly, a question and a plea- for those of you with Kindle Fire tablets, have you ever successfully ripped a DVD you already own and transferred it onto your fire? All the articles I've read link to programs I can't tell are legit or not- I'll happily pay for a ripper if it's good and not full of bugs but the three I've tried so far either no longer work or pop up with error messages after 45 minutes of ripping. We have a ton of DVDs I do not want to buy again in digital form and I'm hoping the kids Kindles can be their vacation entertainment (2 hour plane ride, 9 hours of driving). Help!

Fish food and Power lawyering

I need to plan my barre class (teaching 2x this weekend!) and/or go to the grocery store, but the big kids are busy and happy running around the house and Cora is wearing plastic heels and fairy wings and playing puzzles, so I'm going to sit here and blog instead.

This week was one of the busiest work weeks I've ever had. Monday was just a start. It seemed like non-stop calls and meetings right up through Friday which started with a 9 a.m. meeting with a partner and associate from a large NY firm and 3 VP's from a Fortune 50 company and... me. Just me. I can't think of anything that illustrates the responsibility and autonomy in this job more. It was regarding an investigation of mine on a subject matter in which I have particular expertise, so I was perfectly able to handle it (my boss is still out on jury duty; we scheduled all these meetings for this week and then he had jury duty on Tuesday and got selected for a capital murder trial NONE of us saw coming so we hope to see him again by fall), it was just a rather striking visual and a nice I-love-this-job moment. If you must have a 9 a.m. Friday morning meeting, that's a nice feeling to have walking out of it.

last night; 3 fish

But backing up. Last weekend we had a pool party for Cora's school at another Fort Worth city pool we'd never been to before.

The big kids did the big slide 100x each and after Cora and I modeled our UPF gear, she insisted on swimming, "ONLY SWEEMING," for the next 90 minutes. No silly slides, no frivolous water guns, just face in the water SWEEMING MAMA, over and over and over again.

She takes her training very seriously.

On Saturday I had the amazingly awful idea for the kids to clean their rooms from top to bottom and organize all their closets. By 11 a.m. Landon had lost his mind multiple times while accomplishing nothing and Claire had triumphantly announced her room's completion multiple times only to unveil it to me, walking me into the room with my eyes closed and all, with stuff still mostly everywhere. She was surprised each time I gently pointed out the things still not put away, but got cheerfully back to work.

Landon just kept wailing and draping his body across his bed. Eventually my high tech and complicated technique of "just pick up the thing closest to you and put it away, and then do that again and again until there are no more things" worked out for him and he announced, surprised, later that afternoon, "Mom it's so cool to know where my things are!"

Crazy, that.

In the vein of cleaning and organizing, we've finished prepping for school. All our uniforms are bought and hung up, school supplies are carefully packed in shiny new backpacks hanging on the hook. We go on vacation the last week of summer each year so I've learned to get all the prep work done ahead of time. We know the dress code and the supply list so why wait? Plus, there's nothing like having first pick on the school supplies! I have really loved this summer, but we're all getting pretty excited about school again.

substitute teaching

On Thursday night I went to see Bad Moms with some PTA mom friends. The movie was funny when watched in a group while drinking champagne and eating french fries- moments of genuine hilarity and lots of lots of trite "perfect mom" v. "terrible mom" stereotypes as if there's nothing in between (or that a perfect mom means what they say it means, mostly doing everything for your spoiled entitled children while looking perfect) and the husbands are completely worthless extra children. But I also yell-laughed out loud at certain scenes and greatly enjoyed my champagne, fries, and PTA camaraderie.

After we had our string of restaurant meals over Landon's birthday weekend and when our friends visited we decided we wouldn't eat out again for the month of July. This started out easy, I make all our meals Mon-Fri anyway and stopping for takeout or fast food has never been part of our life, but summer is long and hot and it has been surprisingly tough on the weekends to not go out for burgers or pizza or anything not made in my kitchen. We're almost there, but last night was an exercise in strength when I made myself use random things in our fridge for dinner instead of going out for margaritas and food stuffs. And then it ended up being one of my favorite meals of the week!

So last week's menu: 

Saturday: Quartino night- James and I do this as a faux date night sometimes after the kids go to bed, but on Saturday we did it as a regular dinner and the kids LOVED it. I made up meat and cheese platters with summer sausage, prosciutto, deli turkey, gouda, manchego, and havarti, with assorted olives, crackers, sliced french bread, and grapes and apple slices. "Favorite dinner EVER" said Claire.
Sunday: grilled tuna, black bean quinoa salad (recipe below because it was awesome)
Monday: pesto gnocchi with mozzarella and tomatoes
Tuesday: pulled bbq chicken on mini pretzel buns (Costco sells the BEST ones) with tomato and avocado, chips, fruit
Wednesday: red beans and rice with sausage (total disaster of a recipe, though a deconstructed version by the end turned out okay)
Thursday: ravioli with marinara sauce, garlic bread
Friday: leftover bbq chicken on Trader Joe's pretzel rolls, melted shredded gouda on top, with avocado and tomato, plus other random things from the fridge.

Glenda's Black Bean Salsa/Quinoa
This started out as a delicious salsa recipe, but now I make it tossed with 2 cups of quinoa

2 15-oz cans black beans, rinsed & drained
1 17-oz can whole kernel , drained (I use frozen, thawed)
2 large tomatoes, seeded & chopped
2 large avocados, chopped
1 purple onion
(optional 2 cups cooked quinoa)
-----
1/8 – 1/4 cup fresh cilantro
3-4 T lime juice
1 tsp salt
2 T olive oil
1 T red wine vinegar
½ tsp pepper

1. Combine canned beans, corn, tomatoes, chopped avocados, and purple onion in bow (+ 2 cups cooled quiona)
2. Mix together cilantro, olive oil, lime juice, red wine vinegar, salt and pepper and pour over
3. Toss to coat, serve chilled with tortilla chips or Fritos

The week ahead:

Saturday: date night (I know I just said we aren't eating out for the month of July, but we're rounding up and the kids are still eating in and whatever, we need this)
Sunday: Asian quinoa salad (with a bunch of additions like edamame, mandarin oranges, cilantro, green onion, snow peas, etc.), grilled teriyaki chicken
Monday: alfredo fettucine with prosciutto and peas
Tuesday: tamales, refried black beans, avocado, tomato
Wednesday: chicken, pineapple, and soyaki broil; fried rice
Thursday: leftover chicken taco stew from two weeks ago (this recipe was SO GOOD), over rice
Friday: meaty creamy spaghetti

And now Landon is making an obstacle course in the playroom and I need to head off to barre. Friends are coming over to swim this afternoon and then I get to eat a grown-up meal with my favorite person later tonight. Happy weekend to all!